Thanks for the reviews. To the guest that will stop reading if I bring back Charlotte...not happening so continue to read and enjoy. These next few chapters are hard, but also really sweet. If anyone ever doubted Ana's love for Christian because she made him work so hard to win her in NYC these will solidify her devotion. Happy Reading!

Chapter 53

I keep calm until the door closes and then I lose it. How can this be happening? I should be in his bed at Escala waking up with his body wrapped around me. Now I am going to have to convince the man I love that he loves me. I have to think. What would trigger memories? I spend the next 2 hours driving around Seattle. I have to start from the beginning. I am not sure what will trigger a memory so I will have to start with the article and go from there.

"Kate do you have a copy of the article that you did on Christian?"

"Of course why?"

"Just bring it to the hospital. I have an idea."

"Okay I meet you there in 15."

"Thanks Kavanaugh."

"No problem Steele. I hope it works."

I meet Kate in the hallway and get the article. I knock before I enter.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I was in a plane crash genius."

"Ok well that is understandable." I can't let his moods get me worked up. This is how he has always treated people. I have to remember I am not special to him, yet.

"I wanted to share something with you." I am grateful that Kate kept the recording too. "Just read this."

He reads it and looks at me blankly. I hand him the recording and press play. It plays back our entire conversation. His eyes light up a little. I can tell he recognizes the recording. I am starting to let myself hope a little. Suddenly, he throws the recorder across the room.

"Why the hell would you bring this to me?"

"What is wrong? Why are you so upset?"

"Leave Ana. I'm tired and I want you to leave."

"Okay Christian. I am sorry I upset you. I love you even if you don't love me. I won't quit until you remember how much you love me too."

He won't even look at me. My chest is burning. The anxiety is setting in. I have to get him back. I just have to. I decide to call in reinforcements.

"John, its Ana. I know I haven't talked to you since the coping dinner, but something has happened and I need your help. Can I come to your office?"

"Sure Ana. Is everything okay?"

"No it isn't, but I hope it will be."

I race to his office as fast a Bernice will allow. I can't get up to the 10th floor fast enough. We do the introductions and he asks me to come in and sit. I immediately start spilling all the details. After 30 minutes of listening to me talk through my tears John speaks.

"I will help however I can Ana. I wish I had been able to speak to you before now. You have to understand how much Christian loves you. He has made great strides in the last 3 months. You have healed him more than I have been able to in 6 years. We will work together on this. I won't let him regress back into his old life not after knowing how much more he can have with you."

"Thank you John. I will never forget how you walked Christian through our break up. He was a different person and I don't want to lose him to his demons again."

"Me either. I will meet you at the hospital tomorrow morning. I think you should give Christian the night to rest. I am sure he is overwhelmed."

"Okay, I'll see you in the morning."

"Oh Ana, call Grace and make sure she keeps Elena away from Christian. She will not be beneficial to his recovery."

"No worries John. That was my first conversation with Grace when I arrived at the hospital. I didn't know Christian would lose his memory, but I did know I didn't want her trying to get her claws in him while he was weak. Grace doesn't know the details. She's trusting me."

I leave and head to Escala. I want to be in his home with his things. It is a consolation, but I will take what I can get right now. I put on one of his t-shirts and sweatpants. I find myself in his closet touching all of his clothes then smelling them remembering his scent. I won't be able to make it if he doesn't remember me. I find myself in his office just sitting at his desk. I run my hands over the surface. I twirl in his chair. I get up and get the key to the playroom. My last memory in here was not a pleasant one, but it is part of Christian and I would let him take me in here every day if it meant I had him back. He got rid of the whips and canes so I am sure he wouldn't hurt me. I trust that he wouldn't hurt me. I crawl into the bed and lay on the satin sheets. I bury my head into the pillow and scream. This is not fair. I get up lock the door and go to bed. I cry myself to sleep. I can't even escape in my dreams. The morning comes and I roll out of bed. I know I am just going through the motions. Alone I will allow myself to feel everything. When I am with Christian I will have to be a rock. He cannot know that I am dying inside not yet. I meet John in the lobby of the hospital. I wait outside Christian's room while they talk.

"Hello John, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Christian. You look like hell."

"Thanks, why are you here?"

"I saw Ana yesterday."

"So she has filled you in as to my memory loss. Are you here to magically give me my memories back?"

"I wish it was that easy. I would like to help you sort through this."

"So you want to force feed me memories of her?"

"No I want you to remember how she healed you."

"What exactly do you mean she healed me? Was I broken? My life was in perfect order under complete control as far as I remember."

"Was it? Because as I recall you were living a lonely desolate life where you worked during the week and beat brunettes on the weekends."

"That was by design and you know it."

"All I am asking is that you listen to her. Hear her out. Let her tell about your life with her. You love her Christian. You need to hear it all to realize how important she is to you and you to her."

"Why hasn't Elena come by?"

"You cut her out of your life Christian. Let Ana tell you. You need to hear it from her, to see her pain. You caused her great pain and then won her back. I will be here to help you both through this, but you have to try."

"I really cut Elena off?"

"You did."

"I'll try, but I am not sure if this is going to work. I can't remember anything about her. She brought a recording of her interviewing me. It made me aroused. Then she touched my hand and I felt something. What it was I was not sure. I am attracted to her, but I don't remember anything."

"There is a reason you are attracted to her. Let yourself feel that and hopefully your head will follow suit. Call me anytime day or night. Ana has my number and she will do the same. Trust her Christian she knows you better than anyone, even me."

John exits the room. I can only hope it went well. I didn't hear any yelling so that is good.

"Go talk to him Ana. Be patient, but he is willing to try to hear what you have to say. Just start at the beginning and tell him every detail. I told him to contact me anytime day or night. I want you to do the same."

"Thanks John. I hope this will work. I will call you if I need you I promise."

I enter the room and stare directly into Christians eyes. They are dark and glazed. I know he is his old self and I will have to tread carefully. I don't want to push him further into himself.

"Thanks for talking to John. I didn't know who else to call."

"He said we are really good together."

"Oh Christian we are soul mates. We drive each other absolutely insane. We challenge each other and yet are madly in love."

"Well I promised John I would try. So tell me. Start from the beginning."

I just start talking. Retelling every detail about the interview, my graduation, the day I moved and ran into him at the gas station. Then when I went on the job interview at SIP and ended up in front of GEH. He laughed a couple of times in disbelief at my nerve. I know he recognized that not many people would treat him this way and get away with it. The club story really gets him. I can tell he is in absolute disbelief that I would have puked on his shoes and he took me to Escala and only slept beside me. Of course I explained my walk of shame and running into Charlotte. He can't contain his surprise. That is the day he broke his contract with her. I don't know what happened between them, but I have suspicions. I decide not to share those. If he wants to know he will have to find out himself. I continue up to when he asked me to sign the NDA.

"You walked out?"

"I did. I was attracted to you, but I could in good faith sign it. I wanted to earn your trust so that you could understand I would never talk about the details of us or you to anyone."

"You still don't have an NDA?"

"Nope!"

"How much do you know about me?"

"I know everything. Your mom, the abuse, the hunger, why you liked submissives, your relationship with Elena. I know it all."

"Have I taken you into the playroom?"

Grace walks in before I can answer the question. I decide it is a good stopping point. I know he is exhausted so I leave to get lunch. I head to the cafeteria. Half way down the hall I see Elena coming straight for me. I set my mind to keep her away from Christian even if it means putting me in harm's way. As she gets closer I brace for her verbal assault. She doesn't disappoint.