Chapter Fifty Two: Self-Inflicted Hurts
Tamera's Office – 7:15AM
Four Months Later … A Week Before Ava's Wedding
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Tamera went to work early with two security personnel. Lately, she hadn't been sleeping well. She had this dull ache in her back. She could only chalk it up to the stress she had begun to feel. She felt like even though Teddy and she decided not to separate they were a million miles apart. They had no alone time. They hadn't been intimate in months. She felt like she was right. He had viewed her as a shiny new toy and now the toy was old news. She wanted to talk to him about it but they were never alone. There was always someone, security or otherwise circling them. It was early mornings like these that gave her a small simulation of what solitude felt like. The security guards had a station in their building and the rest of the staff didn't come in until nine. She put her head down on her desk. This was time she used to feel sorry for herself. She allowed herself to be true to her feelings. It was then she heard a little knock on her door she looked up and Phoebe was there. I guess there would be no alone time and now she was busted.
"Hey Pheebs, you're really early," Tam said for lack of anything better to say.
"Yeah, your Dad some site papers I was working on yesterday by 10AM and I still have a little work to do," she said as she set up her computer. She had a desk in Tam's office because they were still renovating her office. She and Ava were now working with Teddy and Tam because the work had damned doubled since they started. Tam was shocked it seemed Phoebe wasn't going to address the fact that she had found her crying.
"Are you ready for this week? Ava is going to have us running around like chickens with our heads cut off," Phoebe said as she starting typing.
"Yeah, we will be pretty busy. Lately, it seems I think of Ava's wedding more than I think of anything else. I am a little pissed my mom had to let my dress out a bit. I would like to hit up the gym but it seems I have no time or I'm too tired."
"You don't look any bigger," Pheebs took Tam in her hips maybe a tad wider but her dress fit. She was there when Tam's mom did the measurements and she was concerned. Imani kind of harped on the fact that the dress didn't go on as smoothly. Tam looked hurt.
"I personally wish I was thicker. I pretty much look like a plucked chicken naked," Phoebe said jokingly but she was partly serious. She had the hardest time gaining weight and Tamera chuckled.
"No you don't I've seen you in a bikini! I wish I had your problem," Tamera said and she decided she should look like she was about to do something to. She logged into her email and her mother had sent her a link to a couple of cleanses she thought she should try. Anger built within Tam and then a horrible thought entered her mind. Maybe Teddy wasn't interested in her because she had gained weight. The thought made her sick … like she was really sick … so sick she grabbed her trash can and her protein shake and apple revisited her in the worst way. Phoebe stopped in her tracks shocked by what happened she rushed over to Tam with a tissue and some water.
"Thanks," Tam said and then spit again. She wiped her mouth. She pulled the bag out of the trash can and went to dispose of the grossness that had taken place. After a few minutes she returned to her office. Phoebe watched as Tam sat back down.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, my nerves are just on edge," Tam responded and Pheebs got up and sat in front of her.
"Is that why you were crying too? Your nerves? The last time I saw you crying alone Tam you left Teddy and all of us. So … are you really okay?" Tam leaned back and crossed her legs.
"This time … if I were to leave do you think he'd notice?"
"Is this a serious question?" Phoebe arched her eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Teddy has been and always will be up your ass." Tamera shook her head.
"Not lately, yesterday Teddy and I had two conversations both work related. I was asleep by the time he got home." Tears started to swell as she realized he hadn't really kissed her in a while either. He would only give her that stupid kiss on her forehead. She cleared her throat. "So he's distant. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should've did the moved away to New York for a little while. At least the stupid person that made all this security necessary might have been weeded out! At least then he would miss me and our marriage wouldn't be suffering."
"Your marriage would be nonexistent Tam! If you two got divorced there would've been no marriage to save. Teddy might not have given you a second chance," Phoebe said bluntly and Tamera sighed.
"Right now all I feel I did was delay the inevitable … we may simply be doomed."
"Oh that's stupid … you're in your feelings too much about this. Just talk to Teddy he probably doesn't even realize that you feel this way."
"Okay so when should I talk to him. Tam brought up their schedules … we're never in the same area Pheebs," Tam whined.
"You're his wife he will make time. Until you do your hurt is self-inflicted because you aren't giving Teddy a fair chance," Phoebe said bluntly and Tam was speechless. The girl was right. Teddy wasn't a mind reader.
"You're right," Tam muttered.
"I know I am," Phoebe said as she got up and went back to her computer.
9:14AM
Teddy was late and his mind was a fog he had two meetings and they were kind of back to back. This was not a day for him to oversleep. He was a little concerned that Tam was nowhere to be found when he awakened. He shook it off he knew she probably went to work early. She had been doing that a lot lately. He cut the light to his office one and Tam was sitting in his seat. She looked worried and anxious about something.
"Hey," he said cautiously.
"We need to talk," she blurted out.
"Okay can we do it after the Anderson meeting I have to meet him in like an hours and I just want to review …" Tam got up and was closing the gap between him she took his briefcase.
"We need to talk Grey," she repeated quietly as she walked over the conference table. He sat on the opposing end. He didn't say anything he just waited for her to start.
"I told you I am not a toy Teddy … I have feelings," she started.
"Come on Tam, don't you think I know that? I have known you forever! I have protected your feelings and been worried about them even when you weren't!" He snapped and stood up outraged.
"That's funny because you're the one who is hurting ME!" He stopped and looked at her and sat back down.
"You haven't … been very affectionate with me lately. Are you bored with me?" She asked as she looked down at the table.
"What?" He thought about what she was asking. Dammit he knew what she was going to want to talk about. This was going to be an awkward ass conversation and embarrassing on his part.
"Tam no …," he whispered and then looked at his watch. Tam watched as he did and chuckled.
"Phoebe said you'd make time for me … I guess she was wrong. I guess I should let you get ready for your meeting." She rolled her eyes against her will a tear dropped.
"No it's just … shit." He went to his desk and quickly sent out an email to his first appointment requesting to reschedule and he gave them June's contact information to coordinate everything. He went over to his door and locked it. He sat down in the chair beside Tam. She became nervous by his stare.
"I love you," he stated simply as he started to explain.
"I know … but you may not be in love with me anymore. You need to be able to tell me that. We did rush into all this … maybe it isn't meant to last." He frowned at her and shook his head.
"I'm sorry I have been distant Tam. I have a feeling this is because we have not having sex. Am I right?"
"It's not just the sex Teddy, we barely talk about anything but work. That's a drastic change for us! I want to be close to you in every way and I feel you disappearing. I just wish you'd come back … but only if you want to." She crossed her hands on the table and waited for his response.
"I never left baby … It's hard for me to explain. I want you … I want you always it drives me crazy not being with you but I was informed that when we fuck others in the house can hear. It is awkward and I know you don't like that type of thing so I haven't tried anything. It's been killing to the point of my balls being a little sore. It's hard for me not to try anything when I'm around you … and when we kiss … I can't kiss you and not have you," Teddy explained he wasn't trying to seduce Tamera but he spoke directly to her womanhood. She took a deep breath to steady herself.
"Don't look at me like that Tam … please. Ava and Pheebs are both here. See what I mean? There's no privacy," he said quietly. His frustration colored his voice. Tam reached out and covered his hand with hers.
"I wish you had just told me that before I got all depressed. Although I understand I do have a little problem with all this. I desperately want to kiss you Grey and I can't deny myself," Tamera whispered. She got up and cradled his face in her hands. She kissed him and slowly eased her tongue into his mouth. He grabbed her waist and pulled her into his lap. She straddled him and their kiss became passionate really quickly. Teddy gripped her behind as she squirmed against him. His hands moved over her stomach to her breasts. He squeezed hard and Tam moaned. Teddy broke the kiss.
"They'll hear you," he murmured against her neck.
"I'll be quiet," she panted. Teddy lifted her to the table and began to unzip her pants.
"You don't know how be quiet," countered before covered her mouth with his. He slid his finger into her panties and she moaned again. After a second there was a knock on the door.
"Mr. Grey, is everything okay in there?" One of the security offers asked. Teddy pulled back he fastened Tam's pants and watched the disappointment on her face and his face mirrored it.
"Yeah everything's fine," he yelled. Tam hopped off the table. She went to go to the door and Teddy grabbed her arm.
"I love you Tammy … I'm in love with you … always," he said because he needed her to feel it. She gave him a little smirk.
"I know Teddy." She went to kiss him and he dodged it and kissed her cheek.
"I'll figure something out Tammy and when I do … I'm gonna have you're little ass screaming," he whispered. Teddy's word's alone sent a chill down her spine.
Author's Note: I hope you all like this. I'm trying to get the couple into the Red Room … I think I have figured out how to do it! I hope to comeback soon! Everything is coming to a head. We just have to get the wedding!
