Chapter 54
Ciel found herself being dragged out of the castle by Gurlagh. Sebastian just ordered her exile and although it was for her safety, the pain was none the less excruciating. Even now, Ciel desperately struggled against Gurlagh, knowing it was futile, knowing how it would all end.
Ciel said sadly "No. I don't want you to influence him. If he truly wants to be with me, it must be his decision otherwise it will not mean anything."
Remembering her own words, Ciel truly believed at the time that this was indeed goodbye. Now she realized, it was at this point that she had given up on them ever being together. She saw Sebastian's act not as protection but as rejection of her. Oh he may trust her, but deep inside he did not believe that she was capable of making the right decision. He trusted her with the truth about his past only because Ciel forced his hand. Then when she accepted him, he did not believe that she truly understood what she has learned about him. Hence his portrayal of himself in the worst possible way.
Raiden arrived at the most fortuitous moment so it was easy for him to take advantage of her. When she was at her weakest, he comes along giving her the Sebastian she always wanted. Someone who was kind and considerate. That gift of the indoor garden was something she never even thought to ask for but when she did receive it, she realized it was more than just a garden. It was someplace to call her own. It was built with his riches but it was still all hers. Having left everything behind, even the smallest item on her person came from Sebastian. She had her own bedroom but it was just one of many, Sebastian wouldn't have noticed had she appropriated several for her own use. But the garden was built just for her. And that is what she has always wanted. To be special. To him.
Unfortunately, she came to this conclusion too late. She had already fallen to Raiden's spell. Her life with him was like a dream come true, so when the real Sebastian came along she was resistant to face the truth. That she loves him and that he may not feel the same way.
Once these thoughts formed in her head, the mist dispersed as if they had never been there. Ciel was once again back to her normal self. She saw a faint light coming from the entrance of the cave and slowly walked out.
As soon as they saw her, both brothers walked forward, anxiety evident on their faces.
"Ciel what happened?" "Are you alright?" they said in unison but Ciel's attention was only on one person.
Sebastian could set people's heart ablaze with just a smile but eventually he will go on his merry way heedless of the destruction in his wake. He confessed his love to me before but what if he only said that to get me away from Raiden? Because he felt guilty that I was in the clutches of his brother who was out for revenge? Ciel's doubts whirled in her head. He still treats me like a child, one who needs his protection, always needing to be rescued. Will he ever see me as a woman?
"I'm fine" she said quietly. The brothers looked at one another, at a loss as to what to do next. Was she angry? Does she blame them for what happened? Was she suffering? With no answers forthcoming, they were forced to deal with their more immediate needs.
In short order, they had her settled by the fire in their makeshift camp. Raiden was busy preparing their dinner while Sebastian was tending to the fire. Both men kept casting surreptitious glances in her direction. Ciel steadfastly ignored them, still lost in her own thoughts. After eating, Ciel immediately went to sleep and the brothers talked with low voices.
"What do you think happened to her?" Sebastian asked, his worry gnawing at him.
"I don't know" answered Raiden, equally ill at ease.
"Do you think she regained her memory?" the younger demon asked again.
"I don't see why not. She didn't ask which one of us is which so I'm assuming she already knows" Raiden said, although it was obvious that he too was unconvinced. With no answer to their questions, they too went to sleep.
In the morning, the silence continued. Finally Sebastian could stand it no more.
"Ciel tell me what happened" Sebastian commanded.
"Leave her be for now. She may just need some time to come to terms with everything" Raiden sought to convince his hotheaded sibling.
"How can I help her if I don't know what's wrong?" Sebastian retorted.
Unprepared to face her fears at the moment, Ciel decided to go on the offensive.
"I think I'm better off without any help from either of you" she said coldly.
Both brothers flushed in shame and bowed their heads.
"I only want what's best for you..." Sebastian began but Ciel cut him off.
"Well your plans landed me in the middle of your tug of war" she snapped. Both men could not justify their actions. It was true that she was not their target, but in the end she was still caught in the crossfire.
In silence, they made their way back to the portal. Both men were solicitous though Ciel still remained quiet. A few times along the way Sebastian tried to engage her in conversation but Ciel was nothing if not stubborn. The demon feared that this time he may have pushed her too far. Ciel tell me how to earn your forgiveness and I will do it, he silently entreated.
Soon they were at the portal and their crossing was uneventful. But as soon as they got to the other side, the demons' hackles rose for someone was lying in wait. Claude was back.
Before the brothers could launch an attack, the demon spoke "I mean you no harm. I just wish to talk to Ciel."
"You expect us to believe that?" Sebastian mocked.
Ignoring him, Claude went down on one knee and said "Please Lady Ciel I need your help. I need you to come to my mansion. I beg you!"
While shocked into silence, Ciel's mind was furiously working. This was the perfect opportunity. She was not yet prepared to confess her feelings to Sebastian and possibly have her heart broken. Sometime away from him will give her the chance to gather her courage.
To everyone's shock, Ciel said "Lead the way."
Author's Note: Please don't think that I turned Ciel into a minor character by tackling her past in only 2 chapters when Sebastian had so much more. It's just that we know more about her while Sebastian still remained pretty much a mystery. In the next few chapters, this couple will take a back seat to other characters but rest assured that this will only be temporary.
