Disclaimer: J K Rowling created and owns the Harry Potter series.
A/N: It is obvious that there is a new group of people managing this site. No idea if it is a good thing or not. If my fic happens to be deleted by the MOD's because of its content I will go over The Maple Bookshelf and/or Hawthorne & Vine. That is, if the MOD's of those sites accept my fic. I'll worry about it if and when the time comes.
Back to more pleasant things.
To my betas, Indie and BrandedFaithfully, I'm running out of adjectives. Both of you are so talented and wonderful!
Working my way towards the end is harder than I expected.
I'm eager to hear from you. Am I going in the right direction? Is there anything you'd like to see happen? Or not? Your input is always helpful.
Remember: there'll be a sneak peek to those who leave a comment. Heck, even if you don't write a review and still want the snippet just send me a pm and I'll send it to you.
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Chapter 45: Could We Start Again?
"Draco," Nicky almost whispered as she leaned in closer.
"Draco!" she urged under her breath.
Draco lifted his head and turned his gaze to the baby sleeping beside him on the couch. John Albus had exhausted himself after another fit of rage. Unlike their previous experiences with Disapparation ––John slept through them–– this time John's reaction was one for the books as he woke up right in the middle of it. As Draco stood facing the Aislings' front door with John's piercing cries disrupting the quiet and peaceful neighbourhood, he felt like joining his son and surrender to the rage eating away every shred of his self-control. There wasn't any need to knock. John Albus was screaming himself hoarse. Nicky opened the door and pushed them inside, taking the baby from his arms without even glancing at Draco, foregoing any questions. Draco watched, standing in the middle of the tiny living room as Nicky swayed from side to side with John on her chest. Her lips moved but, Draco couldn't hear the soothing words that were spoken nor had he realised that at some point Nicky had taken John to the garden. He didn't move, still clinging to his wand and not caring about it. By the time Nicky came back to the house, John had fallen asleep. Nicky took the baby's bag from Draco's shoulder with her left hand, dropped it on the armchair and then gently placed the baby on the couch and covered him with the small throw resting on the back of the couch. She placed the bag on the floor, sat on the armchair, and waited for an explanation.
A few moments later, Draco imitated her and slid gently beside his son, making sure he didn't disturb the baby, his wand tucked under his left thigh, too late to hide it in his secret pocket. Nicky, either didn't notice or opted to ignore it. She stared at him, at his whole body. Her wandering gaze much like a healer's wand examining Draco from top to bottom and then doing it all over again. At some point their eyes met. Nicky's exuded understanding and regret, as if she knew what had happened, but she couldn't possibly know. Holding on to her gaze, Draco couldn't help but sense that Nicky's perusal went beyond that of a normal Muggle. She wasn't a witch, he proved it and yet, there was a very particular spark in those irises. The same invasive glint he'd seen hundreds of times in Snape, Dumbledore and the son of a bitch better known as Tom Riddle as they sifted through the maze in people's minds. Nicky's gaze was as gentle as the late headmaster's and because of it, Draco lowered his gaze. Remembering Dumbledore's pleading and compassionate stare would always feel like a punch in the stomach. Before those feelings escalated and morphed into another one of his 'episodes', Draco glanced over to his son and there his thoughts stayed until Nicky spoke at last.
"The baby is obviously sick and you aren't doing any better so, start talking," she demanded, sounding more concerned than annoyed.
Shifting his body toward his son, Draco placed his right hand on John's chest, searching for comfort and serenity. Some of his tension diminished. He looked at John Albus for a long while as Sebastian's words bounced in his head over and over again. Eventually, Draco lifted his gaze. Nicky had inched her way closer to the couch, her brows knitted together as her eyes glided over John. It was so unlike her not to demand a response! Sighing, the young woman straightened her posture and met Draco's gaze.
"Running away with her sick son in tow won't solve anything little brother. You need to go back, she'll be frantic," she said worriedly.
"I left her a par... a note."
Nicky paid no mind to his almost slip of the tongue.
"It doesn't matter, Draco. John is sick. He needs his mother and he most certainly isn't a punishment tool for his mother, no matter what it is you think she's done that deserves punishment." The admonishment in her tone made Draco see red. Nicky must have sensed it because her hand wrapped itself around his left arm and tightened. "Don't do something you might regret, Draco," she cautioned him gently.
Feeling lost and confused, Draco relented as he listened to her warning. "I just couldn't stay there. If I had..." Without thinking, his gaze lowered to his right thigh. Nicky followed the path of his eyes and when her gaze connected with his there wasn't any indication that she was aware of what lay under his thigh.
Her eyes squinted, trying to figure him out. "Draco, what happened?" she asked concern as the fingers around his arm loosened and rested on his hand.
"She's seeing someone else, she's kept him a secret," he blurted through gritted teeth. His hand folded into a tight, angry fist. Nicky regained her upright position freeing Draco's hand.
Draco debated whether or not to tell Nicky what had transpired in the bookshop. He had already said too much. It still bewildered him how much he had come to rely and trust in the Aislings' counsel. It didn't mean that confiding in Nicky, Maggie or Nick was easy or comfortable for him. His pride was the one thing he could always count on and Hermione's lies cut deep. If he didn't get it off his chest he'd burst into pieces. In a few words he related what he had witnessed and heard at the bookshop. The fury which re-emerged as he told Nicky what had happened made him restless; Draco left the couch and walked briskly toward the kitchen, his wand forgotten. Nicky caught up with him and leaned on the worktop which stood between the kitchen and the living room. Draco paced angrily, shoving his fisted hands in the front pockets of his trousers.
"She kissed a bloke," she stated matter-of-factly. "You, on the other hand, shagged another woman. Don't you think there's a big difference?" Her question, laced with sarcasm and reprimand stopped him in his tracks.
"She lied to me," he retorted, feeling completely justified, but Nicky's resulting chuckle was not the response he wanted. Annoyed, he reached for his wand, his sense of security, only to feel panic settle into his chest. Merlin's fucking beard! His wand, he forgot all about it! Draco pivoted on his heels facing the window to hide the panic in his features. He'd never been this careless before, not even during his first days in Muggle London as he frantically searched for Hermione. Gods, he was a mess! And as usual, Nicky wasn't helping. Taking a deep breath he turned around. Nicky, arms folded across her chest met his gaze lifting her eyebrows. She obviously expected an answer. Draco was too furious to oblige and now had another concern.
"Why didn't you tell her about that other woman right away?" Nicky asked, looking at him in that particular way the Aisling females tended to do. Most people would zero in on the eyes looking for the tell tale sign of some unspoken meaning, not Nicky or Maggie and to a lesser extend Gaby or Suzy. Sure that's where they'd start but not for long. Soon the wandering orbs would drift aimlessly all around you, through you, and then they'd go back to piercing you with those magical pools of golden amber that were their eyes.
As for Nicky's inquiry? Nicky knew half the answer. The day he spent the night at the Aislings, Maggie convinced Draco telling the truth about his infidelity was the right thing to do and certain as he was, that Hermione had found out about it, Draco came clean. Not very noble, since most people would argue he had no choice, but he did it when most men would have kept quiet. He took the risk and look what it got him. Rage and fear seized him again. Nicky abandoned her spot and shortened the space between them, taking Draco by the arms. They were the same height, her face bare centimetres from his.
"Draco," Nicky said, looking at him with apprehension in her eyes. Her hands closed firmly around his arms, not allowing him to turn away from her. "Calm down, think about your son, about your future with Hermione, and don't jump to conclusions. What if she's decided to tell you about that man? What if she's afraid of your reaction? Remember what it was like for you?"
Draco opened his mouth and closed it, a slow breath easing out of his nose. As he looked at her, his mind drifted to a vision of Hermione as he recalled her subtle subtle change after their kiss in her kitchen. Maybe Nicky was on to something. What he felt when he told Hermione about his infidelity was relief, that much was true, so was the dread and fear of admitting his mistake. However, the result was the fix they found themselves in now. He had to win Hermione's trust and respect again and to add insult to injury he had competition. The probability of losing Hermione was unthinkable. Picturing that Muggle kissing her made him want to Crucio the bastard. Facing Hermione right now, feeling the way he did, might be counter-productive and yet, Draco yearned for that confrontation.
"This is what we're going to do," Nicky offered looking directly at him as his attention shifted back to her. "We'll take John Albus back. I'll take him," she said, daring him to argue. "I'd rather she take her anger out on me than the two of you starting World War Three."
"I'm going with you and that's final," Draco said in a terse tone as he stepped away from Nicky.
"Is the really wise?" Nicky warned him. "Neither of you are going to listen to each other right now. She is not only worried but most likely angry at you for taking off without a valid explanation." Nicky waived off his retort. "Note or not, Hermione must know something is wrong. John is sick, he has a fever, that should be your priority right now."
"And seeing you with John Albus in your arms is going to pacify her? You can come with me but I'll be the one returning John Albus to Hermione," Draco insisted. If he had to Stupefy her he would. "I won't make a scene," he reluctantly conceded.
Nicky let out a sigh. "Fine. Let's go." Nicky was already on her way to the lounge by the time Draco's feet proceeded to move.
Gently, she scooped the baby up from the couch, keeping the throw around his body. Draco rushed to pick his wand up, covertly slipping it back into the charmed pocket by the right hand side of his trousers and grabbed the baby's bag. Nicky gifted Draco with a smirk when he met her gaze.
"We'll talk about that," she nodded toward his trousers, more pointedly to where his wand was concealed, "later."
What was taking Harry so long? Something was wrong. Regardless of the cryptic note left by Draco, Hermione was certain something wasn't right. 'I'll bring him back.' That's all Draco wrote.
It had been a busy morning. She had an improvised, lengthy meeting with Mr. Lynch and Patrick Tyndall, the engineer. Minutes after Mr. Tyndall left, Sebastian was summoned by Mr. Lynch. Half an hour later he arrived with his designs. The three of them discussed what the engineer had suggested regarding the structure of the shop next door and went over Sebastian's modifications. By lunch time Sebastian and she were the only ones left arguing about which wall should go, the length of the windows up front, or whether or not the front of the building needed a face-lift. She might have indulged in a bit of playful bantering with the gorgeous man, maybe some flirting but that's where it stopped. She couldn't help thinking of John Albus sick and probably asking for mummy nor could she ignore who was taking care of her son. Draco didn't have a mobile phone and her flat was still without a telephone service so she had to wait past lunch time to sneak out and check on John Albus.
It took her less than a few seconds to realize that Draco and John Albus were gone and, when she found the note on the small coffee table, she all but lost it. She called Harry immediately; grateful that her friend had accepted her suggestion of acquiring a mobile since she had no other method of reaching him. Harry and Ginny Apparated within minutes of her call. No sooner had she shown Harry the note, he offered to look for Draco. That was ages ago!
"Where the hell is Harry?" Hermione asked frantically.
"He only left a few minutes ago, Hermione," Ginny said, taking Hermione by the shoulders, "and you need to calm down... sit."
"I can't... what's taking him so long?" she demanded returning to her anxious pace across the lounge.
"Hermione," Ginny paused, hesitated for a moment and then continued, "aren't you overreacting maybe just a little?"
Was she? Draco had done nothing to warrant her panic, at least until now. He'd been patient, considerate and gentle with John Albus. He offered to help her take care of their son. He kissed her and for the first time since she learned of his affair, no unwanted images of the bitch intruded in her thoughts. They were a family, albeit for a few hours, and it felt right. It disturbed her a little that she could envision a future with Draco so soon after his confession. He insisted he'd win back her trust and love. A few hours ago she'd seen evidence of this. Why then, did Draco leave? Had John's condition deteriorated? Was it something else? And why did she listen to Harry and stayed behind?
"Why leave a note when I was a few steps away?" Hermione asked exasperated. "Did something happen to John? Has his fever gone up?" She collapsed on the couch, rocking back and forth with her arms wrapped around her chest.
Ginny kneeled in front of her. "Malfoy may be many things but even I have to admit he loves his son. You know that, don't you?" Hermione nodded, blinking back tears. "I'm sure there's an explanation." Ginny leaned back, folding her hands on her lap, her features expectant and hopeful. "He could've gone for a walk to distract John Albus and didn't want to disturb you." Ginny didn't sound too sure about that.
If Draco put her through this hell for no reason, she'd hex the sodding bastard to within an inch of his life. If her son's condition had worsened and Draco decided to take care of it without consulting her, she'd kill him!
A knock on the door snapped Hermione to attention. Draco wouldn't knock, why would he, when he could Apparate? She bolted from the couch, barely missing Ginny, who was still kneeling on the floor. Yanking the door open, Hermione let out a gasp.
"Where have you been?" she yelled, relieved and furious at the same time, taking John Albus from his father's arms. She kissed her son's flushed cherubic face repeatedly. Hermione turned back to the living room expecting Draco to follow her. John Albus's small cries and obvious discomfort enraged her. She'll deal with Draco later, right now she needed to make sure the baby's fever hadn't gone up.
"I need his bag," Hermione said sharply as she rotated on her heels and faced Draco, who was still standing outside the door. But, Draco didn't have the bag.
Just as Hermione was about to open her mouth, Harry Apparated back from his search. "Hermione, I couldn't..." Harry paused and frowned at the sight of Draco, glancing back to Hermione and Ginny; his green eyes filled with questions and the expected displeasure at the presence of his former arch-enemy.
John Albus had become more and more agitated. She couldn't care less if Draco and Harry got into a row. Her one and only concern was her son. "I need his bag Draco," Hermione requested, locking her angry gaze with his, suddenly conscious of Draco's stiff stand and glacial stare.
"Here you go, Hermione," Nicky offered coming in from behind Draco.
Hermione froze for a second, her eyes snapped back at Draco and then landed on the Aisling cow. "What is she doing here?" she demanded sharply, seething with rage.
– – – – – – – – – – - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -– – – – – – –-
The sight of Hermione's friends brought a sour taste to his mouth. Facing her, after what he'd learned, raised the intensity of his anger to a new level. Draco wanted to shake her, scream at her and, because he was certain it wouldn't be enough for him and for reasons Draco couldn't care less to explain he still wanted Hermione; he needed to stake his claim on his woman by ravishing her mouth for all to see and if that didn't work then he'd drag her to bed. Angry sex Hermione called it and he most certainly was angry. Restraining his fury and lustful thoughts took every ounce of self-control. Draco was itching for something or someone to hex into bits but John was crying and a very attractive and extremely outspoken Muggle stood in the mist of them. Nicky breezed in, appearing unconcerned about the thick tension in the room, John's discomfort, or Hermione's fierce reaction to her presence. He'd let the Muggle witch –Nicky might be a Muggle but a fascinating one– do whatever it is she does to unsuspecting, unguarded mortals, as long as she managed to get rid of Hermione's bodyguards. Draco wasn't leaving until he and Hermione talked.
"You know men," Nicky said, taking Draco by the elbow and nudging him slightly inside the flat, closing the door as she went on, "too proud to admit they're in over their heads." She approached Hermione and grazed her right knuckles over John's dampened cheeks. "You're feeling miserable, aren't you darling?" she asked fondly, looking directly into Hermione's thunderous and murderous irises.
Draco hid the satisfaction at Nicky's subtle chiding. Reminded of her son's illness, Hermione stiffened her posture, throwing a few more daggers at Nicky and then stomped out of the living room. "She'd better be gone by the time I come back," Hermione instructed her friends, paying no mind to Draco and casting a dirty look at Nicky before turning the corner toward John's room; which left Draco to deal with the unsavoury yet satisfying task of getting rid of Potter, his girlfriend and lastly Nicky, his very annoying champion who stood in the middle of the lounge gifting Hermione's friends with her particular, unsettling gaze.
Getting rid of Nicky might prove to be a challenge, which didn't surprise him at all. "Well, I guess introductions are in order," she said, sauntering toward the couple and extending her right hand introducing herself. "Nicky Aisling." She made a face. "Nicolina sounds like some kind of pasta, don't you think?"
Potter returned the gesture, shifting uncomfortably on his spot and if Draco didn't know any better, he could've sworn there was a rosy glow in the wanker's face. Carrot head Weasley's cheeks crimsoned with disapproval, as she greeted Nicky with a narrow gaze. 'Jealous, are we?' Draco thought with glee. John's soft cries reached him. Guilt tugged at him. He shouldn't have taken John out and it sounded like Hermione was having a hard time calming the baby. Best leave Nicky to do what she does best: discombobulate you until you don't know your right hand from your left.
"I'll go and check on John Albus," he said turning on his heels.
"Oh no, you don't," Nicky grabbed Draco by the back of his shirt, "there'll be no shouting, finger pointing or any other unpleasant behaviour until you and Hermione cool down," she admonished as she glanced at Harry and Ginny, nodding her head toward Draco. "You agree, don't you?" Nicky queried, seeking the approval of the couple.
"Let go of me, Nicky," Draco threatened. "This is between Hermione and me," he said, grabbing Nicky's wrist with enough pressure to send the message.
"And us, Malfoy," Potter's lips barely moved while his green, menacing gaze bore into Draco. "This is Hermione's flat, she's asked us to come and we're staying."
Draco's right hand twitched. Were it not for Nicky's presence he'd finally get his chance to hex the fucking tosser and bane of his existence. The red-headed Weasel moved a few more paces toward her boyfriend.
"Okay, the three of you stop it right now!" Nicky scolded them, throwing an angry, exasperating look at them as she stood between Draco and Hermione's friends. "Good grief! How old are you? Five?"
"What are you up to Malfoy?" Potter asked leaning toward Draco, ignoring her. Nicky brought her right hand up and placed it on Harry's chest as the left one landed on Draco's torso.
"I don't know what's going on...," Nicky's words were cut short.
"No, you don't," the Weasel girl said affronted, taking another step which brought her by Potter's side.
Nicky's stance changed. With narrowed eyes, her gaze fluctuated back and forth between the three young adults. Draco had seen that gleam before and shifted uncomfortably on his heels. She was doing that 'thingy' again with her eyes. Potter and the Weasel girl just stood there, quiet, staring expectantly at Nicky whose gaze covered the three of them from head to toe and back again. For a couple of seconds, the three rivals exchanged glances, as if having their own wordless conversation about the strange change in attitude of Draco's Muggle friend. Done with her examination or whatever one wished to call it, Nicky's playful and still worried amber gaze collided with Potter and his girlfriend, lingered there for a few moments and then swiftly turned to Draco. 'What are you plotting Nicky?' Draco asked himself.
"Right, I see," Nicky murmured. "First things first. You," she addressed Draco, "baby isn't crying. That's a good thing, isn't it? But, you're still angry and so is Hermione, not that good."
"And you," Nicky declared pointing her right index finger at the the other two, "not that happy with Draco, also not good. Which leaves us with what? A very sick baby and four, very cross adults, ready to have it out because of...," Nicky regarded the three of them with that most annoying conceited glint in her eyes as she continued, "some ancient rivalry?" she asked about to break into a smile.
'Fuck and bugger' cursed Draco inwardly. How did she do it?
"That's enough from you Nicky," Hermione's presence startled all of them.
Draco couldn't help but stare at Hermione. Knowing Hermione as well as he did, he was certain she would demand an explanation and wasn't too happy with him which made two of them. He wasn't happy with her either and he too wanted some clarification. But, looking at Hermione closely, the redness in her eyes was an obvious sign that she'd been crying and in her strained features Draco recognized Hermione's exhaustion and anxiety. Something shifted within him. The disappointment and anger he felt not a few minutes ago intermingled with tenderness. Draco was torn between demanding an explanation and the urge to take her in his arms.
"Is John feeling better?" Draco asked Hermione softly, without any bitterness in his voice.
Hermione nodded. "He's sleeping, but the fever hasn't gone down and he's still in pain," she responded quietly. "The next dose of his antibiotics is in two hours," she added.
Which should give them plenty of time to sort Sebastian out. There's no way Draco could wait, he refused to leave until he knew the truth not only about Hermione's involvement with Sebastian but about the state of their own relationship.
"Is there anything you'd want us to do?" Weasley asked, taking Hermione by the shoulders. "Harry and I could take care of the shop for a few hours."
"I talked to Mr. Lynch a few minutes ago. The shop will remain closed until tomorrow, but thanks," Hermione squeezed her friend's hand and attempted a smile, failing miserably.
"You look about ready to pass out Hermione," Potter, the wanker, added as he stood by Hermione's right side. Weasley was on the left.
"I'm alright," Hermione said, leaning into Potter.
"And we need to talk," Draco retorted. "Now."
"We certainly do," Hermione squared her shoulders and met Draco's eyes.
"I'm not leaving until we do, Hermione," Draco stated, sneaking a glance at the three people witnessing their exchange.
Potter and the Weasel girl were ready to produce their wands. Draco could read their body language perfectly. He'd seen the signs hundreds of times. Nicky had taken a step back and stared at the four of them, tilting her head to one side, frowning. Hermione turned her attention to Nicky, narrowing her gaze. Nicky, in turn, sighed loudly.
"Draco," Nicky started to speak only to be interrupted by Draco.
"I'm not leaving. You are, all of you," Draco confronted Potter and his girlfriend.
"Have you forgotten John Albus isn't feeling well?" Nicky chided him. "Look at the two of you! You don't want to talk. You both are..." she paused, apparently scrambling for words, her eyes darting from Draco to Hermione. "... you... oh bugger! Talk isn't what you want, is it? Talk means you'd listen, are you willing to do it?" She challenged them both, engaging in a dueling match with Hermione's flaring eyes.
"None of your business, Nicky," Draco insisted.
Draco expected more veiled threats from either Potter or Hermione, but not the quiet which engulfed them. Quiet and stillness which didn't last long because Nicky took the initiative once more just as Hermione was about to speak.
"Well, you want to talk, so be it. This is what I propose." Hermione rolled her eyes and inhaled soundly. The Weasel witch snorted looking at Nicky with an intensity which made Draco wonder if the uneasiness he'd be feeling around Nicky had some merit.
"You two go down to the shop, we'll look after John. Talk if that's what you want but..." Nicky took a few steps back, locking gazes with Draco as she continued, "... don't keep anything in, what happened, why and how it made you feel. All of it, you two. Deal with your anger and all the recriminations, past and present. Deal with the consequences of your very stupid, foolish decisions and if you'd think you can work out your differences my suggestion is leave that rubbish behind once and for all." One last warning glance at Draco and Nicky turned to Potter. "Would you like to add anything else?"
"Ginny and Harry can look after John Albus, I trust them with my life," Hermione enunciated the last sentence in a sharply ironical taunt. Draco smirked. Nicky smiled, brushing off Hermione's not too subtle slight.
"No need to worry about your friends Hermione," Nicky said. "They can take care of themselves, I'm sure of it." Aside from the taunting in her tone, Draco sensed there were more to her words. He trembled on his spot. Nicky noticed his wand which didn't catch her unawares. She was curious, not surprised, why? How could she possibly take a twig for nothing else but a twig? She promised they'd talk about 'it'. Oh, fucking, blasted Merlin and all the gods! His stomach dropped, his heart had all but stopped beating. Had he been found out? The Aislings knew about magic? Hermione's voice pulled him back from his disturbing thoughts.
"Need I remind you, that this is my home? That you have come uninvited and, for reasons which elude me, refuse to leave?" Hermione asked, obviously furious and beyond exasperated. "My friends are going to look after John Albus and you, Nicky, are leaving. This has nothing to do with you." She didn't wait for Nicky's reply and trod angrily on the floor, making her way to the door, opening it defiantly.
"Don't worry about Draco, he can take care of himself," Hermione teased Nicky. Weasley laughed under her breath.
"As you wish," Nicky replied meeting Hermione's gaze. "I'm not the enemy you know?" she said making her way to the door. "We care for Draco, just like your friends do for you. He's like our brother, you've got nothing to worry about Hermione, he is all yours."
Nicky turned to Draco, who stood by the door, and stared into his eyes. No trace of mirth or self-assurance, only concern and a plea for caution. She took his right hand and pulled him toward the door, opened it and stepped into the landing. Nicky leaned her head forward and whispered in his ear, "Remember what's at stake little brother. You love her Draco, and she loves you. Don't throw it all away." She then kissed his cheek. "Dinner is at seven, call if you won't be able to make it." She winked at him as she climbed down the stairs.
She'd been waiting for Draco, and the longer he took the angrier she felt. As soon as Nicky left, Draco walked past her friends without saying a word and made his way to John's bedroom. The sparks between the two of them had nothing to do with lust this time. They were more like belligerent tiny hexes cast at each other. A sense of doom permeated the little flat ever since she became aware of Draco's forbidding attitude. The fact that he had run to Nicky, rather than talk to her, made Hermione feel irrelevant. Not a good place to be with the father of her child. Nicky's got a lot of cheek to come into her home and give out orders! The woman had a thick skin, that's for sure. And like her mother, Nicky Aisling had the remarkable ability to grasp with uncanny accuracy people's state of mind. Which brought her thoughts back to Draco. What happened? What could have possibly changed in a matter of hours? For the first time in days, they behaved like a normal couple and then...this. Why?
"Let's go," Draco announced as he briskly walked toward the door.
Hermione closed her eyes, prayed for constraint, and breathed in soundly. Having been snapped back from her meandering musings by Draco's curt command added kindle to her strung out temper.
"We'll be downstairs," she informed her friends, closing the door.
Draco was waiting by the shop's back door, his eyes glued to hers. Hermione held his gaze as she climbed down the steps. It felt like staring at the pointed end of a sword: cold, dangerously sharp, irradiating the fierceness of its owner. Draco turned around and aimed his wand at the door, pushed it and went inside. She found him, at the end of the small office, arms folded across his chest. Hermione closed the door behind her.
"What's going on, Draco?" she asked right away.
"Have you shagged him yet?" Draco snapped his question with as much bile as was possible.
'He knows!' Hermione panicked, but not for long. She wondered how he came to learn of Sebastian. Did it matter? She shook her head and pictured Draco with his lover, moaning and writhing on top of her. How dare he insult her with his misplaced jealousy! She could feel her body humming with fury; blood pounding on her ears, fingers wrapping into fists. Lifting her eyes, Hermione met Draco's narrowed chilling gaze. As strong as her physical reaction was to the connotation of his inquiry, she also felt an eerie freedom from outrage. Her body manifested her rage and hurt while her mind, cool and collected, cautioned about the consequences of the confrontation about to unfold and why it might be the one chance to deal with all the obstacles in their relationship.
'... don't keep anything in, what happened, why and how it made you feel... Deal with your anger and all the recriminations, past and present. Deal with the consequences of your very stupid, foolish decisions...' Hermione snorted inwardly. Nicky, the meddlesome bitch, had a point. Several actually. Did they have a chance? Had they reached a point of no return? After all she and Draco went through, would a kiss and a one-time affair -for Hermione was confident that's what it was- put and end to a future together? She wasn't the type to muddle through any circumstance; she needed direction, purpose, a list of priorities. What were her priorities right now? Her son's health and the state of her relationship with Draco was her answer. John will get better and had no lack of caregivers, including Draco. As for her and Draco's relationship? Well, she could think of a few expected as well as unexpected issues which couldn't be resolved if they couldn't get pass the first hurdle: Sebastian and Draco's betrayal.
Hermione realized she had moved a few paces into the small room, losing contact with Draco's eyes. Lifting her face, Hermione stared into Draco's turbulent, cold grey irises. His stance had not changed. Legs slightly apart, standing erect, shoulders thrown back and arms crossed tightly over his chest; Draco waited in tensed and furious anticipation. Their eyes collided and out of nowhere, it all came back to her. Memories rushed inside her head. Tender and painful images swirled around. Draco smiling, with her. Draco pushing back a lock of hair behind her ear. Draco holding on to her in the middle of the night, crying quietly. Their first kiss. His eyes, boring into hers, as he answered the one question the whole wizarding world had been anticipating during his trial. 'I love her,' he answered. For a few seconds, Hermione forgot to breathe and her heart skipped a few beats. Did they have a chance? she asked herself. The answer came swiftly as her breathing and heartbeat resumed their normal rhythm. Hermione loved Draco. They've come this far, conquered their intense hatred for each other, learned to forgive, to trust and to love one another, and made a few blunders along the way. Days ago –was it only days?– she questioned the state of her life away from Draco and the wizarding world. She promised to fight for her son, Draco and herself. Hermione remembered that morning vividly as she held John Albus in her arms back in her parents' garden. She was to give it her all and she would.
"Do you think we still have a chance?" Hermione asked, expectantly.
– – – – – – – – – – – - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Her question disconcerted Draco, forcing him to shove aside his anger. Hermione was looking directly at him. Her posture: back tensely upright, chin thrusting forward, hands at her sides, as if ready for a fight; contradicted the anxiety and urgency in the tone of her voice. Was there hope for them? What if what transpired between Hermione and Sebastian was more than a kiss? Could he forgive her? Rage burst forward and right at its heels, the possibility of a future without Hermione thwarted the eruption of those dark feelings. Draco met Hermione's gaze. Without uttering a word he heard the plea glistening in Hermione's eyes just as Nicky's parting words managed to repeat themselves rather loudly in his head. 'Remember what's at stake, little brother. You love her Draco, and she loves you. Don't throw it all away.'
"I just...," Draco's speech faltered. His heart hammered in his chest. "...I need to know, Hermione." He could feel all anger fade away, replaced now by frightful anticipation. "If we're... if we want it to work out then...," he'd let Hermione fill in the rest. Nicky was right, it was now or never.
Hermione, apparently, chose to have a similar conversation with herself as he just did. Draco could see it in her eyes, she was hesitant, unsure of the path to follow. Gnawing into her lower lip she allowed her shoulders to drop. Her hands came together up front, her fingers drawn into a knot. She lowered her gaze. For a few moments her eyes focused on the floor. Draco shortened the distance between them.
Hermione lifted her head, found his eyes and said, "We just kissed, nothing more," she said. "He kissed me," she clarified.
Draco felt relieved and letdown at the same time. He believed nothing else had happened and yet jealousy reared its ugly head. Someone else tasted her lips. Someone, other than him, held her in his arms. His fingers transformed into fists, his breathing became more pronounced and his chest tightened around his heart. What to do? Words evaded him. He shut his eyes in anger and desperation because if he were to give into his indignation... His eyes snapped open. Hermione had taken his knotted hands in hers. Draco raised his gaze and found Hermione's warm chocolate irises looking at him with a myriad of emotions. Probably the same ones he was feeling at the moment: confusion, ire, and fear. His fingers and hers intermingled gently, almost caressing each other. Hermione came to him not just by taking a couple of steps. She reached out to him because she hadn't given up on them, hence, her question. Draco felt his stomach plummet. Shame and guilt wiped out every other emotion. He couldn't throw it all away. They've come this far, she sacrificed too much. There had to be a way to forgive and forget.
"I want to believe there is," Draco said softly. "A chance for us, I mean," he added.
"And I don't want to think of you with her every time you touch me," she replied sorrowfully.
"I keep seeing you in his arms," Draco admitted bitterly.
Hermione stepped back, releasing his hands. Draco anticipated her next words, could almost hear them before Hermione took in a big breath and asked, "what are we going to do then?"
Draco had no answer. He just knew he had betrayed Hermione's trust and had no clue why he did it or maybe he just was too proud to explain himself. She wasn't without fault either. She kissed a bloke. He shook his head. There they were again, anger and frustration attempting to monopolize and cloud his thoughts. He indulged them.
"I'd say we start by admitting that we've been unfaithful to each other," he finally answered, regretting immediately the sour and vindictive tone in his words.
Hermione's eyes glimmered with unrestrained rage. Merlin! She looked beautiful when she was angry! How many times had he had the pleasure of turning her wrath into unbridle passion? Draco laughed under his breath. Of all the times to be thinking about that! The liquid, boiling with wrath amber in her eyes wiped those memories clean but not his desire. Hermione must have seen it, for her gaze widened. Her lips twitched, she inhaled loudly again, opened her mouth and closed it. Draco could almost hear her, 'Are you mad? Sex? You're thinking about sex!' His right hand rubbed his nape. It wouldn't be the first time they'd resort to sex and avoid a row of massive proportions. It worked years ago, when the world around them had collapsed leaving them desolated with no one to count on but each other. That was the past. Jumping into bed now would solve nothing. He knew that and so did Hermione. Back to the issue at hand then, regardless of how much he wanted her right here, right now.
"I overheard your conversation. You were flirting with him, Hermione," he accused her and then added, "he mentioned a kiss. Apparently you forgot to tell me all about it." Hard to keep calm when talking about another man touching her.
"So, rather than talking to me, you ran to Nicky taking my sick child with you," Hermione retorted angrily.
"I wanted to kill the fucking bastard," he said, "and, had no other place to go," Draco admitted.
They were not that far apart and Draco had the urgent need to touch her, no matter the tenor of their conversation. He took her right hand in his and the connection tempered anger with tenderness. Hermione didn't reject his gesture. Tilting her head backwards she met his gaze while their fingers danced with each other gently and hesitantly. Draco lowered his gaze, focusing in their entwined hands.
Seconds ticked by. Neither willing to speak. Draco closed his eyes, submerging himself in the quiet stillness around them. What he wanted and what he should do contradicted each other. Blasted conscience! Ever since he got one, running or hiding from the 'right thing to do' was pointless. Draco could feel a smile tugging at his lips. How many times had Hermione admonished him with 'because it's the right thing to do!'? How many times had Mrs. Aisling added her voice to the same chorus? What were he and Hermione to do?
"The question isn't whether or not we have a chance or what to do next," he said at last. "The question is, can we forgive each other?"
– – – – – – – - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Without forgiveness they had no chance at all. One would think love would conquer all and yet, here they stood: holding hands, tip-toeing around the many elephants in the room and wondering if there was an 'us'. 'If there's any hope for love at all, some walls must fall'. She had to agree with Peter, Paul and Mary. Draco had asked a poignant question and as far as she was concerned she had but one reply.
"I can't forgive if I can't understand," she responded, taking a step back, holding his gaze. "Nothing is happening with Sebastian. I never encouraged him. He took me by surprise when he kissed me out on the pavement. He fancies me, but I let him know in no uncertain terms it wasn't possible." There, she'd taken the first step.
Hermione watched Draco struggle with what she'd asked of him. If he couldn't at least attempt to explain the reason of his blatant betrayal, Hermione would go mad. She needed to understand why he did it. It was driving her insane looking for an answer when the only person capable of appeasing her curiosity was the culprit himself. As she stood there, witnessing Draco's inner battle she felt a guilty tug in her heart. Maybe, there was more to his infidelity than the act itself. In fact, she suspected as much. Hermione approached Draco, reducing the small distance between them. He started a little, meeting her gaze. Their hands found each other again. Avoiding her eyes, Draco spoke at last.
"That day, when you introduced me to Mrs Murphy, she touched your cheek and looked at you just like," the words stumbled and stopped at the tip of his tongue. Hermione turned her head right, left, searching for his wandering gaze and when Draco couldn't escape her probing eyes, he finally relented. The dark brown in her orbs had softened, reassuring him. Draco took in a deep breath and continued, "the last time I saw Mother...," his trepidation brought Hermione closer to him. Draco swore under his breath.
Hermione's right hand caressed his cheek as she said, "when Mrs Murphy touched me, it all came back to you, all those horrible images, and suddenly you felt like you couldn't breathe. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop remembering, so you ran," she finished for him.
– – – – – - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Draco widened his gaze, amazed at the accurate description of his feelings. How did Hermione know? And then, it hit him like a vicious Bludger out of control.
"You know?" he asked taking her face in his hands. She nodded. "But, I never... your nightmares were nothing like mine. You barely had any! I just... I...," he couldn't put words together. It torn him apart thinking of Hermione going through the same savage episodes he'd be going through.
Pulling Hermione by the hand, Draco walked to the couch and with a small nod invited her to sit by his side. The physical connection –their linked hands – continued. As if it somehow kept hope for the future alive. For a while, the young lovers said nothing, opting for staring at their joined fingers. Draco wondered what to do next. Hermione wanted the truth and frankly so did he. Trust was a two way street. There was more to Sebastian than Hermione was willing to admit. She never spoke of those three years apart either and he, selfish bastard that he is, didn't ask. Recriminations, consequences, the truth. Nicky's recipe for a reconciliation wasn't as simple as she made it sound.
"How did it happen, Draco? Getting pissed, I understand but, sleeping with another woman?" Hermione's impatience and masked anger slipped through her whispered words.
Draco lifted his head and straightened his posture. Hermione imitated him, looking directly into his eyes. Her need to know was evident. It mattered to her when he had already forgotten all about it because it meant nothing. For fuck's sake, he could barely remember the bitch's face! Frustrated, Draco pushed himself up, sliding his hands into the front pockets of his trousers. Hermione never broke eye contact even though she chose to stay seated.
"Hermione," Draco spoke taking in a deep breath. "My recollection of that night is scattered at best."
"You left my parents' home furious and then what?" Hermione persisted. This time she chose to stand up.
She could be so annoying sometimes! Everything, every detail, she had to know, she couldn't leave it alone.
"Why does it matter Hermione?" Draco asked defensively.
"Because, you jumped into bed with another woman when it should have been me! Because you ran away from me Draco into her arms and then you went straight to the Aislings," she replied angrily. "I never felt so humiliated or useless in my life. You've been having panic attacks and didn't bother to mention it. You've visited your mum," Hermione paused for a moment, looked at him, flashed Draco a sad smile and then asked, "they know, you told them about your mother, didn't you? And when you heard Sebastian and I talking, the first thing that crossed your mind was to run back to Nicky."
"I keep wondering if it'll happen again. If every time we fight that's where you'd go, to that woman or to... them," Hermione said with such sorrow Draco extended his arms and pulled her into a tight embrace.
"It won't happen again, I give you my word, Hermione," Draco said with as much sentiment and certainty as possible. For as long as he lived, he'd make sure Hermione would never feel unsure about his love or commitment. She might not believe in him now but, she will again.
Breathing in her scent, relishing in the fact that her arms were wrapped firmly around his back, Draco allowed the impasse to go on. Much like their son, Hermione burrowed her head in his chest and there she stayed, breathing slowly, quietly. However, Hermione Granger wasn't a patient woman and there was much to be said.
"I want to believe you Draco," she said softly into his T-shirt. "I can't get it out of my mind." She paused and without having to look at her, Draco could feel her biting into her lower lip. "And now there is also Nicky and her sisters." Her tone held deep rooted animosity. Draco managed to suppress a smile.
He took Hermione by the shoulders, pushing her gently half a step back and said, "Nicky and her sisters are like family. Believe me, there are times when I want to hex them just as much as you do. I was very close today." The comment brought a grin to her lips. "As for that woman," Hermione's smile disappeared, replaced now by a deep scowl and tight lips. "Friday, when I left your house Hermione, I felt like rubbish, like the worst kind of man. I had another of those attacks. I don't remember much. I had gone to that Muggle pub the day before and somehow I ended up there again. I knew that woman was with another bloke but, when she approached me again... You see, she had the day before but, I ignored her," Draco explained and then continued, "...not this time. Her boyfriend found out I left with her and with a couple of his mates he dragged me out of her flat and... you know the rest." Draco sighed, relieved. He had finally told the absolute truth. Maybe that's why he went back, to be punished for... well, the list was rather long. He turned his attention to Hermione.
She had increased the distance between them. Her bright, chocolate stare studied him with great intensity. Draco held her gaze, concealing nothing. Hermione inhaled loudly, looking resigned and not at all confident with his explanation or assurances. Frustrated, Draco shoved the fingers of his right hand into his hair.
"I don't remember her name, Hermione. It meant nothing and it won't happen again because I...," 'because I love you' he wanted to say but, it would be futile, empty words as far as Hermione was concerned.
"Give me time, Draco," she requested hindering his objection with a finger on his lips. "There are so many things we need to figure out."
"Like Sebastian," Draco could barely control the bitterness in his voice.
"He isn't the issue," she said emphatically as her gaze hardened.
"I'd say he is. He had a point though. Why didn't you tell me about him? Could it be that he is right, that you're attracted to him?" Bugger all! Hermione demanded the truth from him, it was her turn now.
Her fiery eyes shot daggers at him. "I'm not interested at all in Sebastian Dorgan. I told him so, many times and I told him again today in case you missed that part of our conversation."
She avoided answering his first question. There was only one reason why Sebastian was Hermione's dirty secret. A challenge Draco was more than willing to take on. Nevertheless, there was a very important task he must do before moving forward with his quest. Swiftly his arms reached for Hermione, encircling her body as his lips took possession of her mouth in a passionate and hungry kiss. She couldn't push him, couldn't move, trapped within his arms. Her resistance lasted but a few seconds and the answer to his question came in the sweetest of nectars as her mouth welcomed him without hesitation. Draco tasted her, over and over again. Tongues duelled, probed, teased until at last they came out for air. Draco put some distance between them. As much as he wished to make love to her, it would be a huge mistake. Hermione's face was flushed and there in the liquid dark amber in her eyes Draco saw his desire for her reflected back to him for Hermione loved him. She might not be able to say it, or maybe she just refused but, she loved him and Sebastian could go and fuck himself because Draco Malfoy had the upper hand and he'd make sure he'd come on top.
"It'd be my pleasure to forever erase that woman from your head. And I will. Just like before, Hermione, I will earn your trust." Draco expected all sorts of objections; he had stolen a kiss and issued a dare, so to speak.
"It isn't just about trust, Draco," Hermione retorted. "There are so many things to talk about! There is the shop and The Prophet and..."
"I know," he interrupted, elated because Hermione was willing to work things out. "First things first, John Albus. We should check his temperature. He must be up by now. One problem at a time, Hermione. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
She had turned the knob of the back door and stilled before opening it. Turning around to face him, she looked at him not bothering to disguise the doubts and misgivings harbouring within her. Once outside, Hermione started to climb up the stairs.
"One more thing," Draco said as he followed Hermione back to the flat. "There'll be no sex." Hermione pivoted on her heels, barely able to contain her surprise and disappointment which she tried without success to conceal from Draco. He wondered who would break their fast first.
