(Apologies, I don't know what happened with fanfic, it sent out an update but didn't upload the new chapter. It was out of my control so sorry if anyone was wondering what the hell was going on).
Update. Thanks again for all the reviews I really appreciate it can't believe I've over 400. I hope you like this chapter. Just like to point out that the ranch mentioned in this chapter doesn't actually exist.
Warning: You might want some tissues handy.
"Rach, our baby's crawling. I don't like it," Quinn stated as she watched her little girl slowly making her way down the hallway, Arthur leading the way and stopping every so often so that she could catch up. Rachel looked up from her book from her place sprawled out on the couch, smirking at the pained expression on her wife's face. Putting the book down, she shifted so that she was sitting up more properly, wrapping the blanket off the back of the couch more securely around herself.
"What do you mean you don't like it? These are big milestones in our daughters life, we're supposed to celebrate them not agonise over them," she chuckled as Quinn lifted her daughter from the floor once Charlotte had reached her and then turned to face her wife. "Yeah but every time she hits a milestone it shows how much she's growing and it terrifies me. Someday very soon she won't be a baby anymore and that day is coming far too soon for my liking," Quinn said, pressing a kiss to Charlotte's temple. Rachel smiled at the interaction between her wife and daughter before shifting her focus to more serious matters.
"Quinn," she started but her wife just shook her head. "Don't Rach, just, don't," the blonde responded, walking over to the little play area that had been set up in the corner of the room for Charlotte and placed the little girl down on the colourful learning mat. Rachel shifted again, slowly swinging her legs over the side of the couch, careful of the dull ache that was still present in her abdomen from the surgery. "Quinn we need to talk about this, about what's going to happen when….," before Rachel could finish what she was trying to say her wife snapped.
"DON'T! Okay we are not doing this, not now." Rachel gazed at her wife with watery eyes. Ever since they were given the diva's prognosis, Quinn had buried her head firmly in the sand, choosing to ignore the situation rather than face the reality of what her life was about to become. It pained Rachel immeasurably to see Quinn suffering so much and knowing there was nothing she could do about it because the fact remained that what her wife wanted, was exactly what Rachel couldn't give her. She couldn't cure herself, as much as she wishes she could she just couldn't. And even though she didn't want Quinn to have to face life without her, at some point she would have to and Rachel wanted her family to be prepared.
"We can't keep putting this off Quinn. We have to talk about this okay we don't have time to keep putting it off. Please Quinn," Rachel pleaded, but her wife wasn't having any of it. The blonde shook her head and wiped at the tears threatening to spill and made a dash for the door, turning slightly to face Rachel as she moved. "I can't do this, I'm sorry I just, I can't," the choked reply came and before Rachel could say anything else, the door to their home was being opened and shut with a hasty slam, startling Charlotte who flinched at the sound, tears starting to fall.
"Aww, no baby, don't cry, it's okay," Rachel cooed as she pushed herself from the couch. It had been weeks since the surgery and although she was told not to do any heavy lifting, there was no way she was going to leave her daughter to sit on the floor and cry. Walking over to the play mat, she carefully bent over and lifted Charlotte into her arms, a grimace crossing her face at lifting something heavier than a novel or glass since she arrived home. Charlotte instantly settled when Rachel began humming a lullaby into her ear while pressing sweet kisses to her cheeks.
It was in moments like this that Rachel couldn't help but feel like she was being robbed, and the anger she supressed over the situation to save her family from further anguish, began to bubble to the surface. She had spent so much of her youth, hoping, dreaming that one day she would have a perfect family of her own. Her father's gave her a magnificent childhood, one that was filled with so much love and happiness. All Rachel ever wanted, well, besides Broadway, was the chance to be able to offer the same kind of life to her own kids.
Hiram and Leroy taught Rachel the value of love and what it means to find the person who will love you so completely and unconditionally, how much more fulfilled your life becomes when you finally get it. For a long time Rachel believed she would never have that, she was simply the school loser, the unlovable Broadway freak with the big nose and two gay dads. When Finn happened, Rachel though that he was the one. That he would be the person to give her the happily ever after she'd been chasing since she was a child.
But then Quinn came along and everything she thought she had found in Finn was tossed out the window. The most beautiful girl in all of McKinley High had fallen in love with her and from that point on Rachel's life had been forever changed. Quinn showed her true love, she showed her what it was to have that person that will stand by your side and be there for you no matter what. Who will fight with you and for you and who will do anything to show you just how much you are loved and once they have done it, will start again from the beginning not because they feel like they have to, but because they want to.
Not one single moment has passed since Quinn and Rachel first got together that the diva has ever questioned Quinn's true feeling for her, because she knew. Because Quinn wore her heart on her sleeve for only Rachel and Charlotte to see and that made the brunette feel more special than anything else in her life. The fact that Quinn Fabray chose her to be the one to see inside her heart and to rest there in the protective embrace of a woman who was stronger than anyone else Rachel had ever and would ever encounter.
And Charotte, beautiful, sweet Charlotte. The baby the she and her wife had to work so hard to bring into the world. Charlotte was the best thing to ever happen to both girls and the thought that Rachel would never get to see so many of her milestones crushed her beyond belief. She would never be there for her daughter's first day of school or her first day of high school. She wouldn't be there to see Charlotte off on her first date or to talk to her about boys, or girls depending on how things worked out. She wouldn't be there to see her off to college or watch her get married. Rachel would never meet her grandchildren.
As much as Rachel wanted to break down over the cruel blow life had dealt her, she knew she couldn't. She didn't want to waste what precious time she had left, she needed to make the most of it, to treasure the time she had with her wife and daughter, to make everlasting memories with her friends, and do what needed to be done before she said her final goodbye. Glancing down, she noticed that Charlotte was drifting off to sleep. Walking down the hallway she entered the nursery and moved across the room to the crib, gently lowering her daughter down and tucking her in for an afternoon nap.
After making sure that Lucy Lamb was next to her daughter she exited the room and made her way to the bedroom. Slowly lowering herself to the bed, she glanced down at the bedside cabinet at the numerous pill bottles that were staring back at her. Picking one up, she removed the cap, poured a pill out onto her open palm and popped it in her mouth. Closing the cap she placed the bottle back on the cabinet and picked up the half empty glass of water that was sat there and took a few sips to swallow the pill. Once it was gone, she put the glass down and raised her hand to her stomach, hoping for the wave of nausea to pass.
The treatment she was on had done a real number on her the first two weeks, but the side effects were beginning to fade and the doctors informed her that, for the most part, they would give her many months of pain and sickness free days to live out the rest of her time with as much comfort as someone in her position could. But Rachel knew that once her time was coming to an end she would begin to fade, that the pain would return, the drugs were just prolonging the inevitable. However, if it gave her more time with her girls, she would take as many drugs and go on as many treatment plans as they could offer.
Opening the drawer on the cabinet, Rachel removed a thick black A4 journal, a pen tucked into the leather strap that tied at the front to keep the journal closed. Untying the knot, Rachel opened the book up and glanced down at the pages before her, pages upon pages of writing, and she was nowhere near finished yet. Flipping the journal to the back, Rachel glanced down at the numerous thick envelopes in her hand flicking through them briefly, before flicking back to a blank page and picking up the pen. Leaning back against the headboard and removing the lid from the pen she pressed it to the page and began writing in her neat cursive script.
It was night time when Quinn finally returned, the house in darkness save for the under cabinet lights that were on in the open plan kitchen and the glow of the television coming from the living room. Placing the bag of takeaway in her hand down on the kitchen island, Quinn moved further into her home, a hint of a smile crossing her face as she her she saw her wife curled up on the couch watching The Lion King, Charlotte on her lap dressed in a onsie ready for bed. Crossing the room, she leaned down over the back of the couch and pressed a kiss to her wife's head, causing brown eyes to glance up at her and smile, before Quinn leaned down further and kissed her daughter.
"I dunno if you've eaten or not but I got us some take out anyways," Quinn said as she tilted her head towards the kitchen and then walked around the couch, taking a seat next to Rachel. The diva thanked her, adjusting a dozing Charlotte in her lap, knowing from her wife's furrowed brows that she had more to say. Quinn grasped a hold of Rachel's free hand, playing with the tan fingers, calming the wave of emotions that had been raging inside since she stormed off earlier that day.
"I'm sorry for walking out, I shouldn't have done that. I was upset but was no excuse for what I did," Quinn apologised, gazing up at her wife with watery eyes and seeing nothing but understanding staring back at her. "We promised each other that we would always talk to each other about everything and be honest and I haven't been doing that. You've been trying and I've just been brushing you off and regardless of how I feel, that's not okay," she stated. Rachel just shook her head, removing her hand from Quinn's hold and instead lifting it to cup her wife's cheek.
"Baby, listen to me, you have every reason to be angry and upset. If I was in your position, I don't know what I would do," Rachel sighed, her thumb stroking across a pale cheek wiping away a fallen tear. Quinn leaned into the touch, needing the closeness that was being offered to her. "I don't want to have to talk about this but the fact is we don't have a choice." Quinn's face scrunched up as more tears feel, her lower lip quivering as she listened intently to what Rachel was saying. This is what she should have done in the first place rather than running away.
"And, I know you don't want to hear this, but Quinn, we don't have the time to keep putting this off. We need to do this, I need to do this." And with that Quinn nodded her agreement. They had to figure things out, for themselves and for Charlotte, she couldn't afford to be selfish anymore and if that meant swallowing her pride and pain, she would do it. For Rachel. Reaching up both her hands Quinn cupped Rachel's face in the palm of her hands and kissed her lips. It was a soft sweet kiss, nothing rushed or brash, she was just communicating her understanding un the best way she knew how in that moment.
"I uh, I organised a little trip for us, you know for when you're on respite from treatment. I figured we could get out of the city, just the three us, to talk," Quinn stated as she reached down to softly cup her now sleeping daughter's hand. Rachel smiled at her wife's words and pressed a kiss to blonde hair. "That sounds great. Where to?" she asked. Quinn glanced up at her gently coughed to clear her throat as she glanced up to meet her wife's gaze and sat up a little straighter resting a hand on the diva's free thigh.
"Colorado. There's this spacious ranch out there the owners let out to people looking for quiet time away. It's near the mountains so we'll have privacy. It's beautiful," Quinn smiled as she remembered the photo's she'd seen of the place. It was more of a luxurious ranch, with a home spa, an indoor heated swimming pool and a games and entertainment room, but aside from the added luxuries, it maintained its ranch like appeal for both the interior and exterior. "It even has horses so we can go riding, maybe even take Charlotte for a smile ride, they can do that with babies now. They have people that come up once or twice a day to take care of them but they don't go near the living quarters so it's fine."
Rachel leaned forward and kissed her wife to stop her in her ramblings. The idea of getting away with her family and finally talking with no interruptions sounded like a fantastic idea to her, just the three of them,. It would be Charlotte's first vacation of sorts. Trips to L.A didn't really count since that was their second home, so this would be it and Rachel wanted to make the most of it so that her wife and daughter would have memories to look back on, or that Quinn could at least tell Charlotte about when she was older. "It's sounds perfect."
2 Weeks Later, Colorado.
Rachel watched on with a beaming smile as Quinn came trotting up the horse trail with one of the trail guides by her side, Charlotte in front of her strapped safely to Quinn's chest in what could only be described as a reverse baby carrier. The little girl was smiling and laughing the whole way. Once they reached the enclosure, Quinn climbed down with the help of the trail guide, thanking him and then making her way straight to her wife who was taking pictures on the blonde's camera, having already captured footage of their departure and arrival.
"Rach she loved it," Quinn beamed as she talked about Charlotte's love of horses. Rachel smiled and kissed her daughter once her wife was standing close enough. "You should take her for lessons when she's older," Rachel said, causing her wife's smile to dim at what the implications of those words meant for their future. Shifting a little uneasily Quinn glanced up at sun, noticing that it was lower in the sky, it would be dark soon. "We should, uh, we should make a start on dinner, and get this little miss ready for bed," Quinn said finishing with a playful tone as she glanced down at her daughter strapped to her chest, pinching her cheek.
Rachel just nodded and watched as Quinn made her way inside the house. Things had been better between the girls since they'd had that little talk back in New York but even though Quinn was prepared to talk it still didn't make it any easier to hear things like Rachel encouraging her to take their daughter for lessons, when she was gone. Rachel figured she should be more sensitive to things like that but sometimes things just slipped out without her meaning to. Truth be told, she could try and spare her wife's feeling by only talking in the present tense, but she couldn't do that because she knew it would provide a false sense of security for her family she didn't want to do that to them.
That night, once Quinn had settled Charlotte in bed, she picked up the second monitor and clipped it to her front jeans pocket and made her way out of the room, switching it so she could hear her daughter should she need anything. Walking towards the kitchen, she picked up the two steaming mugs of coco she had left sitting on the counter and made her way outside to the porch, where her wife was sat on the two seater swing chair stargazing. Walking over and taking a seat, she handed Rachel one of the mugs while her wife used her free arm to wrap half the blanket she was tucked in around her wife.
"It's beautiful out here," Rachel said as she gazed back up at the clear sky. Rachel rarely got to see the stars in New York, with all the skyscrapers and smog it just wasn't possible and it was the one downside of the city she had been in love with since she was child back home in Lima dreaming about Broadway. When she glanced up now she could see the stars so clearly and then she saw them, those two stars she had named all those years ago and her heart swelled just as she felt and arm rest on her thigh and a hand giving it a soft squeeze. Turning her attention to her wife she saw Quinn staring off into the distance, being all cute and contemplative, it was time.
"Are you ready?" Rachel asked with all the patience in the world echoing in every word. Quinn's head turned to face her and those hazel eyes looked so scared but a nod of the head followed and Rachel blocked out the world around them. Quinn sat their mugs down on the porch floor and then adjusted the blanket taking her wife's hands in her own squeezing them, offering comfort but also seeking it at the same time and Rachel didn't hesitate to squeeze back. She was here for her wife whatever she needed.
"I'm scared," Quinn whispered her voice cracking and a tears tracking down her cheek. "I'm scared of not being with you, I'm scared of having to face the future without you by my side, I'm scared of raising Charlotte without her mom but mostly, I'm scared because I don't know how I'm supposed to let you go," she cried as she spoke, unable to stop the river of tears that were beginning to blur her vision. Rachel watched with a pained expression as she listened to her wife's deepest fears, understanding and sorrow etched across her face as she squeezed Quinn's hands tighter in a bid to stop herself from interrupting.
"You changed me Rach. You made me who I am today, you've given me everything I've always wanted, a family Rach. You complete me, you're the love of my life and don't know how I'm supposed to ever move on from that," Quinn said, lowering her head as a sob escaped her. Rachel couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't just sit there and say nothing she needed to speak, to offer her wife some words of comfort or to at least ease her of the pain she was currently feeling. It may prove to be a futile attempt but she had to try. Wrapping a hand around the back of Quinn's neck, Rachel pressed their foreheads together and inhaled a deep breath.
"Quinn, listen to me baby, I need you to really listen," she said staring intently into red rimmed hazel eyes. "I love you so much, and I know you're scared, I am too. The thought of not being with you and Charlotte, it br- it breaks my heart," Rachel stuttered as her voice cracked. "Baby you, you're my soul mate, nobody has ever completed me the way you do and I know, I know, that no matter what happens…after…that I will always be watching over you both." Quinn sobbed at those words, but Rachel pressed on regardless.
"When you look up at the night sky and you see those stars looking back at you, I'll be there staring right back. When you're sitting in front of the open fire at my dad's house at Christmas and you feel the heat of the flames consuming you, those are my arms wrapping around you to keep you warm. When you sit on the beach at night in Cali listening to the waves crashing against the sand, that's me whispering in your ear that I love you. And when you fall asleep with our little girl in your arms and you feel the moment of contented peace, I'm there watching over you both making sure you're safe and secure. No matter where you go or what you do, I will always, always be there."
Unable to hold back anymore, Quinn lunged forward and wrapped her arms tightly around her wife, burying her face in the crook of the diva's neck. "I love you so much Rach. You're my one and only, it's always been you and only you. No one will ever take your place. Ever," she whimpered, her tears soaking the skin beneath her cheek, but Rachel didn't care she just held her tighter and pressed soft soothing kisses to her wife's head. Later on, they made love the whole night through right until the first rays of the new morning. For most people a new day brought about the promise of a new beginning. For Quinn and Rachel it was one day closer to a heart breaking end.
Poor Quinn and Rachel. Sad news folks there's only about two chapters and the epilogue left..aww. But then I'll be moving on to my new Faberry fic so… yay! Anyways I hope you liked this chapter and please review, I love hearing your thoughts.
