TheBananaSlug: I need to watch Deliverance, and Fargo, and The Big Lebowski, and…y'know what…I need to watch a lot of good movies!

Those movies are great! …So I'm told.

Anyway, I posted a new fanfiction that sounds like the best idea yet. Hellsing mixed with League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, I thought that could work. I hope I'm right.

SPECIAL GUEST CAMEO: Ben Tennyson from Ben 10


You Got BatRolled!

By The Banana Slug

CHAPTER 49: Killer Moth and Firefly I


Killer Moth & Firefly Go To Applebee's

In a dirty apartment complex, one would see the terrifyingly pathetic Killer Moth lounge on his couch with a pillow over his head, with his leg swaying back and forth lightly as he breathed slowly. Mind you, this is not the cool moth-monster from Teen Titans. Oh no, he hasn't become cool yet.

"DADDY!" shrilled a loud voice, causing him to shriek and scamper onto the floor. His daughter is still bratty in this universe.

Said daughter bursts into the living room as Killer Moth quickly gets up. "Uh, yeah, Kitten?" he asked quickly.

"Your crazy partner is here!" she yelled at him.

"Honey, he's not crazy," consoled Killer Moth, "He's just very, very, very enthusiastic about his profession."

"Uh-huh," replied an unconvinced Kitten, "you do know that he just torched your sweaters."

"WHAT!?" shouted Killer Moth, rushing past his daughter and facing his partner, Firefly, who just finished turning Moth's closet into an exact replica of Hell.

"Garfield!" yelled Killer Moth angrily.

"Yes, Jon Arbunkle?" joked Firefly.

"Shaddap!" growled Killer Moth, pointing his finger at Firefly, "Why did you turn my closet into ash!? I was gonna have those suckers for lunch!"

"…I have no idea," said Firefly, "I just…felt it needed a bit of fire."

Kitten poked her head from the door and yelled, "Told ya!"

Killer Moth let out an angry "whoop!" and pointed his finger at his daughter, causing her to quickly disappear. Killer Moth grunted and turned back to Firefly, who began torching the coat hanger. "FIREFLY! Knock it off!" roared Killer Moth.

"…I think it's better like this," said Firefly with a whimsical tone.

"You set my coat hanger aflame, you dip!" screamed Killer Moth with his veins popping out.

"I think it's better like this," Firefly repeated. The villainous moth just shook his head and rubbed the temple of his modified Dr. Fate mask.

"Look, I don't need this right now! I haven't had ANYTHING to eat today and I am a wee bit irritable!" berated Killer Moth, "So, unless you want to keep making yourself look like a dip-shit, why not give me some ideas where we should hit today."

"…Hit?" asked Firefly curiously.

"ROB!" stated Killer Moth angrily.

"Sorry, man, I'm hungry too," grumbled Firefly, "Let's get somethin' to eat."

"Fine! Let's just rob a restaurant," snapped Killer Moth as he walked over and opened the door, "Let's go rob that Applebee's downtown. Why Applebee's? Because we gotta stick to our insect credo and robbing a Red Robin would be just sad..."

"…I agree," replied Firefly, walking out with Killer Moth saying, "but we get boneless hot wings or no deal!"

With the door slammed, Kitten peeked her head from the hallway to still see the fire blazing on the closet and the coat hanger. She groaned in annoyance and ran to get the fire extinguisher as the very insensitive fire alarm let out its annoyingly loud beeping over and over again.

"Men…"


And so, the Moth mobile (a large white van with a crude spraypaint logo of a purple moth on the top of it) drove through the city with the greatly unimpressive Killer Moth drove with Firefly sitting right next to him, lighting and closing his Zippo lighter over and over again.

"Will you stop doing that!?" growled Killer Moth.

"No," simply replied Firefly.

"Why did you even get that lighter anyway?" argued Killer Moth, "Don't you have like, what? Thirty-eight Zippo lighters?"

"Yeah, but this is one based on that comic book I like!" defended Firefly angrily.

"You mean the one with the preacher, the Irish vampire, John Wayne, the retarded Jesus, and the kid with the ass-face?" asked Killer Moth.

"What other, dummy!" snapped Firefly.

"Hey! I'm just making an observation, you gobshite," yelled Killer Moth, only to yelp and turn his car back after nearly rear-ended an old lady…standing in the middle of the road.

"Keep your eyes on the road," said Firefly blankly, still playing with his new lighter. Killer Moth rolled his eyes and kept driving until he heard a very horrid noise, looking to see a cop car behind them calling out its siren as the red and blue lights shined out loudly.

"Oh crap…OH CRAP!" yelled out Killer Moth angrily, slowing the car down.

"See? This is because you almost ran over that fat old lady!" Firefly called out in rage, "Now we have to deal with the coppers! I am currently wanted you know! Our heist will never flourish now that-"

"WHAT HEIST!?" screamed Killer Moth, "We're going to Applebee's to steal some fucking boneless wings and burnt burgers! That is not what can call a flippin' heist!"

"Well, compared to our robbery of that gas station, a thrift store, and that troop of girl scouts, I think this would best describe a heist than those jobs!" argued Firefly as Killer Moth parked the car at the side of the road.

"Hey! Those Girl Scouts were vicious!" Killer Moth defended in desperation, "We wouldn't have gotten away if I didn't spray them in the face with my silk gun."

"That is NOT a silk gun!" roared Firefly, "That's just some stupid NERF gun you painted that shoots out white Silly String!"

"It's not stupid, you pyromaniac!" screamed out Killer Moth. They both stopped arguing when the sound of footsteps was heard getting closer to the car after hearing the loud sound of the police car's door slamming shut.

"…It so is," whispered Firefly, trying to get the last word like any real man can try to do. And so, the officer revealed himself as he stepped up to the car, with his blue uniform, his blue cop hat, and his…brown burlap mask?

"License and registration…chicken-fucker!" hissed Scarecrow, getting up close to the window and letting out a loud, "Bawkbagawk!"

"…Scarecrow?" breathed out Killer Moth, "Is that you?"

"Obviously," hissed out Scarecrow, "so, what are you poor morose bastards doing out here? Planning on shooting more of your white stuff on some girl scouts' faces?"

"No!" corrected Killer Moth angrily, "We're gonna rob a bank!" Firefly looked at Killer Moth in confusion, not knowing Drury was lying.

"Really?" replied an intrigued Scarecrow, "I never knew you'd take a chance, Drury. That's really-"

"No, we're robbing an Applebee's," corrected Firefly slowly. Killer Moth glared at him, then hissing out, "Shut up, Garfield."

"Pfft. An Applebee's?" scoffed Scarecrow, "When I started out, I was giving orphanages my gas, not jacking it in Applebee's. Pathetic."

"Hey, we're not crazy wackjobs like you, Crane!" snapped Killer Moth.

"I am," added Firefly, with Killer Moth angrily shouting at his face, "KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!"

Scarecrow laughed again and said, "Alright, I won't keep your romantic date to Applebee's anymore. If you can, try to steal me a Triple Chocolate Meltdown."

As he walked back to his car, Killer Moth shouted out, "Oh we will! But not for YOU! For me!"

"What about me?" questioned an offended Firefly.

"You get nothing for opening that FAT MOUTH'A yours!" screamed Killer Moth.

"Stop yelling at me!" called out Firefly as he clutched his ears, "Penguin never yelled at me when I worked with."

"Penguins squawked at you, you fire-loving weirdo!" Killer Moth continued to argue as Scarecrow drove away calmly, out to terrorize more drivers.

"At least he didn't YELL at me!" sobbed Firefly.


Later that day, Killer Moth would have to stop at a gas station to refuel the Mothmobile. Killer Moth grimaced and glared in anger, with Firefly was leaning against the van in shame.

"Look, I was gonna tell ya, but I forgot," sighed a bashful Firefly, "I was meaning to tell ya about sooner or later, Drury."

"Whatever," growled Killer Moth, still fueling up the van.

"Hey, I said I was sorry," whined Firefly.

"Oh, you're sorry, eh?" hissed Killer Moth in rage, "You're sorry for stealing nearly ALL my gas so that you could burn down a zoo? Burn down a zoo? Really?"

"…I hated that zoo," pointed out Firefly half-heartedly.

"And the pier?" Killer Moth kept going.

"…Yeah…" sighed Firefly, then blurting out, "look, I'll make it up to you. Next place we rob will be a bank."

"Alright, alright," breathed out a clearly annoyed Drury Walker, "just pay for the gas and we'll be squarsies."

"No betcha!" laughed out Firefly, giving him a thumbs-up and walking inside of the gas station as Killer Moth sighed and sat in the driver's seat, leaning back and taking a bit of a nap.

LATER THAT DAY

When he awoke, Firefly slammed the door shut, yelling, "PORKCHOP SANDWICHES! GO! GO! WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? GO! GO! YOU STUPID IDIOT!"

Killer Moth looked at him in confusion, noticing a great yellow blur behind him as he looked and saw the gas station blazing and on fire.

Killer Moth's only reaction was a frightened, "Ba bababa ba ba baababa!" He started the car, driving insanely away from it as he sped through the highway.

As he drove, Killer Moth breathed angrily then yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?"

"…I burned the place," stated Firefly obviously.

"Yeah! No duh!" snapped Killer Moth, "Why the holy hell would you do that!?"

"After all these years…you should be expecting this crap from me...all the time!" argued Firefly, waving his arms around for dramatic effect.

Killer Moth groaned in misery and slammed his head on the wheel, with Firefly saying out loud, "My god, did that smell good."


As they drove, Killer Moth didn't say a word as Firefly kept playing with the lighter over and over again. Firefly looked over at his partner, who was visibally angry even under his gold mask.

"Come on, Drury," whined Firefly as he kept playing with his Zippo lighter, "will you say something? I know you might be a little peeved about that gas station? Look, it's not a big deal, so stop-" Suddenly, Killer Moth grabbed his lighter and threw it over his window and continued to drive. Firefly looked at him in shock, looking back at the road and back at him.

"…I might have deserved that…" he said, trying not to cry, "…but Jesse Custer won't approve."

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, some brown-haired teenager jumped in front of the van, waving his hands with a wide smile. "SHIT!" screamed out Killer Moth, slamming on the brakes as it stopped right in front of the kid.

The teenager ran to the van and asked Killer Moth, "Are you guys heading to Applebee's?"

Killer Moth could've lied or yelled at the kid for jumping in front of him, but all he could say is a wide-eyed, "…Yes?"

"Good," he sighed, "I need a ride over, I am meeting my ex there." Without even asking, he ran to the back and climbed in, sitting between the two as Firefly and Killer Moth looked at him in shock.

"Um…'kay…" let out Killer Moth, driving again as the teenager sat there, with his green jacket, black t-shirt, and blue jeans, but most importantly, his strange green watch that looks alien. Firefly noticed this and put two-and-two together.

"Hey…you're Ben Tennyson, aren't you?" announced Firefly.

"Yes I am," answered Ben, "and who are you two guys?"

"I'm the dreaded Killer Moth!" he announced proudly, "And this is Firefly, my partner in crime."

"I had to twist his arm so many times to not call me his sidekick," added Firefly quickly.

Ben nodded, not really listening as he reached into his coat-pocket and pulled out a bag filled with white powder and a straw.

Killer Moth looked to see Ben Tennyson open the bag and stick the straw into the white powder. "Is…is that coke?" he asked him.

"Nah…it's heroin," corrected Ben, sniffing through the straw, pulling his head back and growling out in ecstasy, snarling out, "Rrrrrguh! I'mma tiger warlock, bitch!"

He wooted and shook his head in his high, with Firefly and Killer Moth both disturbed by the real Ben 10's personality.

"Jeez, never knew you do…drugs," let out Firefly.

"I don't see why not," replied Ben 10, "I follow the philosophy of Bill Hicks, with drugs being good and helps open the Third Eye. Sure I have aliens that do the same, but not like this, man." Ben 10 continued with a pseudo-philosophical speech, "When you're high on pot and coke, you see the world in colors you never knew existed. Not Ultraviolet or Infrared, but things you can't even know about…like, a conspiracy or somethin'."

He leaned back and followed up with, "Also, sex is ten times as better. Whenever you slam into your piece of ass while high off your balls…due to shooting heroin in your balls…it feels like you're shooting out a river of splooge." He stopped and thought aloud, "Or was it because I was Humungousaur at the time? I dunno, I don't give a shit."

Killer Moth was speechless, along with Firefly. They couldn't think of anything to say, but Killer Moth said to him with a nervous, "Uh…so…you meeting your ex at Applebee's?"

"Yeah, her name's Julie," replied Ben Tennyson with his eyes crossed, "we broke up a few episodes ago, but that doesn't stop me from going over and tappin' that ass over and over again."

"Hmph, wished it was the same with my ex," grumbled Killer Moth in discomfort.

"Wasn't your ex a prostitute?" asked Firefly.

"THANK YOU!" snapped Killer Moth, "For constantly reminding me, you fire-loving sod!"

"Enough about you, this is about me," stated out Ben out loud, "…where was I? Oh yeah, my ex, Julie. One may not know it from looking at it, but she was a fre-he-he-heak! Damn! The things we did was almost illegal, man! She was more of a freak than my cousin, and she-"

"Stop before I puke," said Killer Moth in agitation. He shook his head as Ben looked at them with a big smile, Firefly slouching in his seat.

"But yeah, we broke up…I don't remember why, I was too high to care at the time," added Ben 10, "but she's off blowin' this ascot-wearing blow-off. Pisses me off, but hey, if she wants to go down on a metrosexual, let her…fuckin' bitch…"

He shook his head in unison with Killer Moth. Firefly then asked Ben, "So, is she cheating on him or…"

"Ah yeah," he said to him with a grin, "The guy'll barely touch her, something about purity or serenity or some hippie christian bull that modern dick-bags are believing in. Girl's got needs only Ben 10 can fulfill, just gotta figure out what alien to use it for. But hey, at least she makes her feel emotionally good or whatever the hell that means."

Killer Moth groaned at hearing the high Ben Tennyson talk about sex, drugs, and purity, sighing and hoping this day won't get any worse…


MEANWHILE, IN THE BAT-CAVE

Batman sat in front of his computer, playing his new StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm game as Robin stood behind him with a jealous scowl.

"…I wanna play," murmured Robin miserably.

"…Go buy it," said Batman clearly.

"But you already did!" argued Robin angrily.

"Yeah…for myself." growled Batman, "You got money, go buy it."

"I don't have money!" shouted Robin as he stamped his feet, "You didn't give me my allowance for at least a month!"

"I'll give it to you tomorrow," sighed Batman, trying to invest his energy in playing his game.

"You always say that when I ask, but you NEVER do it!" yelled Robin, swinging his arms around as Batman began ignoring the Boy Wonder. Robin looked over at the Bat-Phone, grabbing it and answering it.

"Hello Commissioner…No, Batman is busy," answered Robin, "…What? Killer Moth and Firefly? …Another one? Alright. We're on it." He ended the call and walked over to Batman, sending a wave of Zergs at the Terrans.

"What I hear about Killer Moth?" chuckled Batman, "Did he fail at stealing candy from a baby again? Oh, wait, he and Firefly almost got their asses handed to by girl scouts again! Haha! Only to be saved by Killer Moth's white goop hitting their faces! Bwahahaha!"

"Firefly torched another gas station," Robin corrected morosely.

Batman didn't say a word for some time, then saying, "Thanks for ruining the mood, Robin."

"The survivor said something about them going to…Applebee's?" he continued, confused by that statement himself.

Batman ended his game, sliding his chair back and standing up in a dramatic pose. He then turned to his ward, glaring at him with a deep scowl and said, "…Superhero time…"

TO BE CONTINUED!


The Banana Slug: BANGARANG! Batman is on yer tail, along with his ward, Robin, stopping your white-stuff shooting days!

Anyway, I always wondered why no one tried to adapt Kitten in a comic or in another animated series. She's a very interesting character in my book, and she adds a bit of depth to Killer Moth!

Anyway, soon it will be the 50th Chapter, and even though I was thoroughly pissed off by the last, I had some good memes that would fit in certain situations. So…yeah, time to suffer again.

And Now! It's time for…BATMAN CONFIDENTIALS!


Name: Killer Moth AKA Drury Walker AKA Cameron Vann Cleer

Voice Actor: Jamie Kennedy (When he's not in movies, that's when I can tolerate him.)

Description: A scrawny figure that is tall and lanky, wearing an outfit with the top purple with his large cuffed orange gloves over his hands. On the chest is an orange moth symbol created by paint and on his back are orange papier-mâché moth wings. He also wears yellow leg wear with a large yellow utility belt with orange stripes on his legs that end in large orange galoshes. Finally, he wears a modified Doctor Fate Halloween mask with springy antennas on them. He didn't turn into a moth monster yet.

Likes: Being an awesome villain, Fighting the justice system, Moths, Bright Lights, Eating sweaters, His daughter, and Here is where he'd put his super villain groupies…IF HE HAD SOME!

Dislikes: Batman, Firefly burning his stuff, Being reminded of how much of a loser he is, Glass walls, Other villains, Failed jobs, and Butterflies (he especially hates butterflies, thinks they're prissy and lording.)