Chapter 52: Rumor Has It!
It's no secret that the Hogwarts Rumor Mill is quite possibly the best there is. You could say practically anything and it'll spread like a wildfire and everyone's going to believe it.
So it really shouldn't come as a surprise that Harry Potter, the most cunning of the Gryffindors, decided to use it in a war against Slytherin.
It all started when Draco Malfoy insulted somebody. Harry didn't know the dude personally per say, but it happened to a Hufflepuff named Leroy, and Leroy was the cousin-in-law of a woman named Gertrude, who was best friends with Neville's fourth cousin Grace, and it all tumbled down from there.
With the help of the Weasley twins, Harry spread the lie that Draco Malfoy wasn't really a Malfoy. He was the illegitimate child of Narcissa Malfoy and Severus Snape, and in reality, Narcissa was the illegitimate child of Druella Rosier Black and Abraxas Malfoy, making Narcissa married to her elder half-brother.
Most would say that it was an over-reaction to a simple insult but to be fair, Harry heard what Malfoy did to poor, defenseless Leroy.
He insulted Leroy for wearing hair gel, stating that "no real man wears hair gel", which given that Malfoy loaded his platinum blond hair up with hair gel, hair spray, and whatever other crap he threw into that mess, he was basically that he wasn't a real man.
Either way, once Professor Dumbledore heard about the rumor, he gave a good speech about it.
"I'd like everyone to remember that while some rumors are done in good fun, most are done in a hurtful manner. Whoever has started the rumor about Narcissa Malfoy, Severus Snape, and Lucius Malfoy and – ah – their "marriage conflicts", primarily the statement of young Mr. Malfoy being the child of Narcissa and Severus, and that Narcissa is actually married to her half-brother, and not to a man who she has no relation to, direct, that is, be so kind as to redact that statement?"
However, as Harry went to stand, he was shocked that a seventh year Hufflepuff with bright pink hair stood up.
"Wotcher Professor. I was the one who started up that little rumor. I thought it'd be hilarious to see how my cousin reacted to it and frankly, I'm not surprised. I'm not stating that it's not true – who knows, it could be, but can we all remember that Narcissa is blond but Druella surely isn't? Red-headed if I remember what my mother told me and who can forget about the fact that Draco's nose is starting to become hooked and his skin sallow… and who can forget that greasy hair of his!"
"Ah, Ms. Tonks… Frankly, I'm a bit shocked that you were the one to start the rumor… but you state it isn't a rumor?"
Tonks just smiled. "Nope."
The next rumor to come was almost expected out of Malfoy in retaliation.
"Did you hear what they are saying about Potter?"
"Yeah – he's related to some bozo Slytherin named Pansy."
"Well I heard!"
The current rumor going around was that Pansy Parkinson was related to Harry Potter in the form of fraternal twins, tragically separated at birth. Pansy was a known half-blood to the Slytherins, and in Malfoy's eyes, that was as bad as it could be.
Plus, it was said that Pansy's parents once tried to set up a marriage contract between Pansy and Draco and that the Malfoys had refused.
The other form of the rumor was that Harry Potter wasn't really Harry Potter: he was the son of You-Know-Who!
Needless to say, another Great Hall conference was called, and eventually, sixth year Slytherin Rosier admitted to starting up the rumor.
In response to the previous rumor, however, Harry retaliated ten-fold, citing that, no, Pansy wasn't his sister. Pansy was Draco's half-sister, another affair between Severus Snape and Charlotte Parkinson, well-known muggleborn Ravenclaw.
That didn't go too well, and eventually, people were starting to believe that Harry, Pansy, and Draco were all related to You-Know-Who, with each one also being related to Severus Snape as either a father or an uncle and people somehow got it into their heads that Lily Evans did it with Severus Snape, who was also doing it with Charlotte Parkinson and Narcissa Malfoy… all at the same time, and thus all three were born around the same time and all were half-siblings.
And then Hermione was dragged into the fold a few years later when Rita Skeeter found out that Hermione "loved Harry like a brother" and thus was some unknown Potter child born ten months prior to Harry was, but was a child of James Potter, and not Severus Snape.
According to the resident gossips at Hogwarts, aka EVERYONE, You-Know-Who fit into this family fold by being the father of Severus Snape and James Potter, and not Fleemont Potter, like everyone knew it was.
Then Euphemia Rowle Potter was dragged into it citing that "Hermione's magical grandmother was actually a Black, and the sister of Dorea Black Potter, and thus this so-called "family" was expanded even further and even crazier.
It got to the point where people were saying that Dobby was the illegitimate child of Draco and Harry and that Winkie was actually Hermione's muggle cousin, four times removed.
If there was one thing that wizards lacked… it wasn't imagination.
