Management Styles

May 30, 1828

She hadn't faced Phoebe since her meltdown at the Union dinner, and she hadn't even spoken to Gerald since that night, so to say she was apprehensive would be a massive understatement. Perhaps not so much with Phoebe, who had stood by her through much worse behavior on her part. But Gerald was certainly a concern for her. They had never really seen eye to eye in the first place, but he had made an effort that she hadn't quite matched. Then she had hurt Arnold in an astonishingly cruel and public way, and she knew how protective Gerald could be of his friend. She bit her lip as she entered the bar, bracing herself for an uncomfortable evening as she tried to gather the materials she would need to rebuild a bridge she had burned with particular prejudice. To make matters worse, Arnold was working, and she would have to face Gerald alone.

As she entered, she quickly spotted the couple due in no small part to Phoebe's excited waving. She wore a big smile that would have been infectious if not for the scowl her companion displayed on his own face. Helga gulped and made her way to the table, fighting mightily to keep a scowl off of her own face and to keep her normal defenses in check. Gerald has a right to be mad at you. Don't make it worse by being… well, you, she thought.

Before she could slide into a seat at the table, Phoebe left her own seat and wrapped the taller woman in a hug. Helga smiled as she returned it gently. "Hey Pheebs," she said softly.

"I'm glad you came, Helga. Things went well last night, I trust?"

That question immediately brought a smile to her face as she thought back to the wonderful events of the previous evening. "It was amazing, Pheebs." Helga's smile faded as she sat in her seat and finally made eye contact with Gerald. He was still staring daggers at her. "Uh, hey Gerald."

Gerald nodded stiffly. "Pataki. I'm surprised you have the balls to show up after the bullshit you pulled the other night."

Phoebe elbowed him. "Gerald!"

Helga's impulse was to yell angrily and storm out, but she fought it with all her might despite the heat she felt rising in her face. "It's fine, Phoebe. He's right to be mad at me. I was pretty mad at myself." She sighed. Mad is perhaps too soft a word. Infuriated, incensed, livid-

"You're lucky he's the most forgiving person on the planet, Pataki. He would have been right to walk away and never speak to you again."

Helga couldn't help herself this time. "Don't you think I know that?" she snapped. "I may be anti-social but I'm not stupid, Gerald. I'm very well aware my behavior was out of line. I didn't expect him to want to see me again, let alone actually be with me. Trust me, I've beat myself up worse than you ever can. So if you have any more words of wisdom I've already thought of a million times, please, be my guest and share them with the group now."

Gerald grunted and walked to the bar for a drink. Phoebe watched him go before turning back to Helga with a sad look in her eyes. "I had hoped that wouldn't happen, but I expected it," she said.

Helga shrugged. "I expected worse. I deserve it, anyway." She sighed. "I shouldn't have yelled back. I'm trying to be better Phoebe, but old habits die hard."

"He obviously cares about Arnold, but he cares about you, too, Helga."

Helga snorted derisively. "Yeah, sure."

"He does. He wouldn't say it to your face, I'm sure, but he does."

"I'll believe it when I see it," she replied as Gerald returned to the table with drinks. He put a soda down in front of Helga, much to her surprise. "Uh, thanks."

He waved a hand dismissively. "Don't think it means I forgive you. It's just a soda."

Helga stared at the glass for a moment before taking a deep breath. Okay, just be a big girl and apologize. You can do this.

"Gerald, I'm… sorry."

"I'm not the one you should apologize to."

She looked at him and narrowed her eyes. "Yeah, well I already apologized to him. So now it's your turn."

"Fine, Pataki. I take your apology in the spirit in which it was intended, unnecessary though it may be. The real question is, are you gonna be this much of an asshole to your underlings now that you have stripes?"

"Isn't that what sergeants are for?"

"No, it's not."

Helga crossed her arms and stared at him. "Then please enlighten me."

"How many sergeants have you worked under, Pataki?"

"Four."

"And how many were actual leaders instead of just managers?"

"I assume by that statement you mean how many actually motivated me to do work and how many did I respect?"

"More or less."

"None."

"How many of them tried to lead through fear?"

Helga had to actually think on that for a moment. "Just one."

"And how many people do you think would've followed him to Hell and back?"

"Heh. Not me, that's for sure."

"And I'm willing to bet that little display you pulled in the road room when you practically crushed Arnold's soul was your attempt to instill fear in your squad?"

Helga chose to ignore the barb and address his question. "Yeah. So?"

Gerald leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table. "My point is, this whole thing where you want everyone to be afraid of you may have worked when you were all alone in a traffic car and made them all look silly with your arrests and your tickets. But that's not your role any more. You're a sergeant, and that means you need to lead."

"It's better to be feared than loved," she scoffed.

Gerald threw his hands up. "Dammit Pataki, don't give me that Machiavellian bullshit. This isn't Renaissance Italy and you're not a prince. I'm not saying you need to make them love you. But having them fear you will only go so far, and when the time comes that you need them, they won't show up because they ultimately won't give a fuck about you!" Helga stared at him for a moment before laughing. Gerald looked at her in confusion. "What's funny? Did I say something funny?"

"No, it's just that I never figured you as someone that's read Machiavelli. Plus, you're probably right." She relaxed a bit. "I'm not making any promises, Geraldo. I've been using fear to my advantage since pre-school."

Gerald folded his hands on the table and leaned forward. "Pataki, I don't know what your life was like and Arnold won't tell me what little he knows. And that's fine, it's your business. But the impression I get about you is that above all you're a survivor. You're not going to survive very long as the asshole sergeant. Your squad will have shit morale, they won't do any work, the administration will get on your ass to produce more, and what's your recourse? Are you just going to scare people more? You think some deputy that you scream at every day is going to drag you behind cover if you get shot?"

Helga snorted. "Wittenburg was an ass, but I did it anyway."

"You really wanna bank on everyone else doing what's right?"

Helga scowled. "I think you underestimate our coworkers."

Gerald smiled for the first time. "Ah, she has faith. I bet if they love you instead of fear you, they might even let you lead them in the right direction."

Helga looked at Phoebe. "I can't believe you're letting him talk to me like this," she said with mock scorn.

Phoebe merely sipped her drink. "I can't believe you are letting him talk to you like this. This conversation is fascinating."

Helga sighed in defeat. "Fine. I'll give the whole not being a tyrant thing a try. But if no one listens to me because of it, you're picking up the slack. Understood?"

Gerald thought for a moment then nodded. "Deal."


The rest of the evening proceeded cordially, though Helga still felt on edge. She couldn't figure out exactly why, but there was a tension between her and Gerald that hadn't been settled after their conversation. As she walked to her car in the parking lot, she heard Gerald call out behind her.

"Pataki, you got a minute?"

"For you Geraldo, I might even have two," she said sarcastically. She didn't stop walking so Gerald jogged to catch up with her.

"Listen, I know you've got all kinds of crazy shit going on in that head of yours. And I know you and Arnold figured out whatever it was that you needed to figure out."

"I feel like there's a 'but' coming."

Gerald stepped in front of her, forcing her to stop. He had a serious look on his face. "You ever hurt my man again like you did that day, I swear to all that is good and holy that I will make your life a living hell."

Helga scowled. It was all she could do to keep her anger in check. "Listen bucko, I know I'm not the easiest person in the world to like or even tolerate. But for some reason that goofy boy likes me and I'm not about to fuck that up again. And not that it's any business of yours, but he's the only man I've ever loved. I'm 26, and I've never loved a male member of the species before. You have any idea how that feels, Gerald?"

Gerald smirked. "I've never loved a man either, and I'm doing alright."

Helga narrowed her eyes. "Cute. Also bullshit, since your bromance with my boyfriend borders on creepy, but you're lucky I'm not the jealous type and I'm willing to share."

"Speaking of bullshit…"

"Okay, fine. I'm super jealous and that's part of what led me to having a breakdown. Happy?"

Gerald sighed. "Look, I understand you were under a ton of stress. Recovering from near-death, new relationship, promotion, being relegated to do-nothing posts for weeks. I get it, Pataki. All I'm saying is, if you gotta take that stress out on someone, don't let it be him. He doesn't deserve it and you know that."

Helga raised an eyebrow. "Are you volunteering to be the sacrificial lamb next time I'm on the edge of a breakdown?"

"If that's what it takes." Gerald's expression softened. "He's a brother to me. I'd do anything for him."

Helga hung her head and crossed her arms. I would be acting even worse if he had hurt Phoebe the way I hurt Arnold. "I get it Gerald. I do. I never meant to hurt him. And I will do my level best not to hurt him again. But I'm a basket case, so I can't promise it won't happen by accident. That's just who I am. I would change a few things if I could, but overall I like being me."

Gerald looked at her for a moment then nodded. "Alright, Pataki. You're being honest, and I can respect that. But don't expect to be in my good graces for a while."

She looked back at him with a smirk. "If you forgave me after one day, you'd be a shitty best friend."

Gerald smiled. "Glad we understand each other. Goodnight Pataki."

Helga glanced over to where Phoebe waited impatiently. "Judging by how anxious your girlfriend looks, I'd said it'll be a good night for you, at least." She winked, then stepped around a stunned Gerald and got into her car.

A/N: Okay, so I'm kinda in uncharted territory here because I'm posting chapters without really knowing what my end game is going to be. This is not one I had prepared in advance either, as I just wrote it in the past few days. I feel there needs to be some connective tissue to the coming chapters though so this is the start. Someone needed to get into Helga's head and make her realize she needs to change her style when it comes to leading. I'm not sure Phoebe or Arnold have the force of character to beat that into her head. They'll support her, no doubt, but Gerald seems better suited to push her.