Chapter 52
Jamie was laying on the bed in his old room at 12:52 in the early hours that morning propped up on three pillows while dressed in a comfortable pair of sweatpants and an old faded Harvard tee, eyes wide open and hands crossed behind his head with just the small table lamp on to offer light. It was the first whole night in many months that he had spent away from both Eddie and Kaylin since the whole Quinlan drama had played out... aside from the times one or the other had spent on graveyard shift at their respective precincts of course. The raucous laughter and untold number of stories that had echoed through the family house all evening finally subsided as a combination of good food and drink took its toll on the Reagan men and their guest Spencer who had provided much of the comedic relief himself as he recounted the many adventures from Jamie's life at Harvard that had been held in private to that point.
Still it was no surprise when a soft knock was heard at the door at this late hour and his old roommate poked his head in with an ever-present smile. Spencer had always been a night owl, and that particular trait had proven to be a godsend, or rather a lifesaver in his second year… that semester after Mary had passed.
"Saw the light… thought you might need something for your nerves," he offered in a familiar way as he came in with half a bottle of Jameson Whiskey. "We could polish this off and sleep until noon. You knew that was my secret in school, right?" he kidded. "Every time I brought you a glass of milk before bed…"
"It was spiked with vodka, yeah I know. C'mon Spence… you made them so strong they tasted like White Russians after a while."
"You drank them."
"They were good," Jamie laughed. "Especially when I got you to add the chocolate coffee flavored syrup. Mmm hmm yummy yum," he mocked in Eddie's voice.
"Hey, it was my job to make sure you stayed put in bed, right?… Joe made that abundantly clear during that visit the day after you tried to make yourself a hood ornament. He put me up against the wall for letting it happen in the first place and intimidated the crap out of me, but I didn't know what the hell I was doing and he said he would be coming to live with us otherwise… so, it was either the booze or cuff you to the bed and that would have been kinda kinky. No more wandering off, and now that I've promised Eddie you'll show up on time tomorrow I'm sitting my butt right here by the door. She scares me more than your brothers," he admitted as he looked at the bottle in his hand with interest. "This is really good stuff you know… and that story about your mom and dad on Valentine's Day downstairs there by the fireplace…"
"Please, Spence," Jamie interrupted with a laugh. "I haven't done any sleepwalking in years and that is so not the image I want in my head tonight, okay? No more to drink. Go to bed… I'm fine… really, just thinking."
"No doubts?" Spencer asked as he poured himself a glass anyway and slid down the wall to prop himself up on the floor for a talk like they did countless times before in their dorm room. "I mean I get that you and Officer Eddie are meant to be, but her mother…" he offered a low whistle.
"Part of the package I guess," Jamie smiled. "She only wings her way in from Rochester a couple of times a year. I can handle that. Look at what Eddie's walking into when she comes to one of our dinners every week… it's nine against one… well, eight and a half if you take Kaylin into account."
"That little girl?" his buddy laughed. "You're in so much trouble when she gets older, man. She just about had Uncle Spence talked into buying her a pony for her birthday this afternoon. And for the record, my money's still on Eddie," he observed as he savored another long sip. "You think she's gonna be okay after what happened at the rehearsal? I mean your Dad managed to bring Eva back to the party, but I don't know… I didn't get the feeling that the warm fuzzies came with her."
"Not sure those exist," Jamie admitted. "But when Eddie really needed her… that time when she thought I was... you know... well, Eva came through for her as a mom. She took care of her and Kaylin, and for that I'll always owe her… somewhere in there there's a soft side to Eva Janko and I think she actually wants to let it out but she's scared of being alone. Eddie took a big step today… standing up to her like that and letting her know she's not going to put up with it anymore… maybe that will bring it out of her."
"Leave it to you, Jamers… always trying to find the best in people."
"Easy for me to say sitting here," Jamie smirked. "Good thing you had a hold of me in church though or we might have been having this discussion somewhere else. You've always been there for me when I needed you, Spence. I wish we got to see each other more often, but I'm really glad you're standing up with me tomorrow."
"Yeah, well if you hadn't bagged on that job in California…" Spencer chided. "I told Matterson you wouldn't show… no way were you leaving the family business I said, but he's happy to have you signed as a consultant, anyway."
"I was coming… hand to God," Jamie admitted with a small laugh. "I know you don't believe me but seeing something threaten your child… it puts things in perspective. If Eddie had been at the airport that morning and willing to go… I don't think I would have looked back and stayed. I was honestly ready to run after everything that happened, and I'll do whatever I have to to keep them safe and take care of them from now on."
"Well, my friend… I'm glad it worked out like it did even if it means I have to fly out to the East Coast a few times a year to visit. Here with your family, doing what you are doing… this is where you belong. Good night Jamers, and get some sleep. You want to look good tomorrow… remember memories fade, pictures are forever."
"I will... 'night, Spence."
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"Oh, Eddie, this dress is perfect," Erin cooed as she examined the freshly steamed garment hanging behind her soon-to-be sister-in-law as the stylist was finishing a beautiful updo with Eddie's now-curled long tresses… a soft sweeping smooth part in the front blending into an intricately twisted chignon with a symmetrical wrap-around bridal braid set off with a vintage silver pin and framed with sweet face tendrils which were echoed in front of Kaylin's frilly curly pigtails. "And Jodi, their hair is beautiful! My gosh, Jamie won't be able to take his eyes off of either of you!"
"Thanks, Erin," Eddie smiled as she took a deep breath and looked in the hand mirror provided to admire the details before the stylist took her leave to go across the hall and finish up with Hailey, Kara and Nicki whose short locks were quickly tamed and she elected to go check out the church while the rest of the girls were being attended to. "I can't believe it's really happening today! In just a few hours I'll be married and be Mrs. Edit Katalin it's-about-time-I'm-a Reagan," she laughed. "Wonder what he'll start calling me after that."
"Oh, you know Jamie… he'll come up with something," Linda added with a smile as she likewise came in to admire the preparations. "Lillian sent me to tell you that everything is running perfectly on schedule. The florist is nearly done with the church and hall and the photographer will be ready for pictures with you and the bridesmaids in the garden in about forty-five minutes, plus she's made sure Frank has the men just about ready to leave the house."
"She was such a godsend in all of this," Eddie admitted. "I barely had to worry about anything and it's all come out so… perfect," she added with just a touch of a sad smile. "Almost," she whispered.
"Everything's gonna be fine," Erin assured, knowing that the only remaining angst was over Eva who had arrived early already dressed to the nines in a beautiful silver-colored sheath scoop-neck floor-length lace mother's gown with beading and a wrap jacket, complete with her trademark heels. To this point she had occupied herself by supervising the setup in a remarkably quiet fashion as promised the night before at the dinner, but she had yet to sit down and have a true heart-to-heart with her daughter after their blow up from the day before. "Once she sees you in the dress with your hair all up and the flowers, she's just gonna melt," she promised.
It was not lost on anyone in the room that might be an overly optimistic statement.
"Erin is right," Linda assured anyway. "Now let's get you in this beautiful dress. Is there anything else we can help you with?"
"Would you mind trying to put Kaylin in hers? Everything is over there in that bag," Eddie asked as the little girl was happily buzzing back and forth between the rooms, chattering away and reveling in all the attention being paid to her. "I was hoping she would take a nap at some point this afternoon but she's just being too nosy. Hopefully she doesn't decide to crash in the middle of the ceremony now."
"Well if he has to, Dad will take care of that," Erin laughed as she knew her father had a special gift with sleepy children and would be the first to scoop Kaylin up if necessary.
Just twenty minutes later everyone was dressed and Hailey and Kara were fussing over last-minute adjustments to Eddie's makeup and hair as they carefully set the veil and pinned it in place. It was at this point that Eva finally found the courage to approach the room, hoping at last to have a few private words with her daughter before the ceremony drew too close. The conversation within gave her pause though, and she hesitated outside the door.
"Okay, we have about a half hour before pictures," Linda reminded as she busied herself with details. She herself was dressed in a flattering cream-colored princess square neckline tea-length chiffon dress with a subdued ruffle. "What about the things she needs for good luck? What is it? Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue? Did we do that?"
"Linda, bless you for remembering!" Erin exclaimed. "Here Eddie, I have something for you. Dad sent it with me this morning when he heard you were doing photos in the garden beforehand." She reached in her bag and pulled out a clutch and opened it to reveal a beautiful delicate vintage silver wedding necklace with stunning sapphires. "You have lots of brand new things... now this is something old, borrowed, and blue," she said as she fastened it around Eddie's neck. It was breathtaking. "This was Mom's necklace," she explained as she teared up and she fingered the jewels while Eddie stared at the beautiful setting in the mirror. "Dad had this made for her when they were married, and it's been a tradition for all of us to have the bride wear it on our wedding day," her voice broke as she remembered. "This is the first wedding that Mom hasn't been here to be the one to put it on. She so would have loved this candlelight ceremony here in this old church… especially for Jamie... oh my God, her baby…" The tears were being unleashed freely now. "I hope you don't mind… it's our way of keeping her close."
"It's beautiful," Eddie choked out. "And such an honor… I know how important it is to have your mom with us today…" she sobbed too as her heart finally broke for her own mother who was present, but suddenly seemed to be more distant than one who had been lost. It was at that point unbeknownst to her that Eva walked away from the room in tears herself with heavy regret before her presence was noted.
"Oh my gosh Erin," Linda exclaimed. "Please don't do this yet, you're getting us all started now. It's going to be bad enough when Jamie sees Eddie in this..." But it was too late, there wasn't a dry eye left in the room and a flurry of last minute makeup touch ups were needed before Hailey and Kara decided that Eddie needed some air and escorted her and Kaylin down to the gazebo in the garden to try to get her to relax before the photographer was ready for them.
###
Meanwhile in Bay Ridge, last minute chaotic preparations were also under way as five men and two boys finished stuffing themselves into classic black cutaway coats with vests and striped ascots over white pleat wing collar shirts after an enormous morning and afternoon-long brunch repast had been consumed, the exception being Danny and Jamie who had just returned from the gun range… the older Reagan brother having been anxious to point out just how badly his little brother's hands might be shaking by this time, and yet thoroughly disappointed in the end when the resulting competition had been declared too close to call. There was a very good reason behind his own display of nerves although he had been unwilling to share that with anyone else… determined to in no way steal the thunder from his little brother and Eddie on their day while he quietly went about some business he had been plotting for months now. Downstairs a temporary moment of bickering panic ensued when Jack and Sean mixed up some of their items which resulted in a typical brotherly argument over such a thing but Henry quickly sorted them out, knowing that Frank had been nervously waiting for his sons' return so that he might have a last minute word with Jamie.
"You just about ready to go?" Frank asked as he approached Jamie's room and found his youngest struggling to attach a set of whale back cufflinks with a set of hands that did have a distinctive bit of shake to them now. "The limo should be here any moment and Lillian is already tracking us," he laughed. "Nothing will run off schedule with that woman."
"Soon as I get these damn things through the right hole I'll be fine, just need my jacket," Jamie grumped as he fought with the stiff cuffs of the dress shirt before sighing in frustration and putting his wrists forward like a little boy. "Help me?"
"Of course," Frank smiled as he easily slipped the posts through the appropriate openings and flipped the backing straight to secure them. "There you go. Your mother used to do that for me all the time… I could never get my big fingers to work with that kind."
"I wish she was here," Jamie whispered softly as he turned to look at himself in the mirror, now a fully grown man but seeing instead a reflection of a little boy straightening out his tie and standing a little taller as he remembered the first time he had asked anyone out on a date… his mother Mary on a certain Valentine's Day when he was six and his father had been detained at the precinct working on a missing child case. "Momma, may I have the pweasure… pweasure..." he started as he stood before her dressed in his very best Sunday suit with his hair slicked back with Danny's gel, a generous portion of his father's aftershave sprinkled on and a bouquet of dried flowers he had pilfered from a vase in the upstairs hall.
"Pleasure," she had corrected for him with her eyes shining.
"...pleasure of your company," he'd finished. "Please Momma, can you wear your dress and come with me to dinner?" he spilled out. "I don't want you to be sad."
"Careful not to wrinkle your suit, Jamison," she had replied after saying yes and agreeing to let him buy her cheesecake at Miller's Diner with a fist full of bills and coins he had managed to shake loose out of his piggy bank. "A man should always look his best when he asks a lady out to dinner."
"I miss her," he choked out in the present.
"I know," Frank managed softly as his eyes misted up and his own throat threatened to close off in grief as he put his hand on his son's shoulder… a child anyone would be proud to call their own, but Jamie was truly a reflection of his mother in nearly every way. In truth he felt the pain of Mary's loss each day, but at times like this when she was missing such a significant moment in her children's lives the hurt felt fresh and sharp once more.
"Jamie, I have something for you," he revealed as he pulled an ivory linen stationery envelope out of his breast pocket. "Before your mother passed, she left this letter to be opened today… one for you and one for your brother Joe," he hesitated, nervous to be bringing up that hurtful time once more after what they had been through a few months ago, but it was another promise he had made to Mary and vowed to keep. In reality, this was the second hardest delivery he had made; the matching envelope to this one was unopened and likewise tucked in the breast pocket of the dress blues Joe had been buried in. "She had one of the nurses take them down privately that afternoon before she accepted any more medication… when we knew time was short."
Jamie stared at the paper enclosure with his name neatly written on the front in an unfamiliar, but distinctly feminine handwriting and shook his head as his eyes welled up with tears until the image blurred and a heavy sigh and blink were forced to release them. "Joe's?" he managed as that second loss was also magnified. His brother had been engaged to Angela at that point and should have had his wedding day long ago had it not been for Sonny Malevsky and the rest of the Blue Templar.
"It's with him," Frank assured with a heavy heart. "And they are both with you today. Take as much time as you need son," he advised with a firm squeeze on Jamie's shoulder. "We'll all be waiting downstairs whenever you're ready to go," he added as he took his leave and quietly closed the door.
Jamie moved over to the bed to sit and steady himself with a few deep breaths before he dared to slip the envelope open and unfold the letter within.
To my dearest Jamison on his wedding day,
From the moment you were born, I could not stop kissing your sweet little face. I would spend what seemed like hours just looking at the precious gift our Heavenly Father had blessed me with. You completed our family and made us whole even if your appearance caused us to reshuffle everything we thought was settled in our lives. Daniel, Erin and Joseph all bear their own talents and gifts and hold their own special places in my heart but you balance them in fair measure. As they are, you were and always will be the pride and the love of your mother.
So many memories are running through my mind at this time, and I will hold them all forever.
I'll never forget the day you fell from the top of the stairs at your grandparents' house. How old were you then? You had just started school. I can laugh now, but know that hearing your sister and brothers screaming your name with such fear in their voices over the phone when Grandma Betty called almost made my heart stop. I remember when the nurses finally let me hold you in my lap while you were still sleepy and you said just a few words… "momma, ice cream and sirens," so I knew you were fine. We all gained a few more gray hairs that day and it would certainly not be the last time you made my heart beat out of sorts because of your antics.
Other than that you were always such a good boy. I say it with a smile because you constantly told me, "Believe what you will mom," when you got older. I'd like to think it's still true although I am not naive enough to pretend there aren't things I probably would rather not hear about. Even so, everyone we met always had only good to say about you, and your father and I took great pride in that as we watched you on your journey.
I wonder about the woman you will take into your heart in marriage today, whether I have already spoken to her or not… but that does not matter to me. I know that I do not have to worry as you have always chosen well. I do pray that she has a sweet spirit, a loving countenance and a no nonsense personality to match your kind and mischievous nature. If so you were made for each other.
May God bless and keep the two of you. Though every marriage has its ups and downs, what your Grandmother taught me is true; the secret to success is falling in love over and over again, but always with the same person. Speak with respect even when you are angry with one another, and mark the times when things are easy without keeping a tally of when they are not. Cherish your children if you are so blessed, they are truly gifts from above.
The day I realized you were a man and not my precious little boy anymore, I cried. I know that was my own failing, and it was because I was afraid to let you go as I was all of your life. I never allowed myself to accept the thought that you would grow up and make your own way one day, or that it wasn't my place to protect you anymore. It wasn't fair to put my own selfish burdens down so harshly on you when I knew what was truly in your heart. What's worse is I held that notion so tightly, I'm sure now that I didn't give you time to prepare to say goodbye when mine was growing short. I'm so sorry my sweet Jamison for the pain that caused you; it is the biggest regret of my life.
I've long since taken wing and flown away, but know that I see what a fine, strong man you have become from above and the ache in my heart is easier to bear. No matter how far you go or where the tide takes you, I will always be here with love and pride in my soul, waiting for the day you are near once more… if only for a little while.
Light a candle for me today my handsome son, but promise no tears, only laughter and joy to share.
With all my love,
Mom
Any sniffles? One down, one tough mother to go as Eddie and Eva also have their chance to put things right in the garden before the ceremony.
