A/N: Alright finally! I got the document manager to work again! Praise shinjuku nakamura-sensei! OK so I tried really hard to make this chapter really sad...especially for Misaki :(
I also decided to rewrite one part of the story! But don't worry! Everything is all good! Chapter 52 everyone! Enjoy! ^_^
Usagi groaned groggily as he tried opened his eyes, trying his best to focus them, which proved to be very difficult for him. He felt his brain pulsing against his skull, making him feel dizzy and disoriented. He felt confused and out of place. He tried his hardest to remember what had happened. But he could barely remember his own name. The harder he tried to put two and two together, the more he head hurt. Usagi already could tell that he had been drinking...heavily. He felt his knee from his long bent leg hanging off the bed so he slowly pushed himself on the bed towards the other end. As he did so, he could feel a hand hanging loosely around his waist. The hand was large and he could feel a strong and muscular arm attached to it. Next to him he could feel someone's body pressed against his. His back was pushed up against a muscular and hard chest. He felt a chill around himself, his body pressed into the sheets. He was naked. The author didn't know what to think. Nothing made sense to him. There was one thing that he knew for sure. It wasn't Misaki in his bed. Silent alarm rang inside of Usagi's head, thinking of what he had done.
No...it's not possible...I wouldn't...I couldn't...please...no..., Usagi thought alarmed, his eyes opening slowly.
He slowly sat up in bed and looked around his surroundings. Usagi saw his clothes sprawled across the floor and on the chair. He could also see another pair of clothes near the edge of the bed. Clothes that were not his own. Usagi was afraid to look down at the bed. He didn't want to see anymore. But he knew he had to. Sucking up his fear, Usagi glanced down at the bed. His fears were confirmed. Next to him was a man who was sleeping soundly, light snores escaping from his lips. He pushed himself further from the sleeping man and paused. He raised his hand from the sheets and stared at the sticky semen that now coated his entire hand. Usagi's eyes opened wide in shock and horror, seeing Masayoshi lying in his bed naked, like he was. Usagi now fully understand what had happened. The first thing that flew into his mind were thoughts of Misaki. His Misaki. The one who loved him, scolded him, took care of him, and made him feel loved no matter where he was. Usagi felt sick. He wanted to kick and punch Masayoshi, and tell him to get the hell out of his apartment. No, it was more than that. He wanted to kill Masayoshi and then himself. But he couldn't move. He was trapped in a trance that he couldn't bring himself out of. His heart twisted in pure hatred and disgust at him himself. He could feel guilt taking over his entire being, swallowing him whole. Usagi jumped when he suddenly heard the sound of his door creaking opened. He felt his body go stiff and his heartbeat quicken with fear. Usagi felt as if he wanted to disappear. He wanted to fade into nothing and hide his shame. His guilt. His sin. But his body felt as if it were being weighed down by an invisible force. The door opened wider and Usagi could see a short figure hidden in the shadows, and a small, trembling hand desperately clinging to the opened door. With the dim hallway light, Usagi could see messy brown hair, poking into the opened door. Shocked, sad emerald green eyes stared back at him. Usagi realized with horror who it was.
Misaki...
Misaki could see Usagi sitting up in bed, the other man's arm still hanging around his waist. The author was looking straight at him, looking just as shocked as Misaki himself felt. The brunette felt frozen in his place. His hand still covered his mouth, in attempt to keep him from screaming in sadness. But it didn't stop the tears that had silently begun running down his cheeks. He couldn't hold them in, no matter how hard he tried to. Misaki didn't even speak. He couldn't. He was much too shocked and dismayed. When Misaki first realized what he was seeing, he felt numb, not really feeling anything. But now, he could feel every emotion that was going through him, ripping him apart. He could feel the sadness, the anger, the hurt, betrayal. They all swallowed him whole, taking over his body. Without knowing it, he had silently begun shaking his head, his hand still clasped over his mouth, trying to deny what he was seeing. But he couldn't. How could be deny something that was right in front of him? He knew that what he was seeing was real. It made him feel cold to his bones. It stripped Misaki of all the warmth he had inside of him. The truth could not be denied. It was staring right back at Misaki, taunting him. Usagi had slept with another man.
In front of him, Misaki could see Usagi slowly edging himself out of the bed, coming towards him. His eyes were full of guilt and woe. But Misaki could not ignore the feelings that were now coursing through his own body, his heart. Tears still silently running down his face, he took two steps back away from the opened door. His face was still blank, his eyes welling with endless tears. But now he could feel his face contorting in his grief and sadness. Misaki saw the older man slip on his boxers and walk closer to Misaki. He backed away further every step closer Usagi got. Noises were escaping from Misaki as he started crying more. Usagi took another step towards Misaki, a woeful look in his eyes.
"M-Misaki...I", Usagi said, trailing off.
But Misaki couldn't hear anything. His crying, which was growing in volume seemed to be blocking everything else out. Misaki backed away again. He pressed himself against the wall and dropped the shoulder bag he was holding. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to at least make the tears stop flowing, but it did no good. The warm tears escaped through his tightly shut eyelids.
"M-Misaki...p-please...I-", Usagi started again but cut himself off when Misaki suddenly dropped the other bag he was holding and ran.
"Misaki!", Usagi yelled after him. But it was too late. Misaki had already run down the stairs and flung himself into the living room. He didn't know where else to go. In truth Misaki wanted to run to his own room and bury himself in his sheets, try to put the image of Usagi's naked body next to another man out of his mind. But the fact that Usagi had slept with another man, only down the hall from his own room, made him feel sick to his stomach. Instead he flung himself into the living room, looking for anywhere he could trap himself. But there was nowhere for him to go. The first thing that came to his mind was the door. The front door. Through the front door he could escape. Get outside. He would just walk and clear his head. Misaki silently cursed himself for dropped his bag upstairs. He wanted to leave. To get out. But all his train pass, wallet, ID, and other things were left by Usagi's room when he had ran away. But Misaki's need to run still stayed. It took over his entire being. He didn't know what else to do. He looked at the front door again, deciding that he would leave. Misaki knew that he didn't have any money on him but he didn't care. He was about to run towards the door, when he heard Usagi's heavy footsteps behind him. Misaki put his hand on the door and flung it open. But he suddenly felt Usagi's large hands on his waist pulling him back inside and shutting the door. Misaki turned his face away, not wanting to look at the author. Usagi turned him around and gripped his shoulder s forcing Misaki to look at him. Misaki could see that the older man's eyes were alert and desperate. Bags were underneath them and he reeked of alcohol. He was still in only his boxers but he didn't seem to care. The only thing that Usagi cared about was making Misaki understand him. But the brunette couldn't look at him anymore. He turned his face away, tears still streaming down his face.
"Misaki...please!", Usagi said desperately.
"No...no...no...don't-don't touch me...", Misaki said through his crying.
Misaki pulled himself away from Usagi and turned towards the door again, but Usagi pressed him back against him.
"Misaki...please...I-!", Usagi pleaded. He gripped Misaki's arms and turned Misaki to face him. Misaki cried. Harder this time. He didn't hold his tears or his sad sounds back anymore. He let them come out, filling the room. The tears blurred his vision and he could feel himself choking on them. He was taking fast gasps of air and his body was shaking uncontrollably from his hurt and sadness. Usagi kept talking to Misaki, pleading for him to listen, to even look at him. But he wasn't getting any of those things. Misaki shut his eyes tight again and looked away, still crying. The sound of Usagi's voice made Misaki sick. He didn't want to hear it. He wanted to be as far away as possible from him. Misaki cried harder and weakly punched the older man on his chest, trying to make him let go. Misaki scratched the author's face, hit him, anything he could do to hurt him, to make him release his grip on Misaki's arms. But Usagi didn't let go but instead he kept talking to Misaki, wanting him to listen.
"No!...I said no! Don't-don't touch me!", Misaki screamed, still crying.
"Oh...Misaki!...please...please...listen to me...", Usagi said, still holding onto him.
"Y-you…..h-how could you?...h-how…..?", Misaki, stammered through his tears.
"P-please….", Usagi pleaded again, gripping Misaki's arms tighter.
Misaki slapped Usagi hard on the cheek, leaving a bright red bruise on his skin. But Usagi still did not let go. Instead he swung Misaki over his shoulder and walked into the living room. Misaki scratched and punched the older man on the back as he walked.
"Get off me! No!...I hate you, Usagi-san!...I hate you!...Oh god...oh god...no...no...I can't...I can't!...don't touch me!...no!", Misaki screamed, crying. Putting both his hands together and cupping them into a fist, Misaki hit Usagi on his bare back, causing the older man to grunt in pain and let go of Misaki. Misaki was about to run back towards the door when Usagi wrapped his arms around Misaki, pulling him into an embrace. Misaki yelled and screamed, telling Usagi to let go of him, but the older man did not comply. There suddenly came a knocking at the front door, but Usagi ignored it, and kept his attention on Misaki.
"Misaki...I...oh Misaki...please...let me...explain...", Usagi trailed off. He could feel his own eyes brimming with tears. He held them in and pulled Misaki closer.
"Misaki...no...I...I...love you...p-please", Usagi said beseechingly. Misaki only cried harder when he heard those words he had come need. To Misaki, not they sounded false, plastic. They made his heart ache in pain and sadness. It felt as if his insides were being twisted, making his chest ache in pain. It was suffocating. When Usagi told him he loved him it would make him feel warm and happy beyond description, but now they made him want to shut himself off, entirely from the world. It made him want to die. Misaki felt his body lose power. He crumpled to the ground in front of Usagi, and held his face in his hands, still crying hard, more so even.
"M-Misaki..." Usagi said woefully. He touched Misaki's shoulder but the boy continued to cry uncontrollably.
"N-no...y-you're a liar, Usagi-san! I-I...you don't love me...you don't!", Misaki cried.
"Yes I do!...please...Misaki...", Usagi implored.
"G-go away...l-leave me alone!", Misaki cried.
"Please...", Usagi said again. He reached down and stroked a strand of Misaki's soft hair. Misaki slapped Usagi's hands away.
"Go away...go away...go away...", Misaki cried weakly through his tears, feeling weak and very vulnerable.
Usagi bent down on his knees and pulled Misaki into an embrace, running his fingers through his soft locks. In one violent shove, Misaki pushed Usagi away from him. The older man stumbled back, still uncoordinated from his alcohol consumption. Usagi fell back with a silent thud against the edge of the couch. Misaki turned once again to run, but the older man once again caught him in his long arms, pulling him close, trying to console him. Misaki elbowed Usagi in the stomach, trying to make him release hi grip around his body, but he still held him tight. At this point, Misaki was screaming and crying uncontrollably in his sadness. He couldn't stop.
"Stop! No!...No!...Let me go!", Misaki screamed. It was nearly blood curdling. His sadness knew no end. From the entrance way of the condom, there was a loud knocking, someone wanting entrance into the apartment. Usagi did his best to ignore it and focus on consoling Misaki, to get him to understand. Anything that would make him stop crying and listen to him. But he didn't get the chance. From the doorway entrance, there came a soft, click, signaling that someone had opened the door.
"Excuse me…..sir?", came the voice of a male from the entrance.
"What?", Usagi irritably barked towards the entrance. He wanted to be left alone with Misaki.
"Is….everything alright?", The man asked.
Still in his arms, he could feel Misaki shaking and crying, pleading for him not to touch him.
"Everything is fine. Now get out!", Usagi said, running his hands through Misaki's hair again.
"Sir….we are having complaints that there is a commotion going on this floor. I'm afraid I have to make sure that I have to check in on it. It's routine", the man said. Usagi cursed under his breath. Misaki continued crying. His screams began a second later.
"Let me go! Get off me! I hate you! Hate you!", Misaki screamed again crying.
In that moment, Usagi could hear the door click again and the door swing open. Footsteps soon followed. In another moment, there was a man standing in front of them.
"Sir…..what is going on here?", The man asked staring down at the small brunette's tear streaked face. He then focused on Usagi's naked body and strong arms wrapped around Misaki's small frame, holding him in place. The man's face turned sterner.
"I am afraid I'm going have to ask you to explain yourself.", the man sad narrowing his eyes.
"Didn't you hear me? I told you to get out!", Usagi said, making the man jump, taking a step back. Just then, the sound of heavy foot steps descending from the stairs could be heard. The foot steps then could be heard walking towards the living room entrance. Masayoshi wearing nothing but a towel draped over his waist came into view.
He stopped at he scene in front of him and then looked up at the man, who was looking even more nervous them before.
"Is there a problem here sir?", Masayoshi politely asked. At hearing his voice, the man seemed to relax a little.
"We...people in the other units heard screaming and yelling coming from this apartment...This is the only apartment on this floor. I have come to make sure that everything was alright and...", The man trialed off, his gaze once again traveling to the brunette with a tear streaked face who was securely in Usagi's long arms. Masayoshi followed the man's stare and looked Misaki dead i the eyes. The brunette flinched when he looked into Masayoshi's silver eyes.
"Ah, I see", Masayoshi said, turning to the man once again.
"Sir there seems to be some kind of misunderstanding", Masayoshi said.
"But...sir there were reports of screaming. We suspected some form of violence going on here", the man said.
Masayoshi laughed.
"I am very aware of that...It's what woke me up in fact", Masayoshi said, coolly, running his hand through his hair.
"So...there was a dispute going on here then?", the man inquired.
"No, no...you misunderstand again. Misaki...", Masayoshi said, glancing in his direction.
"...is going through a hard time right now, that's all", Masayoshi said.
The man perked up.
"Really?", The man asked.
Masayoshi nodded.
"Yes...I'm sad to say that not too long ago...Misaki...lost his parents in a car crash. He blames himself for the death of his parents. Akihiko was only consoling him", Masayoshi said.
Misaki could feel his entire body freeze. His head was spinning. He couldn't feel anything. He knew that there was no was that this man would know such a thing...unless Usagi told him. He rose his tear streaked face to look at Usagi for the first time since he had come home. His eyes were opened wide wide in not only shock...but also just pure...betrayal. It was a look that caused Usagi's heart to break into pieces. He had rarely confided in anyone about the death of his parents and how it mad him feel. Usagi was the only one and he had just...told it all. The fact that Usagi had been openly talking about his personal problems to a complete stranger made him feel so...dirty...filthy...betrayed...deceived...he couldn't even describe it. Usagi looked just as sad as Misaki felt. He shot Masayoshi a look full of hatred.
"Masayoshi!...", Usagi spat, glaring at him.
While Usagi was distracted, Misaki pried himself away from Usagi's long arms and then pushed past the man. His face was wet with tears and his heart felt as if it had been torn out of his chest but he kept running.
"Misaki!", Usagi called after him. But the brunette didn't stop. His throbbing heart made his leg move faster.
Tears still running down his face, Misaki threw himself back into the hallway and out the front door, still only wearing his slippers. He sprinted into the night, running as fast as his legs could carry him. He didn't know where he was going, but he didn't care. The only thing he felt was an urge to get away. He ran past the park and then past the train station, his eyes opened, allowing tears to fall freely. Misaki still kept running. He could feel his chest tightening in pain and a gnawing numb feeling coming from it. He ignored it and kept sprinting. Misaki didn't stop running until he felt his legs go limp underneath him. He leaned his back against a large tree and tried to get a grip on his situation. But it was useless. Misaki couldn't calm himself down. He could feel himself hyperventilating. He placed his hand on his chest, feeling his rapidly beating heart in his palm. His heart continued to jump in his chest, making him feel as if he were in a heart attack. After a couple of minutes, Misaki could feel his heart rate return to normal. He buried his face in both his hands and slumped down in a fetal position against the tree. New tears began to form in his eyes, and started streaming down his cheeks and chin. He pulled his arms around himself, putting his knees in front of him, and curled up into a ball, sobbing heavily. He couldn't stop himself from trembling. Misaki stayed like that for well over half an hour before he slowly raised his head up from his arms and looked around, his eyes still blurry with unshed tears. Misaki sniffed a couple of times and wiped his eyes with his sleeves. More tears ran down his face, replacing them. Misaki stood up and walked a few feet away from the tree to look at his surroundings. He didn't know where he was. The place seemed unfamiliar to him. The only thing that he could tell was that he was in some sort of park. Trees and grassland surrounded him. A couple hundred feet away, Misaki could see the dim lights of the train station poking out from the trees. Japan had a lot of new parks. This park must have just been built. Misaki never noticed it here before. Still crying, Misaki made slowly walked towards the edge of the road and to the train station. He sat down on a bench and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to calm the coldness that now coursed through his body. He let out a shaky sigh, and looked up into the night. The full moon in the dark sky shone down on him, covering him in its light. He sucked in a deep breath, trying to figure out what he would do next. He didn't have anywhere else to go.
I-I...wh-what should I do? I...Usagi-san...he-he...oh god...no...I can't believe...he would..., Misaki trailed off inside his head, feeling more tears make their way down his cheeks.
Misaki swallowed back sobs he could bubbling from his throat.
Where...where am I supposed to go?, Misaki thought sadly
He began thinking of where he could stay until morning at his head, Misaki went through a list of all the people who he knew. He didn't want to bother anyone else by staying with them but he had no money to even rent a cheap hotel room. Misaki thought about going over to stay with his brother in Osaka, but found two faults with that plan. One: he didn't have any money on him, which meant no train ticket and two: he didn't want to be of any trouble to Takahiro. He had his own family now and Misaki did not want to get in the way of that. He thought about going over to Sumi's place but quickly pushed that thought away. If Usagi was looking for him, then that would be the first place he would go to. Misaki pushed deeper into his thoughts, trying to come up with a plan.
Aikawa-san...she's always up late...I...maybe I could call her...I mean-no! No of course I can't call her...she-she works with Usagi-san...she's his editor...there's no way I can call her...she-she would tell Usagi-san where I am...and-and I don't want to...mess up the relationship they have..., Misaki thought. He put his hands to his temples and sighed loudly. He thought about all the other people he could call. More of his friends came to his mind. Misaki then thought about calling Todo. He would be the best person to stay with. Though Todo didn't know him and Usagi were dating, he knew that they are...were very close to one another. On Sundays, Todo doesn't have to work, so Misaki wouldn't be keeping him up. He resolved to call Todo, but something inside of him told him otherwise.
Todo...I-I'll call Todo...maybe...he'll pick me up...I just-I just need to go somewhere...someplace where Usagi-san isn't, Misaki thought, trying to convince himself. He was about to go to Todo's call information but then stopped himself, the phone clasped tightly in his hand.
B-but if I go to Todo's….that-that'll be the first place that Usagi-san…no Akihiko-san looks for me…I c-can't…no, Misaki thought in woe. He held the phone to his forehead, tears once again beginning to trickle down his cheeks. Misaki's eyes slowly opened, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He looked at his phone again, held in is lap. He could feel his heart beating faster as he scrolled down to Ijuuin's call information. He looked at it for a minute, feeling the pull of his heart, how it twisted in his confused emotions. Without even thinking, Misaki pressed the call button and put it to his ear. While it rang, he thought about hanging up right there, closing the phone, and just thinking of someone else to call, but something….something made him hold it in place, pressing it further into his ear.
He put it to his ear and listened to it ring. It rang three times before someone picked up. There was a groan from the other end followed by the sound of a groggy voice.
"Nnnnnn...Hello?", Ijuuin answered sleepily. Misaki automatically felt guilty for calling the older man in the middle of the night.
"H-hey K-kyou...wh-what's up?", Misaki said nervously.
"Wait...Misaki...what are you calling so late for? It's the middle of the night", Ijuuin said.
"Oh...y-yeah...I-I'm sorry...I-I just", Misaki said, suddenly feeling a throbbing pain in the back of his throat, followed by the stinging of fresh tears in his eyes.
"Misaki?...what is it? Are you OK", Ijuuin asked worriedly.
"Y-yeah...I-I'm fine. I'm...perfectly f-fine", Misaki said, his voice beginning to crack with sobs.
"Misaki...where are you?", Ijuuin asked. Misaki could already hear the shifting of sheets on the other end. The sound of Ijuuin getting up.
"I'm not s-sure...I-I'm at a park by the train station by Usag-I-I mean Usami-sensei's place", Misaki said with a sorrowful hiccup.
On the other end, it was silent. Misaki held in his tears back that seemed to want to begin spilling down his face.
"Kyou...I...I'm sorry...it's fine...y-you don't have to-", Misaki started but cut himself off when he heard the sound of keys jingling followed by the sound of a door shutting on the other end.
"Misaki...stay right where you are. I'm coming to pick you up", Ijuuin said. The next thing Misaki heard was the rumble of an engine starting and the sound of tires skidding on the pavement.
A/N: Please rate and comment! ^0^
