Caesar gives my hand a quick squeeze as the lights dim and the seal appears on the screen and I find myself thinking once again that he must really want to help the tributes – and victors.

The replays always tell a story of sorts, giving the victor a certain image, underlining what the Capitol wants them to be. I'm not sure what they're trying to make me, though. Everything on that screen before me seems not real and at the same time much too real.

They play up Peeta's love for Katniss and even Cato and Clove right from the start and I'm beginning to see that this time, it's not about presenting the victor in any way at all. They're just trying to justify the last three death in their scheme; it was never meant to happen like that, three strong audience favourites dying by their own hands.

They hide their intentions cleverly, seemingly adding the pair from Two in only where it relates to me – Clove saving Cato from the fire that my friends and I got caught in aswell, the heartwrenching scenes after our trackerjacker attacks where Cato clings to Clove as if someone might take her away, Clove screaming for Cato after Thresh tore her off me.

I'd gladly let them show only the Careers, but unfortunately, as victor, the lion's share of the recap is still devoted to me.

So I have to watch myself, with Rue, with Amber, with Peeta, happy and joking and hugging and laughing and safe and sound and so alive, only to watch all three of them die.

It's strange, because it seems like something that happened years ago to someone I've never met and yet, at the same time, I am reliving it as if I am caught in those moments forever.

I watch my on-screen double sing for Rue, my own, real lips soundlessly moving to every word of the lullaby. The blonde girl in the recap is not allowed to lay flowers on her friend. Maybe that would makes us too human. Make them forget we're not just playthings for their entertainment.

I'm filled with terror and yet so much pride as Amber, quicker than the Careers could react, slices a deep gash into Cato's leg, flinging a hand full of dirt into the wound before they stop her. So smart until the very end. Without the feast, infection would have taken Cato just as easily as Peeta.

I see Thresh die and the boy from Nine succumb to a wound Cato dealt before running to Clove's aid.

And then the mutts come and Cato and Clove die and Peeta knocks me out and then he's on the ground and his cannon sounds and the girl looks confused as she's lifted away. And as I stare at that pale, dirt and blood caked face on the screen, I remember why she – why I have that look of utter confusion painted on my face. Peeta should not have died that quickly. The Capitol cheated me, and not just with revoking their rule.

But then it's over and I can't dwell on the arena any longer because President Snow is coming to crown me. He smiles as he settles the crown on my head, but there's something calculating in his eyes. It's as if he's trying to decided if I am to be considered a danger.

"Thank you, President Snow,"I manage."It's an honour, sir."

"Surely mine, Miss Everdeen,"he replies, his look softening somewhat. But that might just mean he's decided on how and when I'll die.

Much bowing and cheering follows. My arm is about to fall off from waving when Caesar Flickerman finally bids the audience good night, reminding them to tune in tomorrow for the final interviews. As if they have a choice. I am whisked to the president's mansion for the Victory Banquet.

Effie doesn't stray far from my side, whispering name and status to me for everyone who approaches. Her Gamemaker friend, Celeste Horan, comes by teary-eyed and hugs me. Strangers have their picture taken with me. All I want is to get some food and be left alone. For everyone to stop acting as if it's some achievement that I'm still standing here.

Someone gives a little fake cough behind me, soft and high. I turn to find a girl of maybe nine or ten, beaming at me, her hands fidgetting nervously, suddenly blurting,"Cassandra Snow, hi! Grandfather let me come meet you."

"Hello,"I reply, smiling genuinely for the first time in what feels like forever. Even though not that much younger than me, the girl reminds me rather of Posy in her demeanour. I suppose that's what a carefree childhood might do to you."Primrose Everdeen."

"I know that, of course,"she says and I smile."Of course. Well, good to meet you, Cassandra. I like your hair."

She blushes beetred, tugging at the end of one of her braids, which are clearly designed after mine."Thank you. Do you – do you want to have some cake with me?"

I make my excuses to Effie, who in turn makes them to the people waiting to meet me, and finally get my hands on some food. With the President's grandaughter there, no one dares interupt my eating.

"I sent a whole month's allowance to your mentor,"Cassandra tells me, beaming with pride,"My brothers and cousins said it was a waste of money and you were going to die, seeing how you are so young, but I said to them, I said,'Well, I'm younger than you all and I say she'll win.' And you did."

"Thanks to sponsors like you,"I reply,"Who regocnise ability when they see it. I wouldn't stand here otherwise, enjoying such lovely cake and company."

The girl's very sweet, oddly enough, and I continue chatting with her for quite some time, nonetheless carefully considering every word. The walls have eyes and ears here. We even have some chocolate fondue, as she remembers from my interview that I like it.

"Cassandra, I told you not to bother Miss Everdeen for so long,"President Snow cuts in after a while. I just about manage to stiffle a yelp of surprise at his sudden proximity."It's past your bedtime, your mother will have my head. Off you go."

And that concludes the pleasant part of the evening, as I am now dragged from one important Capitolite to the next once more.

When I'm finally allowed to leave, I'm utterly exhausted but afraid to go to bed. It will be my first sleep since the arena that isn't induced by medicine and I'm terrified of what my dreams might bring.

Effie, clearly noting my anxious behaviour, sets me down for a glass of warm milk with honey before walking me to my room and tucking me into bed. I call after her as she turns to leave."Would you – would you maybe stay?"

I always crawl into bed with Mum when I have bad dreams, her warmth makes the nightmares go away. Effie only smiles and nods, and so I can go to sleep safely, huddled up against her.