The Decepticons are finally (secretly) leaving Earth, but for a reason no-one could have anticipated.

-.-.-.T.i.m.e.b.r.e.a.k.-o.r.-.P.o.V.-.C.h.a.n.g.e.-.-.-
"spoken aloud"


"Frenzy, what're you doing?"

Frenzy looks up from where he is staring in stupefied shock at Soundwave's personal computer. "Sorry, did you say something?"

Rumble huffs, "What're you doing that's demanding so much of your pathetic attention?"

A shudder runs through Frenzy, "You know how whenever we find out something new about humans we think 'holy frag that's weird, but they can't get too much weirder than this, right?'"

Rumble frowns, not liking where this conversation is going. "Yeah…"

Frenzy stares intently at the screen, "Well… I bet you'll never guess what I just found."

As a last ditch attempt to never find out what has Frenzy so spooked, Rumble tries to redirect the conversation. "Don't tell me you managed to download another weird virus on the Boss' computer, Frenz."

Unfortunately, Frenzy doesn't take the bait. He slides over on Soundwave's massive chair so Rumble can jump up and see what he's looking at, before turning to look at his twin. "I've found Fan Fiction."

-.-.-.S.e.v.e.r.a.l.-.M.i.n.u.t.e.s.-.L.a.t.e.r.-.-.-

Megatron was tired.

He had lead the Decepticons through millennia of war against the Autobots. He had lead the charge of countless battles (despite his officers' advisements). He'd gone pede-to-pede with one of Primus's chosen mechs and come out functional on multiple occasions. He'd been captured, interrogated, mocked, starred in ridiculous propaganda films, and quietly helped his third-in-command raise a family in the middle of a fragging civil war.

This? This was, as the humans said, the last straw.

He rested his helm in a massive servo, "Could you repeat that?"

Frenzy twitched, and Megatron knew that if someone had been pranked or accidentally screwed something up (again) he'd be fidgeting and shuffling about. This was serious then.

"The humans… they're writing stories about us. Fake ones. There's a whole website full of them, and I'm pretty sure there are stories on other sites too but… I thought I should tell you before I went looking."

Megatron sighed, "That's about what I thought you said."

-.-.-.F.o.u.r.-.M.o.n.t.h.s.-.L.a.t.e.r.-.-.-

Soundwave shoved down the impulse to twitch uncomfortably. Ever since Frenzy had discovered Fan Fiction Megatron had been determined to get the frag off of Earth as fast as possible. He'd had a conference with all of the Decepticon Officers in Shockwave's tower on Cybertron and they'd spent 5 orns discussing the quickest way to get off of Earth without arousing Autobot suspicions.

In the end, the Decepticons on Earth all rotated through a schedule. Most of the Decepticons would continue in their usual style of attacks (the ones that Starscream always loudly protested), drawing the Autobots out and engaging in head-on battles, while two teams each containing a few of the stealthier Decepticons and one of the shuttleformers would go somewhere far from the main battle and quietly gather as much energon and other supplies as they needed. They made an effort to attack smaller places, independent companies that fewer people would care about. Additionally, they had Swindle call in all of his favours among the humans.

The Autobots may have suspected something, but looking at the recently finished transport ship (named Hopeful Victory, which everyone agreed was less arrogant and therefore more likely to succeed than their previous ship and long-time base of operations, Victory), Soundwave found he couldn't care less. Frenzy had dug deeper into the mysteries of Fanfiction in the four months since he'd stumbled upon it, and found that the subject matter written about covered anything and everything. Nothing was safe from human fantasies, not even other humans. The things they'd come up with… Soundwave supressed a shudder.

Once the latest stealth teams returned the ship would be fully fueled, with enough in storage to house all the formerly Earth-bound Decepticons all the way back to Cybertron, with some extra to find another planet to gather energon on. Hopefully the Autobots would take a while to catch on, and then even longer to catch up.

Despite the discovery of Fanfiction being the reason for their long awaited departure from Earth, Soundwave wished Frenzy had never discovered it. He'd read a few of the stories out of a perverse curiosity after hearing Frenzy talking about "slash fics" (which had sounded more like battle wounds than anything else at the time, but oh how wrong he'd been), and found himself unable to looks several mechs in the optics ever since (not that they could tell through his visor, but Soundwave knew).

The stealth teams filed in with minimal roughhousing or chatter, remarkably efficient after several months and the promise of being free from this wretched planet.

As soon as the rest of the Decepticons returned from their battle the Hopeful Victory would take off and soon this planet and its terrifying inhabitants would be nothing more than a memory. The medbay had long since been moved from the Victory on the ocean floor to the Hopeful Victory so that departure could occur as soon as possible.

-.-.-.S.e.v.e.r.a.l.-.H.o.u.r.s.-.L.a.t.e.r.-.-.-

Ravage purred loudly as she sat in Starscream's lap and watched the Earth get steadily smaller on the rear-view monitor. Starscream looked down at her, "Something to share with the rest of us Kitty?"

She purred louder, "I may have left a parting gift for the Autobots."

He looked down at her, trying and failing not to look intrigued, "What did you do?"

-.-.-.O.n.b.o.a.r.d.-.t.h.e.-.A.r.k.-.-.-

Sideswipe groaned, optics flitting from monitor to monitor. Nothing exciting was happening! He'd been sitting here since the battle had ended a few hours ago, staring dully at the screens. Sure, the Decepticons had been attacking an awful lot lately, but that didn't mean they were up to something! What could they possibly be up to?

The officers were all very suspicious, but right now Sideswipe was just bored.

A blinking light caught his attention. He carefully straightened up (the few injuries he'd sustained enough to slow him down for now) and checked all the firewalls and anti-viral programs Jazz had come up with since landing on Earth and accidentally coming across some of the more vindictive human programs (and Decepticon programs that mimicked the human ones) before warily opening the message.

It didn't contain anything that suggested a major Decepticon plot, just a few internet links to several different websites. They sounded a little ridiculous, but Sideswipe clicked on them anyway. They passed all the security checks and he was bored.

Besides, how bad could some fictional stories about fans be?


Thoughts?

Sometimes I feel like what I write gets more ridiculous every day XD