Justin and Brian abruptly broke apart. Justin wore an expression of horror. He couldn't believe what he'd done not only to Joe but also to Molly – she was in danger, and he'd let himself get caught up, sucked in Brian's gravitational pull. Brian noted the horror and backed away slowly, almost to the kitchen.
Justin wheeled around and kneeled, pulling Molly into his arms. He held her tight. "How did you get here? Are you okay?" He was so engrossed, so overwhelmed with fear and relief that he didn't notice Gus or Daphne at first. That wasn't really his fault. They were still in the hall when Molly burst in. Brian was the first person to see them. "Gus? What are you doing here?"
Gus ran to Brian. "Daddy!"
Brian picked him up. Gus wrapped his arms around Brian's neck and hugged him tightly. Then he asked, "Where's Sweetie?"
"What?"
"Is she here? Can I look?"
Brian sighed. "The loft is really messy. You just sit up here for a few minutes. I'll look, okay, buddy?" Then he grabbed a garbage bag from a drawer and started tossing much of what was on the floor in it.
Justin looked up when he heard Gus. "Daph? Why are you here? I thought your flight was today. What's going on?"
She smiled nervously.
Justin stood up. "Would someone please tell me what's going on?"
Molly was about to speak when Gus interjected, "Molly's fixing everything!"
Brian, currently crawling on the floor pulling bottles and condoms from under the couch and the chair, paused to look at Molly.
Justin crossed his arms. "Molly? What are you fixing?"
Molly mimicked Justin, crossing her arms, but adding a defiant look. Then she declared, "You."
Brian quirked an eyebrow. He continued to pick up, but he was listening closely.
"What do you mean me? I'm not broken."
"Whatever."
Suddenly Justin's tone softened. He was truly perplexed. "Molly? What is it you think is wrong?"
"EVERYTHING."
Justin turned a little bit pink and shifted uneasily. He was pretty sure he didn't want an audience, particularly not this audience, when he heard what Molly had to say. "Let me take you home. We can talk about this there." He reached down to grab her hand.
Molly dodged and moved deeper into the loft. "Oh no! It took too much for me to get you here."
Justin's stomach was all tied up in knots at this point. "Why is it important that I'm here?"
Molly took a deep breath. Then she said, "You've been hurting yourself. I'm not the only one who thinks so. Both mom and Daphne are worried. You don't eat. All you do is exercise. You're different. You barely smile or laugh. You don't cook. You get mad and sad ALL the time."
Justin caught Brian's eye. He had finished picking up and was now staring at Justin, mouth open, eyes wide. Justin felt like he was about to hyperventilate. He looked back at Molly. He tried to smile brightly, but it didn't quite happen. "Molly, I'm fine. Really."
Molly stomped her foot. "You're not. I'm not stupid. I have eyes. I have ears. I see you crying when you think no one is paying attention."
Justin turned crimson. This was a nightmare.
"And what about us?"
"What?"
"Gus and me. Just because you and Brian are mad at each other doesn't mean Gus and I aren't still friends."
Gus nodded emphatically.
Justin couldn't help but smile at that. A genuine smile.
Suddenly, Brian yelled, "Aha!"
Everyone turned to look at him. Brian smiled weakly and held Sweetie aloft.
Gus smiled and clapped. "SWEETIE! Down, down, down, daddy!"
Brian dusted Sweetie off as he walked back to the counter, set Gus on his feet, and then handed the mouse to him. Gus started whispering to Sweetie and hugging her.
Then he approached Daphne and asked, "You're Daphne? Justin's best friend?"
She nodded.
"How is it that you have Gus with you?"
Justin added, "And Molly?"
Daphne took a deep breath. Then she said, "Molly and Gus really wanted to see each other. Molly asked me to take her to Gus's house, and his moms let me take them both out. We are supposed to be at a park, but Molly begged me to take them here."
Justin narrowed his eyes at Daphne. "You knew she was scheming and you went along with it?"
Daphne threw up her hands. "She was worried. I was worried."
Justin ran a hand over his face.
Brian suggested, "There's a park a couple blocks from here. Why don't you take them there? We can join you in a little bit."
Justin looked back at Brian, his eyes wide and intense, and shook his head.
Molly said, "Just make up already. Everything got bad when you started fighting."
Justin sighed. Then he kneeled down and hugged Molly. "If I do this, it will make you happy?"
"Yes!"
"Okay, we'll talk. But I can't promise any more than that."
"Okay, Jus." Then she looked back at Brian. Her eyes darkened. To him, she hissed, "Don't be stupid!"
Brian chuckled. "I'll do my best."
Daphne escorted Molly and Gus out, shutting the door behind them. Brian and Justin were alone. Justin remained where he was. He was embarrassed and nervous and angry and hurt. He didn't think he could even look Brian in the eye.
Brian didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. So he walked up behind Justin and put his hands on Justin's shoulders.
Justin wheeled around, stepped back, and hissed, "Don't touch me!"
Brian nodded slowly and took a few steps back. Then he said softly, "You should eat. Exercise less."
Justin crossed his arms. His face lost all color. Then he laughed a bitter laugh. "Huh. After what happened the last time I saw you, I can't fucking believe you're saying that!"
Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. His eyes lost focus for a moment. Then he looked up at Justin, pain evident in his eyes. "I …" He took a deep breath. "Nothing I say will change what happened."
Justin laughed. "What happened? You mean when you claimed I was the babysitter? Or when you and your 'friend' hosted a week-long orgy? Or when you called me after he left to say you thought our being 'friends' was a bad idea? Clearly things have gotten back to normal for you if the state of the loft when we arrived is any indication. So WHY THE FUCK would you kiss me? Or send me an unsigned note with a scrap of poetry?"
"I … might have been … hasty when I called."
Justin shook his head, raised his hands, and started backing away. "You are going to have to do a hell of a lot better than that!"
"Dylan caught me off guard."
Justin's chest hollowed out. "And you were ashamed of me, ashamed for him to see you with me."
Brian shut his eyes tight for a moment, but then opened them and looked directly at Justin. "Yes."
Tears sprung to Justin's eyes. He turned away. Then he walked quickly to the door.
Brian's stomach twisted. His chest ached. He didn't want Justin to leave, but he didn't know if he could say enough to make him stay. He wasn't sure he should try. But if what Molly had said was true, Justin wasn't happier without … their whatever. He blurted out, "Wait!" just as Justin's hand reached the handle.
Justin froze. He just stood there, hand extended, not moving. Leaving was causing actual physical pain, but what else could he do? He wanted so much from Brian, but he was certain he could never, would never, give it to him. Yet … some small part of him still hoped … He sighed deeply. Fuck it. He turned back around and crossed his arms. Waiting. But not patiently.
This situation was so surreal. Justin's facial expression, tone of voice, and body language … the way Brian felt, what he said and did, it was like they were reenacting some of the nightmares Brian had been having since he'd fled the morning after they'd first fucked. The recurring nightmare where Justin is about to leave and a black hole opens up in Brian's chest, threatening to swallow him whole. Despite that, Brian can't tell Justin what he wants, needs to hear. He shuts the loft door instead. Sometimes Justin pounds on the door. Sometimes he just disappears.
"Look I … I don't know if I …" Brian growled and then cursed. "Fuck!"
Justin continued to stare. He said nothing. Did nothing.
Brian bit the inside of his cheek, but then asked, "Is Joe the one?"
Justin's eyes widened. "What?"
Brian stepped closer. "If he's the one you want, if he's your guy, okay. I'll tell you I want nothing but the best for you. Tell you that you deserve everything and that I hope he gives you all of it. But …" Now Brian's eyes were pleading. Justin didn't understand. What was Brian asking?
"But what?"
"But if not …" Brian felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest. He hesitated (and a look of vulnerability, of fear, washed over his face) but then added, "just stay."
Justin swallowed hard. That was what Brian had said the day he broke his leg, well, later that evening. That was the night Brian had held him. Justin was now also pleading. He wanted SO MUCH for Brian to mean what he thought that he meant, but he needed Brian to say it out, clearly. "Brian, what does that even mean?"
"It means that I'm asking you … just stay. We can figure out the rest. Just stay."
