Hello, Time Bomb
Chapter 53
The Starchild
Three
Travelling through the beam was like using a mass relay without a ship to protect his fragile body. It brought him back to anti-gravity training all those years ago, and just like then, when his feet hit solid ground again he leaned forward, barely managed to toss his helmet to the ground, and heaved the contents of his stomach at his shoes. He lost his balance and stumbled forward. The vertigo cleared slowly and he blinked, the light was so low that he could barely make out anything.
It was the smell that tipped him off to his surroundings. The Reapers had been using this beam to transport dead bodies. As soon as he came to his senses the stench of burnt, rotting flesh was overpowering. He put a hand over his mouth and nose, trying to stop himself throwing up again, and staggered forward. He couldn't see where he was going, but there was some kind of light source up ahead. His boots hit soft bodies on the floor as he walked. He tried to ignore it.
"Bau," he said on the Spectre channel. "Can you hear me?"
There was no answer, his voice echoed around the room, it sounded small.
"Anderson? Bravo team? Is anyone else up here?"
He inched forward. The light took shape, it was the controls for the door, one of the older style pads that had been replaced most places except the keeper tunnels.
"Ivy, do you read me?"
"I read you."
He hit the panel on the door and it slid open. It took him a moment to recognise his surroundings, they looked so different. The first time he'd been to the Council Tower, to this huge open garden, it had been full of light and the sound of trickling water. Now...
Kaidan didn't see it, he refused to look at his surroundings. This was where the harvested bodies were dumped before processing, and he knew if he looked and saw he would never be able to see anything else. So he swallowed thickly and looked for Bau instead, trying to pick out a salarian among the humans without staring too closely at any one body.
He found what he was looking for at the base of the stairs. Bau was there, unconscious. Kaidan knelt down and ran his omnitool over the salarian. Alive, but not good. Weak pulse, short breaths, he wouldn't survive much longer. There was an asari in Spectre armour on the ground beside him, a hole blown through her chest.
Kaidan looked at his omnitool, bringing up Ivy's controls. All he had to do was take her down for a few minutes, buy himself some time to open the Citadel. He hated to do it, but to save the galaxy he would.
The boom of the Widow startled him and he felt a puff of wind against his ear as the shot barely missed him.
Kaidan froze, mouth open, his hand still on his omnitool.
"Don't even think it."
Ivy's voice was so cold. The surprise hadn't lasted, but he still couldn't move. He felt like his whole body had just turned to stone and his blood was running hot in his veins. She'd nearly killed him. If he'd turned his head she would have. If she'd miscalculated by an inch she would have. Even getting grazed by the Widow would have taken a chunk out of him.
Get a grip, Alenko, he told himself. She's indoctrinated, not in control.
He took a deep, shuddering breath and willed himself to move. He stood up slowly, holding his hands out to his sides.
He remembered this. He remembered the insane Spectre at the console, the Reaper bearing down outside. He remembered Ivy putting a bullet straight through Saren's brain before he could even try to talk them out of it.
"Did you just try to shoot me, sweetheart?" he breathed, moving forward slowly. He could see her at the top of the stairs, so far away.
"If I had you'd be dead. Do you think I'm stupid? You're here to stop me."
"Then why haven't you killed me? If you think what you're doing is right?"
"I want you to turn around and leave. You don't have to die. Please don't make me kill you."
That might have been a plea, but her voice wasn't pleading, it was hard, like she was gritting her teeth just to get the words out. He kept moving, drawing closer to her, the Widow's barrel coming into relief. "You're indoctrinated, baby. Do you understand? The Reapers are feeding you false information."
"Stop moving."
"You've been around their tech. You've been around leviathan. We've seen this before."
The Widow sounded again and he froze. A smoking hole was blown in the floor in front of him, just missing his foot. He stayed still for a long moment, then kept moving. She wasn't going to kill him. The Reapers weren't strong enough to make her take that shot.
"Stop moving, Alenko, or I will kill you."
"I need you to listen to me."
"Why don't you listen to me? For the past four years everyone has thought I was crazy. Not even that. The past fifteen years. No one has ever taken my word on faith. I don't have time to prove this to you."
"I took your word on faith. I believe in you."
"Except when you don't."
The words stung. He steeled himself. She wasn't going to hold back, not this time. They would make her say things she didn't mean. "You know that wasn't because I didn't trust you."
"Then trust me now."
"You aren't yourself."
"You don't get to decide that." She was angry now, and he was close enough to see her shift, adjust the sight of her rifle against her eye.
"That day on the Citadel, you didn't shoot me."
"No."
"Would you have? If your plan hadn't worked?"
She paused, wet her lips. "No."
He could hear her voice without the radio, so he shut it down. She was shifting uncomfortably at the console, he didn't push his luck by trying to get closer, drawing to a stop about twenty metres away.
"I would have shot you," he confessed. "If you had given me a chance I would have taken it. The Council would be dead. The Reapers would have won."
"I know."
"But you still didn't shoot. And you're willing to now. Does that sound like you?"
He saw the flicker of self doubt, in the set of her shoulders, the tightening of her hands. She was fighting them. He took another step forward.
Kaidan looked at her, trying to meet her eyes through her helmet, trying to reach her. "Just step away. I'll do the rest. Come on, sweetheart. Just put the gun down and step away."
"I can't."
He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "You can. I know you're strong enough to fight this."
"It's not something I need to fight!" She was panicking, backed into a corner. He had to move quickly or she was going to shut down.
"Ivy, please, just –" He took a step forward, his anxiety made him move too fast, his movement was too sudden. He barely heard the Widow go off.
The pain was sudden, intense. A flash of white hot agony that consumed his whole body, then nothing. His legs collapsed underneath him and he felt his shoulder hit the floor, then his chin. He tasted blood in his mouth.
The pain started to return. He was wet. His chest, his hands, all his armour was wet. The pain swelled in his chest, his arms, lanced through the base of his skull. He moaned, horrified. He couldn't feel his legs. Oh, god, there was so much blood.
The silence in the room was ringing, the only sound the rush of his own blood and Ivy's desperate panting. He wanted her. He wanted to be back in their quarters with her; warm, safe, loved.
"Kaidan...?" she asked, her voice small and scared. He heard her give a cut-off shriek and then the pound of her boots as she ran for him. Her armour clattered against the floor as she fell to her knees. Then there were strong hands on his shoulders, turning him over. "Oh, god. Kaidan. Oh, god."
"Ivy..." His words were coming out slurred through gritted teeth, the pain was so bad.
"I'll... I'll get you to the doctor... Kaidan, oh, god..." She was fluttering her hands over him, trying to figure out what to do to help him. His suit was spilling medigel over the wound, trying to deal the hole, it wasn't anywhere near enough.
"Ivy... The console. Go, now," he ground out. His vision was starting to tunnel, he had to get her back to that console. "Love you. Go."
She looked between him and the console, her lips trembling, then scrambled to her feet and started to run.
Kaidan had always thought he'd see his life flash before his eyes, but all he saw were Ivy's feet slamming against the ground as she ran. He thought calm and warmth would wash over him in those final moments, but all he felt was panic and so much pain. He'd heard that dying soldiers called for their mothers, but all he wanted was to call for Ivy, beg her to come back, to hold him, not to let him die alone. Part of him was glad that he was in too much pain to speak, he knew if he called she'd come.
He saw her at the console, every moment stretched on for hours of pain and gushing blood and oozing medigel. The world around him brightened slightly as the Citadel arms cracked open. Slowly, so slowly, they opened out. Ivy was already running back to him.
All he could see was a pinpoint of light now, his eyes wouldn't focus, there was too much blood, he felt it trickle out of his mouth and didn't have the muscle control to stop it. Ivy's touch was nothing but pain when she held him, not trying to move him.
"Don't leave me," she begged. "Please. Oh, god, Kaidan, please don't leave me."
The only part of his body that would obey him was the hand rested against her leg, so he pawed at her, trying to tell her that he didn't want to go, that he still loved her. That she had to forgive herself for this. The pain sharpened and he groaned pitifully.
The end was close, he could feel his body shutting down, taking the pain with it. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the warmth of her body, seeping out between the plates of her armour. He tried to remember how it felt to be held like this without their hardsuits between them.
He found it, that perfect memory, and pretended he was there.
And with his last breath he managed to smile.
