Well book, I've got good news and bad news. Guess I should get the bad stuff outta the way first.

I was gonna mention this in my last entry but I fell asleep. The graveyard was so peaceful I didn't want to move and the nightmares didn't follow me so I nodded off. Thank God I had the sense to stuff ya back in my pocket before I crashed book. But sleeping in the cemetery without waking the wife and telling her where I was going?

Yeah. Bad idea.

When I woke up I found Winry standing over me in tears. I hate it when she cries...especially when it directly involves me. Anyway she stood there in her shift with bed hair and clear fluid dripping off her chin and hysterical.

"Where were you? I woke up and you weren't there! What happened?!"

I told her I suffered another round of nightmares and the reason why I left was because I didn't want to hurt her or the children if it was a relapse. If leaving the premises would keep her safe then I'd do it.

She stopped crying-thank God-knelt down and wrapped her arms around my neck when I reminded her of last night's date. 3 Oct 1921. I warned her this would probably become routine whenever the demons in my mind became too much, especially the week of that terrifying, blood-soaked night.

She pulled back, a shaky smile on her lips.

"I get it Ed. I have...dreams of that night too."

I didn't have to ask what she meant by that.

I dread the day I have to explain to my kids why Daddy has these terrible dreams so vivid I see them as clearly as I see their precious faces. The reason why I become closed off around certain times of the year. The parts their Mom and I played in the War. Why I can no longer transmute. Why my little brother has become more in demand for his healing skills. Why the nightmares won't ever go away. Why I feel like there's a gaping hole in my heart where alchemy used to be. That nothing in the world can alleviate the painful ache it left behind...

I banished these negative thoughts as I walked hand in hand with Winry back to the house and helped her make a hearty meal of eggs, sausage and fried potatoes. The smells woke the kids and we ate breakfast as a family.

Anyway after that Win took the kids to school and I retreated to my study to write. Not just in this little book, but to finish the last pages of a journal detailing the danger of attempting human alchemy. If all goes well, it should become the first line of defense against this talk of lifting the taboo and making it common practice. Same goes for gold. There's rumors swirling around that it should be legalized.

Huh?

What's wrong with paper money? Call me old-fashioned but don't these idiots realize how unstable the economy'd get if that was allowed? The law was put there to protect the citizens from inflation and monopolies. Youswell was a prime example of greed where gold was concerned, even fake gold I transmuted to drive Lt. Yoki out of town.

Seriously. People these days...got no respect for history.

I should get to work. Win'll be hibernating in her shop so I'm in no danger of being disturbed. Mustang let me work on this project at home, but I guarantee ya...he's gonna want me at Central or East HQ giving talks over this stuff. He hopes with me becoming the face of caution when it comes to the darker elements of alchemy that'll help act as a deterrent to up and coming alchemists in the field.

Whatever. At least it'll be SOMETHING, but it's not gonna be...like that.

Man. Where's the ability to transmute when ya need it? People learn better by doing rather than listen to some washed-up has been reciting a bunch of rules.

But...it is what it is. I'll take what I can get.