He lead me to his room and once inside he quickly shut the door. Going through the village was hard. I kept my head up high even though I wanted nothing more then to hang it in shame. However I already messed up as an alpha. I refused to continue my blundering. I looked down at the ground, now that we were in private. When he growled I submitted tilting my head to the side.

"Kia." He snapped as his boots quickly appeared in the place I was staring at. "Look at me."

"Yes." I asked meekly looking to his Crescent moon marking. I still didn't want to look into his eyes.

"You must us your words to convey your emotions from here out. Such inability to show restraint will be seen as a weakness." He explained.

"Yes...I realize this." I nodded my head in acceptance. I felt like crying again. Why? I hate crying. He turned away and placed his sword back onto his wall next to his other one.

"Now...speak freely about what just happened." He demanded sitting down on his window seal.

"My old pack...they betrayed me in showing you how to collar me. They betrayed me by letting me be collared for over a month. An Alpha, collared LIKE SOME MORTAL MUTT! It's shameful. They did it because they wanted me to be happy. They think me being mated will make me happy. Who are they to decide what makes me happy? I am fully capable of leading alone!" I huffed out.

"Continue." He urged casually looking out the window.

"I...just got so angry. I felt like...You're the reason why my pack went behind my back. You were the one I'm collared too and imprinted upon. You are the other Alpha. Most this pack is rightfully yours...because they were yours before I turned you all. You're home here, you were born here. You grew up speaking this language! Your father is buried here! Your mother lives here and half brother was born here! Me? I'm so fucking lost! My family and everything I knew is out of reach of me by time! The only thing that was familiar to me stabbed me in the back! My brother mated your ward. My best friend is going to mate your Beta. I feel...alone." I admitted out clutching my arms in a self hug. I tilted my head back down and used my bangs to hide my tearful eyes.

"So you thought killing me would solve this?" He bit out.

"I didn't mean to do it...I blacked out. I didn't realize what happened until I had already done it. I am so sorry...I remembered your sword...and thought to have Inuyasha bring you back but it didn't work for him." I blurted out. As if that was an excuse for killing him in the first place.

"Tenseiga, it has recognized you as my mate and possible next master. It rejects Inuyasha, just as Tessaiga rejects me." He mused looking back to the sword on the wall.

"Even your sword decided we should be together. Do I...not have a say in my own life beyond my duties of being an Alpha?" I whispered.

"As Alpha what you do in your personal life links to that of your duties. Being the Lord of the Western lands hast taught me as much. Our lives will never been completely private. We are watched by all."

"I know but that shouldn't stop us from living our own lives how we want within reason!" I snapped back.

"Tell me, how does it feel. To have strived to overcome your instincts only to be overcome by them instead." He inquired calmly. It rubbed salt in my wounds causing me to physically flinch.

"It feels awful." I admitted shamefully. "I will do all I can to make it up to you, to gain your trust once more." I said bowing lowly.

"You will no longer ignore your instincts." He ordered firmly. I k ew exactly what he was talking about.

"Yes Sesshomaru." I said submissively. It was going against the grain of my very soul but the grief of my actions were far greater than my need to be dominant.

"We shall announce it to the pack. Now, go. Speak with those you must." He dismissed looking out the window once more. I obeyed him almost all to happy to be leaving his presence. It didn't help with the guilt but I didn't feel as...I don't know...ashamed. I scurried put of the palace and quickly sought out everyone who witnessed me killing Sesshomaru.

It wasn't hard since they were all together still, along with Inuyasha. They saw me coming and all stopped talking. It was awkward. Some of their eyes were puffy and red from the tears they cried. The dog Pound and my brother looked down or away in guilt. While Rin had this most heart broken look to her. "We need to talk guys. Let's go somewhere this won't be a public broadcast." I suggested.

"I'm going to go back to Kagome. Take it easy Kia." Inuyasha said excusing himself. I nodded in acknowledgment. Me and everyone else walked off towards the woods. It was the only place for complete privacy. Once safely hidden in the trees we stood around. I had to gather myself in preparation in addressing what happened.

"From now on, if there is a debate or an issue we all shall sit down and speak it over. We won't stop unless the situation has been resolved or a decision has been made." I started out.

"Alpha Kia, if any should deserve the weight of guilt it would be me. My Nanna taught me of collaring out of tradition. I was her apprentice, I had a responsibility to keep my knowledge of certain things to myself to avoid tragedies." Gregory stepped up.

"I knew about it... I knew from the night it happened and I didn't tell you. I lied to you for over a month and watched you be shamed. I failed as your omega." Damien said softly.

"We all failed as your friends. Putting the political bullshit aside, we were shitty towards you. All you ever wanted was to be a good alpha. You Are a good alpha but we had to be pushy and demand more from you. It's not right. We're all sorry." Jasmine spoke for the rest of them.

"It's not your fault. I'm the one who let my instincts rule me in my desperation to rule them. I was being stubborn and I see now that I was also prideful. I felt that because of the past my instincts were faulty. I decided I would no longer listen to them. I didn't want to take a risk. I was weak and that almost lead to the loss of a fine Alpha Male." I shook my head.

"Don't be too hard on yourself...I am guilty of the same thing. It's hard, to take a risk again. To let someone in that you feel will only hurt you. I know." Timber comforted grabbing Chrio's hand.

"Alpha Kia, no being is perfect. Take this as a learning experience." Chiro stated softly.

"I will, that is why tonight me and Sesshomaru will announce our plans to mate." I said lifting my head up. I needed to take up the role I was practically born for. I needed to show nothing but strength and leadership. Even if I was distressed and hurt. F I want to call myself Alpha then I must carry the burden of the title.

"You just killed and revived him and now you're going to mate him? Has he agreed to this?!" Eric exclaimed.

"Yes...he proposed it."

"But...what about...not wanting to mate. I feel like this entire thing was because we were trying to push you into something that was rightfully your decision." Hailey asked.

"It won't stop, the rest of the pack will still push. He will still attempt to convince me. If I continue to fight my instincts then I fear that history will repeat itself. He has only one more death left before it's undoable. I don't want to be the cause of his untimely passing again." I said firmly making my decision final. It didn't matter what was said or done. Unless Sesshomaru said otherwise, it was happening.

"You really got the short end of the stick." Eric stated making Jeremy slap him on the back of his head. "What? I'm just saying that she couldn't win for losing! Am I wrong?" Eric protested shooting his brother a glare.

"Don't remind her of you you asshole! Can't you see how fucking bad she feels already?" Timber snarled.

"...Kia." Rin spoke up disrupting the start of a fight. "How could you kill him?" Rin asked tears gathering in her eyes. She was looking at me with so much hurt.

"I...I felt like he was the reason for all my issues. I was wrong. I knew I was the second he was dead. I will understand if you resent me for now on. He is like a father to you." I said.

"BUT...you and him are going to mate. That means you'll be like my mother! I can't hate you." She exclaimed tearfully running up to me. She hugged me tightly and buried her face into my chest. "Just give him a real chance! You know he's good for you! He's kind and considerate! He's smart and not as prideful as you would think! I know him and I know you! I know you'll be good together. Please...please...I want you to be happy too!" Rin said pouring her heart out to me.

"Rin...its very complicated. I will be able to find happiness but it might take some time for me to find it. I promise, I will work for it. I will find happiness, if not for myself then for you, for you all." I declared embracing her back. I sent a look to the other's.

"If...If you say so sis." Damien shuffled uncomfortably.

"Today has been taxing for all of us. Let's return, eat and get some much needed sleep." Gregory offered.

"Yes... I'll follow you guys. I just need time." I agreed pulling slowly from Rin.

"Okay..." Timber whispered and they all walked off. Alone, I jumped into a tree and climbed to the top. From there I looked out at the endless tops of trees. I didn't think of anything. Well more like I thought of everything so fast the thoughts just began to blur. One would begin the second the middle and end of another start. I let my mind just fly as far as it wanted to from my physical state. It felt like I just blinked and the sun was setting. That and my stomach was demanding food. I did expend a lot of energy today after all. Yet, I had to return to the place for food.

How did I really feel about this? Dismayed, angry, ashamed, sorry and...relieved? Why exactly did I feel this way? What did each emotion create itself from? Why? Why? I needed food and sleep to properly to think it over. Unfortunately for me. After I eat I will be beside Sesshomaru declaring our plan mating to the pack. I needed to breath and it seemed like the waters surface was just beyond my reach. I wanted so desperately to just run off for a week. Yet, my duties would never allow such things. Sesshomaru wanted me to stop fighting my instincts. Running would be fighting them, not mating would be another.

I walked back to the palace with a purpose to my stride. I may not know what I felt and fully why but I was determined. I was going to atone for my guilt. I was going to mate Sesshomaru.