Chapter Fifty-Three
Would-be-king
Milky Way Galaxy
Tilnast System
Planet Sarka
Loki had never spoken a word about all of this to anyone. Never explained what plans he crafted as Thor's coronation approached, and he never told anyone why. Never told anyone how he was driven by anger and worry rather than jealousy. He did not plan to take the throne from Thor, not for himself anyway. He just wanted to keep it away from him for a little while longer. It was such a simple plan, but a great one. It would have prevented Thor from taking the throne all the while it would have showed the All-Father that Thor was not ready to rule yet. Odin would have been angry and Thor's coronation would have been put off for a few decades. Looking back, it was astonishing how quickly things escalated. How Loki's little plan turned into a gigantic catastrophe. Like a simple torch turning into a blazing inferno.
He did not look at any of the others while he spoke. He just stared ahead of himself as the words left his lips one after another. He spoke detachedly as much as he could, but his voice still quieted down once in a while, he still had to stop to take large calming breaths and he still stumbled over a few words.
His skin was still infuriatingly blue, even after hours passed. Loki could still feel the after-effects of the strange energy that seeped into him when he was shot. At least he could also feel that it was slowly dissipating. The sooner he could shift back into his normal form the better. He just had to bear the sight of it a while longer.
He did not regret ruining Thor's coronation. The Thunderer was so far away from being ready to be king it was laughable. He was an arrogant hot-headed brat who was not even ashamed of acting like it. He thought ruling meant leading armies into glorious battles and parading in front of the masses, smiling at their adoration. He would have caused war at the first diplomatic hurdle.
He did not regret killing Laufey either. It did not matter if they shared the same blood. The Jotun King tossed him away, probably for being a runt. He also craved Odin's death so badly that he fell for an obvious trap. He did not deserve Loki's mercy. His own bloodlust and thirst for revenge caused his death. Loki was merely the instrument.
He was not sure if he regretted sending the Destroyer after Sif and the Warriors Three. Loki was King Regent and they were oath breakers, traitors, just like Heimdall. Loki was sitting on the throne of Asgard for a mere hours and he was immediately betrayed by his so-called friends. He was given no chance to prove his worth or that he could guard the throne while Odin slept. No, they all ran to retrieve Thor. All of them were so ready to label everything he did as something driven by jealousy. Thor returning to Asgard would have ruined his one chance to prove himself. Or at least that was what he thought. He was too angry for logic and reason.
And well, yes, Loki encouraged Thor's anger after the interrupted coronation, but a good king should not be so easily led like a puppet, not even by his family. Thor was itching for a fight in his anger. Loki only had to speak a handful of words. Thor could've said no. He could've proved his worth and wisdom by heeding Odin's words. He could've found ways to seek retribution in a more diplomatically acceptable way. But no, Loki told him he was right about worrying about the Frost Giants and he was immediately on his horse, riding towards the stupidest decision of his life.
Loki gave him plenty of chances to do the wise thing, but Thor just kept marching forward like a bloody fool. He did not plan Thor's banishment, but he did not mind it happened. Loki's machinations simply drew attention to his imperfections. Those were his own, just like his mistakes. Loki just made sure everyone was able to see what he already knew, that Thor was too irresponsible, too quick-tempered, and too easily influenced by carefully chosen words. He could see all of Thor's flaws and he made sure everyone else would be able to see it as well, especially Odin.
Of course Thor's friends did not care, they were happy to blindly follow him, turning their backs on Loki the first chance they got. He shouldn't have been surprised, because he always knew that they were Thor's friends and not his own. But he still knew them almost all his life, hunted and travelled with them, followed Thor along with them for centuries. It angered him, more than it should have, when they all turned away from him in his hour of need, when everything was falling apart, when he doubted everything the most. It just proved how very unwanted he was in Asgard.
He was surprised that he couldn't remember everything clearly from that day. His memory was always impeccable, but some details blurred in his mind when he tried to recall them. Things happened way too fast after Frigga told him it was his duty to sit on the throne of Asgard while Odin slept and Thor was banished. He remembered how he planned Laufey's death to prove his loyalty, how he wanted it to happen right in front of Odin and Frigga, but then everything just… turned even worse.
He knew he tried to kill Thor, even if it felt strange to think of it like that. Thor was down for only a moment before he was restored to his former glory. He knew he was angry that Sif and the Warriors Three left, but he was even more furious when he heard Thor's heartfelt apology. "Whatever I have done" he said. Empty meaningless words, that's what they were. How could he say sorry without having even the slightest idea about what he had done? How could he believe that Loki would be placated by pretty words with no meaning? "Whatever I have done". Thor the mighty, the worthy, the fool. He thought everything was about him, but it was not like he did not have reasons to seek Loki's forgiveness. He should have asked for forgiveness for all the times he belittled Loki's skills. He should have asked for forgiveness for all the times he arrogantly dismissed Loki's words. He should have asked for forgiveness for not treating him like an equal. He should have asked for forgiveness for all the times he simply wasn't there. Loki might have forgiven him, if Thor had even the slightest inkling what he needed to apologize for. But he didn't. It angered Loki to no end that he expected to be forgiven just because he was willing to speak a few humble words.
He did regret the attack on Jötunheimr. Now that he could think clearly after all this time. But he would not put the blame on anyone else, not for that. His world was falling apart around him and he had almost taken down Jötunheimr along with it. It was a very good reminder of what exactly he was capable of when pushed into a corner. How destructive his fury could be, how his broken heart could lead to broken worlds. He certainly proved that he was not to be dismissed and shoved aside, that he was a force to be reckoned with, someone to fear. He proved that he could be the monster his skin showed him to be. No, he proved that he could be even worse.
Strangely, talking about his… fall from Asgard and all that happened after was somehow worse. Stark already knew of those times, so he spoke about it for the benefit of the others. It did not take much to realize why it made his skin crawl much more unpleasantly than talking about Asgard. What he did back then were his own actions. Driven by anger and pain and madness, but his own nonetheless. Everything that happened to him after he was found by Thanos was not. He used the cards he was dealt, to survive, to escape. He was just a beaten, rabid dog desperate to escape his chains. Much more shameful, because it just showed how far he had fallen.
He was to blame for Jötunheimr, he would not have it any other way. But the invasion of Midgard? He was just one piece in a game much larger than he himself was. He did what he could, to delay Thanos, to keep the Tesseract away from him and to warn Asgard. He wrecked chaos, caused deaths, but there was much more at stake than mortal lives. Maybe there could have been a more noble way to do things, something with less damage and blood, but Loki was no valiant hero and that was all his broken mind could come up with when the urge to take revenge for what has happened to him was still burning under his skin. He was too angry to bother about restraining himself, too far gone to care about piling bodies.
But what was done, was done. He knew his sins and would not deny them. Was he a monster then? He did not know. It was not up to him to decide, because he couldn't be the judge of that.
x-x-x
Nobody spoke after Loki fell silent. Drongo seemed to be deep in thought, just looking at a spot somewhere in front of him. Bee's silences had their meanings, but her gaze was not hostile and Loki took that as a good sign. Juyu was fidgeting, picking her nails and tapping her feet. It meant she was nervous and maybe even conflicted. Hatchet was silent, but when Loki glanced at him, he looked back steadily. If there was anyone who understood Loki's intentions before he lost control over the situation, it would be him. He knew all there was to know about Thor and Asgard. He would see that his plans were not an attempt at grabbing power born out of childish jealousy.
'Okay, so this has been a long day already,' Stark said. 'How about everyone just do… whatever. We can start working on the repairs tomorrow.'
'The rest of the tools and materials should be here by then,' Loki said.
'That's… good. Let's just take it easy for the rest of the day.'
The others nodded, agreeing with him.
'I'll be back tomorrow,' Hatchet said, straightening up from the wall he was leaning on. 'If you need me for anything just go to Hani's tavern, she knows how to contact me.'
Loki nodded. He was strangely reassured by the words. He remembered the days when Hatchet's loyalty was something he expected to have. Something he took for granted. Right now, he felt like it was something to be grateful for. If the recent years thought him anything, it was that there was nothing he could take for granted. Not his title, his position, his friends, his home, the love of his family, not even his freedom. It made everything he did have now seem more valuable. It also made him that much more afraid to lose them.
'I'll let you out,' Juyu offered to Hatchet. Then everyone started to move out of the cargo hold.
Stark lingered by his workbench, looking at Loki, but not saying a word. Loki was just about to start speaking when Drongo stepped closer to him.
'If you would just give us a moment, Commander,' he looked at Stark, who nodded after a second.
'Sure, I'll… just…' he trailed off and walked away.
'What is it that you wish to talk with me about?' Loki asked.
'No reason for you to be so distant again, Loki,' Drongo said. 'Your past mistakes do not undermine the help you have given me and my people. So even if nothing else, I still owe you gratitude for saving my life.'
'Alright, so what is it then?'
'It is not my place to judge you. That is up to those whom you have wronged,' Drongo said. 'I just wanted to let you know that your reasons for helping me are a lot clearer now, for me at least. But I also wanted you to keep something in mind.'
'Which is?'
'That you aimed to become a Red King, because you could not bear to be just a stolen child, but the Red King's path is full with blood, anger and misery, while lost souls always find a home when they are meant to. A throne would suit you ill,' he said steadily. 'And that is not an insult.'
'There is no throne for me anywhere,' Loki said.
'Oh, there could be if you really wanted one,' Drongo said. 'You are smart, cunning and powerful. If you truly wanted a throne there would be not much that could stop you. But you know that is not what you really want. And I want you to remember that. It should help you to remain on your own path.'
'I'm older than you, I should be the wise one,' Loki said. Drongo laughed quietly.
'Age has nothing to do with it,' he said. 'You were not taught right.'
x-x-x
'Want me to stay somewhere else for a few nights?' Loki asked when he found Stark sitting on their bed sometime later. He did not go to him immediately after he spoke with Drongo, he wanted to give him some time to think.
Stark looked up at him, but Loki really couldn't read his expression.
'What? No, no, come here,' he raised a hand. 'Still blue?'
Loki walked closer, glancing down at his hands. 'I should be fine by tomorrow,' he said.
'I don't mind,' Stark said.
'I do,' Loki said as he sat down.
'You shouldn't,' Stark countered, it just made Loki sigh. 'There's nothing wrong with preferring a different shape than the one you were born with,' Stark said then. 'I just don't want you to think that you're… inherently wrong by being what you are.'
'And what about what I did?' Loki asked. 'Doesn't that prove that I am?'
He took a breath after saying that to calm down his beating heart. It would be of no use if he got angry again.
'I'm not really the best guy to judge that,' Stark said with a shrug.
'Well, it's only your judgement I care about,' Loki told him. Stark sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck.
'I get it okay?' he said. 'I get that you had good intentions, or mostly good intentions. I get your issues with your… with Odin, that I really do. It's just… a lot to take in at once, okay?'
Loki nodded silently and they stayed quiet for a little while again.
'Do you uhm… know the extent of the damage? I mean… maybe it doesn't matter, I just…'
'I don't,' Loki said. 'My trial was not over when I was taken from Asgard,' he continued. 'In the first few months they barely got to the end of all the formalities, my crimes were not even listed at that point.'
Silence followed again, but Stark was still a steady presence by his side. Their thighs and shoulders touched as they sat on the bed.
'Did you really… fall… from Asgard?' Stark asked quietly, carefully. Loki clenched his fists then relaxed them a moment later. It did not matter anymore.
'No,' he said. 'I let go.'
'But you knew you would survive,' Stark insisted, clutching at straws really from the tone of his voice.
'I did not expect to die, but I did not expect to survive either,' he answered. It was the best answer he could give. Sometimes it was hard to make sense of his mind retrospectively. He just wanted to be gone, but if only from Asgard or gone altogether… he couldn't tell.
The silence was oppressing for the next few moments, but Stark's presence was steady and unwavering. He did not pull away or put distance between them. It made something in Loki uncoil a little bit.
'Give me a few days to wrap my head around all this, okay?' Stark asked then. Loki nodded, not questioning it. Time he had plenty of, that he could give.
x-x-x
Hatchet returned the next day, as promised. However, he was dressed in thick clothes and was carrying two crossbows. Stark was sorting through all the tools that arrived earlier, but even he looked up in surprise. Loki raised an eyebrow and Hatchet grinned.
'We're going hunting,' he declared, raising the crossbows.
'No,' Loki said.
'Come on, please!' Hatchet walked closer. 'It's been ages since I've been hunting, I even made crossbows! And I have the perfect beasts to ride. Much better than horses.'
'I don't think this is the best time,' Loki said.
'Free, fresh meat, you can't say the crew won't like that!' Hatchet insisted. Loki just crossed his arms over his chest and stared back at him.
'You can keep the crossbow,' Hatchet crooned playfully, dangling the weapon in front of Loki's face. 'It has some very special arrows too.'
Loki hummed and took it away from him.
'You just can't say no to bribes, can you?' Stark asked, a smirk was tugging at the corner of his mouth. Hatchet stared at Stark then dramatically clutched at his chest in a mock-gasp.
'Loki, he knows your secret. You are doomed!'
'I've known this little secret for years,' Stark said.
'Really? What did you bribe him with?'
'Armour, mostly,' Stark answered.
'Really?' Hatchet drawled looking back at Loki.
'The one you saw a few days ago,' Loki told him.
'He made that?' Hatchet asked.
'You should see his own armour,' Loki added with a meaningful eyebrow lift.
'Is that so?' Hatchet marvelled at the new information then turned to look at Stark again. 'Very fine work, Master Stark.'
Oh, now he was just playing unfair. Loki's face must've given away his thoughts, because Hatchet grinned at him again. Stark just looked confused at being addressed respectfully.
'Hunting!' Hatchet exclaimed. 'Get dressed, hurry up, go go!' he urged, taking the crossbow away and shoving at Loki's shoulder. 'Don't wear black, it's winter. If you're back in ten minutes I even give you a quiver of my crystal-tipped arrows. Go!'
x-x-x
Loki must've made such an unseemly sight. He was still covered in dirt and way too much dried blood. It was never surprising when Thor showed up back at the palace like this, but Loki got a lot of surprised and amused glances as soon as he reached the gates.
The elf accompanied him, because Loki couldn't carry everything back on his own and because Loki still insisted that the elf make account of the flood and the consequential damage and danger. He might have been a scruffy-looking, nameless stranger, but he seemed to know the forest very well and had valuable information.
Loki ended up carrying the meat, because the elf was taller and thus able to carry the large bear fur without dragging some of it in the dirt, it was already bloody and muddy enough, so it didn't need more damage.
The elf was silent at first, but as they approached the palace he started talking more frequently, it prompted Loki to talk more as well. He only preferred silence when he had to concentrate on something, so hearing the elf talk more than a few words at a time was a nice change.
The guards came out of nowhere and to be honest Loki did not pay attention to them, because why would he? One moment he was listening to the elf, the next he was pulled away and shoved behind a few tall bodies.
'What are you doing?' he protested right away and it took him a few moments before he managed to yank his arm out of a grip.
'Are you alright, Prince Loki?' one of them asked.
'Of course I'm alright, what is the meaning of this?' he asked indignantly. He was not a child anymore he would not stand being manhandled like one. When he finally managed to take a step away from the two that blocked him from the rest he was greeted with the sight of his new white-haired companion seized and the large black fur down on the ground, one of the guards was even standing on the edge of it.
'What are you doing?' he asked again.
'You were gone all day, Prince Loki,' one of the guards told him. 'Lord Frey and Queen Frigga were concerned for your well-being. We've been searching for hours.'
'Fine, but now I'm back, I am unharmed, let him go,' he said.
'You should get inside now,' one of the guards told him. He tried to move him away again, ushering him towards the doors. They did not let go of the white-haired elf though, they were in fact just holding onto him more tightly, trying to drag him into a different direction. And they stepped on his fur again! Why couldn't they watch their feet? He twisted out of the elf guard's hold again. He was angry in a heartbeat. Furious, even.
'I would be already inside if you would not have stood in my way!' he said harshly. 'And I already told you. Let him go! Now!'
'But Prince Loki…' one of them objected.
'Are you deaf or are you stupid?!' Loki snapped at him. 'Let him go! I won't say it again!'
The elves holding onto the white-haired one shared a glance, but released him finally. He moved away from them, careful not to step on the fur, and sent a mean-looking smirk in their way.
'He's common thief, Prince-'
Loki ignored the words, carefully no reacting at all.
'He's the one who aided me when I was attacked by a ferocious beast. He accompanied me to ensure my safety and to bring urgent news to my uncle. And here you are delaying us and almost ruining my trophy!'
At that the guards finally stepped off of the fur. The white-haired one scooped it up from the ground, throwing it over his shoulder again.
'Instead of acting like fools, from now on you will only lay even a finger on any of my companions if I order you to,' he kept scowling at them and while he knew it was probably not as impressive as his uncle's glare, it seemed to work well enough. He lifted up the tied up meat again and glanced at the white-haired elf.
'After you, my prince,' he said, gesturing towards the door with a small bow. So Loki turned on his heels and started walking again. The guards did not follow.
Only when the giant doors closed behind them did Loki let out the huge breath he was holding.
'That was… impressive,' the elf said.
'I've never done that before,' Loki said, his heart was still beating too fast.
'I couldn't tell,' the elf said. 'You were fierce and regal, well done.'
Loki couldn't tell why, but the praise calmed him down right away.
'Are you really a thief?' he asked then.
'No, I just happened to be caught stealing one time,' the elf answered.
'If you're not a thief, why did you steal?'
'I told you, the flood did a lot of damage, my hideouts are gone with all my provisions. It's not just the wild beasts having a hard time hunting right now.'
'So you stole food?'
'No, I stole some tools so I could replace my lost weapons. I would have given it back after I was done.'
'That's not so bad,' Loki decided and lead the elf towards his quarters. He would rather clean up before showing up in front of his mother. And he had to make the elf more… presentable.
x-x-x
The beasts they rode on where indeed better than horses, they were some sort of predators after all. They resembled wolves a little, but they had some clear feline features, their heads were wide, their tails short and their ears round. Their fur was dirty white, their eyes yellow and feline-like. They were also very mindful of their riders even while running. Loki was tempted to keep one, even if he knew that a spaceship was no place for such large beasts. It was a pity, really.
Hatchet's special crystal-tipped arrows turned out to be very similar to the energy bullets Stark could make. They glowed with a faint thrumming energy and would break upon entering the prey, doing a lot of damage without ruining the fur. It was a clever invention obviously inspired by energy guns, but Hatchet clearly used magic in their creation rather than technology, because they glowed with a faint violet colour. Hatchet did give him a full quiver of it, accompanied by a knowing smirk.
Loki felt nostalgic, just a little. Hunting with Hatchet brought back so many memories and for the hours they were away from the city and everything else, he could forget. Forget about all that he lost in the recent years. He could almost picture the feast in Frey's hall that would await them when they returned. He did not get angry, thinking about it. His memories of Alfheim were the sweetest. He was away from Asgard, away from Odin's ever critical eye. He felt carefree in a way he could never be in Asgard. He laughed, he joked, he could show off his magic and be praised for his talent.
Thor always accompanied them when they were children, but he stopped almost completely in the recent centuries. He rather planned trips, great adventures with Sif and the Warriors Three instead of visiting Alfheim with Frigga and Loki. The land of the elves bored him and he wanted to explore new realms and unknown lands, not that he couldn't have done that any other time of the year. Loki assumed that it was merely an excuse, so he was always angry with Thor around that time of the year. But when he was greeted by Hatchet's grinning face he managed to forget about Thor not wanting to be there.
It was like that right now. Hunting with Hatchet made him forget his worries for a little while. It cleared his mind better than any meditation. He was sure his friend dragged him away for this exact reason.
They headed back to the city when the sun was close to setting, the game strapped to the saddles, still in need of gutting and skinning. The beasts – North Caits they were called – were trotting at a slow pace.
'I have to tell you something, Loki,' Hatchet said when they were getting close to the city border. Loki just glanced at him so that he would continue. 'I didn't just decide one day that I needed to find you,' the elf finished.
Loki wanted to let out a sigh of relief and grin. He knew it! He knew Hatchet would not stay silent for long. He just knew it. He did not show his relief though; instead he just smiled a little and looked at Hatchet again.
'I'm listening.'
'Argh, you knew all along,' Hatchet grumbled.
'You're not that good a liar,' Loki told him. Hatchet sighed, but continued.
'I kept close to the Nine Realms,' he said. 'On the off-chance someone would actually go anywhere close to Midgard. No luck though, but I still wanted to stay close. So uhm, about four years ago I had a strange dream. And by dream I mean someone reached out to me through the astral plain to leave a little message in my head.'
'Who?'
'Frey.'
'I knew it was Frey,' Loki said.
'You already know everything, why am I even talking?'
'Keep talking.'
'Alright, so he did not tell me much,' Hatchet said. 'He said you were gone, either left on your own or taken against your will. He said I had to find you, because you were most likely in trouble and because he has need of you. He didn't say a word about anything that happened in Asgard and Midgard.'
'That is all?'
'I couldn't exactly contact him again for more information.'
'So you just up and went to look for me?'
'Well, yes,' Hatchet shrugged.
'Not like you to follow Frey's orders,' Loki remarked.
'I did not start searching because Frey needs you for something. I did it because he said you were in trouble.'
'Of course he did, you wouldn't have lifted a finger otherwise.'
'Your uncle is such a devious bastard.'
'That he is,' Loki chuckled. 'Almost hard to believe we are not actually related.' That thought sobered him up right away. With everything he lost he couldn't even call Frey his uncle anymore. He actually liked Frey, so the thought left a sour taste in his mouth.
'What do you think he needs you for?' Hatchet asked then. 'I didn't think there was anything he couldn't handle on his own. Why would he need your help? Especially considering you're not-'
'Not really a Prince of Asgard anymore?' Loki finished.
'I'm sure you're still a prince,' Hatchet said. 'Odin has to publicly disown you and strip you of your title to lose that. And believe me when I say, that the dear Queen Frigga would sooner claw out his remaining eye before she let that happen.'
'I don't know,' Loki shrugged.
'Trust me on this,' Hatchet said. 'But if it's any consolation, it's practically impossible to strip you of your title of Prince of Jötunheimr,' he added. 'With Laufey dead and all… Hey, maybe you're even Crown Prince, did Laufey had any other sons? I mean, older than you?'
'I don't know,' Loki answered.
'You have to look into that,' Hatchet said.
'I'm not interested in taking the throne of Jötunheimr,' Loki said firmly.
'I'm not talking about taking the throne, I'm talking about the advantages of the title of a Crown Prince of one of the Nine Realms,' the elf explained. 'Just think about it, you're going to need all the leverage you can get when we return to the Nine Realms.'
'I'll think about it,' Loki said after a long pause. He would, he had to, he knew that. He did not have the luxury not to. Not if he wanted to smooth things over even a little.
x-x-x
