"Hey."
"Hey," Maddie deadpans, approaching Noah. He offers her a smile and straightens up on the porch.
She glances at the cigarette in his hand.
"Is that weed?"
"No," he smirks, "Tobacco."
She sighs heavily, and her voice comes out thick, yet she seems to crack a joke, "I didn't know you smoked anything other than joints."
"Well, I'm a man that can appreciate a variety."
She stands next to him, placing her hands on the porch bannister. Noah notices that despite it being late at night, she is not wearing a jacket. A white shirt and thin pyjama pants seem to keep her warm. She looks out at the trees like she sees a ghost.
"Negan's snoring keeping you awake?"
Maddie smirks slightly, shaking her head, "No. I'm not tired."
"How are you holding up?"
She inches closer to him, "Fine," her eyes follow the cigarette in his fingers, "Can I have one?"
Instead of scolding her, or being surprised, he takes out a packet from the back of his jeans. She watches him.
"Why are you up?"
"I guess I'm not tired either," Noah places the cigarette between her lips and lights it. She starts coughing up clouds.
"Jesus, they're strong."
"I'm such a bad influence," he shakes his head and pats her back. A couple of drags in and she looks like she has been smoking all her life.
When she doesn't answer, he smiles.
"Are we like… drug buddies now?"
Maddie releases a cooped-up laugh, "Depends. Do you have a bag of cocaine on you?"
"I wish," he pulls back slightly, throwing the butt of his cigarette out on the lawn, "I'm turning in. Can I walk you back?"
She bites her nail when she folds her arms, "No. I'm staying out here for a bit."
Noah nods, taking out his pack of smokes, "Here. You'll be needing these."
His attitude towards her is so refreshing compared to the protective and possessive traits Negan carries. She takes the pack and nods, "Thank you."
He doesn't feel satisfied with his exit and pulls her in for a hug. She doesn't return it, but that's okay, "We'll pull through, yeah?"
Maddie bites her lip, holding her cigarette away from his body as one of her arms go around his torso, "Yeah."
"Am I interrupting?" Negan's voice comes from behind her.
She rolls her eyes, feeling Noah squeeze her tighter. As if to piss him off.
"No, I was just leaving," he says before kissing her forehead.
She doesn't see him walk into the house, but she hears him brushing past Negan, who is undoubtedly livid. She feels his rage without looking at him.
When the footsteps disappear, she brings the cigarette to her mouth. Negan grabs it and tosses it away.
"What the fuck?"
"Since when do you fucking smoke?"
"Since fucking now."
He wants to fight back but he refrains himself by placing a hand over his eyes, "What're you doing out here?"
"I couldn't sleep," she sighs, staring back into the trees. Negan leans his back against the bannister, brushing down his creased, white shirt.
Maddie feels the pack of cigarettes Noah gave her in the pathetic pocket of her PJ's, but getting them out would only make him bark out an insult. Either way, she isn't desperate to smoke. Part of her wants to do it to piss him off.
Negan waits a respectable minute before speaking again, "I'm worried about you."
"Shouldn't you be coddling that baby?"
He furrows his brows, "Are you jealous of a baby?"
"Fuck off."
He sighs and turns to face the same way she is, trying not to look at her for too long, because for all he knows, she might bolt.
"Darlin', talk to me."
Maddie looks down, her knuckles white on the bannister.
"Don't do this to me, doll. Just talk to me."
"What do you want me to say?"
He knows what got her into this state, but asking again would seem antagonizing. As if he knows nothing at all.
"Just tell me what you feel," he rubs his chin. Idiot. Sounds exactly like something he didn't want to say.
To his surprise, she answers without any venom in her voice, "I feel empty."
"Empty?" he turns to squeeze her shoulder, "Why do you feel empty?"
"I don't know," she sighs, leaning into his touch, "I did a bad thing."
"You didn't do a bad fucking thing. You did a good thing, alright?" he pulls her against him, "You got that baby to safety."
"And got her mother killed."
"That's not on you, darlin'," he kisses her temple.
"You weren't there."
"I didn't need to be there. I know none of it was your fucking fault. There isn't a bad bone in your body."
Maddie leans against his chest, listening to his fast heartbeat. He is nervous. She closes her eyes as he strokes her hair, waiting for her to speak.
"She really hated my guts, you know," Maddie says, pressing her forehead against him, "Is it weird that I miss her?"
"Like I said… not a bad bone in your body."
Maddie shakes her head, "I hated her back. A little bit."
"That's fucking natural."
"Are you just going to agree with everything I am saying?"
Negan chuckles quietly, placing a kiss on her forehead, "Yeah, I think it's wise."
She glances up at him briefly.
"I'm proud of you."
She raises an eyebrow, "What?"
He takes advantage and places a kiss on her lips before she can turn away, "I'm fucking proud of you as a person. You're so strong and you put up with my bullshit. And you keep it together better than I do."
Oddly, it feels nicer for him to say that than 'I love you'. She knows there is something stopping him from saying it. And she isn't going to question it. He needs to replace that phrase with something. And she guesses… this was it.
Maddie wraps her arms around him slowly, sighing, "I wish I was proud of me."
"Maddie, I…" he breaks off, nuzzling his nose in her hair. She can hear it on his tongue, yet he still doesn't say it.
"Go to bed," she says, "I'm not tired yet."
"Well, we don't have to go to bed because we're tired."
She shakes her head, smirking as his lips trail down her neck. She takes a deep breath and smells his alluring scent. His skin is hot against her nose, which only reminds her how freezing she was before. Strangely, her first shiver comes only now.
"Come on," he purrs, squeezing her closer, "I'll warm you up real good."
Maddie giggles, pushing at his chest, "No."
She feels his warm hand trailing under her shirt and up her stomach, "I'll take you right here then, baby girl."
She shivers at his touch, but stills his hand from going further.
"No, I mean… I don't want to."
Negan places his forehead against hers. She can see the hurt in his eyes but he masks it well, "It's alright, sweetheart. Can you come up anyway? I don't want you to fucking freeze to death."
She bites her lip and nods slowly, "Yeah. I guess I can give you that."
He chuckles, pulling her against him, "Good girl."
