"How's your stomach feeling?" Lightning asked gently. "Any better after eating?" Comfortably lying next to Fang on the bed, she lightly stroked Fang's chin with a gentle brush of her fingers. Fang hadn't stopped flinching at the initial touches, but she warmed to it when Lightning's hand was already there. Lightning wanted her that way, used to her touch again. Fang had been touched by evil so long, she needed the comfort Lightning knew her touch would bring in other circumstances than these. And she was getting it back slowly.
"It's better," Fang echoed softly, green eyes staring into Lightning's, still so sad.
"And your head?"
"Better too," Fang reported quietly. After Fang had cooked a little food for both of their hungry stomachs and faking the miscarriage just a couple of hours ago, Lightning felt a burden lifted from her shoulders that hadn't left until the fake miscarriage and it's documentation. It almost didn't feel real now, with everything they'd done and where they'd been. Something about that sleep she shared with Fang had made Lightning feel whole and well again. It'd been the first good rest she'd gotten in weeks, falling asleep under Fang's arm as she'd been.
Even with the sadness in her eyes, Fang looked a thousand times better as well. With a good rest, the weight of Jihl off her shoulders, and some food in her belly, Fang looked like she'd be okay. Lightning was happy to see it, and would work on that sadness in her eyes.
They were both going to get better. Finally, relief had come.
"You look happier," Fang remarked from the evidence.
"I feel good," Lightning stroked that perfect cheek, carried with this well feeling. "Don't you?"
"A little," Fang still looked sad, "This would've been the perfect day if I hadn't gone off on you yesterday."
"We all have our breaking points, Fang," Lightning tried to ease. She wanted Fang as happy as she was in this day. "We're going to work on yours together. No more liquor. And I know you can stop the anger you sometimes have, Fang. I've seen it." Lightning stroked back into her hair, then played with the messy rag between her fingers.
"You don't know that," Fang shook her head, heavy with the guilt of her misdoings. It wasn't something she'd get over anytime soon or ever. Lightning knew how Fang carried things, like her guilt with Vanille.
"I do," Lightning insisted back, "You don't hurt people when you're like this, Fang. We just need to keep you level-headed and in control."
"What if I hurt you again?" Fang whispered, horrified.
"You won't."
"But if I do," Fang insisted, "What then?"
"If you did, I'd personally leave you and you could walk right out the front door. Okay?" Lightning gave her arm a little squeeze. "It's not going to happen, Fang. But if it did, I'd make you leave. All right?"
"Okay," Fang agreed softly. "Okay, that's good."
Lightning shook her head, "You're not going to fail this time, Fang. Jihl's not here anymore. It's just me."
"You're vulnerable that way," Fang objected softly.
"No more than you. Look what happened when you tried to stay alone." Lightning squeezed her upper arm. "I'm not letting you stay that way either, Fang."
The phone rang, startling both of them. Lightning's heart started to race before she realized her own ring tone. "It's mine," Lightning announced, seeing the similar startle in Fang. Her mind started processing again enough to realize the day, "It's Serah," Lightning said, searching for the ringing thing. Fang winced like she was in pain.
"It's on the floor, on the other side of the dresser." Fang shared. Lightning looked at her funny until she realized it was probably too loud for Fang. She hurriedly rolled on the bed, got up, and retrieved the phone to answer. Fang flinched as she returned to the bed. "Thanks."
"Serah?"
"Claire!" Serah happily greeted. "I've missed you."
"Missed you too,"
"How are you?" Serah asked quickly, "How is Fang? Things getting better between you two again?"
Lightning glanced at Fang and gave her hand a little squeeze. "They are," Lightning admitted, "Fang's with me here now. We're both doing better."
"Really?" Serah almost squeaked.
"Sure, Serah." Lightning held the phone out a bit.
"I can hear," Fang waved away, "Hi, Serah."
"Fang! How are you? You feeling better over there? Claire sounds happy again."
"She is," Fang shared, checking Lightning's face, who smiled. "I'm sorry for being so moody of late, Serah."
"That's okay, Fang," Serah easily forgave, "I'm just really happy to hear you're sounding better with Claire. You guys really needed that wind down to relax."
"Yeah…"
"What about you, Serah?" Lightning asked in turn when Fang drifted, "How's Gran Pulse been? Are you having fun?"
"So much fun, Claire," Serah shared, enthused. "It's even more beautiful than last time. Someone's with me wherever I go, don't worry, but it's been so incredible here. Vanille still gets a little sad sometimes, but she's working through it with Sky and Anya; they've helped her a lot, I think. She'll actually be here in a moment; she ran back to give the chocobo greens."
"Who's with you now?" Lightning asked just to check.
"Sky's behind me grumbling to a woman about the tech. I'm pretty sure she can hear everything though. Op! She just looked at me. Yep, she can hear."
"Good, good," Lightning said, glad someone was there with her.
"And oh!" Serah added, "I have news on the Hawke front. I'll share if you promise not to get too upset."
"Go ahead, Serah."
"That's not a promise!" Serah objected, "Promise you won't get upset!"
Lightning offered Fang a light smile. "I promise I won't get upset. Within reason."
"Okay, well, Hawke asked me out!" Serah rushed in an excited voice, "And she wants to do it the Cocoon way for me! No immediate sex or anything, Claire. She wants to date me! She even said she's willing to wait for me and try long-distance, if we have to for a time."
Lightning had mixed feelings, as she would with Serah and any suitor, but Hawke was pretty respectable, and as long as they didn't rush into anything, Lightning preferred her over some random guy. It sounded like Hawke was willing to make the effort too, which was a lot, coming from a clan like hers. Serah was no child, either. She could make her own choices, and Lightning trusted her sister to choose a pace comfortable for her own well being. Hopefully, that wasn't as fast as Lightning's had started off with Fang. "I'm happy for you, Serah. Hawke should take care of you well."
"What?" Someone snapped from somewhere further from the phone.
"Whoa," Serah breathed into the phone, "Did you and Fang just have sex?"
Lightning brushed Fang's cheek, that'd gained a cherry tint. "And tell her I'll break her legs if she hurts you or pushes too fast."
"That sounds more like the Claire I know. Though, Sky's freaking out over here, going crazy with the thought that you approve."
Lightning smiled. "Tell Sky it's gonna be okay."
"You were supposed to veto the idea!" Sky yowled in pain.
"There's another thing too, Claire," Serah added, supposedly comforting Sky while at it. "It's big."
"Bigger than you getting together with Hawke?"
"Mhmm," Serah confirmed tentatively, "You don't have to think about it immediately for the near future or anything, but it's something Hawke's given us to think about. Both of us."
Lightning quirked an eyebrow, but quit when that strained her injured cheek. "Oh?"
"Yeah," Serah went more slowly with this one, "Hawke's, um… she's found me a place on one of the digging and historical study teams. I don't have to take it now—don't freak out! But I don't have to finish schooling either if I want it. I thought… maybe when I finished the semester, we could think about it. Fang wants to go home, doesn't she? And I assumed that you'd go with her. Now, we wouldn't have to wait so long to leave Cocoon and come live with Fang's family. It's a big thing, I know, but I can't stop thinking about how… nice that would be, you know? You could stop working at the bar and be a hunter with Fang, or guard me if you want to, whatever. It's just… kinda what we always wanted, you know?"
"Yeah…" Lightning agreed, staring at Fang, who looked both confused, frightened, and… was that hopeful? By the news.
"Anyway," Serah said, "I just wanted to put that out there for something to think about, maybe. And since things sounded better with you and Fang… I wanted to mention it."
"It's definitely something to think about," Lightning agreed.
"Vanille's coming over," Serah added, "She probably wants to talk to Fang."
"Of course," Lightning agreed, still a little mystified with it. Could it really be so easy as this? Lightning still intended to tell Fang's parents the truth, once and for all, but maybe it didn't have to end so badly after all. Maybe Lightning and Fang could share that dream together. Lightning had been thinking about ways to return to Gran Pulse with Fang since Fang's apologies this morning. She still wasn't sure how she would actually tell them, and it'd be a rough, bumpy road till everyone was at ease, but the slim chance of her and Fang ending up together was widening. Lightning would do everything she could to keep it that way.
Maybe there was a happy ending in all this.
"I'll talk to you in a minute, Claire." Serah promised. "Here's Vanille."
"Fang?"
"I'm here, Vanille," Fang answered back. Lightning held the phone to her, offering Fang her privacy. Fang too it with a nod of thanks, "Vanille, hey…" with one last stroke to Fang's cheek, Lightning rolled up off the bed as Fang murmured into the phone. Lightning crossed into the bathroom and winced at seeing her cheek. Closing the door behind her for both her and Fang's privacy, Lightning went to the mirror and examined the damage again.
The bruise hadn't yet started to fade, which was expected. Creams for bruising weren't nearly as effective as open-faced wounds on the skin. She'd probably still have it for a good week yet, at least. Lightning lifted a finger to the black and blue scarring across her cheek. She grazed it, the sensitive skin so tender, it picked up even that and stung.
Was she doing the right thing keeping Fang here after this? Lightning lowered her eyes to the sink. She'd been so relieved to find Fang as she was again, she hadn't given herself adequate time to think. Last night, she'd been convinced this was the end with Fang. A relationship couldn't survive without trust and Fang didn't have that confidence in her. Not only that, she'd tried to rape her last night, and almost succeeded. Fang was frighteningly stronger than her… it could've gone so much worse if she hadn't stopped.
But she did…
Only after she'd struck her first and said those things. Lightning shook her head. She'd seen this so much in Serah's movies; girls with abusive boyfriends who wouldn't leave because they were in love. Was she being as stupid as one of those girls to stay?
But, there were differences. Fang wasn't a man and her guilt was different from theirs. Genuine, remorseful, saying they should separate… and Fang had the extenuating circumstance of being raped. She'd been trying to protect Lightning when she closed her out of her life. Lightning knew she'd hit a breaking point; she just hadn't imagined how that'd come to pass. Jihl had twisted and warped her mind. Lightning had put her into that situation; Fang wasn't wholly to blame.
Lightning sighed. All those girls thought their situation had been different too. Could they actually survive this? Lightning didn't know. She'd never imagined herself in such a situation or been romantic in thinking of love, but her morals had always stood strong that physical abuse couldn't fit in a relationship.
Lightning couldn't know. It was the ultimate strain, bouncing back and forth the ideas in her head, but she trusted Fang. Lightning trusted her. She wouldn't do something like this ever again. She just wouldn't. Free from Jihl now, she'd have no reason to estrange herself again.
The anger had always been in Fang. Vanille had seen it when Fang snapped, and Lightning had seen it both on Scar and firsthand. It was a problem Fang had never dealt with, but to drink it away. Lightning didn't plan to let that happen the same way; they both knew Fang had an issue and she wouldn't work it out alone. Fang deserved a second chance. Someone had to be with her to help cure that flaw in Fang.
Lightning would stick through this one more time. Fang needed someone, and she wasn't going to abandon her. It'd be different this time, Lightning believed. This was her test to trust in Fang.
XXX
Lightning stared at the compact phone with Jihl's name scrawled across the screen. Under it, her message, 'What Fang hasn't been able to tell you… watch and see, Sweet Thing.'Attached was a video clip. Lightning looked at it for a good long minute, then glanced up at the bathroom Fang was currently in.
Lightning watched the little message scroll, something threatening in her belly. Did Jihl have something else she wanted to use against Fang, or was this her last message, a little retort for losing her game with Fang? Whatever it was, Lightning had to see it. Even if it was only her last jibe at them both, Lightning had to know for sure Jihl was at her last end.
Plugging in the phone to the television with a transfer cord, Lightning opened the file to playback. A big picture of Jihl opened up on screen. "Precious, Lightning," Jihl purred through her lips.
"Lightning?" Fang's voice came panicked from the bathroom. She was out in a millisecond, looking horrified till she saw Lightning and the screen. Lightning held up a hand to quiet her as Jihl went on.
"Fang's been a very bad girl, you see."
Fang came up beside her, whispering quick and desperately. "What's going on?"
"Jihl sent it," Lightning said shortly, listening to the psycho on screen.
"A very, very naughty thing. I imagine she hasn't told you even now, after all our adventures together we've had. It's wrong, you understand. I feel it is my duty to bright you out of the dark; if not for Fang's sake to show she rightfully belongs to me, then for your own. A favor, we shall say. As woman to woman, let me show you how deeply sorry Fang's been."
Lightning glanced at Fang, who looked horrified at the screen. Moaning broke the air, and when Lightning checked back, Fang was licking between Jihl's legs on screen. "Oh," Jihl moaned, "Oh, baby, that's great! Keep. Going. Ohhh," the screen flicked to a supposedly later moment. Fang crawled up Jihl's naked body as she heaved. "Oh, Fang," Jihl breathed in delight.
"That's enough," Fang said, not wanting to see.
Lightning agreed. This was a final punch to Fang, not Lightning. About to click it off, a lusty voice breathed heavily, "Do you love me?"
It was Fang's.
Lightning stilled as everything in her froze, going rigid at the sound. She blinked several times, not sure she'd heard correctly. But then Jihl was answering, answering the question Fang had breathed.
"You know I do, Fang,"
Fang slid herself into Jihl rather roughly, making her gasp. "I love you too," They kissed. Fang's hand slid into Jihl's and squeezed. Fang gasped as her thighs clenched, lips near her ear now. "Jihl," her face scrunched in bliss. "Please."
"Fang," Lightning's chest felt tight. It was fake, or forced, Jihl had to have told her to say these things, but when Lightning tore her eyes away to look at Fang, Fang was drowning. "Fang," Lightning repeated, louder to pull her awe-struck eyes away. Her heart raced beneath her breast. "She made you… say those things?"
"So muchhh," on-screen Fang moaned, "Jihllll,"
"Shh, baby," Jihl hushed, "I'll take care of your needs."
Fang's eyes had already returned to the screen, where she worked her jaw soundlessly. "I… I don't know."
"You don't know?" Lightning challenged her back, grabbing Fang's arm, though she didn't know if it was in threat or desperation.
"I…" Fang looked at her with big eyes, scared out of her mind. "I don't remember."
"You don't remember," Lightning repeated again, releasing Fang's arm, heart racing a mile. She felt numb everywhere but for her mind, which raced along with the throb taking hold of her chest. Things were spinning. Events, these past few weeks with Fang. Lightning remembered when Fang had shoved her from Jihl's office, and how angry she'd been with Lightning when she came home that day. Come to think of it, Fang had always been angry when she tried to push about Jihl, always ready to shut Lightning up about anything pertaining to her at the drop of a hat. And when she'd returned home cold and unwelcoming, that hadn't been an instinct to protect Lightning at all. She'd been protecting herself and Jihl.
Lightning looked at Fang with horror and disbelief, trying to think of any other believable reason for Fang. But even as she tried that, Lightning's mind went straight to the evidence. Fang had tried to break up with her today, right after Lightning had told her she'd been freed. Had the fight yesterday been set up too, as a ways to break up with her? Why wouldn't Fang just tell her she had someone else? Had this been the plan from the start, putting her through their sick game while Fang happily humped Jihl?
"Fang," Lightning repeated, begging Fang with her eyes to tell her it wasn't so. It was a trick, a forgery, an instance that Jihl had forced her when they were together and alone.
"I don't know what it is," Fang tried to claim, "Lightning, I wouldn't say that to Jihl. I love you, not her."
Lightning tried to breathe at the words, to disconnect those dots in her head that'd added up to unspeakable betrayal. Fang wasn't capable of that kind of thing.
"It's a fake then." Lightning tried to suppress all those terrible thoughts about Fang. "You never said… any of those things?"
"No," Fang shook her head rapidly, staring in horror at the screen, "I wouldn't, Light. I wouldn't say those things to Jihl."
"I would never hurt you, baby," Jihl purred, stroking Fang's hair. "Never deny you for a filthy man."
"Cid," Fang growled like a curse, nails digging into Jihl's arms as she kissed her roughly. "Not just him. Lightning's fucked many men. For the itch, she said. Jaden, Luke, Ryan…"
"The whore," Jihl purred into her ear.
Lightning went cold in an instant, recent wounds ripped open and salted in a suckerpunch. "You told her about the men I've been with?"
"What else does Lightning hurt you with, my dear?" Jihl eased, "You can tell me."
Fang eventually spoke, squeezing Jihl's arms for comfort. "I lied to my family for her, and she doesn't even love me."
"Go on," Jihl reassuringly said.
"I just wanted a family." Fang nuzzled Jihl's chest, arms winding under Jihl's back to squeeze. "Lightning hurts her family like she hurt me. She lied to Serah, my parents… "
"Tsk." Jihl tutted, "What kind of mother brings up a daughter like that?"
"She doesn't have a mom."
"Oh?" Jihl pressed. "Does she not, now?"
"She killed her parents." Fang informed casually, of Lightning's most personal things. "Crashed them right into another kid. She killed him too."
Lightning gaped, hardly able to believe her eyes of what was on screen. "Fang?"
Fang stared, gawking.
"Killed someone else's child?" Jihl shook her head, "She doesn't sound like very good mothering material, Fang."
"She doesn't," Fang agreed, "She doesn't even want my babies. She takes a pill to stop them from growing inside her so we'll never have a real family."
"I'd give you a family," Jihl purred, "I'd love to have your babies in me, Fang."
"I'll put them there," Fang said, "In a real mother. You'll make a good mom, Jihl."
"Not like Lightning, hmm?"
"Mmm."
Jihl groaned then as Fang hardened within her. "Ready again, Fang?"
"I wanna make a baby."
"Ohhh, Fang," Jihl moaned, "Yes, please!"
"Fang," Lightning's head throbbed so bad. "What the hell is this?"
Fang gaped at the screen. "I didn't!"
"She didn't edit that in, Fang!" Lightning roared, fire taking her chest in rising to cover the increasing pain.
"I didn't! I swear, I never said those things to her, Light!" Fang protested the very thought of it.
"Obviously, you did!" Lightning yelled back, "She wouldn't fucking know that shit if you hadn't!"
Fang panicked, looking desperate. "I— I black out sometimes, Light! Parts of my memory— they're missing. I don't remember them. I don't remember this, I swear to you— "
"That's supposed to make it better?" Lightning roared back, fire in her eating away all the pain welling in her chest. "That you're too drunk to remember saying these things? Is that even true, or are you still trying to cover your ass? Too fucking ashamed to tell me!"
"Lightning, no!" Fang pleaded, "I don't love her! I don't love Jihl, I swear! I'd never say these things!"
"Mmm," On-screen Fang moaned, "So good, Jihl."
Lightning's eyes burned, seeing the tv, seeing Fang making love to that whore on-screen. "Was it payback?" Lightning asked, anger dying in the rising pain that felt like a stroke beneath her breast. Lightning clung to the anger to keep herself standing. "Were you punishing me for the stupid lie to your parents?"
"No," Fang whimpered, rapidly shaking her head. "It's not like that, Light. I never held that against you. That wasn't your fault.." She tried to step towards her, but Lightning backed away.
"Don't touch me," Lightning spat, staring at Fang in disbelief as her anguish welled, building like a horrible plague that was crippling Lightning with pain. "You told me she raped you," Lightning choked on that in incredulity, the sting hurting so bad, she could barely breathe. "You told me you loved me!"
"I do love you," Fang claimed again, crying. Lightning balked at her audacity; not only unable to own up in this moment of truth, but pervading the lie that lacerated Lightning's heart like a molten chain.
"Shut up," Lightning snapped, backing away again when Fang stopped advancing. "Just shut up. Get away from me."
"Lightning— "
"LEAVE!" Lightning screamed, not sure how much more of this she could take. She felt sick and her hands were shaking. Everything in her head was going dizzy as the anger faded, replaced with fresh injury worse than any physical pain. For a moment, Lightning feared she might not even do it, driven in this malice to cause Lightning so much pain. But then her footsteps sounded in retreat. Fang stopped at the door, looking back at her with something so akin to remorse, it burned through Lightning raw.
"I'm sorry." Fang stepped out to leave. When the door had closed behind her, Lightning raced to it and locked the bolt. Her head throbbed. To the recognition greeting system by the door, Lightning hit the erase command and ordered in a rushed hiss.
"Forget Fang."
"Deleting Yun Fang from recognition system," the automated voice replied emotionlessly.
Lightning wished she could so easily. Only when she was safely shut away did Lightning allow her knees to buckle. Back sliding against the door, Lightning crumpled, drowning in her pain.
