I do not own any of the characters or the Hobbit (just the AU storyline and my OC) those are the work of the esteemed and brilliant John Ronald Reull Tolkien, and without his genius,this and many other fan fics would not be in existence.
Please review! I love getting them-they keep me encouraged J
Kili could feel how tense she was the second the rag gently pressed up against her wounds with a hiss, and he sighed, eyes downcast.
"I-I'm sorry," he whispered. "This is….I am going to be as gentle as I can, but this….is going to hurt."
His own scrapes stung on his hands from having been cleansed in the cold creek while he was washing the makeshift bandages. He glanced over at them, draped on a rock next to the fire, hoping they would be dry by the time he needed them.
"I-I know," she said quietly, a muffled cry emitting from her immediately after as she pressed her face into the bunch of fabric in front of her. Her shoulders trembled, and her body instinctively flinched away from the intrusion. Nausea threatened, but she knew that it would only end up being acid again, her stomach entirely empty by this point, and fought it as best as she could. Her eyes were tightly scrunched against the pain.
Kili moved the rag slowly, removing the already scabbed over parts of the swollen and jagged cuts to allow the filth to wash away. She flinched again as a wave of dizziness threatened to overcome her, gasping as her breaths came quickly.
"Cirashala?" Kili asked, voice filled with concern as his hand stilled, noticing her waver. "A-are you….going to be sick?" She swallowed several times in rapid succession.
"J-just…dizz—" she was cut off as her whole body tilted toward the side, her head suddenly feeling very heavy as the world began to spin. The young dwarf caught her arm, supporting her. Blood rushed through her ears, making her nearly lose the battle against nausea.
Kili looked at her, his brow furrowed with concern even as the motion of reaching out put pressure on his sore ribcage.
"M-maybe you should lie down," he suggested softly, and she shook her head.
"Y-you won't be….able to…..wrap b-bandages around," she gasped, taking deep breaths. "I-I'm all right."
Kili looked at her for a moment, nodding. He slowly sat her up, before switching hands so his left lightly gripped her left arm to support her. He resumed the cleaning with his right, continuing to peel off the new scabs gently but quickly.
The young dwarf could see that she was succumbing to exhaustion and dehydration, and glanced toward the bandages, noting with relief that they seemed to be mostly dry. He had to change the water several times, noting that she wavered more and more each time he left her.
He finally finished cleaning the wounds, noting that they seemed to look much better once the grime and filth was off them, though they still looked angry and painful. Reaching for the strips of cloth, he tied the ends of the first two together, before bringing it up to wind it around. He held the end with his left, pulling it to the right, before hesitating.
"C-Cirashala?" he said, voice trembling with nervousness as his face flushed a deep crimson. "C-could you maybe….wind it around your….a-around the front? I….I don't want to accidentally…." The mortified young dwarf couldn't even finish the last sentence, positive his glowing face could be seen for miles.
Fortunately, Cirashala understood what he meant, and was internally grateful. She most definitely did not want any "accidents" either, and though it pained her, she reached her left arm around to grasp the end of the bandage. She pulled it around her, feeling Kili take the end once it was visible on her left.
The process was repeated several times, Kili making sure to overlap the bandages so that they were thicker, and pulling it taut to put pressure on the wounds. He was careful to keep a close eye on her ribs, and adjusted the bandage accordingly to not restrict movement and allow her to breathe. Once he reached the end of a strand, he tied another on, until he finally had wrapped her entire torso.
XXX
Kili tied off the end of the bandage, having enough strips to wrap around her, while still leaving a few extra bandages for future use. He slowly lowered his arm, and sat back.
"Finished," he whispered, breathing a small sigh of relief. "I-I'm no healer, but hopefully it will make do."
She nodded, reaching for the blue tunic. Kili turned his back to allow her at least some privacy, moving to check his coat and see if it was dry as he slowly lowered himself down by the fire. His own clothes felt clammy against his skin, and smelled horrid. He desperately wished he could wash them, but he didn't dare-not with her nearby, and they didn't have any soap anyway.
His scrapes stung, and he wished they had some sort of salve to put on them. He wished they had a lot of things, like food, supplies, proper healing medicines and bandages, and spare clothing. He would even be content with the rose scented elvish soap at this point. He also desperately wished that he knew where they were, and where the company was.
But most of all, he wondered whether his brother even knew if he was alive.
XXX
The company finally stopped when they reached level ground. They were still some ways up the mountain, but the forest was quiet around them.
Thorin set Fili down on the ground gently, looking down at him with deep concern. Gandalf was doing a headcount as the dwarves caught up. Bombur came in last as usual, huffing like a freight train with tears of grief coursing down his cheeks.
"And Bombur, that makes twelve," Gandalf muttered, the wizard keenly feeling the loss of the young ones as well. His brow furrowed as he realized they were still one short. "Where's Bilbo? Where is our hobbit?"
"Curses! Now we've lost him too! I thought he was with Dori!" Dwalin growled. Dori glared back.
"Don't blame me!" the white haired dwarf spat back, even as he held a teary eyed Ori's arm in a death grip, as though he was afraid of losing his younger brother too. Gandalf looked sternly at the protective dwarf.
"Where did you last see him?" Gandalf asked shortly. Dori's expression turned confused, even as he rubbed a sniffling Ori's shoulders, the younger trying in vain to keep his tears of grief at bay.
The wizard sighed in frustration. His temper was quite short at this point, and not for the first time did he question Aulë's wisdom in creating dwarves in the first place. He was grieved too-centuries of seeing death hadn't made it any easier, but now was not the time. They needed to find their burglar.
Thorin looked up at the wizard darkly as he cradled his still unconscious nephew's head, and his dark look was shared by several other members of the company.
"I will tell you where he is. He is long gone, and Mahal curse the hair on his feet!" Thorin growled. "All that selfish hobbit has done is whine and complain about not having his seven meals a day, soft bed and thrice cursed garden! Where is he? Where was he when my nephew was killed? When Fili lost his younger brother?"
Gandalf glared at Thorin, neither realizing that an invisible Bilbo was hiding just behind the tree nearest the company, hearing the whole thing with wide, shocked eyes and a sinking heart.
Kili? Kili is dead? The hobbit thought, his throat catching as tears welled in his eyes. H-how?
The wizard glared at the furious and grieving dwarf king.
"Where were any of you when the girl was tortured?" he asked, causing Bilbo's face to go white.
T-tortured? He thought, cursing himself for having gotten knocked down before he was able to catch up to the dwarves. No…
Gandalf looked around at the group of dwarves, glaring at each in turn, even as some of them were leaning up against each other due to their injuries. Balin spoke up, voice thick with grief even as his own eyes were misty.
"Young Kili was the only one who was able to break past the goblins to try and stop them, but he didn't make it very far before the goblins grabbed him too," Balin stated, eyes damp. "We all tried to hide her, but when the great goblin threatened to torture the lad, she spoke up, stating that she was the youngest, and we couldn't hide her after that."
"A-aye," Bofur added, holding his hat tightly in his hands. "The goblins were on her too fast. I haven't the faintest idea what language it was she spoke to him besides Westron and Khuzdul, but she insulted him greatly, at least from what I understood of it."
Gandalf looked around at the remaining members of the company, expression softening just slightly as he bore witness to their grief and his anger began to dissipate.
Bofur placed his hand on his brother's shoulder even as the rotund dwarf wiped his eyes. Nori and Dori both refused to let a sniffling Ori out of their sight. Gloin looked guilty, and kept glaring at the mountain behind them, fingering his axe. Dwalin was right there with him, hand gripping his axe so hard his knuckles were white, staring with hatred at the mountain that claimed the life of his prince.
And Balin and Thorin were knelt down beside the unconscious Fili, whose face still bore traces of tears that led down his dirty face into his just growing beard. The wizard sighed, kneeling down beside the three.
He could not save the life of the one who had already been called home, but he could at least try to revive the one who was left behind. The question in his mind was….should he?
XXX
The night was fully dark now, and the only light in the sheltered spot came from their fire and the little bit of moonlight that streamed through the thick pines above them. The white sphere reflected in the clear pool in front of him, as did the stars surrounding it. He looked up at the sky, seeing the sickle of the Valar to the north, the last couple stars from it being hidden among the pine boughs.
Kili's stomach growled, but there was nothing that could be done about it. He slowly began to feel the effects of adrenaline wearing off. Gritting his teeth against the pain that radiated from his injured body, he picked up his knife and glanced around for a rough edged stone. Spotting one after a moment, he picked it up and began to sharpen the blade as best he could. He knew that was the only weapon they had, and he must make sure it was sharp.
He coughed suddenly, a very watery cough, before spitting out a small amount of filthy river water. Making a face at the vile taste of it, he rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand, before scooting closer to the mountain spring. Dipping his cupped hand into the water, he brought it up to his mouth, swishing out the vile taste before spitting it out into the bush.
He had put his jerkin back on, and made sure to pull it over his long underwear as best he could, though he could not tie it together in the front. Despite the embarrassment at not having a tunic at all, he was at least grateful that the long underwear covered just as much of his body as his tunic had.
He heard her shuffling and whimpering behind him as she struggled to get the tunic on without tugging on her wounds, and was tempted to ask her if she needed help, but decided against it. She had held her own quite well in Goblin town, all things considered, and had shown a pride and strength he had never seen outright before. The young dwarf had a feeling her pride would not allow her to accept the offer of aid on such a simple task.
Thinking of Goblin town reminded the lad of the strange insults she had paid the great goblin. He had only understood about half of what she had said, and there was one particular phrase that he couldn't seem to figure out at all. By her tone, he guessed it to be an insult, but he was quite certain he had never heard such a word spoken before by anyone he had come across.
He heard the shuffling cease, and turned his head slightly over his shoulder to hear more clearly, still averting his eyes.
"A-are you…decent?" he asked, feeling his cheeks color again. If he never had to be in the presence of a female during healing or undressing of any kind again, the shy young dwarf would be forever grateful. He could not remember having ever blushed this much in his life, nor could he recall his chest tugging in such a strange way before.
Surely it has something to do with my cracked ribs, the young dwarf thought to himself. That's the only thing I can think of.
"Yes," she whispered, and Kili turned around. She tried to stand up, but as soon as she got to her feet she began to sway badly. The young dwarf was on his feet in an instant, face twisting in a grimace as he yanked on all his bruises. He caught her just as she began to collapse, and helped her over to the base of a large tree, sitting her down next to it much like he had earlier-with her side leaning against it.
"I-I'm sorry," she whispered, looking up at him with pain filled eyes. "I-I just….was dizzy….is all." She closed her eyes, swallowing, and Kili's eye caught the moonlight gleaming off the spring. He remembered what she had said back at that first stream crossing outside Rivendell-that Lord Elrond had told her to drink lots of water to help replenish the blood she lost.
He slowly lowered himself down, cupping his hands together as he scooped up some cool water. Standing up, he returned, squatting down in front of her with a wince.
"Drink," he commanded, holding his cupped hands under her mouth. "You've lost more blood. You need it." She opened her eyes halfway, glancing at his hands for a few seconds, then up at his eyes, hesitating.
"Drink," he repeated, his tone gentle. "Please." She closed her eyes for a moment, before opening them slightly and leaning forward. She drank the little bit of water his hands could hold, before leaning back up against the tree, quickly succumbing to her exhaustion.
He rose, adding more wood to the fire and retrieving his coat. She was already steadily breathing by the time he sat back down beside her, draping the now warm coat over their laps, for he knew that a starlit night meant a cold night. Her eyes opened as she felt the weight and warmth of the coat on her legs and lower abdomen, and she turned her sleepy gaze to the equally exhausted young dwarf.
"Kili," she mumbled, and he turned to look at her. Her eyes closed, and she took a deep breath, before meeting his gaze. "I-I know….I need to-to be brave and s-strong, but….I….I'm frightened."
Kili looked at her, then at the fire, not saying anything for a few minutes. Then, though he had to bite back a cry of pain, he slowly lifted his arm and brought it around the top of her shoulders above her wounds, pulling her towards him and using his hand to lay her head on his shoulder. He felt her stiffen slightly for a moment, and froze, but then she relaxed and curled into him, sharing the warmth, and he rested his hand loosely at her side. She closed her eyes, and heard the soothing sound of a heartbeat pulsing through a vein next to her ear. His reply was so quiet she almost wondered if she had dreamed it.
"I'm frightened too."
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A response to guest reviewer Ri-chan- Yes, she did have bad experiences, and I know it can be cliché, but it really is very important in understanding why it is so difficult for her to trust others, and why it was significant that she was willing to trust him. And sadly, based on my own experiences (which hers are based off of) and the experiences of my husband's 4 adopted brothers and sisters, who were badly abused in their former homes, it might be cliché- but it really does happen, in fact it happens far too much, and I did not wish to turn a blind eye to abuse for the sake of avoiding "clichés". Yes, there is quite a lot of similarity between her and Kili, which is one of the reasons Fili gets along with her so well, and why she and Kili get along too. Yes, the journey will be long, but these things really do take time. No one falls in love in five minutes, and they won't in my story. Kili's past was more bullying, and Cira's past was both bullying and various kinds of abuse at home and from two ex-boyfriends. Thanks for reading and enjoying :) Have you thought about getting an account on here so you can formally review, and not just as a guest?
Many thanks to all who review, favorite, and follow- without you guys, I would just be a FF writer with a whole lot less memory on my computer! Seriously, you guys are awesome! :D :D :D
