Chapter 45
Kitty
Kitty ignored Farrar's comment as she walked away. The only thing she was really interested in was keeping Ptolemy from seeing her blush. She was supposed to be tough Resistance leader Kitty Jones! Not falling for someone who had been dead for over two thousand years. She was supposed to hate all magicians, including Ptolemy. But she didn't. She loved Ptolemy and she couldn't help it. Was it okay to love Ptolemy? Kitty wasn't sure.
As she drew out the pentacle, a thought passed through her mind. What would Bartimaeus say to all this?
One way to find out.
When Bartimaeus appeared in the pentacle, Kitty took a deep breath. He was in Ptolemy's form. Just seeing it made her nervous. "Hey, Kitty," He said.
It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Bartimaeus can mirror Ptolemy, Kitty thought to herself. But he can't copy him. She took another breath. This wasn't going to be as bad as she thought. Kitty took another breath. "Bartimaeus," she paused for a moment, thinking of how to word it. "I have to tell you something."
"I'm all ears." He replied.
"But you can't tell anyone." She stopped for a moment. "You have to promise you won't tell anyone."
Bartimaeus nodded. "You know I'm good for it."
Kitty nodded. "Well," She looked down to her hands, toyed with them a moment. "I…I…" She dropped her hands to her side, looked into Bartimaeus' eyes. They were filled with patient expectancy. Kitty sighed, stepped into Bartimaeus' pentacle, whispered her secret in his ear. She backed off into her pentacle, put her hands behind her back as though ashamed, looked to the ground, dragged her foot in an imaginary circle.
Bartimaeus was silent for a moment. He folded his arms. "Why'd you tell me?"
"You're like a brother to Ptolemy, and I needed to tell someone."
"Why not Ptolemy?"
"No, I can't do that."
"Oh, I see."
"You won't tell anyone, right? Oh, please don't tell anyone!"
Bartimaeus frowned. He unfolded his arms. "Why would I tell anyone?"
"Well, Ptolemy is your best friend…" She let her voice drift.
"I won't tell him Kitty. Promise."
Kitty smiled. "Thanks, Bartimaeus. C'mon. We've got things to do." Kitty stepped out of the pentacle and began to walk away. She felt Bartimaeus do the same.
Kitty walked with a smile on her face. She was in love with Ptolemy and she wasn't afraid of it anymore. She was ready to confess to Ptolemy.
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The four of them—Ptolemy, Bartimaeus, Kitty herself, and Farrar—had decided that Bartimaeus would go and search for cures of lycanthropy. But before he left, he locked Farrar in the bathroom. She let him, too. She was a 'threat and danger' to them, as she put it, so she willingly locked herself in the bathroom.
Kitty and Ptolemy were conveniently left alone; together. Bartimaeus had told them to stick together. Of course, that meant the two of them were alone. Bartimaeus had left with a smile on his face, and Kitty knew he set it up.
Kitty and Ptolemy had decided to venture up to the third and fourth levels of the mansion. Farrar herself didn't go up there, so they suspected they would be free of decaying bodies.
Everything was just as elegant, beautiful, and expensive as the floors below. It was a true shame Farrar never used these floors. They were defiantly worth attention and praise. Somehow they seemed to radiate more beauty then the others. That is, before the others were trashed. The glass chandelier in the middle of the room was beautifully elegant. Every little shard of glass had its own texture, and every time light hit them they would emit off a different color, making a rainbow fill the room. And to think this was just the main hall. Kitty's heart fluttered with excitement when she thought of what the actual rooms would look like.
"Let's go up to the top floor," Ptolemy broke her thoughts. She looked over to him and smiled. He seemed to be admiring the surroundings just as much as she was. He looked down to her, the light sparkling in his eyes. Kitty nodded and allowed Ptolemy to drift away in exploration. Why not? There was nothing up here to be afraid of.
After another minute of two of admiring the chandelier, Kitty followed after Ptolemy up a staircase. There was a red carpet flowing down the stairs as though it was a runway. Kitty smiled and shook her head slightly. Farrar didn't know what she was missing.
Ptolemy's curiosity brought the both of them to a huge dome-like room that seemed to be something like an observatory. There was hardly anything in this room, save for a huge wall on the left-hand side and a large lever protruding from the ground next to it. Ptolemy looked around for a moment, leaned up against the lever for a moment. When he moved, the lever fell back and clicked into its new position. In response to the lever, the wall moved upward. It moved in on itself and continued to do so until a large gap was made in the wall. The gap was about halfway to the ceiling; about five times Kitty's height. The wall of the dome had moved to reveal a window that looked out on all of London peacefully.
Kitty's eyes widened in wonder and awe. She stared out at London and watched as the sun's last few rays slowly began to disappear beyond the horizon. The sky's clouds were a purple-pink color that held Kitty's eye. She felt a smile spread across her face as she enjoyed the picture.
"Two thousand and some years and it hasn't changed." Ptolemy broke through her thoughts. She looked over to him and caught his eye. His glistened in the light and seemed to bounce with joy. Kitty forced herself to blink and look away.
Even though she couldn't see him, Kitty could feel Ptolemy look at her, maybe wondering why she had a nervous look to her. She pictured him now; his lips slightly parted, his head tilted slightly to one side in wonder. Picturing him like this didn't make her feel any better. If anything, she felt worse.
Absentmindedly, Kitty allowed her legs to collapse. She fell into a perfect pretzel position, continued to stare out at the horizon in hopes of getting Ptolemy out of her mind.
Ptolemy sat down beside her, scribe position, looked out the window as well, sighed. "Still hasn't changed," he repeated. Kitty nodded numbly in reply.
"It is beautiful. But there are better things out there." She didn't let her eyes drift over to him. She felt herself blush slightly. Don't say it! The voice shouted at her. She wanted to say something like: 'Something better is sitting right next to me.' The mere thought of what Ptolemy would say to that cause her to think twice before saying it.
Luckily, Ptolemy just nodded. He didn't seem to be a people person. He was more of a book-smart person, not a person-smart kind of guy. But then again, he spent his entire life basically in a library. What else was there to be expected? "There are more beautiful things on this planet. But they're easily ignored."
Is he picking up on what I meant? Kitty thought to herself. The mere thought of that made her blush. God, how she wished to stop the blushing! What happened to her Resistance courage? She was supposed to be fearless and feared by all! Okay, maybe not feared by all, but at least respected by all. But who was left to respect her? Only Bartimaeus remained close to her after what had happened five years ago. Even her own family distanced themselves from her. All she had left was Bartimaeus. A five thousand year old djinni that—supposedly—cared for no one. So much for that reputation.
Kitty thought more about what Ptolemy had said. She felt as though he was talking about her, but was trying to be subtle about it. She smiled and decided to play his game. "There are many beautiful—or handsome—people out there, too, ya know. One is really smart, but everyone ignored and laughed at his theories. Everyone but one shunned him from society." She forced a stop; she was being too obvious.
"Who?" Or perhaps, maybe she wasn't being too obvious. But then again, Ptolemy didn't know people had pushed aside his theories and forgotten them. Perhaps she shouldn't have said anything…
Kitty shook her head to clear her mind and dismiss the subject. "Never mind."
Both were silent for a long moment. Ptolemy broke the silence after a long while of toying with his fingers. "Can I ask you something?"
Kitty turned to him. "Of course."
"It's kind of personal."
"You know you can tell me anything, right?"
Ptolemy nodded, looked away for a moment. When he was ready, turned back to her. "Well, you gave me feeling again…" His voice drifted off.
"Yes?" Kitty pressed him. What was he talking about? For some reason she didn't want it to be about love. She felt odd just thinking about the word.
"What's love really mean? What's it worth? Why do we even have it? How do we know for sure when we're in love? Is it really relevant to live? How—?"
"Whoa, whoa." Kitty interrupted him. "One question at a time, Ptolemy. I'm not a supercomputer, you know."
"What's a supercomputer?" Ptolemy tilted his head to one side, squinted his eyes slightly in a quizzical manner.
Kitty smiled, shook her head. "Never mind that. Now, what's all this about love?"
"I was just wondering what it really was, seeing as I've never experienced it before."
"You have. You might not have realized it, but you have." She paused for a moment, thinking of answers to his questions. "Love is important, Ptolemy. There's no way you can never experience it. It's a really tender subject."
"We can drop it if you don't want to talk about it."
Kitty paused for a moment, shook her head. "When in love, talking is the best thing to do; makes you feel better sooner." She again paused. "Alright," she repositioned herself so she was facing Ptolemy. "question one?"
"Why is love so important?"
"Without feeling it or experiencing it, you're like an empty shell. Love is very important for a human being. Without it, you're like a stone; nothing."
"But I've never experienced it before."
"You have. At least to some degree. Think about it this way; you care about Bartimaeus, right?"
Ptolemy nodded. "Right."
"And you sacrificed you life for his, right?"
"Right."
"You need to feel love to do something like that. You loved Bartimaeus, to some degree. Understand?"
"Sort of. What's love really worth?"
"Everyone on the face of the planet is waiting for the right moment and right person to come by and love them. Eventually, you find that person. Even if it takes you years—long years that seemed like an eternity—you'll find it eventually. Dying a single person, with no one loving you at all, is just torture. There'd be no one there to mourn your death, or to wish they'd taken your place, or wish they could've gone with you…The list goes ever on. Love is worth a lifetime."
"Wow," Ptolemy left it at that as he turned his head and looked out the window. "I never noticed what I was missing until I learned of it."
"You're not alone." Kitty said softly as she turned her body to face the window. She pulled her legs up to herself and held them tight, resting her head on her knees.
Ptolemy looked over to her. "What do you mean?"
"I've loved another once. But I lost him. Ever since then I've learned that you don't always need a lover to get on with your life."
"Who was he? What happened?"
Kitty forced her eyes shut as tears started streaming down. "His birth name was Nathaniel. He sacrificed himself to save the…well…world, I guess. He was a nice guy, deep inside. The powerful authority of a magician in Parliament clouded his mind and judgment. I loved the little boy that used to care for others, not the man that cared only about his career."
Kitty could feel Ptolemy's kind eyes burning into her. She buried her face in her arms and silently let the tears flow. She could feel her back shudder as she let out repressed tears.
For a minute Kitty could feel Ptolemy's eyes on her still. Then she felt them ease off her and felt Ptolemy's arms around her. She looked up slightly to see him holding her in his arms, with his head on hers. He wiped the hair from her face and the tears from her eyes. He gently kissed her cheek. "It's alright," he whispered softly into her ear. "you're still loved."
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A/n
Wow, (Sniff) what a lovey touchy chap. I need to follow it up with something gross or scary or something. This had been MAJORLY changed from what's in my comp book. Shoot, I need to change the whole thing now! (Erases) Now I have to go by whims. WHIMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And check it out, five pages using Verdana 9 font. That's gotta be a record or something. XD
