Grammar is not my forte: including the placement of these suckers -;-!-,-:-?-.-


WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS... (All caps & dots)... for my Pinterest page, it is updated, regularly.


WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS...

Chapter 54: Cause for Celebration:

Ana's POV:

After I finish being sick I brush my teeth swill my mouth several times and head back. Christian has a grin on his face, the butler has vanished and my wine has been changed for a glass of milk, is he frigging serious?

"So Mrs Grey, do you still think you are not pregnant?"

"Oh I doubt it, I had hoped it was just dads salmon that made me up chuck, but it seems it's anybody's. I should have said that I am not a salmon lover."

"What, why do you not like salmon and why did you not say?"

"Derr, we have only just started dating, then we just got married and oh yes, we were strangers a month ago and we don't talk a lot when we make love and we do that a lot, and why would we talk about fish, when we do, especially about bloody salmon? Perhaps?"

"Snarky, just tell me why you hate salmon, please?"

"I am none too fond of the smell of salmon. I think it has to do with a camping trip I once went on and the salmon, thousands of them, were swimming upstream, I was told to breed, anyhow the water stank and the fish were dead and dying and I wanted to rescue them all. Most of the girls were upchucking, the boys were 'catching supper' and since then I have never liked the smell of salmon. I had hoped because it was a fancy schmancy chefie salmon it would be different, but as soon as I saw the pink, I wanted to vomit. Sorry Christian, I should have said salmon was a none starter, excuse the pun! What else do we have?"

"Are you sure Ana?"

"Yes I'm positive I hate salmon!"

"About, being pregnant Ana!"

"I am a hundred percent positive I am not pregnant. But, we can get the kit, although I can assure you, even your swimmers have to wait for the egg to drop and it is still tucked away saying fuck of tadpoles, we need a rest after lady time, come back in two weeks, we will be waving our panties at you!"

"Ana, I know have visions of tadpoles and eggs and panties."

"Yeah, it's a good ole reproductive rodeo, I have heard the tales of reproduction woes enough from Hoggie's poor mom, they can't get pregnant and she regularly tells Sally she is fed up of trying. She is fed up of testing her cycle and is fed up of everything, including having sex at the right time to try."

"Okay, we will hit that one on the head then, you can't go off having sex Baby, ever..."

"Like that would ever happen, so where is the salmon then?"

"The butler took it back to the kitchen; however, we still have the main course and dessert."

"What have we got then?"

"Steak fries and fresh steamed vegetables, and for afters we have strawberries and cream. I quite fancy eating a sundae off you back as we rectify the anal matter."

"F-in hell, you want to eat off me whilst you do that to me? You are one kinky fucker Mr Grey."

"I am and I blame you for it all."

"Huh, really?" He smiles, just as the butler returns with the steak. He says something to Christian and I smile. I am passed my lunch and he steps back, I think he holds his breath as I inhale the smell from the steak. He is mightily relieved I do not do the dash to the toilet. He leaves us to eat and I point at the milk.

"I figured if you were pregnant you wouldn't want wine, sorry!"

"I like milk actually, so if it's okay with you I will have milk with lunch."

"Ana, what if..."

"Oh for craps sake, and so it begins." I call Gage and as she knocks on the door I smile and answer it. "Hi, are you busy Gage?"

"No, I have cleaned my gun and the boys are playing poker. What can I do for you?"

"It's more of what you can do for the boss; he thinks I am pregnant because of the risotto incident and now with me puking at the salmon. Could you please find a drug store and get me a hand full of tests, because I don't think he believes me that I cannot be pregnant days after my period."

"I will go right away, I need more supplies myself, anything else?"

"No, thanks Gage and please keep it to yourself, I am mortified to even have to be asking you, but if not I am going to be drinking bloody milk for the rest of the trip."Gage spies the milk, smiles and heads off to find my things.

"I heard all that you know."

"You were meant to, but please just don't go all miserable when the thing says you ain't knocked me up sugar!"

"Ana..."

"I know I kill ya!" We sit and eat lunch and I drink my rather nice milk. I devoured it in fact, because it is so good and after the mouth melting steak I am full. He smiles when he sees my empty plate.

"Christian, who do you think the friend is?"

"We are not talking about that anymore, if Alex says he trusts him, then Ana, so do I."

"Do you trust Alex?"

"I do, he seems just as pissed off with his father as you do with your mother, and now Nene."

"Nene, how wrong was I about her. I feel like poor Cinzia, that my life too has been a lie. She was sneaky pretending not to speak English, when all the time she did." I start to cry and he swaddles me in his arms like the baby I feel like, I loved her still even if she was this monster, she was nice, she was kind, she was my Nene and hearing her as some sort of monster is breaking my heart.

"Let it go Baby, perhaps she too was ill like your mother and she was two Nene's your loving one and the other you knew nothing about. As to Cinzia, she is a very clever woman, I had no Idea she spoke English. I guess when your treated like crap you either get harder and wiser or disappear into nothingness and don't give a crap." He says as I get the head kiss and the butt hug. "It was a good thing as it turns out for her. She kept her enemies in the dark and until she trusted you, you too were an enemy!"

"She is a nice lady; she is like the barmy aunt you see in tv shows. I liked her. Now, you slipped into the conversation you lost the telecommunications deal here, how?"

"They went with and Italian company, which I guess is good for the economics of Italy, but now all the company's I am looking at buying here are now a waste of time and as the company chosen was one of them it is guaranteed to make a big profit, so is now not for sale. So, my darling wife we have two days of us time. What do you want to do?"

"The romantic gondola ride. It wouldn't be the same with Gage, and if it is okay with you can we give house hunting a miss here?"

"Actually, I have a hotel to look at its an expensive one, but one I think we could make special, after all Venice is all about the tourist and this one is very nice."

"A hotel, really, this one?"

"Yes it is a nice big one, and no it is not this one." There was a knock on the door. It was Gage. She smiled handed me the bag and disappeared. I looked inside and my stomach did a flip. "Okay, you get to pee on a stick for me, dear pregnant wife." Christian says as he looks over my shoulder.

"How romantic. I will do this now for your peace of mind, but only If you promise this is not a fortnightly thing and promise me, when it says negative you will not mention the p word for the rest of the trip, I still think we should wait until I can see Dr Green, I have been on the pill for a long time?"

"No I will not keep annoying you, but I have a really good feeling about this. Besides we have started now, I don't like wearing condoms with you. Your skin touching mine is the only time I have done it that way."

"Good for you, I need a condom charm then, got to love your unusual firsts Christian." I went to pee on the damned stick. Emptying the contents of the sack on the bed I looked at the array of boxes and picked up the one that Kate and Mia used. Christian sat on the bed and laughed.

"Maybe I am in the wrong market, look at that lot." I smiled as he bagged the unused boxes. "Don't worry Ana, its fine and I will be happy whatever the stick says."

"The Nooz will have a field day writing crap about me if this says congratulations."

"Fuck them, we know the reasons we got married and it wasn't because you were pregnant Baby, go pee."

"Now I have too I can't."

"Run the faucet."

"Okay..." I headed into the bathroom turned on the taps and tried to pee, but I couldn't. I took off my jeans and grabbed a glass from the table. I would throw it away after, I man I know they wash them but the thought of someone drinking out of my pee-pee cup was gross. I turned off the taps and sat. I have to admit I was relieved when I was successful.

"You good Baby?"

"Hu, yeah I am about to commence the soaking of the tip. Wish me luck." I dunked the tip for the required 20 seconds; I snapped on the pee guard, place it on the counter top and went to sit with Christian on the bed. We wait on the bed and I have never known three minutes take so long...

"The weathers nice." I say.

"Ana?"

"Killing time Husband."

"Okay."

"The weather?"

"It is very nice, the sunshine here has made your skin a very pleasing colour, and you look very nice."

"I like the sunshine, its' a happy weather."

"A happy weather Ana?"

"Yes sunshine and snow are happy weather. Thunderstorms frightening. Rain is miserable. Cold is only good if you are inside snuggled under a duvet and in front of a roaring fire, but too much heat is really draining and makes you feel icky." I give him a kiss and shoo him to go and see.

"Ana..."

"And..." He comes in and I can see from his face, I don't really have to ask because he is grinning like a kid at Christmas.

"So?"

"It says you are pregnant and 1-2 is underneath. Ana we are having a baby, we are going to be parents, oh god, it's happening, Ana your gifts are the best in the world. I mean they are the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me."

"So you are happy then?"

"Are you not, you look in shock, why?"

"I am wondering how the hell can I have got pregnant and I had a period too."

"I am the fucking man, fuck Elliot; I got you pregnant on your fucking period." He is fist pumping the air and looking at his present. He will have that bloody stick framed I bet.

"Gross. I was very light it has to be said and I didn't bleed as long. Okay, now what do we do?"

"We, well we make sure your feet are up, we get you some tea and we, I don't know we sit and gawp at this stick thing and be happy, are you happy?"

"I am, and I am confused and I am stunned that even on the pill, I am pregnant and oh god the Nooz and all the other gutter press are gonna have a field day."

"Ana, I fucking love you."

"Umm, and I really love you, quit with the mouth too, my little girl doesn't need to hear you cussing."

"His Momma cusses when she has sex too, remember my little docker?" We are already disagreeing about the sex of our baby, oh lord our baby, crap-a-doodle, this shit got real.

"Okay, that's an easy solve, no sex then. I have officially gone off sex."

"Like fuck you have." He kisses me and smiles. I guess he is a tad happy?

"Actually I haven't I am as hornie as all hell."

"Good for me."

"Good for us, I have heard people do go off it you know?"

"Well, we will have to make sure you don't then. I will pack away the toys for the duration of the pregnancy. You will have to wait to try the balls."

"Oh... Do we still get to do the, the... You know the butt thing?"

"Is it safe, hold on, I will check?" I do not believe he is on line, I hope he is on line and not face timing someone. "It says here we continue to do things as we did before, we have to be take it easy for the first few weeks, but we can still make love Baby!"

"Okay then so put the stick down and lay with me a while Christian?"

"Can we cuddle and just you know let this sink in?"

"Have you gone off me already Christian Trevelyan Grey?"

"No, have I fuck. In fact if it were at all possible I would say we have taken this being in love, to a whole new level of happiness. I am so happy Ana I could cry."

We collapsed on the bed and I swear we did just that and laughed and then cried a bucketful of happy tears. We spooned on the bed and as his hands stroked my belly he sighed. I am sure this is going to be a very long and very controlled pregnancy. I am stunned and thrilled all at the same time. I thought we would have months of trying. I even envisaged us having to seek out help. My periods were all over the show and painful, so I have been on the pill for years and I only changed to the new one a couple of months ago, so now do I blame the new pill Dr Green said would be better, or is someone up there giving us good news to banish the bad shit of late? Who knows, but I do know I am in the arms of a man I love and giving him the greatest gift I can. I guess being pregnant is a good thing after all.

"Ana, when can we tell people?"

"They say twelve weeks, but Gage already knows we took a test."

"I will have to tell security they need to be more alert when people push and pull you."

"Okay."

"We need to tell Ray and my parents."

"Okay."

"Nobody else, until we know everything is good."

"Okay."

"You are very monosyllabic in your answers Baby, why?"

"I am shocked, and in shock and well stunned."

"I am too, now sleep you need to rest, a lot."

"Okay."

"Okay Ana." As he rubs my belly, I feel soothed and loved and we fall asleep wrapped in his strong arms...

Christian's POV:

I am woken from our family hug by the ringing of my phone, I cover Ana and go to answer it, but I cannot take my eyes off her as I walk to the lounge. She is having my baby, fuck yeah... I head to my jacket and answer it.

"Barney, how are things there?"

"Hunky dory Boss Man, I have the feed from the fire, Ana's tree house camera captured the person responsible for the arson. Facial recognition says this idiot worked for you until he was transferred to Bethel Alaska, he is called Jonathon Grayson, his father is or was the head of your Green Team too, and Boss Man, remind me, didn't you let him go too? He must have flipped as his loved up world shattered when you sent him to the cold Canadian place. Johnnie's girlfriend left him broke, when she stayed in New York, and your father managed to get an eye watering amount of child support, which is garnished from his salary at GTI, and the money he got from GEH, in the takeover, he hid in his girlfriends account, she split the money with Sally, he is a lot poorer right now... He is pissed at Sherriff Steele and Ana, seeing as she is married to you, he must have burnt their home down as some sort of vengeance thing."

"How do you know all this?"

"Easy, when I had his identification nailed down I looked at his emails and his father has encouraged him to get back with his wife and make nice to get at least some of his money back from the mess he caused. He got back to town and they were happily ensconced in Brooks Cottage, he sent a hell of a rant and said their world would burn and they would suffer. I guess he and his father do not like being bested by women?"

"Fuck if he is Jack Grayson's son then yes, but he said he had six daughters, he didn't mention a son. If it is that Grayson, then yes I did let the fucker go. Do some digging and get both their files up to speed for the police, and help build their case, if the father encouraged this I will have that fucker too. How did I not now they were related, for fucks sake they have the same surname, Grayson."

"He has two families and Jonathon is from his first wife. The girls are with the second wife, and the girls are still teenagers. Whilst Johnnie is much older, and lives in a differing town, perhaps, Boss Man?"

"Okay, does Ray know?"

"I called him when I couldn't reach you."

"Okay so he knows and Sally is she okay?"

"Madder than holly hell apparently. The boys and her want his backside in jail."

"I will call Ray, and thanks Barney, you do a great job."

"I know, but thanks for the acknowledgment of my greatness."

"You are milking it Barney..."

"Talking about milk, where's my asses milk?"

"Barney goodbye you ass..."

"Asses milk, don't forget it this time Boss Man, I am chaffing, again..." I end the call laughing. As I turn to call Ray Ana is yawning at the door. "That was Barney; he found out the arsonist was Sally's ex. His girlfriend stayed in New York and Sally has been given a chunk of his payout from the buyout, he hid a lot in the girlfriends name and she has split it with Sally and he is a little poorer."

"I said he would come back and ruin it for my dad and Sally. Great, my house burnt down because he was taken to the cleaners. How did my dad take the news?"

"I am about to call him, would you like to speak to him and see if they have apprehended him?"

"I guess so, but I am not telling them about the baby not yet."

"I want to shout it from the rooftops."

"So do I, but we are only at two weeks? It's too early Christian. Perhaps when we get home?"

"Okay, if you say so, what about security?"

"Taylor, Luke and Gage only. I promise to stick close to Gage, but for now just those three and you and I!"

"Okay. I do love you Ana..." I dial Ray's number.

"Hello Chris..."

"We are on speaker Daddy; have you found him, the prick Grayson?"

"I have found him and we are having a cookout with him right now."

"Daddy, what are you doing?"

"Johnnie here was hiding out in the old cabin by the river, he tried to swim off down Sylvia Creek, we fished the fucker out and he punched me, he actually sucker punched me in the nuts like a girl. So, we are drying him off real slow in the fire pit."

"Do you mean next to the fire pit Daddy?"

"No, in the fire pit, he is on the ole pig roaster, turning real slow. We may lower him in a little while to get him toasty warm."

"Daddy..."

"Yes Pumpkin? What, he likes to play with fire. So we are letting him play with ours."

"Daddy."

"Okay, he has pissed in the fire so many times already there is barely a flame now."

"Daddy."

"Yes Pumpkin?"

"Where is Sally?"

"I'm here; with the boys, we are making s'mores."

"Sally? Not you too?"

"He is lucky I didn't find him first and drag him up and down the creek behind the motorboat. That is what I wanted to do. Here Kane, do you want another?" Really they are roasting their father and having a camp cook out, what sort of world did I marry into, a cannibalistic one?

"Yes Mom, Able ate my last one. Is Dad dry yet, this is kinda boring Mom?"

"He is little man and then he is going away for a long, long time."

"Bitch... Get me off here Steele I will kick your other ball."

"Tutt tutt, boys help lower the spit roast it seems it's not hot enough for Johnnie."

"Daddy who else is there?"

"I have a few of the staff and a few friends and neighbours; you know how this works Pumpkin, if you do the crime.. Lower the rack; he wants a little more heat boys..."

"You do the time..." Ana says. What sort of town is it?

"Wait, its fine, any lower and I will be on fire you fucker." I hear the poor man scream.

"Tutt tutt, boys I think we need to get the prisoner in chains and get him charged for his court appearance."

"About time. Sally I need clothes." The angry mans shouts, even I know that is a stupid move, I suddenly envisage my nuts roasting, if and I repeat if, I do something wrong.

"I burnt them. I have a fetching nightgown you can wear to the prison dance. I hear thy like new blood in prison."

"Sally I swear." Angry man is losing it and I hear the sound of metal hitting metal, they are turning up the heat or lowering him to the flames, really?

"I am not listening, Kane, Able say goodbye to your father." They are watching this, watching as a town murder their father? All whilst they eat s'mores?

"Why where is Dad going?"

"He's going to prison. For setting fire to Brooks Cottage and for setting fire to the stables and the tree house."

"Dad didn't do that, did you Dad?" Ana and I listen to the chatter and Ana is smiling. "Dad, Dad are you taking him to prison for burning all our ducking stuff?" I hear Ana laugh and I hear Ray do the same.

"He is not your father I am." Angry man fumes...

"No, no that's not right because if you were you wouldn't have made Kane and me cry, you were my dad and now you are my old dad. Sherriff Ray is our dad. He wouldn't burn all our stuff, my new dad wouldn't ever have killed my hamster and he wouldn't have forgotten to let out Tickle and Tommy, you remember those don't you, Kane's snakes? So Kane and me, we agreed Ray is our new dad and you are a murderer. We are being called Steele when Mom marries our new dad, and you are a no good son of a gun who killed my pets."

"Now now Able, that's enough of those rude words. I raised you better than that. Now Johnnie, you have hurt my children, you have destroyed all out memories of our children. I think you lost your right to call yourself a father when you burned down their home and killed their pets."

"Oh fuck you. Get me off here now Steele you can't get away with this I have witnesses."

"Will do. Sally take the boys home, they don't need to see this. What witnesses? These good folks are here for a cook out, you came to get warm after a drunken swim in the creak... Next?"

"Fucker." I think angry man had better shut up...

"Okay sweetheart, me and the boys are going home. Oh and Annie, we will be going to see the island at the weekend, we need a fresh start and your father is retiring. It seems we have twin trouble on our hands." What they know already? I then realise they have twins...

"Okay see you when we get back, give the boys a hug from me." Ana says; is she okay with her father passing down his own justice? Remind me not to piss her or them off.

"Pumpkin, me and the others are going to be busy for a while, so can I do anything for you?"

"No, no, but make sure the walk to town for the bastard is done the long way around, just so that the whole town knows what he did and they can show him what we do to men who play away and leave their kids hungry and homeless."

"Okay Pumpkin, see you when you get back. Did you hear that, they want my name?"

"Who wouldn't it comes with a very great dad attached."

"I love you Pumpkin."

"Love you too." She ends the call and cries.

"What, what are they going to do with him?"

"Oh that? Not a lot. He will be stripped naked covered in tar and feathered and walked down the main street, where the townsfolk pelt him with eggs and rotten fruit and tomatoes, it's a very old school punishment that works."

"Next you will say you have a set of town stocks?"

"We do, it's used for the summer fate now, apparently it's against the law to lock someone up in it and throw stuff at them."

"Yet it's okay for them to burn him with hot tar?"

"No, he is already good and hot from the pig roast and I can assure you he was at the very top of the roasting spit, it barely touches him, he warms through at a low heat, if he gets mouthy they lower it a little. They then warm the tar through, paint him from neck to ankles and roll the offender in feathers."

"So he won't burn?"

"He will be hot under the collar, but tar isn't like it was in the good ole days it's not as solid as it used to be. It's gonna hurt when they try to get it off, especially around his..."

"...I do not want to know."

"I was going to say his chest hair, but hell yeah his balls will be red raw when he has finished scrubbing his nethers. Now, what time are we due at dinner?" I cannot believe they are going to tar and feather him, god I wish I was there, it sounds hilarious. Now that I know they are not going to roast his man nuts...

"Are you okay to go out to eat Baby?"

"Yes I am starving and eating for two!" I grin like a moron. "Well, are we going out, or are you going to deny your wife And child nourishment?"

"Fuck of course we are going out, I will drink for two, how's that for sharing the pregnancy?"

"Christian, are you going to drink to excess tonight?"

"I believe they call it wetting the baby's head."

"I believe that comes after the birth."

"Okay I will have a glass or two. Now, we need to be getting ready and then perhaps we could do a little more than snuggle when we get back?"

"I would like that. Very much." We go and have a shower together, so of course we were very nearly late for dinner...

Ana's POV:

We are sat in the very elegant Ristorante Quadri; it is the new place to be seen at and is, I am told, amazing. Our guests are the members of Team Green and we are waiting their arrival. I am nervous to see the Asian model I saw hugging my husband, I fidget with my dress and Christian keeps telling me to stop. I smile and sip my lemon water, as Christian drinks his wine, he asked me was it okay for him to drink? Bless his bothered socks. I said no as a joke and he ordered to lemon water. I stopped the waiter and told him to drink. I think he would have stuck to the water though. I have chosen to wear my hair loose and I am wearing the Alexander McQueen strapless cocktail dress I bought and the shoes I wore on the river cruise. I have on minimal make up and I feel very under dressed.

"Christian, what will we be talking about?"

"Whatever you want, it's not a work dinner as such, but a thank you for the teams hard work. Ana they are here and you look beautiful."

"So do you, is that new?"

"Umm, no, but I don't think you have seen it before."

"As with most of your clothes. Oh heck she still looks like a model." He looks up and smiles.

"I sent her the first snap you took and her fiancé is having it framed. It was what he said too, that she could be a stunning catwalk model and I had to agree, because your photo was amazing. She is a very nice person and I am sure you will get on like a house on fire... Oh god I am so sorry for my bad choice of words... You will be fine." I laugh and he looks suitably embarrassed, whilst I thought it was funny.

"You did what? You gave her my spy photo, really Christian and the others too?"

" No just the one of her on her own, and she loved it."

"Oh gawd..."

"Ana."

"Yes?"

"Where has this gawd thing come from?"

"Oh, I didn't realise I had been saying it, it's in a great book I have been sent to read. I think I will champion this one. If I can still work that is?"

"Of course you can, why do pregnant ladies not work? I mean Gwen did, she almost delivered at her desk, you will not be working that long, that is the only request I will make, that you stop way before we have GEH special delivery, on the GIP floor!"

"Good, agreed, now shush they are here."

"I know I told you that... "We stand, so I can be introduced. "Hello please sit wherever you want, everybody this is my wife Ana, Ana this is Miss Priya Kaur, this is Chad Long, this is Michael Jaggar, the acting head of this new Green Team, this is Dirk Loma and the quiet one is Roger Banks. Please sit, sit down," I catch the waiters attention and he comes for their drinks orders, "now, how have you enjoyed the trip?"

"It was amazing... Chad and I are coming back on our honeymoon."

"You are? I can recommend The Hotel Cipriani, it's wonderful."

"I hear it is. Can I sit by you?" I look up and smile.

"Please, take a seat." She sits down and I sip my water and watch as their drinks come.

"They are letting off steam, we finished early and they are seeing who can drink the most?"

"Oh I had competitions with my friend Kate like that. They are not good competitions to hold." She smiles and takes her mineral water.

"I am designated get everyone home person. We can't say driver because there are only boats. I don't like not having a road. I fell in the damned canal on my first day. I ruined a perfectly goof Fendi bag and my phone is out of action, I was walking backwards and the path just stopped and wham, I am feet first in the darned water, do you know it's not that deep in places?"

"Really?"

"I didn't find that spot, nope, not me, I went down like a sack of turnips."

I laughed as she told me all about her work and her family, we did get on great and Christian relaxed. Is thanked for the photo and she blushed when I told her she could be a model. The food flowed and it seems so did the wine, the whiskey and the champagne. Priya and I sat and watched as they attempted to drink the bar dry. When the bill came I handed them my card because Christian couldn't get his card out of his wallet, he couldn't even see his wallet, his had to eye coordination was hilarious. Except when it came to table, glass mouth glass table. That he did quite well. At the end of a great and relaxed evening I sent Ryan and Reynolds back with the others, as poor Priya could not handle them all. Luke smiled as we carried the very happy and very drunk Christian Grey back to the waiting boat. I had agreed to keep in touch with Priya and had a great night, drunk watching is hilarious, and watching a happy relaxed and very boyish Christian was a nice thing to see, he was normal or so he kept saying, normal and lucky.

As we got in the boat Luke and Gage smiled as he told them our news and swore them to secrecy. I am sure Gage guessed.

"My wife and I are having a baby. Yup a baby."

"Shush, the whole of the Grand Canal do not need to know Christian." I said as he tried to stand to tell the world our good news. The boat was sturdy enough not to rock, much, when he fell down and told Luke to watch the first step it was a lulu...

"Luke, why are you up there?"

"Sir, you fell down, again."

"I did?"

"You did."

"Okay then as long as you didn't push me then you are not fired."

"Christian, nobody is getting fired. You are drunk."

"And Mrs Grey you are pregnant. I am celebrating."

"I had sort of guessed as much."

"Did I tell my funny jokes?"

"Well you tried Dear, you tried."

"Hey I am funny. Funny ha-ha and not particulate."

"I think you mean peculiar Christian?"

"Not if you are talking to a scientist Ana." The joke, if there was one was lost on me. "Ana, will you marry me Baby?"

"We are already married."

"Yeah about that, we are not..."

"WHAT... Christian Grey what did you say?"

"We need to get married again; I did not mean too, but we not meet the legal stuffed, req, requir, fuck it... I am not been ere longd enuf..." And as quickly as he told me we were not married his head hit the boat floor again and he passed out dead to the world. I looked at Luke and he shrugged his shoulders.

"He found out as we left Paris and has been too afraid to tell you Ana." Luke knew and I did not what the hell? Why did he not say something? That explains the second ring then...

"Gage, did you know too?"

"Nope, I did have a suspicion at the ceremony, but because he does have a home there and pays the bills and taxes, I thought he was covered."

"That's what he thought too, but some stick up his butt bureaucrat, he said no."

"Okay, so how bad is this?"

"It is not bad at all you are having the proper thing when you get home, but he thinks you will leave him if he tells you, you are not married."

"He is a fool; because I don't need to have the paperwork to be his 'wife' I love him."

"I told him that when he first heard and he really wanted to tell you, but he was so sure you'd hop on a plane."

"Thank you Luke, thanks for telling me and no, I am not leaving him, ever."

"When he found your rings he thought you had found out."

"I could see that being a problem. Now, we are here, I know I don't have to ask, but I am asking anyway, can you please keep the news of the baby to yourselves, don't tell the others, I wouldn't tell you and Gage if you didn't have to watch me."

"It is very good news and I'm happy for you both. Gage grab his feet..." Luke says as I offer to help. I watch as we, well they carry the lush to his bed. The leave when I say I can undress him. Thank god he is not seeing anyone else for a breakfast meeting. He is going to be hung over in the morning. I cannot believe we went through that farce of a ceremony in Paris. I should be angry but I am not, I was right, it didn't seem like a marriage because it wasn't. Perhaps it was an engagement party I tell myself; yes, that's what it was an engagement party. I take off his shoes, jacket and have a try at undressing him, but his shirt is a little harder to get off as he keeps pawing at me, he pulls me on top of him.

"I love you Ana, you are my whole world. Mrs Grey I love you."

"Do you not mean Miss Steele I love you?"

"Oh crap which bigmouth spilled?"

"That would be you." He laughs snorts and then very unlike him, he breaks wind. "Oh my god Christian, what the hell was that?"

"Beans, beans the musical fruit, the more you have the more you toot, and I had a frigging load. Excuse me, but they are mere love puffs Baby, phew they stink... Sorry, did I tell you me and my butt flute we love you..."

"There is nothing lovely about those farts..."

"Farts, hahahaha, that's funny Ana." He snorts, and sounds very much like my braying donkey impression. I should be angry but I am not, I am so damned happy I could cry.

"How long is it since you have been this drunk Christian?" I get his shirt off, and he pulls me on top of him again.

"Umm, a long time ago... I never lose control, because I would be punished... Now, do you want to punish me?"

"Christian, you cannot be serious?"

"Nope, but I want to make love... Out there... On the loungers. Please?" He whines. I laugh and then I start snorting as he pulls up my dress and kissed my belly. Oh gawd indeed. He surely cannot do it when he is so drunk? I look down and apparently he can. "I have a really hard dick, and I have a really hot wife."

"Do you Mr Grey?"

"Yup, really hot, now strip woman and show me the underwear. What day is it can I see?"

"We have for you perusal, these very nice boy shorts, with no dates. I chose to go braless and I am not sure, but I think you need to sleep this off."

"I can't go to sleep with a boner. Nope... Come here please Ana... Please, please, please. I am going to call Elliot and tell him I am the man..."

"Really?"

"Nope, I see the look. I'm in trouble..."

"No, you're not."

"I am, and I still have a problem. You are naked, when did you do that? You a magician? You look like a yummy mommy, come here and tell me something I don't know 'bout you..."

"I lost my virginity to an idiot."

"Nope, you lost it to me. Next thing..."

"I have a third nipple?"

"You have where? Hahahahaha, you joked... Hic, oh hic, oh, hic, hic, hic, hic. Ana I, hic, am, hic, gonna, hic, be sick..." I grab the waste paper basket and he looks at in and laughs, oh god this is going to be a long, long night. "False alarm, just hiciups...Just hiciups, hic... Now, where are we...?"

"Where were we?" I correct him.

"We went to dinner, and had a drink."

"I meant... Oh never mind." I grab a bottle of water take some pills from my bag and give them to my, fiancée, I need to sleep. But my too play full husband has got his second wind.

"Ana, can we make love, you never said yes."

"Can you do it whilst drunk?"

"Never tried, wanna 'ave a go?" I laugh as he strokes himself. "Climb on my love stick." I swear I laughed so hard I think I nearly peed. I crawl up his body and look him in the eyes.

"What will it take for you to shut up and go to sleep?"

"Sex and lots of it. With you Ana in case you were wonder-in who I wanna have sex with." I looked him in the eye and as I did he licked his lips. "Make love to me Baby, please?" Drunk sex is it a good thing, but what if he doesn't remember this in the morning, am I then taking advantage, and is it wrong? I am pulled down and he kisses me, his breathe smells of alcohol and he is very insistent on more. Is this what a drunken hook up is like? I am about to find out. As soon as I initiate contact, he groans and his hands wander my body, they stop at my waist and he move upwards and groans, his groan is so arousing I swear my nipples could be used as coat hangers, he notices and sits up, holds me in place and suckles, oh hell oh god oh yes...

"Christian yes, more..."

"More, you are my more Ana..." We make love, and considering he couldn't stand on his own, this it seems he can do even when drunk. I moved faster and wiggled and each time he moved a little differently then I don't know what he did but wow, sparks and a series of head shatter things started to happen, he smiled and kissed me, as he pulled away he grinned again.

"I found your g-spot Baby." He continued and I begged for more, and got more I pushed him down and rode him like I hadn't had sex in months, slamming into him repeatedly, I tweaked his nipples like he was doing to mine, I swear it was like a torture devise and he was turning up the electricity. I rode out the 'current' and I started to come hard. I rode into him like I was riding the bucking bronco; well I was, sort of! Beads of sweat fall from my brow and his breathing is laboured and as I start to grab his dick inside me, he sits up and we grind together like we are mixing our sex together my wetness and his explode as we grind slowly and to the most glorious of climaxes. I have my head on his shoulder and his is on mine, as we gasp for air as we come down off of an extremely pleasing high together, he fills me and I feel his release, I carry on slowly milking the last of his seed from him...

"Fuck me Ana..."

"I think I just did..."

"I am going to suffer in the morning aren't I?"

"Umm, we do need to speak in the morning dear..."

"Oh I am so fucked..."

"You are Mr Grey, you really are fucked..." He collapses and as I climb off to shower, he is snoring gently. God help me but I truly and utterly love my man...


So... you lot won, she is pregnant as requested by you all in the many Pm's you sent. Now stop with the quintuplets and the quad wants lol... The fire starter is revealed and Ana sees her first drunk Christian, but he was happy... As to the marriage it was pointed out that it would be an illegal marriage as he had not physically lived in France for the required number of days, and ever vigilant I am putting it right and do not worry they get their big day... She and he are a gloriously wonderful HEA waiting to happen lol...

Read and review, please...

Off to write a chapter of the new one now... Laters xx


Loved the Met Ball, loved Rita's gown, but I was not sure Daks was all that special, more bbq dress and summer party dress, but again another shout out to her nipples being there for all to see, they need a credit in the film credits. lol...