Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors

Chapter 50 – Ichigo and the Nakama vs. The Villains

A/N: As a thanks to my readers, here is an extra-long segment to celebrate reaching chapter 50, before returning to the shinigami. (This chapter is the longest I've written so far; please let me know if you prefer the shorter ones.)

Thanks to imran102 and GN Over-Kite's pointed and excellent suggestions of lampooning those insane fanfic writers who for some reason have become fans of the villains. ;)

Special thanks are due to imran102, from whose excellent review I quote in the body of this letter [with permission]. With further thanks to TV Tropes for all the trope names used below.

Full disclosure: For those who don't already know, I am an Aizen fan… and yes, I know he's evil. *sheepish grin* I guess it's a good thing I don't take reading or writing fanfiction too seriously. In any case, I don't mind being poked fun at. (Especially when I deserve it…) *laughs nervously*

(Originally published 8/17/13.)

XxXxXxX

Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,

Ichigo here, and I have to say: Finally! An author on this site with some intelligence! I'm just going to quote from what he says.

(Imran102) "You really make me sick when you write the Bleach villains as protagonists in your fics. It makes no sense.

Examples:

Grimmjow. Everyone ignores the fact that he tried to kill Rukia, does 'good' things simply for the sake of an enjoyable fight, and is pretty much Kenpachi without good qualities. And EVERYONE seems to accept him as a good guy these days.

Gin. Let's see...Trolled Rukia, helped Aizen kill an unknown number of people, almost killed Hiyori, and probably a ton of other evil deeds we don't yet know. Sure, he did it out of love, but does that really justify anything? Saying that massacring hundreds of people for the sake of love is okay is just wrong.

Aizen. Denying that Aizen is evil is like denying the Earth is round. Do I even need to explain myself? Lots of people try to justify it by saying he's doing it because the Soul King is evil etc., but that makes things worse. So destroying a city to commit deicide is a good thing? Congratulations, you've earned yourself a spot in a mental asylum."

(Ichigo nods head vigorously) I completely agree. Some of you 'authors' definitely belong in an asylum.

(Orihime raises hand timidly) Um, well, Kurosaki-kun, remember that you started out fighting Renji and Byakuya, and now they're your friends. And right now, we're protecting hollows in Hueco Mundo and they used to be our enemies too.

(Ichigo pauses) Well, I guess you have a point. (Considers, then rallies) But remember that Renji and Byakuya never really did anything criminal. And the hollows we're protecting are mostly low-level. They're not homicidal maniacs like Aizen, Gin, or Grimmjow.

Besides, if you turn all the Bleach villains into good guys, then what happens to the drama and tension in the story?

So, stop it. Write the villains the way Kubo intended them, as bad guys!

At least I haven't seen Juha Bach written as a good guy yet.

Sincerely,

Ichigo, along with Renji, Rukia, Orihime, Chad, and the rest of the good guys

XxXxXxX

Uryuu: Hey! How come I'm the only one of the nakama you left off that list?

Ichigo: Sorry, guy, but palling around with Juha Bach puts a little tarnish on your halo. I mean, getting named heir to the Evil Quincy Empire? (shakes head slowly) You're my friend and I trust you, but isn't that taking it a little too far?

Uryuu: How do you know I'm not just playing along in order to betray him in the end?

Gin (popping up): Yep! That'd make 'im a good guy fer sure!

Uryuu (looking down his nose at Gin): There's a tremendous difference between us. You killed from the beginning, just to get close to a villain. That's not what a good guy does in my book.

Ichigo: Riiight, Ishida. We don't even know if you're going to start doing something like that. So until the final Word of God comes through, we're hedging our bets and leaving you off the good guy list.

Aizen (smoothly): Did I hear my name? The story's not over yet. For all you know, there could be a reason behind everything I did.

Ichigo (facepalms): I can't believe the Big Bad of Bleach is actually here wondering why he's not on a good guy list! Seriously? The mass murder of Central 46 surely put you beyond the Moral Event Horizon, even if arranging for Momo to get stabbed twice didn't.

Aizen: Rukia stabbed you twice.

Ichigo (yells): That's completely different! She was giving me my powers!

Aizen: How do you know what I was or wasn't… (pauses delicately)… giving Momo? (smirks) We all know about the Freudian meaning of being stabbed by a sword.

Mayuri (popping up): Why am I not on that list? I just saved the world from being destroyed from imbalance, and I'm one of the leaders of the good side!

Ichigo: What? The genocidal mad scientist captain is here now? (long-suffering sigh) …I give up. I think we're being written by a fanfic author who's gone so far into Jerkass Dissonance she doesn't even know where to find her own ass. (walks off stage)

XxXxXxX

A/N: … Ulp. That's gotta be a new low. Getting flamed by my own character. *ducks head in shame* Oh wait… he's Kubo's character. *blushes even more* Don't hate me too much, please? *puppy eyes*

Next up: do you want to see Isshin and Ryuuken in "Bad Dads" (with a guest appearance from Gin)?