Chapter Forty-Five

Once Tobias was safely at a rehabilitation facility, Severus felt a relief wash over him. Knowing that his father was finally getting the help he needed was reassuring. Maybe his father really could change for the better, but only time would tell.

Severus was once again with Lily, and they were enjoying the summer as it winded down. Lily was happy to know that Severus's father was in a secure place, but thoughts of Voldemort coming after Tobias or Lily's family were disconcerting for both of them.

"Do you really think my family could be in danger, too?" Lily asked.

"No one is safe, Lily," Severus said quietly, looking at the ground as they walked through the woods.

The path was well-worn, and the recent lack of rain made it dry. He kicked his shoes through the dirt, sending a cloud of dust flying.

"I figured as much," Lily conceded, then added, "What can we do?"

"There isn't much we can do, and the Ministry is behind in offering any kind of protection. We can be alert and try to pay attention to what's going on, and we have the advantage of knowing magic. That will help."

Plus I have the knowledge of what happened before. There's no guarantee things will play out the same, however, thought Severus.

He suddenly remembered their Defense teacher from the previous year and shook his head. A pang of guilt spread through Severus as he realized he had known the poor man would be a target for the Death Eaters and would wind up dead, but that had been over a week ago when he had made his end. He could have done something... or at least tried to do something, but he had been caught up in his own problems, mostly dealing with his father. As he released a small groan, Lily gave him a concerned look.

"Sev?" she asked.

"It's nothing," he sighed. "Well, that's not true. I've just come to the frustrating realization that we cannot hide from this war forever."

"Didn't you just get done saying that no one was safe?" Lily questioned. "Why are you so surprised?"

Knowing he sounded ridiculous with that measly excuse, Severus rephrased what he was trying to convey. "I know that's the case, Lily; it's just that I wish we could simply live our lives, you know?"

Just you and me, he thought selfishly.

"That's not possible," Lily said with a frown. "Sev, this doesn't sound like you."

"You mean to say I sound like a coward?" Severus asked defensively. He knew she was right, though. He couldn't very well explain his real thoughts.

"I never said that," Lily replied gently. "Come on, Sev; don't drive yourself mental worrying about what can't be helped."

"Very well," he said, not convinced.

As they attempted to enjoy the rest of the lovely day, Severus outwardly smiled and laughed along with Lily. Inside, however, he was screaming, demanding to be freed from this madness. He wondered how much longer he would live in this bubble before it popped.

x x x x x

Severus whiled away much time at Spinner's End. Sometimes Lily was with him, and sometimes he was alone. He watched the daily news in both the Muggle paper and in the Daily Prophet for signs of Voldemort and his followers on the move, but things were strangely and unsettlingly quiet. Severus didn't remember the Dark Lord being as inactive last time, but he knew it was the summer after his seventh year when the attacks had increased in intensity and frequency, for that was when he had joined the Death Eaters: right in the middle of the growing storm.

One rainy afternoon, when Severus knew Lily was with Petunia, for the two of them had been getting along better and Lily had told him yesterday that she was going to "bond" with her sister, he found himself especially bored. He perused the bookshelves in the sitting room for something to read, but he had scanned these old, dusty shelves a hundred times over. Needing something to get his mind off the near-constant worrying over the war, Severus desired a good book to lose himself in for the remainder of the day.

Not finding anything he hadn't read before, he came across the shelf which contained the photo albums. He had little inclination to look at pictures of himself from his younger days, but he noticed an album that looked older than the rest. He knew it had his parents' wedding pictures in it, but he hadn't looked at it in ages. Thinking of his father's brash comments about his marriage to Eileen, Severus's curiosity was piqued. Wondering if he would find his parents smiling, he removed the old leather-bound album from the shelf and took it with him to the couch, where he sat down and opened the book.

He had forgotten that the first few pages were actually filled with pictures from before his parents' wedding. Taken in the late 1950s, the pictures were black and white and were Muggle photographs. Eileen and Tobias were only in their twenties, and Severus noticed how much they had aged since. He recalled being shocked how young he had looked the first time he had gazed upon his reflection in the mirror upon being reborn, as it were.

Eileen had never been a pretty woman, but Severus had never considered he ugly, either. When she smiled, she had a pleasant enough face, and her hair was a lovely shade of silky black, falling several inches past her shoulders. In the pictures, Eileen and Tobias seemed like any normal couple. Tobias lacked the stubble he usually had nowadays, and his dark brown hair was shorter than currently and was combed neatly, and he was dressed decently.

Of course they look normal, Severus thought bitterly. That was before Father knew Mum was a witch.

He eventually came to the wedding pictures, which only occupied a couple of pages. The wedding ceremony had been small and had taken place in a church down the road from where Severus still lived. His grandparents were all deceased now, but his father's parents were in one of the wedding pictures. He knew his mother's parents wouldn't have wanted anything to do with her, now that their only daughter had had the audacity to marry a Muggle. A small wedding announcement from the newspaper marked the date as March 20, 1959.

Tobias had been right, then. Slightly more than nine months later, Severus had been born. These pictures told very little about what must have really happened back then, though.

Severus turned a few pages, where his mother became increasingly obviously pregnant. His father had an excited expression on his visage in most of the pictures, no doubt looking forward to being a new father just as much as any young, newly married man. When he flipped the next page, he saw his mother holding him, and his father was gazing over Eileen's shoulder, smiling proudly down at his son. Severus shook his head. If Tobias had married a Muggle and had a Muggle son, he probably wouldn't have become the man he was today. Severus frowned at the baby pictures of himself and was just about to close the album when a knock issued forth from the door.

He placed the album, still open, down on the coffee table and went to the front door, wondering who it could be. He opened the door a fraction, holding his wand just in case. Since Muggles were deterred from his house, he knew it had to be someone magical. When he saw Lily standing there, he instantly relaxed and opened the door wider.

"Lily," he said, surprised, "what are you doing here?"

"Oh, hello to you, too, Severus," Lily grumbled. "May I come in?" She stepped toward him.

"Of- of course," he stammered, wondering what was wrong.

After Lily entered, Severus closed the door and asked, "I trust things didn't go so well with your sister?"

Lily's arms were crossed over her chest as she huffed. Sighing, she dropped them to her sides and breathed, "Yes... well, it started out fine, but we were doing a bit of shopping, and we ran into that dumpy Vernon fellow, of all people."

Severus made a small noise of dislike. "Bad luck, then," he remarked. "Did he say something?"

"No, Petunia went all loopy, though, and she panicked and demanded we leave at once. It pretty much ruined the rest of the afternoon, and now she's in her room sulking about the whole incident and won't talk to anyone."

Noticing she was wet from the rain, Severus said, "Why don't you come in and have a cup of tea? I can start a fire. I know it's still quite warm, but you look a little chilly."

Smiling faintly, Lily said, "That would be nice. Thanks, Sev."

Waving her off, he told her to wait in the sitting room while he went into the kitchen to get the tea things. After retrieving what he needed, Severus returned to the sitting room, finding Lily seated on the couch with, to his horror, the photo album on her lap. She was in the middle of flipping through it and was toward the end.

"What are you doing?" Severus demanded before he could stop himself. Setting the tea tray down, he hastily strode across the room and yanked the album out of Lily's hands.

"Severus!" Lily exclaimed, angry and hurt.

"That's private," Severus stated, holding the album close to his chest like a shield.

"It was left open on the table," Lily explained heatedly. "You can't just leave something there like that and expect me not to look at it!"

Severus returned the album to its place on the shelf and went back to the tea tray, bringing it farther into the room and setting it on the coffee table where the photo album had been moments before. He proceeded to pour them each a cup of tea and wordlessly offered one to Lily. Sitting down across the table from Lily, Severus stared down into the contents of his cup.

Five minutes passed in silence, and Severus wondered why Lily didn't say anything.

"Are you going to drink your tea before it gets cold?" he finally questioned.

Lily slammed the cup down, startling Severus. He was surprised it didn't break.

"Severus, why are you being so short with me?" Lily shot at him. "I came here because I was upset about my day, hoping you might cheer me up, and all I've been greeted with was coldness."

"I'm sorry," Severus mumbled. "I didn't- I didn't mean to. I just have a lot on my mind." He wanted to retort that he didn't think he had been completely insensitive, but upsetting Lily further was not a good idea.

"Is that why you had the photo album out?"

"Partly, yes," he sighed. "I wanted to see if... my parents were happy at one time."

"And do you think they were?"

"You saw the pictures. What do you think?"

"I didn't mean to pry," Lily said a bit guardedly.

"Don't worry about it. I figured since you'd seen the pictures, you would know; that's all."

"They looked happy," Lily said carefully, "especially when you were born. You were a cute baby," she added, blushing.

Severus snorted. "I never expected to hear that word used to describe me."

"But you were," Lily argued gently, coming over and sitting on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. Resting her forehead on his, Lily continued, "And I still think you're attractive."

"Now you're just mocking me," Severus grumbled, albeit half-heartedly. With her sitting on him like this and nestled so close, Severus was having a hard time concentrating.

Damn hormones, he complained mentally.

"No, Sev, I'm not," Lily said, planting a kiss on his nose and then on the lips. "Are you feeling any better?"

His lips quirked, and Severus murmured, "I thought I was supposed to make you feel better?" Then he returned the kiss, only with more fervor.

Lily giggled after the kiss ended and snuggled closer to him. Severus ensconced her with his arms.

"Having you here is a far better way to spend a rainy afternoon than looking through an old photo album," he whispered.

"Being with you is much nicer than going shopping with Petunia," Lily agreed.

Even though they didn't discuss their problems further that day, they had each other, and simply being together spoke volumes more than words ever could.

Author's Note: This was a hard chapter to write for some reason. I think I am suffering from a small amount of writer's block, but don't worry! I intend to have at least one new chapter for you between now and Christmas! And thank you to all who reviewed and who wished me well. I'm all back to normal health now!