Note Happy New Year to everyone who reads this story, and thank you for all your continuing support.
It wasn't a dream, I know that much. The muscles in my lower back feel exercised. When I touch my cock it feels clean not in the clean from the shower way but in the clean from wet wipes way, which is indefinably different. I can smell – faintly but unmistakeably – the stuff he smears on his lips to keep them from drying out, where he's transferred traces of it to around my mouth. And there's the satisfaction that you wake up with, of knowing you've been wanted by someone you want: the power of it. So I know I had sex with him in the night. I know it wasn't a dream. I just don't know what it was.
It's ten o'clock. There's no note but I can't hear any sounds, no shower running, no radio on in the kitchen, so maybe he's left to collect the kids. I close my eyes; if he's gone I may as well catch up on my sleep until he's back. Only then I hear the door opening – the soft sound of him kicking it open with the side of his foot in that way he does when his hands are full – and he comes in carrying two mugs, and he's wearing our dressing gown over a pair of boxers, and he sets the coffees down then climbs over me and gets in bed. I heave myself up so my back is against the headboard same as him, and I pass him his cup. They're the cups, I note, that he liberated from the hotel on our six month anniversary trip.
"Ta," he says.
"Thought you'd be on your way to Manchester by now."
He sips his coffee, shakes his head as he swallows. "No, Leah had a mate round for a sleepover so Amy said not to come too early, give the mum a chance to fetch her. Fetch the mate, like."
"Okay."
"Not too long though. Probably go about half ten if you're coming."
"Okay. Yeah, I'll come."
"Okay."
"So..." I say.
"Six years, then."
"Mm? Yeah. Yeah, six years." I turn my head to look at him, and I don't know, there's still a kind of reservation in his expression, but anyhow I chance it, lean a little so he'll know I want to kiss him and then it's up to him, he can take it or leave it.
He takes it, or gives it, a touch of coffee-laced lips on mine.
I almost say Happy anniversary but he'd think I was being sarcastic or at least ironic or at least having a dig, so I don't. No point aggravating him.
"I've had me shower," he says after a while.
"I'll get up then, go and..." I finish my coffee and get out of bed. "Not gonna go without me, are you?"
"No."
:::::::
When I've got dressed I go and find him. He's kneeling on the floor in front of the plant, and he's got a mug in his hand.
"Alright?"
"I'm watering it. Not too much though, cos that's what Amy said." He trickles some water out of the mug onto the soil. "Only she's gonna ask, in't she, probably, so I thought I better."
"More than likely, yeah."
"D'you think that's enough?"
"You're asking me?"
He throws me a glance, and I squat down.
"Is the water meant to come out into the saucer thing like that?" he says. "I can't remember if she said. Hang on, look, it's going away again now. Is it meant to do that?"
"Dunno. Probably, yeah. Osmosis, is it?"
"Eh?"
"Sucking it up. Would it do that if it didn't need it?" I touch the soil. "Feels... I dunno."
"Leave it at that then, shall we?"
I nod. "Least if she asks..."
"...We can say we've watered it."
"Yeah."
We both stand up.
"Do you do that at the gym?"
"Do I do what?"
"Make them noises when you get up."
"What noises?"
"Old man noises."
"Old – ?"
"Come on." He nudges me with his shoulder. "We better go."
:::::::
It's warm today. Not holiday-hot, but warm enough that we're both in T-shirts; warm enough that we've got the car windows open as we go.
Ten minutes on the road and neither of us has said a word.
"Steven?" I try. "Y'know..."
"What?"
"Y'know last night, when we..."
"We did it."
"Yeah. So are we back to... or are we still, y'know..?"
"Well we're back, aren't we."
"Well don't you sound cock-a-hoop."
"Don't push your luck, mate."
:::::::
More miles.
"Anyways I'm glad, so," I say. "If we're..."
"I've not forgotten what's gone on."
"I know. You said."
"And I'm not gonna forget, either."
"I know. Jesus, I know, okay?"
"Stop the car."
"We're on a fucking motorway." And then I look at him quickly. "Not gonna be sick are you?"
"No. Can you just stop the car please?"
"Okay, okay, I'll stop when we get to the services."
"Right then."
We drive on, and when we get to the exit for the services I follow it and find a parking space to pull into.
He gets out straight away, leaves his door open and walks to the front of the car. There must be a summer breeze making the holiday-bleached hairs on his arms stand up, or why else would his outline seem to glitter in the sun like it does?
I get out too. Go to where he's standing.
"Did you want something here then?" I say.
He shakes his head first but then he says, "Yeah. I want... I wanna get this sorted."
"Okay."
I wait for him to say something, or even – it wouldn't surprise me – throw a punch, but he doesn't, so I sit myself down on the car bonnet. He stands for a second, then he does likewise.
"I pretended our Leah had cancer. Did you know that, Brendan?"
"I know that, yeah."
He looks at me, startled. "Warren told you that an' all, did he? What, was you saving it up so you could use it to hurt me, like Louise and the fire?"
"I didn't save it up to hurt you, the fire thing. I saved it up to... I told you why."
"To make it seem like I was as bad as you so I wouldn't leave you over Joel's dad."
"Stepdad. Yeah. Not that you're as bad as me because you're not, you never were. Never could be. Just, like I told you, it..."
"It was all you had."
"Yeah."
"But you still used it even though you knew I wouldn't leave you." He's silent, thinking, and then he says, "You never answered me question. Was you saving it up about Leah?"
"I wasn't. I promise. Steven, look at me." I wait until his eyes are on mine. "I promise."
He nods, turns his head away again. "So, was it Warren that told you?"
"Not about that, no."
"Who was it then?"
"I got all the gossip, didn't I."
"About me? Who off?"
"Carmel McQueen mostly, believe it or not. Took her to Spain, didn't I, had to talk to her about something. Wasn't exactly a meeting of minds, but what else was I gonna do with her?"
"You've known for all them years?"
"I know you were kids, you and Amy. I guess it got out of hand, the scam or whatever it was, once you'd started. It's what happens with lies."
"It's like I was a different person."
"I know." I touch his knee for a second.
He's gearing up to say something else. I wait. He's fiddling with his silver cuff like it's uncomfortable, like it's making his wrist itch.
"You know the bloke... the boyfriend that was living with me when you came back?"
"I know you had someone there, yeah."
"I only... I heard him talking to this lad in a... I was in this bar, right, and he weren't the sort of bloke I used to... But I heard him saying to this other lad that he was looking for somewhere to live, so then when he went to the bogs I followed him, and I... y'know... And then we went back to mine. And the next day I told him he could move in if he wanted. Cos I needed someone to pay the rent, Brendan." He looks at me, waits for me to look at him.
"Okay."
He looks away again.
"Cos I had a job by then, didn't I, that restaurant, cooking. But all me wages was going on me debts, except a bit for me kids."
"That loan shark."
He nods. "And when we had arguments and that – me and me boyfriend – he used to say he was gonna move out, so I used to sleep with him to stop him going cos I needed his rent money. So you know what that makes me, don't you?"
"It makes you... makes you someone that needed to keep a roof over your head." I can taste bile in my throat. "Where is he now?"
"I don't know. No, you're not going after him, Brendan, right? He was alright."
"Did he..? When he... did he hurt you?"
"Him? No. He couldn't hurt me. No one could."
"Steven – "
"You're right I needed a roof over me head. If it was just me it wouldn'a... But Amy'd started bringing Leah and Lucas to see me, see, and if I'd lost me flat, got put in one of them B&B hostels or something, she wouldn'a... Well, I wouldn'a wanted her to anyway." He covers his face with his hands for a moment: I don't know if it's tears he's rubbing away or the images he's seeing. "I wanted them to be proud of me. I weren't doing the stuff any more. And the job I had, I mean, when I started there it was just microwaving stuff from the freezer, but then I started making things, y'know, just what they'd been buying in – lasagnes and that – but I started making them from scratch, so it was like... It was better."
"Your kids would'a been proud."
"Not if they knew how I was keeping getting me rent paid for me."
"They're proud of you now." We both sit in our own silence for a while, surrounded by the noise of vehicles coming and going. "Where were the Lomaxes when all this was going on?"
"Nowhere. I didn't want them knowing me business, getting all... Cos they're all, like, a teacher and police and a nurse and a fire fighter, and there was me like..."
"So you kept them at arm's length."
"Yeah. They thought I was doing alright." He's quiet again, and then he says, "She's got a whatsit, a salon now, Carmel McQueen, did you know? Yeah, down in the village. Me sisters go there. Y'know, like, nails and that, Carmel and Theresa and that Maxine."
"Anne's sister?"
"Yeah."
"She never mentioned it."
"Well she wouldn't, would she, knowing what Maxine done. Her name's a dirty word."
"Point."
He pulls out his phone to look at the time.
"Anyway," he says. "So you know now, the things I've done. And Brendan, you've got to not... not use them on me, not be..."
"Cruel." It's what he told me I'd been, and he was right.
"Yeah. And I'm sorry for, like, shoving you and – "
"No. You got nothing to say sorry for, Steven, okay?"
"I shouldn'a done it."
"You know I'm sorry for... For everything."
"I know, yeah. So come on, Brendan, there's nothing else big is there? I don't mean the drug dealing and the, like, just normal crimes and that, cos I know you must'a done more things than I know about, and I'm just..." He shrugs his shoulders. "But there's no more, like, dead bodies, is there? If there is, just tell me."
"No more dead bodies."
His look at me is searching, acute, and all I can do is wait until he's satisfied that what I've told him is the truth. He nods almost imperceptibly in acknowledgement, and then it's on to the next thing.
"And is there anyone that you've slept with that... I don't mean, like, random blokes you've pulled. I mean anyone that I know, or that I used to know, or... anyone that meant something? Cos I don't want no more surprises, right, cos it makes me feel – when I found out about Walker, it made me feel stupid for not – "
"Don't ever feel stupid, Steven, you hear me?" I pause for a minute. "You know about Macca. You know about... about Vinnie, he was... they were the only ones I ever had a... y'know, had a regular thing with."
"Okay."
"You know about Lynsey's brother."
"That one's burned on me eyeballs, don't worry," he says, and we exchange a look and almost a laugh. "That was a one-off though, weren't it?"
Honest answer: "Apart from a handjob when he was seventeen or something. I was nineteen or twenty and I didn't even like him, I just wanted something to hold over him to make him stay away from Chez, because she was getting all gooey-eyed over him."
"So what if she was?"
"She was fifteen."
"Oh, right."
"Don't know if Eoghan would'a gone there but he was lapping up the adoration from her, I know that much."
"And is that it? No one else? You never, like... Not with that Kevin or anyone?"
"No."
"And Noah, you never..?"
"God no. What you saw was all there was."
"Yeah that's another one burned on me eyeballs."
"Sorry about that, it was..."
"Same with John Paul McQueen."
"Don't remind me."
"What about that Sean one? I mean you must'a known him before or how would you of found him at the last minute?"
"Sean? Who's – ?"
"The one that got off with Noah."
"Oh, him. Yeah. I... I'd picked him up, before. He was the kind of lad you pick up. It was..." It was after I got out of hospital from when Steven had laid me out with a baseball bat. "It was when there wasn't any hope for us."
He's calm about this one, this Sean whose name I'd forgotten. I guess Steven had already assumed it was the case that I'd had some kind of history with the lad; and I guess nothing is as bad as Walker.
"What about Doug?"
"Douglas? You serious?"
"No. Don't think so. Just wouldn't put it past you, that's all. I mean, I know when him and me first... I was the only bloke he'd ever... you know... But I know he..."
"He what?"
"Nothing."
"Never tried anything with Douglas, I swear. And that's it, that's all, Steven. Never had anyone else you know or knew."
"Good." His adam's apple rises and falls as he swallows, its profile sharp like a flint. "So let's... let's not let this week make us... different than we was before, cos..."
"You think you can do that, Steven? Knowing what you know, d'you think we can – ?"
"Yes." The car's suspension bounces as he stands up, and I stand too and face him, and he's as vulnerable and as resolute as I've ever seen him. "Cos we've got a life, Brendan. We've got a life."
We stare at each other. It feels like the weight of this moment could throw us together or apart. And then both of us take a step, and we've chosen our course, and we've got each other, and we're kissing for dear life.
A lorry rumbles across our bow and blows a fanfare on its horn. We keep on kissing, and when we stop we laugh. It's only for a moment and it's from relief more than anything else, but still, we laugh.
:::::::
"Believe..." I say when we're back in the flow of traffic on the motorway.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"No. 'Believe' what?"
Half-thoughts are not sufficient for this man, not right now. Unfinished sentences won't do.
"Believe that a farther shore is reachable from here. Believe in miracles and cures and healing wells."
"Is that a poem?"
"Yeah, I just... It came into my head, is all."
"Is it from the poem book I gave you?"
"It is, yeah. It's a good book."
:::::::
We're almost there, just around the corner from where Amy lives.
"Did you fancy me then?" Steven says. He's been quiet for the rest of the drive, evidently thinking.
"When?"
"Friday the thirteenth. That first day, when I come over the club with them canapés. Did you fancy me?"
I glance at him but his head is turned away looking out of the window.
"You had a bad attitude, Steven. You were ripping off your own boss, you even tried to get one over on me. Jesus. You were a streak of nothing, y'know? Your clothes were too big, you had this jacket on that looked like all that was inside it was a wire coathanger. Course I fucking fancied you."
"You being sarcastic?"
I can feel him looking at me now.
"I'm not." I stare at the road ahead, my hands tight on the steering wheel. "There's not been a day gone by I didn't fancy you, these six years. Not one day."
There's the longest pause, then he says, "I didn't fancy you."
I laugh, "Thanks for the clarification."
"Although..."
"Yeah? Although what?"
"Nothing. It's just, Jacqui McQueen told me something that day, that's all, at the party."
"Something about me?"
"About... Yeah. Cos I said to her, like, maybe Cheryl would give me a job at the club seeing as I'd got the sack off Tony. And Jacqui said I better ask you, cos it was Cheryl's club, yeah, but Cheryl weren't really in charge, because you were. Your sort, that's what Jacqui said – she said you was always the boss."
"And?"
"I dunno. It was interesting, that's all. Look, there's a space right outside, we're lucky."
I park up.
"We going inside?"
"Yeah. Need a wazz, don't I. You better come in an' all."
"Why? You need me to hold it for you?"
"Ha. Ha. No, cos it's gonna look weird if you sit out here, innit."
We get out.
"Steven."
"Yeah?"
I put my arm round his shoulder and he easily comes in for a hug.
"I don't deserve you," I say, and what I think is, You're the miracle I believe in.
"Hi. Oh." Amy's opened the door: the kids must have been looking for us out of the window.
We let go of each other.
"Hiya," says Steven, then when he sees Leah and Lucas behind their mother where she's holding them back from coming outside, he says it again but with a bigger smile, "Hiya."
"Come in. They're nearly ready."
She stands back to let Steven in, and further back to let me in.
"Amy," I say.
"Brendan."
The kids come to me after their dad has cuddled them, and I pick them up one in each arm and go sideways with them through the door into the front room and set them down. Simon is there.
"Alright Brendan? Where's Ste gone?"
"Little boys' room," I say.
"Oh, cool. Have a seat then. Can I get you anything?"
"We're not stopping. Thanks though."
"Aliya came for a sleepover," says Leah. "She's a vegetarian, isn't she Mummy?"
"Yes, like you."
"And like Declan. Aliya's always been a vegetarian though. Brendan, has Declan always been a vegetarian?"
"No, sweetheart. Not till he was older than you."
"Paddy's not a vegetarian," says Lucas, "Neither am I."
"They've made quite an impression," Simon says, "Declan and Paddy. We wondered how it would go, cos they can be tricky, blended families. But it's lovely how they've all got on."
"They're good kids, all of them, so."
Leah and Lucas talk about what they've been up to, until Amy sends them off to put their shoes on.
Steven comes in.
"Their bags are by the door, all ready," Amy tells him.
"Cheers," I say, and she looks a little apologetic.
Steven sits down next to me.
"So," Amy says – to both of us this time. "Have you got plans for the weekend?"
"Just normal things, like," Steven says. "The park and that. They like the ducks, don't they."
"Kick a ball around," I say. "Let off steam."
"Nice," Simon says. "Nice day for it anyway by the look of it."
"Yeah," I say.
"What about you?" says Steven. "Got plans?"
"Going to Simon's mum and dad tomorrow, aren't we," says Amy.
"Sunday lunch," Simon says. "And tonight's our date night."
"'Date night'?" I say, and I look at Amy. She looks disgruntled, as if we've caught them out.
"Yeah," Simon says, "Just the little Italian up the road tonight."
"Our date night's on a Monday, innit, Brendan. Cos that's when we're both off work."
I look at him.
Okay.
"Yeah, I guess it is."
"Plus we go out in the daytime other days, don't we, for a coffee or a lunch, like, cos we're not at work until the evening so it's..."
"Sounds very nice," Simon says.
After that the four of us seem to have run out of small talk, until Amy says, "Oh, how's the plant?"
"We watered it," we both say at once, and Amy looks at us as if we're weird.
"Good," she says.
"Not too much." We say it both together again, and then I say, "Okay."
"I'm sure it's fine," says Amy. She's trying not to laugh.
:::::::
Leah spots the package on the coffee table as soon as we get home.
"Look, Lucas. Look, see what it says."
"Princess Leah?" he says, and he laughs.
"And look what else it says," she tells him.
"Luke Skywalker. Is that us?"
He says us with the S like a Z, like his dad does. Uz.
"It must be, yeah," says Steven, and Lucas laughs again.
"It's from Dublin," says Leah. "Can we open it?"
"Course you can."
There's a note inside. The kids read it then pass it to Steven, and he brings it to me so I can read it too. It's in Declan's writing and it says, To Luke and Leah, thanks for letting us visit you. Hope one day you can come and visit us. Love, Declan, and then Padraig has written, & Paddy.
They've opened the presents by now. Lucas has got a T-shirt with pictures of Dublin sights on it. Leah has got a silver chain with a wee shamrock pendant. They're delighted.
"Can I wear this to the park?" says Lucas.
"Yeah go on, go and try it on," says Steven.
"Can you do it up?" Leah comes to me and holds her pony tail out of the way while I fasten the clasp of her necklace.
I look up and I think I see a shadow in Steven's eyes of what he knows my hands have done; unless I'm imagining it, because then he smiles and comes and kneels in front of Leah.
"That's come all the way from Ireland, Leah," he says. "In't you lucky, eh?"
Lucas runs back in after his quick change.
"It's cool," he says.
"It's the bridge," says Leah. "The magic one from the story, Daddy, look."
Lucas stretches out his T-shirt and peers down at the pictures on it, then he goes over to the wall where the photos are and compares the bridge in the photo of Declan and Padraig with the one on his new top.
"Yeah, that's it, see," says Steven. "The special bridge."
:::::::
I don't even look at the time when I get home from work. I'm so tired I don't even take a shower, just brush my teeth then go to the bedroom, strip down to my boxers and get into bed. He's woken up and moved over to make space, and then as soon as I'm in he cuddles up and we both fall asleep.
:::::::
Sunday we take them out for a pizza after a trip to the swings, and then we all go home the long way round so we can walk along the canal, and then when we get indoors they're tired enough that they're happy to sit and do some drawing and read their books.
We all leave at the same time, me to go to work and them to go back to Manchester. When we've got them into the car I say to Steven, "Alright?"
"Yeah," he says, and we kiss quickly and for a moment we stay with our foreheads pressed together.
"Let me know when you're home. I love you."
"Love you too."
:::::::
My phone vibrates with a call, gone ten o'clock.
"Eileen?" I say, and my mind races to what could have made her phone me at this time of a Sunday night.
"Don't panic, there's nothing wrong, alright? It's just the first minute I've had to myself, and there's something I – "
"Hold on, I can hardly hear you. Gonna go outside." I go through the crowds and make my way out of the rear exit into the yard. "Okay. Go ahead. So there's nothing wrong, Eileen, no?"
"No, everyone's fine. You're at work then?"
"Yeah."
"I thought you would be. I won't keep you long. It's just, this is the first chance I've had, cos Deccy and Michael are out for a wee drink and Paddy's gone to bed now, so I'm on my own."
"What is it, Eileen?"
"Right. So there's something I wanted to ask you. Well, tell you something, then ask you... Okay so you know I'd a feeling this baby was going to be a wee girl?"
"I remember you said, yeah." I'm baffled, I want to know where this is going.
"Well, it turns out I was right. We hadn't decided to find out, but then we had the twenty week scan and she asked us if we knew or if we wanted to know, and we just thought, y'know, if this wee slip of a girl doing the scan knows now then we'd better know too because it's our baby, not hers, so... Sorry, I'm rambling. So we found out it's a girl."
"Congratulations." I hope I've kept out of my voice the urge to say, And? And?
"Thanks. No one knows yet, just Michael and me, not the boys, not even my mum. We wanted to keep it just for us for a while."
"But you're telling me..?"
"Yes. Because when we tell the boys, we're going to ask them to help choose her names, just, y'know, so they'll feel like they're involved. But I wanted to ask you first, Brendan. I wanted to ask, would it be alright if... For her middle name, I'd like to name her for her sister. I'd like her middle name to be Niamh."
I lean my back against the outside wall of the kitchen. I wish it was Steven inside there tonight instead of Pearl.
"I'd like that," I say.
"Yeah? I wasn't sure, y'know, as Niamh was yours, and this baby's – "
"She's her sister all the same. They're the lads' sisters, both of them. It's... It's a beautiful idea, Eileen."
"Thank you, Brendan."
"How about Michael. Is he okay with it?"
"He will be. I've not asked him yet, didn't want to until I'd spoken to you, cos if you'd said no I'd have left it. He'll be fine with it though. We talk about our Niamh, y'know, with the boys, and Michael is a good person, whatever you think of him."
"I'm glad, so. And I'm glad you're getting another chance, another daughter. You'll be a great mum to her. Listen, sweetheart, I better go, but – "
"Course, aye, sorry."
"No, that's okay. I'm glad you called. Goodnight then."
"Brendan?"
"Yeah."
"I'm... I'm glad that you're getting another chance with a daughter too. Declan says you're good with her – with both of them, your... Are they step-children even if it's..?"
"I'm married to their dad, so yeah, it's step-children."
"Sorry, yeah. They look like lovely kids anyhow. I saw them yesterday when they were talking to the boys. I'm glad it's all..."
"I'm glad it's worked out for you as well."
"Aye. So thanks Brendan. Thanks for... About the name. Night then."
"Night, Eileen."
:::::::
Soup in micro. I know its' summer but its' good for you + you had pizza before xxx
I unstick his Post-it note from the door of the microwave and press go, and stand there ready to switch it off before it pings in case it wakes him. I needn't have worried though because I hear a sound and look round and he's here, his hair mussed from his pillow, his arms folded keeping the dressing gown wrapped tight around him.
"Hello," he says.
"Soup," I say. I get the mug out of the microwave, get out a spoon and stir it.
"I know."
He pours himself a glass of milk from the fridge, and we go into the living room, put just the side lamp on and sit down on the sofa.
"Soup's good."
"How was work?"
"Okay, yeah. Not too busy, not too slow, y'know."
"Medium."
"Medium, yeah." I drink the soup: it really is good. "I'd a call from Eileen tonight."
"What she want?"
"She's having a baby girl, they've found out."
"Okay. That's nice, nice for the lads."
"Reason she phoned was, she wanted to ask me if it's okay if they give her Niamh for a middle name. Y'know, after..."
"After your baby?" He puts down his milk glass and twists his body round to face me. His eyes are full of concern.
"Yeah. I said yes."
"And you're alright with it?"
"I am, yeah. I think it's... I'm glad."
"It's like, helping her live on, innit." His voice is soft. "I mean, I know you'll never forget her, but now, this new baby's gonna grow up, and probably she'll tell her own kids where her middle name came from, so it's like..."
I nod. Finish my soup and put it down.
"Took me by surprise, is all."
"I bet. You should'a phoned me, I could'a come round."
"It's fine. I was fine. Anyhow you'd not long been home, had you?"
"I know, yeah, stayed at Amy's till after the kids went to bed. I told you, didn't I, in me text. It was nice actually in the end, just talking."
"In the end?"
He nods, and for a fraction of a second there's a fraction of a frown. I put my arm out and he slots himself under it against my side. He's warm; he smells of the bed he's come from.
"It's just... Christmas."
"Christmas?"
He nods. "You know last year, right, we had the kids Christmas Eve and then we took them to Manchester next day in time for them to have their Christmas dinner with Amy? And so it was meant to be our turn this year, we'd fetch them Christmas morning or Amy and Simon would bring them to us, and I was gonna do Christmas dinner for you, me, Leah and Lucas. It was gonna be the first time ever."
"I know, yeah. It'll be our turn. So, what's..?"
"Amy's changed it."
"She can't just change it."
"Well, she didn't just change it, she asked me if she could."
"She's planning her Christmas now? It's August for chrissake."
"Shush, no, don't." He cranes his head to kiss my jaw, then rests it back against my shoulder. "It's okay. It's just, Simon's got this brother, right, and he lives in Australia, only he's coming over for a visit for Christmas. They've just booked it, the plane tickets for him and his wife and that. And they're gonna be staying with Simon's mum and dad when they come, and they've asked – the mum and dad have – if they can all have Christmas dinner at Simon and Amy's, cos they've not got room at theirs and it's gonna be the first Christmas they've had all together since... I dunno, years and years. So Amy and Simon, they asked if we could let them have the kids for Christmas dinner same as last year."
"What did you say to that?"
"I was a bit upset at first. Cos like, it's like she thinks they're her kids more than mine. But when they explained, I could see she weren't just messing us around. I mean, it's a one-off thing, with his brother being there for the first time, so it weren't just an excuse or something. So I said yes, okay. And then Simon said you and me would be welcome at the dinner too."
"Jesus."
"Don't worry, I said no. I reckon Amy would've killed him after, if I'd said yes." He looks up at me for a second and smiles. "Anyway they promised we can have the kids next year, whatever happens."
"Next year? You won't have got rid of me by then, then? That's good." I kiss the top of his head. "We'll have them Christmas Eve though this year, yeah?"
"Yeah, defo. It's a Saturday anyway, Christmas Eve this year, so it's our day for having them in any case. But yeah, they'll be here for the night before Christmas, and mince pies for Santa, and prezzies in the morning. And then when we get home from taking them back to Amy's, I'll do us a nice roast like I done last year. When it's just us."
"That sounds... Y'know, it sounds like we've got the best of it, Steven. That's what it sounds like to me."
