Mikado was rather surprised.
"Power to do what?"
"I never quite got around to that. Just power. As a starting point. I remember that one of the first things I saw when I arrived here was some poor fellow getting the beating of his life. I was dumb enough to try to stop it…which only meant that at the end of the day the guys got to beat up two people instead of one. And nothing really changed. So I decided that I wouldn't let that ever happen to me again."
Mikado thought that Kida would be defensive but he seemed more open to actual conversation than he had been in a long time. More, Kida's calm was somewhat upsetting. Through it Mikado could see Kida as a gang leader, not the head butting troublemaker but something of a manipulator in his own right. Kida seemed to be following the same train of thought because he carried on.
"I suppose I'm not what you'd expect a criminal to be. The tiniest Yellow Scarf could wipe the floor with me if he wanted. But he wouldn't dare. You know why not, Mikado?"
"Because they like you?"
"Actually, yes. But that's not all. They recognize that I can give them what they need. And that's a sense of order. Outsiders have an idea that gangs are just a bunch of idiots running around beating up people for kinks. It only gets to that point if the leader cops out, really. The idiot part is absolutely true. But gang members want structure, they want someone who'll put them in their place without being 'The Man'. They're all miserable and pitiful. They do feel alone but when they get to 'join hands' they feel strong."
Mikado paid close attention to this cruel explanation. He chose his next words very carefully.
"I don't think there is anything wrong in wanting to belong to a group but I fail to see how that is connected to hurting others."
Kida laughed. It was not the type of laughter Mikado associated with Kida but something cynical that echoed Izaya.
"'It's us against them'. That's how it works. And as long as you have someone you can trample on, you are above and thus better. And so you climb upward in the ranks."
Mikado shook his head.
"I could never agree to that."
"Remind me to give you a medal for that."
"But you quit your gang. Why?"
Kida shrugged as much as he could. The ropes made it difficult.
"You'll probably laugh and call me out on my hypocrisy. But I actually quit because of you."
Mikado blinked.
"Me?"
"About the time I knew you were moving to Tokyo. I just couldn't bear to see that look on your face, that 'Oh Kida-kun, why do you disappoint me so' look that is worse than your silly rants about 'justice'. I knew that if you found out that'd be your reaction. Oh well, so much for that, huh Mikado?"
"Kida…"
"Thing is, I'm a great liar. I can lie so well that at one point I realized that I was doing it all the time. It got so tiring. Putting on the 'Kida-kun!' mask every single day and entertain the others."
Mikado could see that Kida truly meant it.
"Did you also feel you had to entertain me?"
"If you must know…yes, in a way. You can be pretty gloomy yourself and there's no way you can hide it even if you try. Of course I could never burden you with my problems. You have your own life to figure out and I know you'd just stay up all night long trying to figure out a solution to what just can't be solved."
"You care that much for me…?"
"I know this city's harsh and how you worry over little details. So I had to be at my brightest and chirpiest with you because your 'best friend' is a happy if slightly annoying boy, who blabs too much and so covers your silence, who acts as a foil when you can't come up with a topic of conversation and who takes liberties jumping on you in a trademark 'Kida-kun tackle' because you're so reserved that someone has to unwind you a tad if that means ruffling your feathers."
Mikado opened and closed his mouth a few times. He smiled a bit.
"You really know me, Kida."
"The world you want…there is no place for me in it. You know that, right? It is a world that denies my existence."
