Chapter Fifty-two: The Weapon of Mass Befuddlement

Minako had to look quite stupid, rolling in the dirt with a squirrel.

She and Sandy had been covered in flames, stopping, dropping, and rolling to no avail. Of course fire in Bikini Bottom would be weird enough to withstand dirt.

Sailor Mercury's water had dowsed the flame, freeing her, Minako, and Sandy to pursue Chibi-Usa and JunJun. Until that camper fell and tumbled toward the Tubelets' fiery wall, making Ami rush after him, leaving Minako and Sandy struggling to untangle themselves.

Regardless of what was happening between Chibi-Usa and JunJun, Minako couldn't fail any of her friends like she had in Goo Lagoon.

JunJun might be luring Chibi-Usa into Dead Moon's lair to pry out information about the Golden Crystal. But by her contracted pupils, JunJun blanching and looking at the sky, where the voice had boomed, she was genuinely appalled at what she'd done. No one was that good an actress.

Chibi-Usa was still in danger, though. Whatever rage Dead Moon's hag was about to unleash, she'd be caught in the crossfire.

To hurry after Chibi-Usa, Ami, Minako, and Sandy had to be free. The camper was bowling toward the lake, Ami flying after him. Minako and Sandy were more twisted than a pretzel. They slipped limb out of limb, only for them to grow more entangled.

"You stay still," Minako said, her hand pushing Sandy's lip, making the squirrel look like she was snarling. "I'll work on freeing myself, so you'll be freed, too."

"Sounds like a better plan than the nonexistent one we had." Sandy stilled, and Minako carefully slid her arms and legs free from under and over Sandy's, slipping her head free from under Sandy's armpit at one point. Sandy's suit should have quelled all scents, yet Minako resisted the urge to cough. Her eyes betrayed her attempt at politeness and watered.

Sandy chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry. All this runnin' around and fightin'."

Minako coughed in response. Hopefully, she would never be stuck under a squirrel's armpit again.

Loosening herself, Minako jumped onto her feet. Looked for any signs of Chibi-Usa and JunJun, the two having disappeared into the kelp. Meanwhile, Ami dove into the lake, where the camper thrashed about.

"Can't swim. Can't swim." He sunk, and bubbles rose to the surface.

Ami shot through the lake like a missile and then dove underwater. Seconds later, she pulled the unconscious fish toward land. Mrs. Puff watched through slit eyes.

Sandy sniffed the air. "I may be a city slicker now, but I'm a country gal at heart. You may be able to take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl." Her brow creased. "With all this char around, I can't catch their scents. Plus, I've never caught that Dead Moon Circus lady's scent before. I have been close enough to smell Chibi-Usa."

"She stinks?" Minako said.

"Probably not to y'all." Another chuckle. "All you humans stink to me. Y'all have so many odors from all them places you go."

Minako crossed her arms. "Sure. Because your pit smelled like flowers."

"Hey, I didn't say I don't stink, too."

"So if you can catch Chibi-Usa's scent, then you should be able to track down her and JunJun."

"Right."

Ami had lay the camper onto his back, near the tent's ashes. She squared herself, mentally preparing herself to do CPR on a fish.

Sucking in a breath, Ami pressed her open mouth to the fish's. Breathed into the fish's throat. Unlocked her lips from his and pushed down on his chest repeatedly. Repeated the process, locking lips before she could psych herself out of it.

Minako wished she had a camera.

The fish's eyes shot open, and the camper flailed. Ami swerved backward, his foot slicing the air inches from her chin. She grabbed the fish's wrists, stopping him from crushing her face with a fist.

"Mm not lettin' you get your grubby hands on me," the camper cried, eyes wild. "You won't turn me into a fish stick, no matter how delicious I'd look next to your fries."

Sandy rushed to the two, grabbed the fish's ankles, stopping the camper, whispering soothing nothings.

"It wouldn't be the first time humans got their nasty hands down here," Mrs. Puff said. "Literally. They almost ate my Eugene as part of their fish fry."

Minako suppressed a question. Yes, humans were terrible. She'd been the victim of humans' selfishness. Everyone had. But humans were great, too, able to accomplish feats that other species couldn't.

No time to argue when Chibi-Usa was in danger.

"We ain't here to eat you," Sandy said. "You recognize me, right? I'm helpin' this good human next to me. If I'm helpin' her, then she's gotta be on our side. Yeah?"

The camper slowed. "Yeah." His eyes cleared. "I-I'm okay now." He smiled at Ami. "Thanks for saving me. Sorry about almost making you headless."

"It's okay." Ami and Sandy released the fish, and the camper brushed dirt and debris off his shorts and sleeves.

"The other campers need saving," Mrs. Puff said. "The robots scattered them around Kelp Forest." She shooed them away. "But go ahead. Save your human friend. You look out for only yourselves anyhow."

Brokenness and resignation permeated Mrs. Puff's voice. Feelings that could be silenced by putting the fish's needs above Chibi-Usa's.

Chibi-Usa proclaimed that she could take care of herself. And she could. For the most part.

The fish could be threatened by the robots; by other members of the Dead Moon Circus; by the hag, her gray face stark against the black, cloudless sky.

JunJun's defiance might preoccupy the hag. Chibi-Usa could be killed with JunJun.

The Guardians' mission was to protect the princess. Even at the cost of others.

Minako let out a breath. The fish were in danger. But her mission…

She pursed her lips. "I'm sorry, but we have to go after our friend."

Mrs. Puff's jaw tightened. "Of course you do."

"Let's go together, Mrs. Puff," Sandy jumped in. "Find these campers as a team."

The brewing storm on Mrs. Puff's face could rival Sailor Jupiter's. "Thank you, Ms. Cheeks." A hedge cutter couldn't loosen her tight voice.

Minako turned toward the direction that she believed Chibi-Usa and JunJun had run in. "We can't track anyone down without you, Sandy, and your nose. Besides, some of the campers might've scattered in the same direction."

The storm on Mrs. Puff's face intensified. "I didn't see them."

"You never know," Minako said quickly, trying not to back down from or rile the pufferfish more. But speaking without riling her up was impossible. Every time a human opened her mouth, Mrs. Puff grew angrier.

"I agree." Ami bounced slightly on her heels, as anxious to go after Chibi-Usa and JunJun as Minako was. "You're welcome to come with us."

"I can stay here and hold down the fort." The camper sat cross-legged in the grass, near the ruined tent. The fort that no longer existed. He spread his arms, closed his eyes. "I'll keep the robots at bay through the power of nature."

Minako raised an eyebrow. Ami rose both. By now, they both knew to question nothing.

Mrs. Puff looked from Minako, to Ami, to Sandy, to the thick trees and vines crisscrossing over the ground where Chibi-Usa and JunJun had trodden. The hag's calls of, "Get back here, JunJun," reverberated.

"I'll go with you," the pufferfish muttered.

Minako brightened. "Thank you. We can't find these campers without you. Besides, they trust you more than us, so they'll be more willing to come with us if you're here, too."

"In case any of the robots come," Ami said to the camper, thinking one hundred steps ahead, "call us."

The camper cocked his head. "With what?"

She placed a finger on her chin. Hadn't thought as far ahead as Minako believed.

He snapped his fingers. "The power of nature. What else?" He walked to a vine, two saucer-sized leaves protruding at the bottom. He plucked one of the leaves, curved it into a bullhorn and blew. A quack echoed.

Ami's expression blanked. "Why does a leaf sound like a duck?"

"Because, Ami," Minako said.

Sandy sniffed the air once more. "Thankfully, there's not much wind down here. If we start goin' in their direction, I should be able to catch their scents. Plus, they should've left a trail." Parting the vines, she ran toward the direction in which Chibi-Usa and JunJun had gone.

Until she entered the thickness of the tree-like vines, Minako had no idea that darkness could be more complete than in Rock Bottom. Her hands were outlines in front of her face. Thankfully, Sandy's deep sea dive suit was as bright as a beacon. The squirrel ran ahead, but the light from her suit couldn't keep Minako from tripping over roots and nearly barreling into Ami or Mrs. Puff beside her.

Minako tripped over something that didn't feel like anything belonging in a forest. Despite the urgency of their situation, the hag growing eerily, dangerously quiet, she stopped and looked.

A sparkling purple conch shell lay on the ground.

Minako turned, the others skidding to stops. "I found something." She picked up the conch shell, turning it over in her hands. Inside were a string and a speaker. A toy?

A gasp came from their right. "There it is." A man rushed out of the underbrush, clad in a forest ranger's uniform, complete with a ten-gallon hat. "The magic conch shell. I've been looking all over for a new one since that brave sponge, starfish, and octopus came here months ago."

"What happened then?" Ami said.

The ranger's eyes grew distant. "Ah, back then… What a magical time." He hugged himself, sniveling, like he was on the verge of tears. "I wasn't part of that sponge and starfish's club, but they welcomed me with open arms once they found out that I, like them, worship and obey the magic conch."

"This toy?" Minako blurted out. Should've remembered that what was stupid to humans was reverent to the fish.

"It's not a toy," the ranger barked, spit pelting Minako's cheeks. Cringing, she swiped the spit away. His pupils dilated at the conch. "It's something to be worshiped. To be obeyed without question. And you're holding it the wrong way." He snatched the shell from Minako. If she was as rude as this guy was, her mama would thrash her into the next dimension. "It should be cradled, like so." He rocked it back and forth, whispering, "Did she hurt you?" He pulled the string.

The conch spoke. "Yes."

The ranger's eyes sharpened at Minako. "A blasphemous deed. You shall be punished." He gazed at the shell like it was a long-lost lover. "Magic conch shell, what should I do to punish this uncivilized woman for hurting you?" Another pull.

Minako gulped. The conch could be capable of commanding the crazy ranger to do anything. Maybe it wielded godlike powers to force others to do its will. Maybe it could give others godlike powers.

She reached toward her chain. The shell may be a toy, but it was a toy in Bikini Bottom.

"Nothing," the conch said.

Minako gulped back a sigh of relief. Couldn't let Ami, Sandy, and Mrs. Puff know that she had feared a toy limited to one-word answers.

Perhaps Ami wouldn't blame Minako for the leader's trepidation. After all, Minako was responsible for the Guardians' and their friends' well-being.

Another part of her screamed at her silliness, believing a toy to be capable of unleashing destruction. She shook her head of the thought. She'd been justified. Maybe.

The ranger threw his arms toward the heavens. "All hail the magic conch."

"Please, sir, keep it down," Minako said. "We're trying to be secretive."

The ranger held the shell to his chest. "I obey no one but the magic conch. Under its guidance, I've protected Kelp Forest and campers from sea bears, poison ivy, bottomless pits. Even directed them out of caves."

Could that toy really guide people?

Maybe the toy could direct them toward Chibi-Usa and JunJun. The darkness was so absolute that the group couldn't see whatever trail that the two had left. The forest was heavy with not only darkness, but also smells of greenery and wildlife, obscuring Chibi-Usa's and JunJun's scents. Some smells of budding flowers and vines were pleasant. Others…not so much. Minako could tell that animals lived in the forest, unconcerned of how they took care of it. Hopefully, she hadn't stepped in anything. She didn't have another pair of heels.

Minako exchanged looks with Ami and Sandy, grinning at the stupidity of what she was about to say. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Are you thinkin' that we should follow a toy?" Sandy said dejectedly.

"I am thinking and suggesting that. At least until you can pick up their scents or we can see their trail."

Sandy's frown deepened at the shell. "Based on what this guy told us, I'm guessing that SpongeBob and Patrick play with this toy every once in a while."

"It's not—"

Sandy raised her paws. "Sorry, the magic conch shell." She air-quoted the words, rolling her eyes. "Anyhow, SpongeBob and Patrick probably have a club where they obey this shell's every word. A few months ago, they and Squidward went missing in this forest for weeks, not movin' until the shell told them to come out of the forest. Mr. Krabs threatened to fire SpongeBob and Squidward if they didn't come back. I went searchin' for them, found them, and they still wouldn't move. Not even Squidward, which says somethin' about this shell's effect, or power, or however you wanna put it. They didn't look like they were starvin'. But they smelled terrible. Even when I told them they might lose their jobs, SpongeBob and Squidward didn't flinch. And SpongeBob loves his job. Squidward had the sense to pull the cord and ask the shell if they should leave so they could return to work and, y'know, survive in the real world. The conch, thankfully, said, 'Yes'. That was the end o' that. Bottom line is, I'm not sure if this conch has our best interest at heart. Didn't have SpongeBob's or Squidward's."

The shell had to have powers if the forest ranger had protected Kelp Forest and others with it. "I say we follow it."

Ami's face fell. "M-Mina-chan, are you sure?"

Minako nodded gravely. "I am." Squared her expression, trying to look as serious as possible. Thank goodness Michiru wasn't around, or the Guardian of the Deep Seas would ream her. "Let's give it a try."

"A wise choice." The forest ranger gazed at the shell. "Ask it anything, and its answer shall be immediate, divine, from on high, to protect, to sustain, to guide."

"Oookay." Minako cleared her throat. Maybe she had to word her questions carefully so it could understand what she was saying.

A thought nagged her for being stupid. She shoved the thought into a filing cabinet full of thoughts that should be contemplated but weren't because she was busy leading. "How do I address it?"

"In the most respectable way possible. Like this." The ranger kneeled, holding out the conch in front of him but not letting it touch the ground. He stretched his lips, like a cartoon character, and kissed the conch.

Minako would look foolish, kissing a toy. She may be goofy, but she had her pride. Then again, her pride wasn't enough to keep her from kissing a conch if doing so would keep it from commanding the ranger to ravage her and her friends.

Heck, the conch told the ranger how to protect an endless, pitch-black forest overgrown with plants. Its one-word answers must suffice.

"Oh, mighty conch, full of magic and power and love and wisdom and intelligence, I hand you to this young lady, who would like to tap into your limitless wisdom." The ranger held the shell out to Minako.

That logical part of Minako reared up, telling her that she was doing the stupidest thing she'd ever done. A feat, considering the countless number of stupid things she'd done in her life.

The protective part of Minako told her she had to go for it. Even if the conch didn't know, the ranger could direct them. He had to know the forest inside and out.

Minako reached for the shell.

"The knees, the knees." The ranger pointed toward his knees. "Like me. Show the conch that you're willing to submit and obey it."

Minako kneeled and then took the conch, cradling it.

From what Sandy had told them, Minako had to ask the right question to wrest a good answer. "Oh, mighty, magic, wise conch." Would've never thought she'd put those words in the same sentence. "My friends and I are searching for our other friend, who ran deep into Kelp Forest, after our enemies. We worry for her safety, but we believe that you have the answer."

Sandy coughed. Hopefully, the conch didn't sense her disbelief.

"We must know where they went, to save them. We place their lives in your…shell." Minako almost winced. They were placing the lives of their friend, the future queen of the Moon Kingdom, with a toy. If this toy was wrong, then Chibi-Usa could die. A whole kingdom and its residents would perish. The universe would be thrown into war and chaos.

Not only did what Minako was doing seem foolish, but also deadly.

Minako had kneeled to a conch. Might as well see what it had to say. She didn't have to follow whatever the thing said.

"Please, magic conch shell, look into the forest and tell us, where did they go?" She pulled the string. Her breath stopped. The chirping and soft roars of the forest drowned out. The ranger's eyes widened at the conch.

"Somewhere," the conch said.

Minako blinked. A laugh bubbled onto her lips.

Chibi-Usa could be dead, thanks to the time they wasted because Minako wanted to test a toy.

Her face reddened. She opened her mouth, milliseconds away from eviscerating this toy with words and curses and a beam from her chain, regardless of how the Bikini Bottom universe and the ranger punished her. This conch could've cost Chibi-Usa her life.

Actually, Minako could've.

The string was still moving. The conch spoke. "Deep into the forest, almost close to the river." A more specific answer. Minako had had to wait for it.

The conch did have powers.

The ranger's eyes sparkled. "A-amazing. It spoke more than two words." He gawped at Minako like she'd been elevated to a goddess. "How did you do that?" Before Minako could answer, he said, "The conch has given you favor. She sees something special in you. That is why."

"Uh-huh." No need for Minako to sound disbelieving now when she'd possibly gotten an answer to Chibi-Usa's whereabouts.

Ami and Sandy gawked at the shell.

"I can't believe it," Ami said.

Sandy closed her mouth. "I'll believe it when I see it. It's the only lead we have."

The ranger scowled at Sandy. "You don't trust the shell's judgment?"

She shrugged. "I do. Sort of. The only way to find out is to go."

"Follow me." Minako ran ahead. Her allies followed without protest. "Where is this river?" she asked the ranger.

"Just keep going. You'll reach it soon."

Ami had the sense to ask, "How long is this river?"

"About four-hundred miles, give or take a few hundred."

Minako staggered, tripping over the ranger's words. "We might be looking for them all day." A group of clams startled into the air, rustling leaves. Minako slapped her hand over her mouth. Hadn't meant to yell. Now the robots could be alerted to their location.

Made sense for a forest to have a several-hundred-mile long river. Chibi-Usa and JunJun could be anywhere.

"We have to ask it again." Minako tightened her grip on the shell. Sandy hadn't caught Chibi-Usa's or JunJun's scents. They could barely see in front of them. The thickness of the vines and kelp kept them from seeing trails.

Chibi-Usa's life was held in a toy.

Her knuckles whitened against the shell, one of the few things that glowed in this goshforsaken place. "Ooh, mighty conch shell." She tried to keep the frustration out of her voice, sounding as reverent and submissive as possible. "Mighty, magic conch shell, you hold our destiny in your hands." If she puffed it up, it might give her a better answer. "We must know where exactly, ex-act-ly, our friend, Chibi-Usa, is. Please, where, exactly, is she?" She'd ask only where Chibi-Usa was so the shell could answer more easily. JunJun couldn't be far from her.

Minako pulled the string. Her heart stopped.

The conch took a breath. "Someplace here." Its string kept moving. Minako waited. Said nothing more. Its string stopped. No more clues.

Minako wanted to hurl the toy into the river.

"Mina-chan, let me tr—"

Minako was going to conquer the damn shell. "Mighty. Conch. Shell. Where should we go?" Maybe a more general question would work. Pulled the string.

"Somewhere. With leaves. And rivers.

Minako raised the shell, aimed her chain at a tree, about to strike the tree with a beam to ignite it into flames so she could hurl the toy into the fire and watch it burn.

"Please, Mina-chan, calm down."

"No, let her," the ranger said. "She's raising it to the sky in worship."

How could she think that it knew anything about the Golden Crystal if it didn't even know where their friend had wound up? Just for kicks, Minako said, "Magic conch shell"—made sure she sounded sarcastic— "my friends and I seek a Golden Crystal. Tell us, where is the Crystal?" She pulled the string.

"With your friend."

Minako's breath caught. Behind her, so did Ami's.

Did this thing know what it was talking about, or was it messing with them?

"Which friend, mighty conch shell?" Hands trembling, she pulled the string.

"One of them."

Based on its earlier responses, that was all Minako was going to get. She worked her mouth. Had never had any indication that they already possessed the Golden Crystal. "Magic conch shell, where exactly is it 'with our friend'?" Pulled the string.

"Inside."

Once again, Ami gawked at the shell like it was a god.

"Magic conch shell, do we need to get it out of our friend?" Another string pull.

"Perhaps."

One more question, possibly more important. "Magic, almighty, all-knowing shell, how do we unlock the Crystal's powers?" One more string pull.

"Keep dreaming."

Minako wanted to build a shrine and worship the shell. This "toy" had bestowed upon them more answers than they had before.

The hard part would be convincing the rest of the Sailor Team, especially Michiru, Haruka, Setsuna, and Mamoru, that a toy had given them answers about the Golden Crystal. Hadn't been able to tell them something simple, like where Chibi-Usa was, but knew where a centuries-old artifact was.

Minako would have to explain why she was putting her trust in a toy. Her pride, down the toilet.

Ami's Mercury Goggle etched onto her face. "I'll try to figure out what it's made of. It has to be connected to our past lives somehow." Words scrolled rapidly across the Mercury Goggle, the characters looking as baffling as English.

Smoke trailed from the Goggle. Gasping, Ami pressed a button on the side of the Goggle, and the machine winked away. "That didn't go as well as I wanted." A toy had almost fried her ancient but powerful Mercury Goggle.

"Y-you're still in your right mind, aren't you?" Minako said. "I mean, the shell didn't fry your brain too?" The Guardians would be directionless without Ami's brain. Plus, unlike the alleged prodigy, Michiru, Ami wasn't nasty. Neither was Setsuna, but the Guardians needed at least one genius to guard the Moon Princess directly.

Ami looked at her hands, into the distance.

"Ami?" Was her head about to rotate 365 degrees?

"Um…" Ami never staggered over words.

Minako rushed to her friend, throwing the conch shell away. The ranger caught it, shouting, "How dare you defile the conch shell?" Even if the toy was connected to their past lives, she wasn't going to let it harm Ami. Besides, the ranger was from Bikini Bottom. The toy wouldn't have such an effect on him—at least, not more than it already had.

Minako shook her friend by the shoulders. Snapped her fingers in front of her distant eyes. "Wake up. We can't lose anyone to this place." They'd survived so far, remaining mostly sane.

Ami focused on Minako. Smiled. "Don't worry. I'm fine. I was doing basic calculus and physics drills in my head to make sure. That's why I looked like I wasn't here for a second."

Minako twitched. "B-basic calculus…" An oxymoron. Heck, so-called basic addition and subtraction were complicated to her. "Anyhow, did you find anything out?"

Ami blinked at the shell, hot in the ranger's palm. "A little. It seems like it's gained power from somewhere. Maybe Sailor Neptune is unintentionally empowering it, with her amplified powers and now her powers of godhood. The conch seems powerful in its own way."

"But of course," the ranger said. "The magic conch shell is one of the most powerful shells in Bikini Bottom. And there are thousands of shells down here."

Minako cupped her chin. "The conch told us to keep dreaming to find the Golden Crystal. Mamoru, Michiru, they're lucid dreaming. Any one of them could unlock the Golden Crystal's powers. Maybe it can cure Mamoru's and Usagi's curse."

"We have to let the others know as soon as we finish here," Ami said. "It'll sound crazy." She placed a hand on her chest. "I hope they believe us."

"Please, back me up." Minako gestured toward Sandy and Ami. "Both of you." Not the ranger. Their friends would think that his craziness had spread to Minako and Ami. "We should hold onto that shell."

The ranger held the shell close to his chest. "Nuh-uh. You're not getting your hands on this again. Not after you abused it like it was a mere toy."

"I'm sorry. I just needed to make sure that it didn't harm my friend. Wouldn't you do the same thing?"

"The magic conch shell comes before all."

Apparently, the shell came before common sense and his brain, too.

"We can't let our enemies get their hands on it," Ami said. "It might know other things about our past lives." She smiled at the ranger. "Mr. Ranger, we'll guard the shell, too."

"With your lives?"

"Uh…"

"Then you're obviously not dedicated to the cause of spreading the good news of the shell. It saves. It saved my life from merely protecting the oldest forest in Bikini Bottom, keeping poachers from killing endangered species, like Alaskan Bull Worms and wild snails. No longer are those giant snails used to make escargot for exotic eating contests." Glaring at Sandy, he said, "No longer are the worms ridden for sport."

"You been livin' under Patrick's rock?" Sandy said. "That worm was gonna end us all."

"Those worms are the gentlest animals on the planet. If it wanted to destroy us, then it must've had a good reason."

Sandy sighed. "Why do I bother?"

Holding the shell to the sky, the ranger said, "By the time we've finished clearing out the robots, rescuing the forest with the shell's guidance, you all will have accepted the shell as your master."

Bikini Bottom was so insane, Minako might.

What seemed like miles away, an orange ball glowed. A camper? Minako quickened, as did the rest of her friends. Mrs. Puff pulled ahead of Minako.

Minako reached toward Mrs. Puff, about to tell her to stay behind for protection, but Mrs. Puff was protective of others because of what had happened to her husband. Minako lowered her hand. The pufferfish wouldn't listen.

"Magic, mighty, omniscient conch shell," Minako said, looking to the shell in the ranger's hands, "who's ahead?"

The ranger pulled the string.

"Someone."

Minako almost ground her teeth but needed to be patient with the wise toy. "Is one of our enemies ahead?" One more string pull.

"Perhaps."

She let herself ground her teeth, wanting to snatch the shell from the ranger and do unspeakable horrors to it. Why had it grown useless?

The orange glow brightened. Someone had set fire to the forest.

Perhaps JunJun was the culprit, trying to roast Chibi-Usa. But JunJun knew that the Tubelets would've killed Chibi-Usa if she hadn't intervened. Why would the Dead Moon Circus member wait to burn Chibi-Usa alive? Unless JunJun wanted to gain information or use her, maybe as a hostage.

The fire was spreading.

"No." The ranger's breathing quickened. "Oh, mighty conch shell, should I put out the fire?" Pulled the string.

Minako tripped over her own feet. "What the hell kind of question—"

"Yes," the shell said.

"How, O mighty one?" Another string pull.

"Water."

"Thank you, magnificent conch shell. I could do nothing without your boundless wisdom guiding me."

Banging her head against a tree trunk all day would be less painful than listening to the ranger and the shell.

The ranger wouldn't be much help, asking the magic conch shell before he so much as breathed. However he'd protected the forest for years, Minako wasn't going to risk anyone's lives because of a toy that knew about the Golden Crystal but knew peanuts about everyday matters.

"O mighty conch shell, how should I gather the water and put the fire out?"

Minako remained focused on the fire, searching for movements from campers.

The conch replied, "Listen, and I'll tell."

"Yes, My Holiness." The ranger hastened. This guy was going to let a toy put him into his grave.

Grabbing a leaf, the ranger vaulted himself into the air. As he squeezed the leaf, water emerged, shot into the fire, dousing part of it.

Wind whistled in Minako's uncomprehending brain.

The conch knew how to fight fires. It knew about the Golden Crystal. It might hold the key to conquering Dead Moon.