Only a week and a half had gone by since Alexis was released from the medical bay. She spent that time thinking about what occurred and trying to make things straight in her head. Despite what she told Thundercracker, she clearly remembered the dreams she had. However, like dreams could go, they faded away and only some of the things that occurred remained in her memory. What she did in them and how she acted when compared to what she was dealing with now, was absolutely nothing. She had done far more risque things in dreams and seen stranger, wilder and scarier stuff.

She felt miserable.

That was one of the first notions that came to Alexis' mind when she woke. Seeing Mikaela, seeing Sam and even Bee made her heart swell and her eyes fill with liquid. How lonely she was for her friends. She didn't let Starscream know. Ever since she woke their connection was faint. She still got low impressions from his such as emotions, but thoughts were blocked and internal talking was muted.

Sleeping with Starscream later that night as he held her tight to his chassis, his voice going on as he spoke to her, Alexis found more thoughts blocking his voice, strange ponderings swimming in the depths of her over filled brain. As he slipped into recharge, she wiggled loose from his grip and then slid down his leg, taking the steps down to reach the floor.

Alexis was angry, bitter and frustrated. According to Ratchet, Starscream could have prevented what happened. And with his thoughts and memories still prominently floating through Alexis, while they weren't dominating her, they were distracting and worrisome.

Yes, time would make them fade away. But the horror and fear would leave an impression, reminding her every single day that she was with Starscream, what terror he could create and violence he could produce if he was so compelled.

Did she make a mistake? Was it worth all the struggling and pain to stay with him? Did she blind herself and make him more than he was so that she could be with him?

She asked herself those questions repeatedly as a couple more days went by and then a week. But she couldn't let Starscream know, so she hid what she felt, avoiding intimacy when allowed, but letting him have her just to set him at ease. Never before had she made love to him with her mind so shut off and her thoughts so far away. Oddly, she still felt that same hunger for him, that same unquenchable desire, but she wouldn't allow him inside her mind. Alexis wouldn't allow him to feel as she felt, or to know what she knew.

Starscream just put it off as part of her recovery. Alexis, however, knew it was because she didn't want to repeat what occurred. And while the two weren't intimate as they were in the manner that perpetuated her little mind trip, she just knew that Starscream would do it all over again, leaving her scarred even worse while she internally drowned.

He could have prevented it!

That thought wouldn't leave her head, driving everything toward a state of realization that both startled and scared her.

She wanted to go home.

But she couldn't leave him no matter how much she wanted to. Yet now, sitting where she was, Bumblebee speaking of her home planet and all the work that was being done to restore what the Decepticons ruined, she couldn't help but have a fit of melancholy. She missed her parents, missed her old quarters and even missed the Autobots. However, she still couldn't tell Starscream. Alexis was hopeful that the negative dispositions would go away, that her new bitter feelings regarding her husband were only transitory.

"You should see the lakes and rivers, they have been restored and purged of the Decepticon poisons, they are even more clean than they were before the Decepticons arrival."

This was the first time the two had an opportunity to have a conversation. Starscream was adverse to the entire idea of the two being near each other, but as they were now in the throne room with activity and mechs all around and the three Seekers not far away, she decided the risk was worth it. Bumblebee was her friend and despite the foolish things Starscream did after she woke, as he tried to keep her away from others, she understood that she could not let his controlling inclinations pass. Alexis knew that because of her keeping him out of her mind, she was partly the reason Starscream was suddenly more insecure and acting out, but she was becoming tired of his attitude just the same.

"You really do love Earth," Alexis said.

Bumblebee smiled. He leaned against the nearest wall. "Yes, I do. However, soon I hope to come home. Being here on Cyberton again, it gives me hope. And if Optimus can persuade Starscream... I won't be the only Autobots returning."

"Starscream has agreed to this?" She asked, surprise tainting her inflections. There were repercussions to not keeping her link open with Starscream, consequences for shutting him out when he spoke to her.

Again, Bee smiled. "Well, he hasn't said no."

"Mikaela said you were returning to Earth soon..."

"Yes, tomorrow."

She wanted to ask Bumblebee to take her home. However, her thoughts were louder than her ability to speak. She didn't like this confusion that was tearing her part, didn't like the indecisiveness that left her quailing.


When the humans started to arrive several days later, she was delegated with the task to oversee their arrival. Alexis dreaded the task, but once she started she actually enjoyed it. There were only twenty-seven humans so far, and each one she couldn't help but wonder about their story. She knew why she left home, but what would compel them to?

Windrider stayed with her, standing in a corner as he kept an eye on the proceedings. About an hour into the task, Moonbreaker, the non-affiliated Cybertronian that made chills run down her spine every time he was nearby, showed up with his face twisting and folding into disgust and contempt as he watched the humans below.

She didn't understand his purpose. Supposedly, he was a bounty hunter, which she could easily understand. But why would Starscream willingly take up with someone of his sort, made her once again wonder if she knew Starscream at all. What if she didn't blind herself, but was fooled by Starscream. What if everything they had was based on a lie? What if...

"Alexis?"

Her shoulders rising hard, her neck dipped back. Skywarp came to Alexis.

"Are you done here yet?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Well, it's time you took a break. Come with me." His digit tapped gently against her elbow and led Alexis away.


"How much longer are you going to be like this?"

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

Skywarp frowned deeply. "Exactly. Distracted, edgy and depressed, if you didn't look so tantalizing when you become introspective, I would have to do something about. Then again, what do you say? I can take you way for a while. We can have some fun. That is what you are lacking fun!"

"Life isn't all about fun Skywarp, you know that Star..."

He cut in, "Who says it can't be? Life is too short for you to spend it in such a state. Let me have you for a couple of days, and you will be smiling again in no time!"

Instead of giving him an answer she delved toward a different subject that pounced out of her head and traveled as speech through her treacherous lips.

"Have you ever been in a relationship that..."

"Me, a relationship?" He chuckled at that. "Of course. Females are always throwing themselves at me. I can't help but be preoccupied with such things."

Skywarp's buoyant interruption was a warning why Alexis probably didn't want to talk to him about such things. But at the moment, she didn't have anyone she did want to talk to. Yes, she spoke to Mikaela, Sam and Julia on regular intervals, and yes she spoke to her parents. However, be it distance or just the way she felt; she couldn't seem to express her concerns to anyone. And soon, whether she liked it or not, Starscream was going to notice something was wrong.

"I'd go with you if I knew it wouldn't lead to trouble," Alexis finally answered.

Skywarp leaned down, his digit tapping gently on her shoulder. "You make it sound like trouble is expected when going somewhere with me."

"Isn't it?" Alexis frowned.

"Has Starscream been neglecting you in the berth? I know he has been busy but..."

"No, he is his usual attentive self," she said. Skywarp did not pick up the mild disdain in her tone.

"You actually... You actually spoke about it. You must like me more than ever to speak do me about such things!" His digits wrapped around the railing she was leaning against, one of many of the new perches that had been built so she could be more on their level. "You know anything you ever wanted to say... I mean I know I don't seem the sort... That is... I know you don't trust me like you do your friends but... But if you need to say anything, speak about... anyone... I will listen."

Alexis burst into tears from Skywarp's sudden show of sincerity. She expected her display of emotion to frighten the Seeker. But he picked her up and let her lean against one of his digits as she buried her head.


Finally, working through enough of her contemplations to reach an understanding, Alexis approached Starscream, telling him that she wanted to go home for a little while to see her friends and parents again.

"You just saw your friends. There is no need to leave, I can bring whoever you want here."

"Starscream, that isn't what I want. I want to go home."

"You are home."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"How am I to know what you want when you shut me out so completely?" The sudden venom in his tone caught Alexis unaware. "You are driving me mad with this silence. I need to be inside of you. As your mate, I am meant to be inside of you, knowing and hearing your thoughts. You have recovered. You are well. I will not allow you to deny me any longer."

"Deny you? I have denied you nothing."

He huffed at that. "Why do you not want me to know you? Why, even when we couple do you keep me out? This fragment of connected perception won't do. Give yourself to me completely, shut me out no longer," he demanded.

Already his digit hovered along her body with his energy dancing across her flesh, whispers of his consciousness tried to ease her into acquiescence.

That was when she pushed him away. Using all her strength to do so, she got his digit from her body. His demanding actions, his aggressive words, they were adding to her conflict, bringing to the surface what she tried to deny.

"Stop touching me! I don't want this! Don't you comprehend? I can't stand you right now!" Alexis shrieked. She never wanted him to know. Never wanted to say such a thing. Hearing the words said out loud was far worse than contemplating them inside her head. Never before did she see such a tragic expression on Starscream's face. She was horrible; she was terrible, and yet she couldn't take back what she said.

His wings dropping, he pulled away. The door to their quarters slid behind him as he left Alexis alone.


Alexis couldn't stop crying after he left. Hidden under layers of covers, three pillows and a silk sheet that twisted around her body, she sobbed with guilt and self-pity. She knew she loved Starscream, there was never any question of that. She just couldn't stop thinking about how she despised him. Alexis' adversity to her husband made his once bold and strong resolve in his actions, suddenly seem that of a controlling, imperious being who she wanted to get away from.

But was that really her thinking such things, or Starscream's firm impression on her mind having her believe that way?

Through the layers of covers and pillows, the light in the room brightened heavily. First, she believed it was Starscream, who returned, and for whatever reason; her outburst had him coming back aroused and ready to claim her. But something was off. Throwing the covers off her body, her heart hammered when she saw the source of the light. A portal hovered before the foot of her bed, lights swirling in violent motion around the edge of the luminescent opening. Her covers ripped off the bed, sucked into the floating anomaly. She tried to hold onto the bed, her nails digging and fingers tugging, but she was pulled in anyway. Managing to scream out, Alexis disappeared into the light.


"Wake up."

Alexis heard a voice repeat, this time the words registered. She opened one eye and then the other, adjusting to the bright light as she blinked several times. A man hovering above her was looking at Alexis intently, her head rested against his folded over legs.

"Finally," he said, helping her sit up. Alexis' bewilderment caused her to ignore how his touch lingered longer than necessary. "They said they would bring you to me."

Alexis cringed; a sharp pang in her forehead dug in deep. "Where am I? Do I know you?"

The man smiled, or as her eyes cleared, and she got a better look, a young man. He couldn't have been more than twenty, probably more around seventeen or eighteen.

"Look closely, don't I look familiar?"

She was too busy surveying her surroundings. The grass was a dark purple, the trees a vibrant pink and yellow, and the sky, her hand blocking some of the light from what she saw were not one, but three suns, had her concluding easily enough that she wasn't on Cybertron. She could breathe well enough, although the air seemed a little thin.

"No, you aren't on Earth, nor Cybertron, or anything you could have possibly studied or heard of," the man informed Alexis. "Now, tell me, do you know who I am or not?" His tone exuded restlessness and impatience.

Alexis diverted her eyes, taking the young man in. Staring at his dark hair and bright hazel eyes, Alexis found that there was something familiar about him. It took her a moment to figure out who he was despite the obvious age difference.

"No, it can't be you," she whispered with dread.