I got to get this off my chest. I know some of you don't get Bella's attitude and I understand that. Just know that sometimes, even grown-ups make bad decisions. Being in love with someone doesn't mean being perfect or never hurting him/her. Yes, she's deeply flawed, as is Edward, even if he appears as the perfect guy. Those characters were never meant to be flawless. People never are.
Ok, I feel better :). Sorry for the wait, I hope you'll like this one.
My room was white, entirely and depressingly white. Almost clinical to be honest, with no posters or decorations whatsoever. It felt very strange, after all the little childhood tokens Charlie had kept in my old room in Forks. The only vivid touch of color was the card sent by Alice, which had red roses and a cute puppy on the cover.
Before I left, I had had a frank, rather brutal conversation with her about her lack of discretion that had cost me so much. After a lot of yelling and frustrating pouting on her part, I had stormed out of her little house and sworn I'd never speak to her again. Of course, like most decisions I had taken, I started regretting this one a few days later. I was already in Paris then and could have cried in relief and joy when I received her apology card. Of course, I didn't believe her candid « I promise to never, ever again butt in in your life, Bella » because I knew she would, that was in her character, but her apologies made me feel better and I knew she regretted her words.
My experience so far was satisfying and I really enjoyed being in Paris. The fast pace of a big city, the incredible beauty and cruelty of it, that strange mix of ancient and brutally modern was a refreshing change from the quietness of Forks. Everything was far from perfect though. My students were tough and sarcastic even though the challenge was pretty exciting. I had very few people I could count on and have a nice time with. Mostly, oh yes, mostly, some days I missed Edward so much it was hard to breathe, suffocating. Everything about him was branded in my memory. His touch, his smell, his delicious voice, the way he loved me, the way he must have felt when I so cowardly left him.
It was difficult to explain, why I had done it, even to myself. On the one hand, it had been like tearing my own arm out. The day I had left, I had felt like a robot, letting Charlie take charge of everything because I was incapable of functioning. Tears were continuously rolling on my face and nothing could ever be good again. On the other hand, I also had a gut reaction of relief. I was never the one to be rebellious or to cross the line so the whole story had been a nightmare for my intimate emotions. Distance was good, distance was essential at the time, as painful as it might be.
Now was a whole different story. Today was Edward's birthday and I felt like a wreck. Everything was coming back to me. My students looked at me with strange expressions all day long, probably wondering what the hell was happening to me. I stuttered and made mistakes and yelled, which never happened to me when I was in class. Sitting on my little balcony now, watching the view, everything looked empty to me and then I realized something I should have known before I left. Edward was it for me, and even if he never wanted to see or talk to me again, I'd love him until my last breath.
The phone rang, tearing me from my somber thoughts.
"Hello?"
"Well, what a friend you are missy!"
"Heidi?" I couldn't contain the huge smile that spread on my face. It felt so good to hear a friendly voice, apart from Charlie's.
"You don't call, you don't write, you don't even tell me you're leaving?!" She shouted, but I could hear the relief in her voice.
"I'm so sorry…"
"Oh no, that'd be too easy. You leave me here, on my own, WITHOUT WARNING and I'm supposed to forgive you that easily?"
"I'm a moron, aren't I?" I grumbled.
"Damn right you are! You should have seen your father the day after you left. He came here, can you imagine?! In my café, the Chief of police. Good news is I have a whole new clientele now, thanks to him."
"Congrat…"
"He looked like a ghost, Bella. White as one, his moustache trembling, everything. Do you realize what a mess you've left?"
"Yes, I'm aware of that now, Heidi." I whispered, sitting before I fell.
"Have you heard from Edward?" She asked bluntly but her tone was softer. My heart started pounding, just to hear his name. How could I be that foolish? Jail, hell, everything would have been better than this empty loss.
"No, I haven't."
"Do you wish you could?"
"Heidi, what are you saying?"
"Happy birthday Edward, here."
"Bella?" said the most beautiful voice in the world. I couldn't help it, I started crying and laughing at the same time. "Bella, is that really you?"
"Edward…" was all I could say. My breath was short, coming out in pants.
"Are you alright, baby?" His tender voice asked, full of worry, full of that fucking love I had stupidly let slip away.
"Is that you? Is that really you?" I whimpered.
"Who else?" He sounded shaken, like he couldn't believe we were talking.
"I'm so sorry, so sorry, Edward. Please forgive me, I know that what I've done is..."
"Bella? Could you shut up for a second? I need to tell you something."
Stunned, I could only nod my head. Then I realized he couldn't see me.
"Yes."
"Do you have a paper and a pen?"
"Yes, why?"
"Go grab them."
I did, as fast as I could, my heart pounding, my breath still short.
"I'm listening."
"Flight 1420, arrival 6.05 PM, Air France, tomorrow night at Charles de Gaulle airport."
"Wh...What?" I stuttered. It couldn't be. It could be! sang my happy heart.
"I'll be there tomorrow night."
Only two chapters left, dear readers :). Tell me what you think and come check out my new story "White Flash".
