Here you guys go! 2 STORIES! THAT'S RIGHT: 2 STORIES! Please keep the reviews coming!
Some spoiler alerts for THE HOUSE OF HADES, if no one's read it yet. Just a god, though, nothing big. Can't wait till the Blood of Olympus comes out! SO EXCITED!
GRAVEYARD DELIGHTS!
Demeter was walking home from Triptolemus' crappy farm, when she decided to take a short cut through the cemetery. Don't ask why. I'm guessing she didn't want to miss "Chopped" or something like that (I don't own it!).
Anyway, Demeter was walking through the cemetery on her way home, when she came across a huge home sticking out of the ground. She picked it up and dropped it into her bag. She'd be making a nice soup with this thing later!
When she got home, she turned on "Chopped." She began to brew the soup in a large cauldron, because Demeter's more like a witch than her daughter, Persephone. Hell, you read about it—hopefully—in the "Artemis and Apollo" chapter!
When Demeter was taste-testing the soup, a creepy and godly voice floated through the window. "Please give my bone back," it pleaded.
"No way in Hades!" Demeter screamed.
"GIMME MY BONE, YOU FAT, UGLY WOMAN WHO HAS NO LIFE AND TALKS TO FARMING GODS!" the voice yelled.
"Jeez, you are impatient!" Demeter yelled. "Here! Take your damn bone and leave me alone! I hope you die and go to Tartarus!"
When the voice didn't respond, Demeter made the rest of the soup quickly, put on another episode of "Chopped", and served herself some soup.
"Cemetery Soup" – Alvin Schwartz
THE PINSTRIPED SUIT
Hera walked into Nico and Son's Funeral Home to see Zeus' corpse.
"Well done, Mr. di Angelo," Hera said cheerfully. "He looks amazing. There's just one thing. He usually wore a pinstriped suit, but he's wearing a black suit."
"Not an issue," said Nico. "I can change that right away!"
Before the funeral, Hera came back again. "That's much better," she said. "You went through a lot of trouble, didn't you?"
"No trouble at all, Hera," said Nico sympathetically. "As it happened, Poseidon is also dead, and Amphitrite thought he'd be better-looking in a black suit. He's the same size as Zeus, so we gave Zeus the pinstriped one, and gave Poseidon the black one."
"But," said Hera, "changing must've been a big job."
"Not really," said Nico. "We just decapitated them and threw the remains of their brains into a pit full of hungry hellhounds."
"Huh?" asked Hera.
"Lady, we exchanged their heads!"
"The Brown Suit" – Alvin Schwartz.
