51. Focus
John sat there seething in the driver's seat. The fact of the matter was that he was angrier with himself than with his children. How could he have let that happen? How could he have let his sons enter into such a sick, perverse relationship with each other?
Dean had no idea what to say. There wasn't really anything to say. He couldn't keep denying it when it was so apparent that his father had fully realized the nature of his feelings for his little brother.
"You don't know?" John whispered in disbelief. "He's a child!" Dean nodded, tears still streaming down his face. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to will himself to be strong and stop crying. "How the hell did this happen?"
"I don't --"
"Don't you dare say that you don't know," John growled.
"But I don't, Dad. It's not something I can explain or rationalize. It's just… It, It just happened."
"It just happened? Oh, of course," John said sardonically. "Rape doesn't just happen!"
"God, I didn't rape him!" Dean said, completely shocked to hear what he and Sam had done labeled so brutally.
"Well, it sure as hell wasn't consensual," John murmured. Dean said nothing at that, he didn't want to put any of the blame on Sam. "You coerced him, twisted his mind until he thought… I don't wanna know, but he's your little brother. Fourteen years old! And you, you're gonna be nineteen in a month! Do you know just how sick you are?"
"Yes," Dean whispered. These words were nothing new to him, they were things he had been telling himself for a long time but it was different hearing them come from his father.
"You do? Then why the hell would you do that to him?" John asked, demanding answers to questions that couldn't be solved with a simple statement. Dean knew his father would never understand, and honestly, if John had Dean wouldn't have been able to stomach it. John had integrity and as hard as Dean tried to be like his father, he failed. He was beyond a failure. He was some sick creature that had preyed on a child, a child that was his own brother. All that crushing self-loathing that he had managed to escape came rushing back and Dean bit down hard on his lip to keep from crying out.
* * *
Sam peered out the window again and was surprised to see the Impala parked right out front. He could see that John was furious and Dean was just sitting there… crying. He stared at his family, mesmerized for a moment. He opened the door with shaky hands and made his way towards the car.
"Sam, get back inside," John said stiffly. Sam stood rooted to the spot, arms crossed and jaw clenched. "Do not be obstinate, I don't need this from you right now," John breathed. Sam didn't move an inch. "I will drag you back into that motel room myself."
Sam ignored his father's threat and peered over at Dean who wouldn't acknowledge his presence. "Samuel! Get back inside!" John roared. He wished he had been able to bite his tongue, to just focus on the hunt and deal with his fractured family later. But John had lost control and now he had to clean up his children's mess somehow.
"Dad --"
John held up a hand to silence his youngest son. Sam clenched his jaw but refrained from speaking. The look on his brother's face was making Sam's whole body tense and ache, he knew exactly what Dean was thinking: guilt, doubt, hate.
"Dean, don't," Sam whispered. Dean looked up for a second, his eyes connecting with his baby brother's before he turned away, unable to take the desperation he saw in Sam's young face.
John yanked his car door open and stepped out of the Impala, grabbing Sam by the arm and escorting him back inside the motel room without a word. Sam struggled against his father's grip but was forced inside before he could really rebel.
"Stay here," John whispered venomously as he slammed the door closed in Sam's face. He made his way back to the car where Dean sat frozen. "You will remain at my side for this entire hunt. I don't want you anywhere near your brother. Once we've dealt with this job…" John's voice faded. What was he going to do with his sons once the werewolves had been dealt with? How was he going to deal with the two of them? He couldn't keep Dean under his supervision forever. And not only that, but how was he going to be able to focus on the job when all he could think about was the perversity of his sons?
"Once we've dealt with this job," John started again, "Well, I-I'll handle this thing between you two after.... But for now I don't want to hear a single word from you unless it has to do with the hunt."
Dean nodded and murmured a soft, "Yes sir."
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Sorry that the updates are coming more slowly but stay tuned! Love to all the reviewers, keep those comments coming!
~aep
