Title: Boys' Night Out

Characters: Sanzo-ikkou

Timeline: Present

Summary: All in a day's work.

A/n: Poor Hakkai.


"I wah ma lapdance."

Gojyo was drunk.

So drunk was Gojyo that he was spewing out the first things that popped into his head. Now I know what you're thinking. You think Gojyo isn't drunk because he usually does just spew out the first things that pop into his head, but you're wrong.

The real determiner of his drunkenness was not in what he was saying, but more like who he was saying it to.

Hakkai tried to get Gojyo to keep his voice down.

"You've had a bit to drink, maybe you should call it a night."

"Not 'til the lapdance." Gojyo planted himself in his chair and pointed at his lap.

"C'mon, I got your stage ready."

Hakkai looked around nervously, and Sanzo's equal drunkenness and Goku's naivety did little to console him from all the stares they were currently getting.

"The red curtain." Gojyo pointed at his hair and lifted it up, like it was indeed the curtain for an opening act.

"Gojyo you're drunk." Hakkai said slowly.

"And you could kill a man with those legs." Gojyo said back, just as slowly.

"Hakkai? What's wrong with Gojyo?"

"Don't worry Goku. He's just drunk, so we must not hold it against him if he says or does anything stupid."

"But he's always like that and I don't get mad at 'im."

"You bring up valid points. Um, how is Sanzo? Do you think he'll be able to walk back to the inn?"

Goku went up to the monk and poked him in the shoulder. "Sanzo's really hammered."

"That's nice." Hakkai said under his breath.

"I'm waiting."

"Seriously what's wrong with Gojyo?" Goku asked, as the hanyou continued to look at Hakkai and gesture towards his lap.

"Many things." Hakkai answered, rubbing his forehead and trying to keep the situation under control.

"They got any sherbet here?" Sanzo said all of a sudden and slammed his hand on the bar counter. "Gimme one sherbet."

"Ohhh." Goku being pulled in Sanzo's direction by the mention of something sweet, mimicked Sanzo and slammed his hand on the bar top. "I want a sherbet too!"

"Um…" The bartender stopped cleaning a glass.

Behind Goku and Sanzo, Hakkai was shaking his head and the bartender continued to wipe the glass in his hand, as he realized that they had a chaperone. Thank god.

"Er…sure, two sherbets comin' up." He said, but he was still wiping the glass in his hand.

"You comin' here or am I gonna have to get you?" Gojyo said, looking very impatient and very horny.

Hakkai stepped slowly away from Gojyo and leaned over the bar to whisper an apology.

"You better not be cheatin' on me."

Hakkai sighed and turned back around to face the impossible scenario that were his companions.

"Where's the sherbet?" Goku asked and Hakkai sighed again, because Goku wasn't drunk and yet, he was another handful.

"Shit would you hurry it up." Sanzo said, on the brink of getting violent for his sherbet. The bartender gave Hakkai an irritated look.

"Ah excuse us." Hakkai pulled Goku to the side. "We need to go now. Can you manage with Sanzo?"

"Uh sure." Goku said, a little sad that he wasn't getting his sherbet. He walked up to the monk and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey Sanzo, lets go."

Sanzo had a drunken man's stare.

Oh dear.

"Tch. Stupid bartender." Sanzo said, as he stood up from his chair and walked in the direction of the bathroom instead of the door.

"Hey Sanzo, you walkin' the wrong way." Goku said, running up to the monk.

"I 'eed to piss." Sanzo said eloquently.

"Oh okay." Goku waved to Hakkai. "We'll see you at the inn Hakkai."

Sanzo with an irritated growl turned to his charge. "I can'en u th' bathroom byself."

"You sound funny when you slur." Goku said, as he followed Sanzo into the men's restroom.

Hakkai at that moment, thanked all heaven that he wasn't also in charge of a drunken Sanzo, as the man could prove very difficult when he was sober and then when he was drunk…so yeah he would leave that to Goku.

"You gonna ignore me all day."

Hakkai, composing himself for yet another round of stupidity, turned around to face Gojyo with a coy smile.

"Now that's what I'm talking 'bout."

Hakkai sauntered over to the hanyou and placing a hand on the man's shoulder, bent down to whisper in his ear, "Take me home."

He leaned back so he could see Gojyo's eyes, and the hanyou, on top of the drunken flush had another flush that didn't have anything to do with the alcohol.

"Hehehe." Gojyo stood up, and grabbing onto Hakkai's hand he pulled him out the door. However as soon as they reached outside, it wasn't Gojyo taking him home anymore, but Hakkai picking up the slack, as the hanyou was so smashed that he couldn't tell right from left and up from down.

When they reached their room, Hakkai sat his friend on the bed and Gojyo more than ready for his lap dance, wasn't expecting a strip show too. However it wasn't the kind he wanted, as Hakkai began to tug off his jacket and work the zipper on his jeans.

"Hey baby, what kinda lap dance you got in mind?" Gojyo said, half conscious, as his brain was now on autopilot.

"The sleeping kind." Hakkai answered and he knew Gojyo couldn't hear him anymore, as the hanyou already past his conscious limit, nodded off to sleep.

When he was finished tucking Gojyo into bed, Hakkai walked out into the hallway right in time to see Goku leading Sanzo by the hand. The blond priest looking grumpier than ever, as Goku laughed at him and his incapability to walk in a straight line.

"Sanzo threw up." Goku informed Hakkai, as he stopped in front of the priest's door and waited for Sanzo to get his keys. The priest gave up after a while, because his head was fucking killing him, and so it was left up to Goku to search for the keys in his pocket.

"Found it!" Goku said, cheerful voice like a nail being driven into Sanzo's skull.

"Sanzo's funny when he's drunk." Goku informed Hakkai again, and opened the door to the priest's bedroom. Sanzo stumbled inside and began immediately stripping off his clothes, the heat finally getting to him as he saw his bed and landed in it, instead of next to it thankfully.

"Good night Hakkai." Goku called out cheerfully.

"Yes, goodnight Goku," Hakkai replied, feeling utterly exhausted. It was the first time he ever wished alcohol consumption could affect him normally, because at least he could have joined in on the drunken sherbet, drunken lapdance celebration without having to be the party pooper to end it all.

End.