Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns Law and Order SVU and the characters. I only own the idea for the story and the new characters.
Chapter 54: Aftermath
Elliot was lying on his couch, looking up at the ceiling. He was doing something every kid has done when they're bored or with their minds preoccupied but with nothing active to do: he was connecting the small dots of dust, dirt of flies on the white plaster into made-up star constellations. Elliot wasn't a kid anymore, of course, but some things never really change, apparently.
As he lifted one hand, to touch the patterns of stars only he could see, he noticed the black dust that still clung to his fingers. The fire had made him sweaty and filthy and he hadn't washed it off yet. He'd been too busy thinking to do so.
In the kitchen, his wife Kathy watched her husband's hand going up, like it was pointing at something on the roof. She couldn't see him, he was hidden behind the couch, but she could see his hand appear. One thing was for sure; something was going on in that man's head and there was very little she would be able to do about it.
Olivia was Elliot's main concern of course. How was she doing now? They'd taken her to the hospital and were still running tests on her after he'd left. Well, Cragen had made him leave. Did her wounds; that black eye, the cigarette burns the Butcher had given her and the cuts, still hurt? It'd taken all of his willpower not to storm into the cell back at the precinct and kill Peterson right there and then. What had happened to Liv down there? Questions like these kept racing through his mind. Were there more scars he couldn't see? Would she ever get over it? What was she thinking of while the doctors were doing their tests? Would she be able to talk about it? Is she ok?
'El,' Kathy said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder and interrupting his tormenting stream of thoughts. 'do you want something to eat?'
She sounded distant, cold even, in a way. Elliot knew her; she usually was like this. Maybe it was the only way to be, as the wife of a police officer.
'No, I'm fine.' He replied.
'Do you want to talk about it?' He was never sure if she really wanted to hear about it.
Elliot sat up. 'No. No, I'm fine.'
She watched him while he was rubbing his eyes. Elliot tried to push away even more questions that popped up into his mind. When would Peterson's trial be and what would his punishment be? Would it ever be enough for what he'd done to Olivia? And what about Hannah, would she ever get over it all? He'd seen the fear in her eyes when she was holding that gun, was she thinking about her own abduction again? Would she fall back into her old life after this? Would Olivia be able to help Hannah right now?
'But you're not though.' Kathy said. 'I can see it.'
Elliot looked up at her.
'I've known you for more than twenty years, Elliot.' She continued, 'You worry.'
He was still silent.
'You worry about Olivia.' He'd been afraid she was going to say that. 'And you worry about yourself. You beat yourself up about things; how you should've acted sooner, faster or better; how you should've noticed something earlier; how you should've protected Olivia.'
She was right, of course, and Elliot sighed. A deep and exhausted sigh.
'I should get to bed.' He finally said.
'No, you won't!' she shouted angrily. 'Because you know what? I worry too. It's not just you who worries. It's not just Olivia.'
Kathy had tears in her eyes by now. 'I stay at home, waiting with the kids and hoping you'll get back home safely. And tonight you came back without any gunshot wounds, thank God, but with your mind filled with something far worse. And keeping me out of all of that, to protect me or whatever you think you're doing, will only make things worse. It kills me.'
Elliot tried to cup her face in an attempt to comfort her. She pushed his hands away, but he didn't want to let her go like that.
'Just, don't shut me out, El.' She said, more softly now. 'I'm okay with you doing this work and being with Olivia and Hannah all day long, but don't shut me out.'
'I'm sorry, baby.' Elliot brought his face close to hers, so that their noses were touching. 'I was trying to protect you, but I went about it the wrong way. I'm sorry…'
'Talk to me, what happened today?'
At Mercy Hospital, the doctors had finished with Olivia. They'd documented her wounds for evidence in the trial against the Petersons and she'd received treatment for her injuries. Of course, a rape kit needed to be done as well. Olivia knew this, because she couldn't tell them if she'd been raped or not. She knew she hadn't even been touched while she was conscious, but they'd put a lot of pills inside of her…
Hannah had camped out next to her bed at the hospital, while Olivia had been sleeping off the haze from the drugs. It was a reversed world, compared to the situation a year before and none of the doctors could get her to leave either.
Olivia didn't talk much about what happened. She talked about it in a formal manner, only repeating facts necessary for the case or her medical report. There was no emotion in any of her statements and it scared Hannah. So, the next day, Olivia had to go see a therapist for the next hour. Hannah wandered around the precinct aimlessly.
Captain Cragen walked down the hall after days of not sleeping. From the corner of his eye he could see Fin and Munch were in a similar state and he sent them home to get some rest. Then he saw Hannah.
'You and I should talk.'
Hannah jumped a little when she heard the low voice. 'I'm sorry.' She said, automatically.
'Are you? You don't even know what I'm going to say.' Cragen sounded strict.
'You're mad at me for not listening to me?' A still dirty face from the black soot looked up at him, with eyes that tried to seem innocent.
'Yes. And?' He wasn't going to fall for that innocence.
'For not staying at the precinct?'
'And?'
'For sneaking in the back of the car and hitching a ride to the crime scene?'
'That too. And…?'
'For going into the house?'
He sighed. 'And?'
'Mostly just for sneaking around a lot?'
'Yeah. That was really stupid.'
'Really stupid.' Hannah repeated.
'No, I mean really really stupid.'
'I'm sorry…'
'You could've endangered the entire operation and…'
Hannah cut him off. 'I know, I'm sorry…'
'Liv could've been seriously hurt…'
'I'm really sorry!'
Cragen raised his voice, 'We didn't even know you were…'
'I wasn't supposed to be there.' Hannah nodded a little.
'No!'
'I'm sorry!'
'You could've…'
'I know.'
'We couldn't…'
'I know.'
He sighed angrily. 'Will you let me speak!'
'I'm sorry…' Hannah quickly shut her mouth, realizing she'd spoken again.
'I'm glad nothing's happened to you.'
Hannah looked up in surprise.
'But you were lucky!' He emphasized.
She nodded wordlessly.
'Don't ever, ever disobey me like that again!'
She shook her head.
His expression softened a little. 'Speak up.'
'I'm sorry.' She said, flatly.
'You've already said that, a thousand times. Now, I said, speak up.'
Hannah looked up and hesitated for a while. Then she spoke up, determined, 'I'm not really that sorry.' Cragen was about to protest, but she wasn't finished yet. 'I wasn't going to let him kill Liv. She's all I got, you know? I was scared. Scared enough to try anything.'
The Captain swallowed his angry words and pulled her closer and onto his lap. 'Yeah, me too.'
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