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CHAPTER 5

Tonks and I are standing outside a modest wooden home. My cousin smiles at me before throwing the front door open and stampeding in. "We're back!" she announces to the seemingly empty place. Around the corner of an opening to the left, Andromeda emerges, and I am struck silent by how much she looks like my mother, the only real differences being her hair, which is lighter, and her eyes, which are kinder. It seems all of the Black sisters inherited the same beauty.

I'm able to take in the sight of her for a short minute while she greets her daughter with a warm embrace, an act that ignites the sort of envy I haven't felt since seeing Mrs. Weasley and Ginny. Why couldn't I have been Andromeda's daughter rather than Bellatrix's?

Andromeda releases Tonks, her eyes coming to a rest on me. A heartbeat of silence follows before she says quietly, "You look just like her. But so different at the same time." My heart lifts with the idea that I might not look like Bellatrix. Since I've learned of my parentage, that's all I can see. And try as I might to stop, I always find myself comparing my looks to those of my mother. Andromeda puts her hand on my arm and gives it a gentle squeeze as if trying to see if I'm real. "I remember mourning your death. And now here you are."

"I…I thought you and Bellatrix didn't speak when I died?"

She shakes her head. "We didn't—we don't—but I was aware that she'd had a daughter. And then you died—or…so we thought." Her hand drops from my arm, but our eyes remain locked. "As a mother I mourned for another mother's loss. You didn't deserve death. You were innocent."

And oh my, how I've lost that innocence over the years.

Her eyes still on me, she says, "Come, come sit down." Then she glances at Tonks and adds, "Your father should be here shortly."

The three of us sit down in their living room. Their home is nice, not spotless, but cluttered in a lived-in type of way. It's inviting and large enough to be comfortable without being overbearing like Malfoy Manor. I feel at ease here almost immediately. Andromeda continues watching me, as I am watching her. It's astonishing, really, how similar in appearance she is to her sister. If I were to just glance at her for a brief moment, I would believe her to be Bellatrix.

After a few moments of us staring at each other in silence, Andromeda says softly, "I'm sorry, it's just…I haven't seen Bellatrix in so long. And you…" She exhales. "We were all close once, if you can believe it. All three of us, Bellatrix, Narcissa, and I. Almost inseparable. Then I met Ted and… Everything changed. I miss them sometimes, my sisters. I miss what we used to have."

We smile sadly at one another. "Andromeda—should I call you 'Aunt Andromeda'?—how am I the same as Bellatrix but different?" If anyone can tell me that I'm different from my mother, it'll be the woman sitting in front of me.

"You can call me whatever you're comfortable with. And as for how you're different from Bellatrix. Well, you're here, for one, with your blood traitor family," she says, a slight bit of humor in her voice. "I take it they don't know you planned on meeting us?"

"There's a lot they don't know about me, actually."

"I guess they like to see you as another Bellatrix?"

"That's what I've been thinking lately. They expect me to be just like her."

Andromeda smiles again. "You don't have to be. Look at Sirius and me. We grew up under the constant influence of pureblood superiority, and we turned out nothing like our parents." The thought makes me happier than I've been in a while. "That's how you're different from Bellatrix. I can see the defiance in your eyes. They're not Bellatrix's. They're full of the same early stages of rebellion I saw in Sirius when he was growing up." She looks at me intently. "It was Aurelia, wasn't it?"

"It was, but now it's Charlotte."

"How many people know the truth?" Tonks asks.

I look over at her for the first time since I entered the house. "The whole truth? You," I say to her, "Mrs. Weasley, McGonagall, and Dumbledore." I can't tell them that Snape knows. "Oh, and the Malfoys and Bellatrix."

"The whole truth?" Andromeda asks. "Is there more than you being just the daughter of Bellatrix?"

Tonks has kept her word. She hasn't told even her mother about my duty to Voldemort. Something about that makes my heart swell. "There's…a bit more."

At that moment, the front door opens and in walks a man whom I can only assume is Ted Tonks. If not, then we're about to have some serious problems.

"Ted!" Andromeda greets him. "You startled me. I didn't think you'd be home until later." She gets up and gives her husband a kiss and helps him out of his traveling cloak.

"Who's this?" he asks, looking at me.

"Aurelia Lestrange—Charlotte Rodgers," Tonks says. "The one I told you about." She, too, has stood to greet him.

His eyes don't leave my face. "Bellatrix's daughter?"

He's not asking me, but I answer anyways. "Yes." I stand and offer my hand.

"Ted Tonks," he says, accepting my gesture. After the quick introduction, we all sit. "It's nice to meet another of member of Dromeda's family who fights against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"I feel the same way. It's nice to know that not my whole family is devout to Voldemort—sorry, You-Know-Who," I correct at Andromeda's sharp intake of breath. I wring my hands together. "But…I believe I was about to tell you the whole truth."

"You don't have to," Tonks says quietly.

I give her a firm nod. "I know. But…you're family. And I want you all to know, I need you all to know, because what if…" Because what if they take pity on me and decide that they can help me get away? "I just…I feel like my family should know." Just in case I need them later. It's selfish of me, I know, to be thinking about how I can use my family to benefit myself, but I don't care.

So, with Tonks's help, I begin telling them about my duty to Voldemort, and they seem to take it the same way McGonagall and Mrs. Weasley had. First shock, then fear, then sympathy. And honestly, it's easier to accept their sympathetic looks, but if that is because they're family or because I don't know them as well, I'm not sure. It's just easier to look into their sympathetic eyes without wanting to hide away.

For nearly three minutes after Tonks and I finish, Ted and Andromeda watch me silently, Andromeda looking rather horrified, Ted looking a bit angry. "I don't want to," I reiterate for the seventh time, "but I don't have a choice."

They both nod kindly at me, as they have done each time I try to reaffirm this fact. I don't know why I feel the need to keep saying it, because I'm sure they know I don't want to do this.

Andromeda then places her hand on my knee, which oddly reminds me of Narcissa, and again I feel sad that I don't have Bellatrix in my life as my mother. Why are her sisters so much nicer to me than she is? "He will be stopped before that happens," she says confidently, and her confidence actually makes it sound believable, though I know that it's a long-shot. I usually never let myself get carried away with the thought of getting out of my duty, but with Andromeda's words, I can't help but think about what life might be like if Voldemort is killed before I have to bear his child. Everything will be better.

I quickly move forward and wrap my arms around her neck. "Thank you."

She returns the gesture.

"Where have you been all of these years?" Ted asks when Andromeda and I separate.

"An orphanage for a while, and then…here and there."

"You didn't have a home?" Andromeda asks.

I shrug noncommittally. "You know…just…" I clear my throat. "Not really, no, not a permanent one anyway."

"Had we known…" She shakes her head. "Had we known, we would have brought you here. I would have raised you as my own. I wish… There was no reason for you to have to live that way."

"There's no changing it now." I give her a half-hearted smile, and she pats my knee again. "And I don't mean to sound ungrateful when I say this—because it means the world to me that you would have taken me in even though I'm the daughter of your sister who is…well, who she is—but I would prefer not to talk about it."

"Of course, of course!"

"Have you eaten, Charlotte?" Ted asks. "We'd love to have you stay for lunch."

"You don't mind?"

"Would I have invited you if we did?"

"I don't know, would you have?"

Tonks laughs. "Of course not."

Andromeda stands. "Would you care to help me, Charlotte?"

"I don't really know how to cook anything, but yeah, I'd like to help."

"Dora, Ted, clean this room, will you?" Andromeda leads me into the kitchen, which has hardwood floors, light wooden cabinets, and brown marble countertops. "Bellatrix wasn't always…the way she is now. I think it's important for you to know that. For you to know that you don't come from someone who was always…well, I'm sure you know how she is. Could you open the fridge there and get out the container with the red lid for me?"

Only one container immediately visible has a red lid, and I grab it, hoping for the best.

"Bellatrix, though she always believed in pureblood supremacy, wasn't always—"

"Evil?"

"I guess that words fits." Andromeda opens the container to reveal raw chicken breasts. "She was once a great deal of fun to be around." I can't picture it. "Don't make that face!" She laughs good-naturedly. "You didn't know her when we were children."

"I don't know much about her at all, really, other than the fact that she hates me."

Andromeda glances at me, sadness etched in her features. Then she sets two cutting boards and two knives next to the container of chicken. "Help me trim the chicken."

I don't know what that means, but I walk over and take one of the knives. "You don't use magic?"

"Not for cooking. It's just something I prefer to do by hand. To an extent, at least. We—my sisters and I—learnt to cook when we were young. I still like to do it myself." She places one of the chicken breasts on the cutting board. "Cut the fat off—like that, yes, but don't cut yourself."

"The Black family tradition is to name your child for a star, right? Why did Bellatrix choose 'Aurelia'?" I do not like this oily feeling on my hands from the raw chicken, but I say nothing about this to Andromeda.

"That's quite the story," my aunt says fondly. "But I do believe your middle name might be the name of a star. I wasn't close enough to—"

"I have—had—a middle name?" I ask, ceasing my work on the chicken.

Andromeda looks over at me. "I believe so. Bellatrix might have broken the Black family tradition by naming you 'Aurelia,' but she wouldn't have completely turned her back on it. At least one of your names would have been a star, I'm sure. But we never learned what it was—I'm sure she didn't really want us to know you existed at all."

I have a middle name. I'm not just Charlotte Rodgers.

"But back to the name 'Aurelia.'" I start on the chicken again while Andromeda continues, "Growing up, Bellatrix was obsessed—and I do mean obsessed—with Marcus Aurelius. He was a Roman emperor and a philosopher and, most importantly to her, a great ancestor of Salazar Slytherin himself. She and your father talked about him all the time, and yes, I do mean all the time. Until they became Death Eaters, that is, and began to fixate on the You-Know-Who." She takes the chicken breast from me and hands me another.

"It might not seem like it now, but Bellatrix and your father Rodolphus loved each other for a time. In fact, I remember when he proposed to her. At the time we were still on speaking terms because I hadn't yet turned my back on my family's pureblood ideologies—well, I had, but they didn't know about it yet." She motions to the chicken. "Start cutting that in thin strips for me, will you? Your father proposed to your mother the summer after they graduated from Hogwarts. She burst into my room where Narcissa and I were, and she rushed over to the bed where we were sitting, grinning from ear to ear. You can't picture that, can you?"

"No. I don't picture her ever being happy or—anything other than cruel."

She smiles at me. "She definitely changed. Anyways, apparently Rodolphus had used a Marcus Aurelius quote in his proposal, can you believe it?"

"Do you remember the quote?" I whisper, unsure why this even matters anything to me. It really shouldn't, because I shouldn't care about my parents. But I want to know more about them.

"No, I'm sorry," Andromeda says quietly. She looks at me with a pained expression. "I know what you're thinking, Charlotte. Bellatrix and Rodolphus are not the same people they were then. Less than four years later, they had taken their Dark Marks, and I don't believe they were ever truly happy after that. They were obsessed with You-Know-Who."

I nod, unable to look at her. What else had you really expected, Charlotte?

Andromeda takes the chicken and makes some sort of pasta with it, which she then serves for lunch. Our conversations for the rest of my visit do not stray towards my past life or how my parents were once in love.

The three Tonkses are strictly against the supremacist beliefs of Andromeda's family, and that only makes me like them that much more.

I have mixed emotions when I leave them late that afternoon. I learned too much about my parents to be satisfied without getting the chance to know them for myself. I want them to be a part of my life, even though they're Death Eaters, and it kills me that such dreams can never be. My parents chose to be Death Eaters and serve Voldemort over me, and that's something I have to find a way to accept. Bellatrix and Rodolphus aren't really my family—they just created me. And that's all they'll ever be to me.

Unfortunately, by the time I start saying my goodbyes, it's obvious that the Tonks family is now just as worried about me as the Weasley family is. They believe I am staying with the Malfoys as well, which causes some issues. So fearful for me they are, that they have Tonks go with my back to Diagon Alley (I said I had to get some things), and they plan on her Apparating as close to Malfoy Manor as possible without endangering herself.

Of course, when we get to Diagon Alley, I don't let her go with me to Malfoy Manor. "There's no need to put yourself anywhere near them. It's dangerous. If they see you…"

"You shouldn't have to go there alone."

"But really, there's nothing you could do for me even if something went terribly wrong. You wouldn't be able to get close to the manor without Death Eaters descending upon you."

"But if something does happen, I'll be able to alert someone at least."

I look at her sadly. "You know I can't let you go with me, Tonks."

She huffs at me. "If I find out that you were hurt because you wouldn't let me Apparate with you, I'm going to hunt you down myself. Understood?"

"Understood."

When we get that out of the way, I ask quietly, "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

She flushes. "It…it's really not that big of a deal."

"Of course it is! You're not…you. I haven't even known you that long, and I can see that." I meet her eyes, but she looks away. "Okay, okay. I won't push you. Sorry."

"I'll be fine."

I clear my throat and take out my pocket watch. "I should probably go…"

We say goodbye before I Apparate back to Spinner's End.

When I appear in the living room, Snape picks up a letter from the coffee table and holds it up so that I can see it. "You've got mail from Malfoy Manor," he says. I walk slowly over to the armchair where Snape seems to always be sitting. But I don't move to grab the letter. I just kind of stare at it, afraid of who might have sent it and what it might say.

Tentatively, I take the letter from him. "From the manor?" I whisper, doing my best to keep my fear at bay but not quite able to keep it from my voice. I turn it over in my hands, debating whether or not I actually want to open it.

"Don't panic," Snape says dryly. "It isn't a letter from anyone beckoning you back. Neither Hogwarts nor the Ministry knows that you are here. It is believed that you are with the Malfoys. Those are your O.W.L. grades."

I look down at the letter, having really no desire to open it and find out what I got.

"Go on, then," Snape says, watching me with a cruel smile. "Open it."

"I'm not really feeling up to it, sir."

He smirks. "Then perhaps you should hand it to me, and I shall open it for you."

"I would rather dip my own eyes out with spoons."

Snape continues watching me, and I sigh, knowing that if I don't open this voluntarily, he will probably just take it from me and open it himself because "you're invading my privacy by being in my home so I will invade yours by seeing your O.W.L. grades" or something along that line.

ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS

Pass Grades Fail Grades

OUTSTANDING (O) POOR (P)
EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS (E) DREADFUL (D)
ACCEPTABLE (A) TROLL (T)

Arithmancy_ E
Astronomy_T
Care of Magical Creatures_P
Charms_O
Defense Against the Dark Arts_E
Herbology_D
History of Magic_P
Potions_ E
Study of Ancient Runes_ A
Transfiguration_O

I did better than I thought I would, actually.

I knew I was going to get a "Troll" in Astronomy when I walked out like I did. I hadn't really done any of it, and the parts that I had done were quite horrible. I also knew I would fail Care of Magical Creatures and Herbology. Deep down, I knew I would get an "Outstanding" in Charms and Transfiguration, but I hadn't wanted to think too much about just in case. What surprises me the most though is the "Exceeds Expectations" in Potions. I thought for sure I would get lower than that. The rest I pretty much expected. I smirk at Professor Snape. "Looks like I won't be in your Potions class anymore, sir," I say in a falsely sad voice, handing him the paper.

He reads over it. "I will not be teaching Potions this year. I've been appointed to the Defense Against the Dark Arts post."

"What? How'd you make Dumbledore change his mind? I thought you've been trying to get that post since you first became a professor there?"

"With Umbridge gone, there was a vacant position at Hogwarts. Dumbledore got an old colleague to fill the position of Potions Professor, allowing me to take the Defense Against the Dark Arts post," he says, keeping his voice casual, but he is obviously thrilled about it, his eyes betraying his indifferent face.

"Congratulations," I say wryly, unsure of what to think. I had hoped to continue into N.E.W.T. level Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Snape only accepts those "Outstanding" students.

"You don't sound the least bit happy at the prospect of continuing to N.E.W.T. level Potions."

"Oh, yes," I answer sarcastically, "because Potions means so much to me."

"You don't have to take the class."

That's true. But I don't see the point of going back to Hogwarts if I only plan on taking three classes: Transfiguration, Charms, and Arithmancy. And I'm not even sure if I'll be taking Arithmancy. It was not a very enjoyable class, even with Hermione there to keep me company. "That leaves me taking two classes," I say, "Transfiguration and Charms."

Snape looks up from my O.W.L. grades, a strange look on his face that I don't know how to interpret. "No Defense Against the Dark Arts? I thought you above all others, with the exception of Potter, would be most passionate about continuing to the N.E.W.T. level. Why else have I been giving you lessons?"

"You only accept 'Outstanding' for those who want to advance in Potions. I just assumed—"

"Haven't I told you not to assume things, Rodgers? As it is, those with 'Exceeds Expectations' in Defense Against the Dark Arts are permitted to move forward to N.E.W.T. level."

"Oh…"

"I am wondering, though," Snape continues, "how does one get a 'Troll' in Astronomy."

I scowl at him. "That's not a story I want tell you."

He places my scores on the rickety table in front of the sofa and looks at me for a short moment. Then he smiles, and I can see the plan light up in his eyes. "You're back now from your day off, and I think it's time we start your lessons again, don't you?" He starts toward the door that leads to his potion room. I know what he's going to try to do. He's going to try using Legilimency to see why I did so poorly in Astronomy. So my one goal in these coming lessons is to make sure that he does not get to that particular memory. No matter what the cost, I will keep him out.


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