Chapter Fifty-Three: My Griefs Are Mine
You may my glories and my state depose,
But my griefs: still am I king of those.
Staring out through the great window at the end of the Throne Room, words from ancient history whispered their way into Merin's mind. An King of Elyne of many centuries past had said them when the populace of Capia had threatened to revolt against the monarchy in favour of a republic unless the King was willing to deal with the state of austerity that was taking hold of the country. Merin had always wondered what that must have been like for that old king. To be a sovereign who was dictated to by his people was not to be a sovereign at all.
Though his own situation hadn't quite reached that level of desperation, listening to the Administrator's latest report and Balkan's plans was like being privy to his own funeral plans. He wondered, not for the first time, whether he was being tested. His father had said many times throughout his short reign that every monarch must have their will, strength and courage tested by the Gods throughout out their time on the ornate dais. But, possibly naively, Merin had never thought that such a test would be so stacked against him, and the entire city and nation to boot. But then again, the Gods could be as cruel as they were loving.
"At this point in time, it appears that what…we had been informed of in terms of the Ichani and their wish to invade Kyralia and take over the Guildlwas accurate. So it seems…" Administrator Lorlen's voice drifted off awkwardly behind Merin as he finished recounting his latest update.
"So it seems that our former High Lord was telling us the exact truth, and we didn't believe him." Merin finished for him, turning to look the Administrator in the eye, not wanting to be seen as frightened by this inconvenient truth. "Well, I suppose that's not quite true. One person chose to believe him, but she insisted on accompanying him." He sighed deeply and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "We have been blind fools, gentlemen. All of us. And we will pay in blood for the mistakes we have made over the past few weeks. Centuries, even, if Akkarin's account of how the Guild buried its own history with regards to Black Magic are to believed. Though maybe now it not the time to dwell on that." He straightened himself, knowing he needed to be seen as being in command. "Lord Balkan, with all the magicians that we currently have, do you think we can overthrow these Ichani by sheer strength?"
Without hesitation, the Head of Warriors shook his head. "No. Akkarin told us that each of these Ichani has at least the strength of ten average Guild magicians, and we have calculated that there are at least thirteen of them. Plus, if they arrive in the city, they will be able to use the magical strength of any person they come across, regardless of whether they are a magician or not."
Merin frowned. "But why should we believe Akkarin's assessment of their strength? He not exactly the most reliable of sources."
"We now know that he didn't lie about the Ichani. The only lie he told in the entire trial was to protect Sonea. So why would he tell the truth about them, then lie about their strength?" Lorlen said softly. "He…he was trying to warn us…"
Looking at the Administrator, the King could see that the man was visibly upset. He was looking down at the floor, his jaw clenching tightly, and he was breathing very deliberately. Merin thought he understood why.
It wasn't a secret by any means that Lorlen and Akkarin had been close friends since their days in the university. It was one of the reasons everyone believed that they worked so well together in the two highest offices in the Guild. They had always been closer than Merin could say he had been to the man, which had always irritated Merin slightly, though he knew he had no right to such an emotion. But putting aside the immature jealousy of his youth, Merin knew that finding out that the closest companion of one's adolescence was dabbling in such evil arts must have been…well, horrifying, to say the least, for Lorlen. After all, he himself had been shaken to the very core by the revelations the trial had brought up.
And then, then to find out that same close companion was the only person that could stand in the way of your country and sheer destruction, after sending him into exile and probable death…To find out that your friend had been telling you the truth, but you hadn't believed him. To find out you would never get the chance to apologise…Merin didn't want to dwell on how that must feel for Lorlen. No, it was time to look to the here and now, and what they could possibly do to prevent complete annellation.
"So, can we get him back?" he asked both men, not sure of what he wanted the answer to be. To be sure, Akkarin could probably help them, but he had still broken both city and Guild laws. Merin didn't like the idea of having a man he had no control over lording over everything and everyone. Put simply, Merin didn't want to give Akkarin the satisfaction of being proven right.
Balkan pursed his lips and spread his hands. "Possibly- but not in time. Not with Sachaka being such a distance away. It took us the best part of a week to reach it, and we can only assume, given Lorlen's overheard conversation with Osen, that they are on their way here. And even if it was closer," he added as an after-thought, "we wouldn't be able to ask him back without the Ichani hearing."
Merin heard Lorlen clear his throat slightly. He looked over at him, but Lorlen glanced away before they could make eye contact. He took in what Balkan had said- he had forgotten about the limitations to magicians' mind communication, and was glad that he had been reminded before he made a fool of himself. "Of course," he murmured. "Well I think we can all agree that whatever we do, we need to keep it secret from these Ichani. That means we have to assume that we are on our own in this- for now, at least. What progress has Lord Sarrin made from Akkarin's books?"
"None, your majesty," Balkan said shortly.
Merin looked at him sharply. "None at all?"
Balkan shook his head. "None whatsoever. He's incredibly frustrated." The Warrior sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair. "But I suppose we shouldn't be that surprised. Akkarin said he was taught by some Sachakan magician, he then taught Sonea himself. I can't speak for Black Magic with any expertise, but with regular magic use, it's well known that it can't just be learnt from reading books. It would be like…oh, I don't know, trying to learn a complicated piece of music without having ever heard it played out loud. You might be able to understand the notes in theory, but putting it into practice would be virtually impossible." Balkan looked out the window, where the sun was disappearing behind the taller buildings of the city. "If I might be excused, your majesty? There are still many things I need to organise before the day is out."
Merin nodded his consent "Of course, Lord Balkan. Thank you for your time, I appreciate you coming to see me so soon after your return. If you wouldn't mind staying a moment longer, Administrator?"
Lorlen inclined his head. "Of course."
Balkan bowed respectfully, inclined his head to Lorlen, then turned and made his way back down the long Throne Room to the entrance way, his footsteps echoing on the marbled floor. Once he had disappeared out of sight through the ornate gold doors, Lorlen cleared his throat.
"There was something…something that the other Higher Magicians wanted me to ask you, sir," he said hesitantly. "It's…a little delicate."
Merin raised an eyebrow, wondering what was coming. "Oh, yes?"
"There was a feeling amongst some of us…that the Ichani might show mercy, to the people of the city at least, if we were to surrender to them. If we were to give them the freedom of the city, the keys to the Guild and…" Lorlen took a deep breath. "And if you were willing to abdicate." The pause that came then was black and terrible. Merin made himself keep eye contact with Lorlen, silently refusing to say anything until Lorlen had finished, which he eventually did. "Your Majesty, what I ask is beyond awful and we would never ask if the situation wasn't dire. But…would you do it? Would you be willing to relinquish the crown for the good of your people, if it came to it? You understand I don't ask for myself, or the Guild for that matter, but for the people of your city."
Any other day, under any other circumstances, Merin would have considered having a man who made such a speech horse-whipped. But today was not any other day. He looked down at his hands, and at the Great Seal that adorned his finger. He gently traced over the polished gold metal with his index finger. On it was embossed both his own house incal, a Mullook, wings outstretched, crowned with the famous Kyralian coronet. It reminded him every time what he was: a Kyralian, and a King.
As I told you before, Merin did truly believe in the Divine Right of Kings. He believed he had no destiny above and beyond that of being sovereign- after all, that was probably destiny enough. But the truest sign of monarchy, when it comes right down to it, is a person whose love for their people is put before any personal gain or ambition. If the Gods in their cruelty had guided him to a point where he would have to let his crown go to let his people live, he was bound by duty to do so.
After all, what is it that I keep saying? What out story keeps coming back to? The hardest part of love is in the letting go.
"My crown I am, but still my griefs are mine," he murmured.
"Sir?"
Merin turned and looked at the Administrator, abashed. He smiled wanly. "Apologies, my mind was half elsewhere. Yes, if it came to it, I would give myself up for the good of the Allied Lands, but somehow I don't think it will come to that. I should think these…treacherous vermin do want my head on a spike and to sit on my Throne, but my abdication alone will not stop them, I fear. That would require some level of honour on their part, and slavers don't have any."
Lorlen nodded. "I have to say I agree with you, sir. But I will pass on your answer. Thank you- I know it must have been painful to answer. Kyralia is lucky to have you as its King at such a time."
Merin smiled sadly at the man, and inclined his head in thanks for that remark, even if he wasn't sure how true it really was in reality. The two men, stood in silence for a little while, tall and grave, looking out over their shared city, both engrossed in their own thoughts. Then Merin remembered the question he had asked Lorlen to stay behind to answer. He turned to face him properly.
"Administrator, you clearly knew Akkarin better than anyone else did. I will readily say you knew him better than me. If he was here to lead you, what do you think he would be asking you all to do now?"
Lorlen sighed. "I have asked myself that question over and over, and I can't find the answer. Except to say that the Akkarin I thought I knew all those years was a brave and honourable man who loved his country, and the Guild. He would do whatever was necessary to defend both, even if it meant great sacrifice on his part."
Merin nodded slowly. "Well, I think we'll all get our chance to make great sacrifices before all is said and done, Administrator."
I have pinched another quotation from the old Willy S here, just to be honest Now the next chapter I am a little nervous about…can you guess why? Eek! Cece xox
