Chapter 44
.
Hermione is here... Hermione is safe... Hermione...
Severus felt a funny lurch in his stomach as his nervousness rose up again with sudden force, the crippling anxiety colliding with his happy relief and woozy excitement in a volatile emotional concoction that overwhelmed him entirely.
Hermione watched as his gaze went out of focus, staring at him in alarm as he wavered in place. What's wrong with him?
"Severus?" she asked tentatively, placing a steadying hand on his arm, "Are you alright?"
She touched him! It was too much. All of his exhaustion broke over him at once as her touch seemed to release him from survival mode, the safe, familiar gesture signifying an acceptance that was his undoing. He felt like he was going to cry. He felt like he was going to puke. Fortunately, neither occurred; instead, he fainted.
"Severus!" Hermione cried as his legs went limp and he collapsed to his knees, falling forward before she caught him awkwardly, his weight toppling her over as they landed gracelessly on the wet, pebbled ground.
'Oh my god! What should I do? What should I do?' Hermione thought frantically, unsure what had just happened. Severus was still breathing; at least there was that...
'He's alive,' Nina assured her, 'Christ! Look at him! What a mess...'
'Something's wrong; he's hurt!' Hermione worried, 'I have to get help!'
'From who?' Nina objected, 'You don't really think that lot back there are going to help him, do you?'
'Poppy would help him,' Hermione insisted, 'They were friends; she said so!'
'Yes, 'were' being the operative term,' Nina challenged. 'You can't be sure she won't turn against him, now...'
'But I have to take that chance if I want to help him! I can't just leave him here; what if the Death Eaters are after him?'
'How are we even going to get him back to the cottage?' Nina argued, 'If you leave him alone and run for help, he might not be here when we get back.'
'Where would he go?' Hermione questioned, skeptically.
'Do you really want to take that chance and lose him again?' Nina quietly entreated. Hermione looked at his tired face, studying it carefully as if each harsh contour was the most precious sight she'd ever laid eyes on. She really didn't want to take that chance.
'Alright— I have an idea,' she thought, reaching inside his coat to feel around for an inner pocket.
'Yes! Now we're talking!' Nina cheered, 'Never mind the coat; start with the slacks! I never did get a good look at that thing...'
'I'm not undressing him,' Hermione huffed dismissively, 'I'm looking for this!' she thought enthusiastically as she produced his wand from its hiding place.
'What are you going to do with that?' Nina questioned, her curiosity permeating their shared consciousness.
"Mobilicorpus!" Hermione incanted aloud, standing and backing off as Severus' wand readily accepted her magic; its dormant potency surged through her with renewed vigor as Severus' body lifted up, hovering a foot off the ground.
'Ooooh, wicked...' Nina thought appreciatively, her psychic reaction indicating that she was truly impressed. 'I didn't know we could do that...'
Hermione vaguely registered Nina's repeated use of the inclusive pronoun, too intent on her goal to give it much thought. She was using magic again... and it felt amazing...
'C'mon, then, get moving,' Nina prodded, 'he doesn't look like he's getting any better dangling in the air like that...'
"Right..." Resolutely fixing her features, Hermione used her spell to lift Severus across the rocky pass, stumbling a bit as she stepped down onto the soft sand again before quickly steadying her spell and sending her unconscious lover ahead of her as she made her way back toward Shell Cottage. Her heart was racing as the misty rain collected on her eyelashes, watching Severus' hovering form in disbelief as he floated creepily over the wet sand. She never anticipated that her beach-combing stroll would yield such a remarkable find... With rumbling giddiness, she silently thanked the ocean for finally delivering her dark man to her. Even looking as frightful as he did, he was certainly a fine sight for her sore, weepy eyes. Severus is back!
She just hoped that she wasn't carrying him straight to his doom... What if Remus freaks out and tries to hurt him? Would she be able to protect him? Severus' body dipped slightly as Hermione's concentration faltered, before she returned her attention to her spell. 'Maybe I should try to appeal to Poppy, first,' she considered, 'I could hide him outside somewhere, and try to speak to her privately...'
Hermione felt her resolve weaken as she approached the cottage, wondering if she'd made a terrible mistake by taking Severus here. 'What if he wakes up and thinks I betrayed him? ...What if he ends up in Azkaban? Would he ever forgive me?'
'We don't have to go through with this, you know,' Nina pointed out, 'We could just hide him someplace and hope for the best...'
'No— that's not good enough,' Hermione protested weakly. 'What if he's cursed? I can't let him die; not now... I have to help him...'
Nina was disturbingly silent as Hermione considered the decision she was about to make, finally stowing Severus behind a tall sand dune near the cottage, then kissing his forehead nervously before hurrying to the back entryway. Summoning a look that she hoped would pass as casual, Hermione took a steadying breath before pushing through the back door, shivering as the warmth from the sitting room greeted her cold, damp body. Remus shot up from his place by the fire and darted toward the entryway, wand at the ready, a look of confused alarm on his face as he took in the unexpected sight of Hermione stopping short in front of the door. Bill was quick on Remus' heels, looking surprised as well when he saw who had managed to slip past the wards.
"Hermione? ...What are you doing over there?" Bill asked, lowering his wand.
"I just went out for a walk," Hermione replied lightly, eyeing Remus' wand uneasily before the man realized that he was still primed for attack. Remus lowered his wand as he frowned in confusion, taking a step toward her.
"We thought you were upstairs," Remus said accusingly, "...you snuck out, didn't you?"
"You were all preoccupied, so I didn't bother you," Hermione shrugged. "Anyways, I thought I wasn't a prisoner here... can't I come and go as I please?"
"No, you most certainly cannot," Remus answered irritably. "You know the risks. You put more than your own hide at stake when you behave like this."
"Remus, calm down," Poppy said gently, stepping around him. "I'm sure she didn't mean to cause any trouble. Next time, though," Poppy said, addressing Hermione, "perhaps you'll be good enough to let someone know when you go off on your own like that, hmm?"
"Of course," Hermione agreed lightly. "Poppy, can I have a word with you in private?" Hermione asked, causing Remus to narrow his eyes in suspicion.
"Oh — well of course you can, dear," Poppy answered as she shook off her surprise at the sudden request. "Would you like to go back upstairs?" she suggested.
Hermione nodded in response, looking up at Remus warily as she passed him, fully aware of his scrutiny as he tried to fathom her intentions. "Hold on... what's that smell?" Remus murmured, placing a hand at Hermione's shoulder to halt her progress. She froze under his touch, her eyes widening as he sniffed the air above her.
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," she replied in a small voice, trying to move away from him.
"Like hell you don't," Remus muttered, taking both of her shoulders in his hands as he turned her to face him.
"Remus!" Poppy objected, looking worried as she watched him manhandle her patient.
"I won't ask a third time, Hermione; what's. that. smell."
"I just went for a walk!" she protested, struggling to pull away from him as he sniffed her over, his brows furrowing as he registered the mix of scents. "It was wet out; I got a little dirty..." she tried explaining.
"She smells of him!" Remus exclaimed, "She's been out with Snape!"
Bill, Fleur and Poppy all gasped as Remus' accusation rang out across the cozy space, their faces reflecting their complete shock at the idea.
"Snape is here?" Fleur gasped, "In Tinworth?!"
"He must have been!" Remus insisted, "She reeks of him!"
"Remus, are you sure?" Poppy asked in alarm, looking between him and Hermione with wide eyes.
"Positive," Remus confirmed, "I'd know that stench anywhere. It's as dark as pitch. It's him, alright."
"I think he smells quite nice on a normal day," Hermione objected, her features turning defiant as she recognized the futility of her former pretense.
"It's true!" Fleur exclaimed, "She has seen him!"
"Hermione, is he still here?" Bill asked urgently, placing comforting hands on his wife's shoulders. Hermione just pursed her lips in response as she tried to decide what to do, looking between the four faces nervously.
Rather than waiting for her reply, Remus snarled and ran out the back door, wand drawn as he scanned the perimeter, listening carefully as he sniffed the damp air. Hermione shouted in vain as Remus took off in the direction of the sand dune she'd hidden Severus behind, running after him as fast as she could as the others followed, only Poppy refraining from wielding a wand defensively.
"Don't hurt him!" Hermione cried as Remus came to an abrupt halt in front of Severus' unconscious form, looking down at the dark man warily as he confirmed that he wasn't an immediate threat. What happened to him? Behind him, Hermione had drawn Snape's wand and was pointing it at Remus' back, ready to defend her unconscious lover if need be.
"Don't you dare hurt him, Remus," Hermione warned, her voice strong, if not on the verge of hysterical. Remus turned in surprise to find her facing him down with a wand. He raised his brows as he assessed her stance, deciding that she meant business.
"Easy, Hermione," he replied, holding up a placating hand. "Don't do anything foolish. I can easily overpower you if I have to..."
"Try me," Hermione challenged, her eyes hard as her posture stiffened. "I won't let you hurt him."
Remus' face turned thoughtful as he realized just how defensive she was willing to be for the Dark wizard. Perhaps Poppy was right, after all; maybe she really does love him...
"I won't hurt an unarmed man, Hermione," Remus assured her. "I just need to make sure he's not a threat to us. You can lower that wand," he suggested, as he did the same.
Bill approached carefully from the rear, exchanging a glance with Remus as he confirmed that the situation was under control. Nodding to his wife, Bill gestured for Fleur and Poppy to step forward as they approached the strange scene, looking concerned as they took in the sight of the dark figure crumpled in the sand.
"What's wrong with him?" Fleur asked quietly, as Poppy produced her wand to cast a diagnostic charm.
"Exhaustion," she declared, tutting at the results as they flared in front of her. "Complete and utter exhaustion. He's nearly drained his magical reserves, and he's been sleep deprived for over a week... it looks as if he's barely eaten a thing in all that time, either."
"Oh, Severus," Hermione whispered, kneeling beside him to stroke a hand through his unwashed hair. The others looked on as she regarded him tenderly, tears forming in her eyes as she touched him gently. Nobody said anything for a long beat as they took in the surprising sight.
"Perhaps we should take him inside?" Fleur softly suggested, looking to her husband imploringly. Everyone looked at Remus, then; apparently the decision was down to him.
With a sigh of defeat, Remus realized that he couldn't leave the unconscious man lying out in the rain all afternoon.
"Let's just hope he was smart enough to know better than to Apparate himself here, or else this place is going to be swarming with Death Eaters," Remus muttered. "That mark on his arm is a homing beacon. If they know he's come here, they'll be on him in no time."
"He was on the other side of the boundary marker when I came across him," Hermione explained. "I Mobilicorpus'd him over here after he collapsed."
"What were you doing past the marker?" Bill queried, looking at her disapprovingly. "We told you it wasn't safe to leave the beach."
"I told you, I went for a walk," Hermione answered crossly.
"Oh, never mind all that," Poppy huffed, as Bill gave Hermione a deprecating glance. "Let's stop hovering around like stunned pixies and get this man inside! He needs a few strong potions to fix him up, at the very least... it's a good thing I came prepared..."
Hermione exchanged a small smile with the mediwitch as she bustled into action, taking over with a more refined Mobilicorpus as she sent the unconscious patient towards the cottage.
"A hot bath wouldn't be a bad idea, either," Fleur suggested, sniffing disdainfully as the man's ripe scent wafted in her direction.
As the women followed after the suspended body, Bill and Remus exchanged a glance as they watched the unlikely procession depart. "What do you think, Remus?" Bill asked, shaking his head, "Is this a good idea?"
"Of course it's not," Remus muttered. "It's a terrible idea. But good luck convincing those three."
"What should we do?" Bill asked, following along beside Remus as he grudgingly followed after the women.
"Let's just keep a close eye on him for now," Remus sighed. "When he wakes up, he'll have some explaining to do, I'll tell you that much."
"But why did he come here? Why would he, when he knows how dangerous it is for him? He doesn't look like he's had an easy go of it..."
"I don't know, Bill," Remus murmured thoughtfully, "But I intend to find out."
...
"Shouldn't you revive him first?" Hermione asked nervously as Poppy prepared Severus for a bath, magicking his clothes off piece by piece as Fleur held a laundry basket to direct them into, making a disgusted face as the filthy clothes settled in place.
"Oh, I really don't think that would be such a good idea, do you?" Poppy chided. "Besides; what he needs now is a good, long rest. I gave him a draught that should keep him out until tomorrow, if he's as exhausted as I think he is. He always has been reckless about his health," the mediwitch tutted.
"I'm sure Remus will want to keep him sedated anyways," Fleur pointed out. "Until he knows more about the situation, he won't want Snape walking around here, fully conscious..."
"He wouldn't hurt anybody," Hermione insisted. "Just look at him! Does he look like a threat to you?"
"That man looks like a lot of things," Fleur huffed indignantly, "none of which I'd be pleased to welcome into my home."
With a frown, Hermione looked at the half-conscious man again and decided that Fleur might have a point. "He needs a shave," she said quietly. "He normally uses his wand to do it."
"You're not getting that wand back from Remus, if that's what you're thinking," Poppy warned her as she magicked off Severus' shirt, preparing to remove his trousers.
"I know that," Hermione said irritably, "but he looks dreadful with all that stubble... can't we do something about it?"
"There is a spare razor in one of the bathroom drawers," Fleur remarked. "You can use that, if you want."
"Me?" Hermione asked meekly, "but I've never shaved a man's face before..."
"Neither have I, but it can't be that difficult," Fleur replied as she caught the floating trousers in her basket.
Hermione gulped nervously as she looked back at Severus with wide eyes, before noticing that Poppy was watching her with a raised brow.
"I'm going to remove his shorts, now," she warned, suppressing a smile as Hermione inhaled sharply and spun around, then blushed as she caught sight of the garment floating past her.
"I thought you've seen him naked before?" Fleur pointed out, "Why are you blushing?"
"Oh, leave her alone," Poppy chided, levitating the naked man into the prepared tub of soapy water. "It's all right, dear, you can turn around now," she told Hermione, holding out a clean flannel for Hermione to use. "Why don't you start on the upper region, while I work on the lower. A vigorous scrubbing is what he needs."
Hermione hesitated before approaching the tub, irrationally concerned that Severus would wake up at any moment and go berserk.
"He's no threat to us, remember?" Fleur teased, smirking as she left the room to carry the basket downstairs.
...
"Are those his clothes?" Remus asked as Fleur descended the stairs, heading for the laundry room.
"Yes... I don't know if I ought to try soaking them, or if it would be better just to Evanesco them altogether," she sighed. "I'm not looking forward to cleaning Snape's dirty underwear."
"I need to check his pockets," Remus said, stepping toward her to take the basket. "If he's been traveling, he's probably got plenty of supplies shrunk down and squirreled away in there. There might be something that'll tell us more about what he's really been up to."
"They're all yours," Fleur replied as she handed over the basket gratefully, "just don't rifle through them in here; take them outside for that."
Remus obligingly granted her request, carrying the basket out onto the front patio as Bill followed. He handed the trousers over to Bill, while taking up the coat to start sorting through, himself. The two busied themselves emptying out item after item, canceling their reduction charms as all sorts of odds and ends started crowding the floorboards.
"Well, you gotta hand it to him," Bill remarked, "—the guy is certainly prepared for anything." Remus made a noise of assent as he enlarged a small potions box, sifting through the little bottles discriminately as he checked for Dark substances.
"What do you suppose he needs all this Horklump juice for?" Bill asked as he unstoppered a large jar, sniffing it to verify its contents.
"Who knows. The man's a maniac," Remus muttered, setting aside the potions box as he withdrew a little silver box of bottled memories. "I'm going to need a pensieve; it looks like Snape's been cataloguing certain memories here... these might be very interesting..."
"Those might be private," Bill intimated as he set down the jar, glancing worriedly at the silver box.
"All the more reason to examine them," Remus replied. "Everything about that man is 'private,' it seems. We need to start sorting out as much of it as we can if we're ever going to figure out what he's really up to. You heard what Poppy said; there's a lot more to this than we realized. Whatever's going on between him and Hermione has officially become Order business, at least until we get to the bottom of it."
"Then you'll be interested in this," Bill inferred with a troubled expression as he re-sized a letter with Hermione's name written in a well-known, spiky script on the outside. He held it up for Remus to see, the two exchanging an awkward look as they considered opening the private missive. "There's a notebook here, too," Bill added, flipping through the heavy black, leather-bound volume. "...It looks like it's full of notes on Muggle nightclubs, names and dates... bus schedules... that sort of thing."
"Perfect," Remus nodded, "I'll go through that, first."
"What about the letter?" Bill asked, "Shouldn't we give it to Hermione?"
Remus looked thoughtful as he glanced at the neatly-folded piece of sealed stationary, flipping it over in his hands as he tried to decide what to do about it.
"No, Bill," he sighed, "I think I'm going to have to open it, first. I'm sorry to do it, but I think it is necessary."
"Do you think it's a love letter?" Bill asked quietly.
Remus glanced warily at the sinister letter before looking to Bill with eyes that said he wasn't too keen on having to speculate about that matter. The junior Order member made a face of commiseration as he watched Remus pocket the letter, before turning back to his task. "I think there's nothing else here but a bunch of maps and some Muggle currency," he started saying, right before he spotted a tiny, balled-up paper sack in the corner of a hip pocket. "Hold on... here's something else..."
Remus watched as Bill re-sized the paper sack, regarding it curiously as Bill opened it and looked inside, rifling through it before looking up at Remus with a funny face.
"Well? What's in there?" Remus pressed, resting his arm on his bent knee as he squatted beside his puzzled friend.
By way of replying, Bill reached in and pulled out the little denim dress that he found bunched up inside, holding it up by both straps as he looked it over in confusion, looking to Remus for an answer. Remus had none; he looked just as confused as Bill by the surprising find. "There's more," Bill murmured in a strange voice as he handed the dress over to Remus, who took it uncomfortably and frowned as Bill reached into the sack and pulled out a gold tube of lipstick. Remus raised an eyebrow as Bill pulled off the cap, awkwardly fidgeting with the foreign gadget before realizing that the base was meant to be twisted. His mouth went slack as he watched the little dark red tip spiral up from its sheath.
"That's completely bizarre," Remus murmured, wondering why Snape was carrying such things around with him.
"Completely," Bill agreed. "That color is all wrong for him."
Remus glanced up quizzically at Bill's strange remark, smirking ruefully when he registered the humor. "Is that it, then?"
"Yeah, that's all I could find. What about on your side?" Bill inquired as he dropped the left side of the coat.
"I don't think there's anything else in here but food; I'm detecting a few preservation charms, and..." Remus paused as he reviewed the remaining contents of Snape's right side pocket, blinking as he detected another charm in place. "There's something here with a Fragilis charm on it," he mentioned as he pulled out the object, canceling the overlying protective charm before resizing it.
"What's that?" Bill asked as Remus held up the large, flat, square-shaped object that materialized. Checking out the front of it, he cocked his head as he regarded the image of the afroed man with many arms, surrounded by diminishing cobras and godlike figures.
Remus tilted the object sideways, catching the heavy black disk that slipped out from the colorful casing. It had a nice shine to it, and was covered in hundreds of tiny raised lines that defined the surface like a fingerprint.
"I know what this is," Remus said knowingly, his eyelids heavy as he looked down at it with a lofty expression. "It's a Muggle music device. It plays music."
"That's a musical instrument? ...How does it work?"
"No, not an instrument; a device... a contraption, you know? — some kind of gizmo. I'm not sure how it works... there's probably a button somewhere."
"Or a switch," Bill pointed out helpfully as Remus flipped the disk over, remembering his father's lessons on Muggle paraphernalia, "—sometimes Muggle things have switches. ...Who is that guy on the front? He looks like a Dark wizard..."
"All it says is, 'the jimi hendrix experience — axis: bold as love'... Hmm. I don't see a switch, either. Oh, well," Remus sighed. "I probably broke it, somehow. Snape placed a pretty sensitive charm over it, and I had to break that to enlarge it." Remus frowned thoughtfully as he slid the disk back in its sleeve, peering at the cover art. "...I've never heard of this 'Jimi Hendrix' fellow. It's odd that Severus listens to Muggle music, isn't it?"
"Very odd," Bill answered seriously. "I don't know about you... but now that I've sorted through his things, I feel like the guy is even more of a mystery to me."
"Well, hopefully those bottled memories, the notebook and letter will tell us some more," Remus sighed as he moved to stand up, brushing off his clothes. "I think perhaps I'll read the letter privately first, to get a sense of it."
"Good idea," Bill agreed. "I'd rather not read that unless it's really necessary. I wouldn't feel safe around here after reading Snape's private correspondence... especially now that I'm occupying the same house as him..."
"This will only be temporary," Remus promised. "I think I'm going to have to inform Minerva and Kingsley about this, but first I want to go over everything before I report to them."
"Aren't you going to interrogate Snape, first?"
"Yes. Unfortunately, that will probably be necessary..." Remus replied, sighing heavily. The prospect of having a long talk with Severus held no appeal to him whatsoever, especially since it would be taking place just after he'd rifled through the man's personal notebook, memories, and an ominous letter that might possibly be romantic in nature. No; Remus was not looking forward to this task at all.
...
"I'll just go and see if Fleur needs any help preparing the other guest room," Poppy murmured as she watched Hermione kneel beside the tub with some shaving cream and the woman's razor Fleur had lent her. The girl seemed nervous enough about her task already, and Poppy figured that it would be helpful if she had some privacy. She was now fully convinced that Hermione was unequivocally in love with the dark man. Observing her now, as she reverently began to apply the lather to his scruffy face, Poppy could clearly see the proof of her feelings for him. She wasn't sure when she'd last witnessed anything quite as intimate as the sight of Hermione Granger focusing her attention on shaving the haggard face of Severus Snape, and as a mediwitch she was no stranger to intimacy. This was a moment that would leave a lasting impression.
As the mediwitch quietly closed the bathroom door behind her, Hermione lifted the razor and scrutinized Severus' face, trying to figure out the best way to go about it. She finally pressed her fingertips gently against his soapy skin, stretching it taught as she carefully slid the razor down along with the grain. Even Nina was silent, her usual background commentary notably absent as Hermione concentrated, the soft scraping sound of the razor amplified in the quiet space.
As Hermione became more confident and fell into a practiced rhythm, she found a certain contentment in the act. She liked caring for Severus in this way; she felt close to him in a sense that was entirely new to her and greatly heartwarming. She wondered if he'd ever allow her to tend to him like this when he was conscious.
'What were you doing, coming here like this?' Hermione wondered, glancing at his closed eyes. Had he really come back for her? What did he intend to do once he'd found her?
She wanted to imagine that this little simulacrum of domesticity could potentially be more than just a fantasy; that there might actually be a possible future in store for the two of them— one in which she could really touch him like this and know that it was welcome. Could she be that kind of woman?... All she knew with any certainty was that she felt more alive right now— in the magic of this strange moment— than she had in ages. It's a rather lovely thing, to be of use to someone you care about... And she did care about him. More, perhaps, than she'd ever cared about anyone; though she supposed it was an altogether new way of caring...
But what about him? Hermione thought that perhaps she could, indeed, be the kind of woman that cherished her lover; a nurturer. Severus, however... could he be that kind of man? — The kind to allow a woman to assume such a role in his life? It seemed to go against everything she had once thought about the man, though she conceded that everything she thought she knew about him had recently been turned upside down. With an odd twist in her belly, she realized that she didn't actually know that much about who he really was. She had a more informed impression of him now, of course, after what they had been through... but there was still a substantial cloak of mystery about him. Foremost in her mind was the fact that he'd killed Dumbledore for reasons she had yet to fathom, but it was even more than that; she wondered if she'd ever truly know just who Severus Snape really was. Potions Master; Death Eater; Order member; Head of Slytherin House; bane of Harry's existence; protector; lover; killer; friend... it was a complicated tangle of personas that she hadn't managed to decipher yet.
'You're not so simple yourself, you know,' Nina suddenly spoke up, reminding her of her own complicated persona. 'Maybe that makes Severus exactly the right bloke for us, huh? Who else would put up with us three?'
...Three? Did Nina say 'three'? ...Who was the third?
'I don't understand; there's only the two of us...'
'Not exactly,' Nina corrected. 'I dreamt about the other one, once... remember when Severus told you that you'd managed to communicate with him through the link while unconscious? That wasn't necessarily 'you' he was speaking with, and it certainly wasn't me...'
Hermione paled as she suddenly remembered that conversation, which seemed so distant now. Severus had, indeed, mentioned speaking with another version of her; at the time, she'd been so overwhelmed that she somehow managed to overlook the concept, entirely... Were there memories of hers that were still tucked away somewhere? Why hadn't these returned, yet?
'You should ask Severus about her,' Nina suggested. 'I think he'll be able to tell us more.'
Hermione furrowed her brows in concern as she wiped the last traces of soap off of Severus' freshly-shaven face, wondering which was the greater mystery: his true identity, or her own. Perhaps she'd have to figure that one out before she had any real chance of connecting with him; she just hoped that she'd actually get a chance to try...
...
