Author's Notes…
Thank you, guys, so much for your responses to last chapter! This chapter is tying up some loose ends from it.
The Bond That Ties Us
Chapter Forty-Nine
No Need For Prince Charming
"It has to happen, Ben."
Well, I don't like it!
"There's two options! You can kill him, which is unacceptable, or you can let me really talk to him without fear that you're going to kill him!"
No!
"You don't trust me?"
Ben snarled at her, stopping briefly in his pacing to do so. I don't trust him.
Rey sighed and sat down on the bed. She'd known this conversation wouldn't go over well. She hadn't even wanted to bring it up. But she needed to. Poe was never going to even somewhat understand if she couldn't talk to him without a shadow. Being too afraid of how Ben would handle it made these encounters with Poe incredibly difficult.
She understood. Poe fancied himself in love with her, and Ben wanted to rip his head off. If the situation were reversed, she probably wouldn't take too kindly to it, either. That being said, she would trust Ben to handle what needed to be done.
"Ben, I really want to take care of this before we go," she said softly. "I don't want to leave it this way."
Fine! Do whatever you want!
And he stormed out of the room.
Rey buried her face in her hands.
"What do you want, Rey?" Poe didn't look up as he tended to his X-wing.
"Can we talk?" she asked. She had to lift her voice a little. The hangar was noisy with repairs and people coming and going. The opening in the ceiling was closed off to keep out the continuous blizzard.
"No," he said gruffly.
BB-8 twittered at him.
"Shut up, BB-8," it sounded like he muttered.
The droid drew back. His twitters turned into shrills.
Poe cursed and dropped his tool. He climbed down from the ship and landed with a slight jump in front of Rey. He had a smudge of dirt on his cheekbone, and his hair was sticking up in places. Exhaustion was soaked into the lines of his face. His eyes were cool, unfriendly.
He crossed his arms. "You don't want to talk to me every time I want to talk to you, and now you're here? Why?"
Rey inhaled. "I couldn't talk to you before."
"And why is that?" he sneered.
"Don't be nasty," Rey snapped. "I don't have to be here. But I'm trying. Doesn't that count for something?"
Poe had the grace to look ashamed. He sighed and scrubbed a hand over the back of his head. "Fine, okay." He started walking, and Rey followed. They came to a stop further away from the uproar of the hangar, where they didn't have to half-yell at each other to be heard.
"I couldn't talk to you before because of Ben," she said. She pushed on as he opened his mouth, "And not for the reason you think. We're connected through a bond in the Force."
"You told me that on Solaris."
"It's different now than it was on Solaris." Rey also crossed her arms. It was easier to look at the floor than it was to look at the ace pilot across from her. "We completed our bond. That means… it means we're—we're in each other's heads. We know everything the other is thinking and feeling. We can wall it off a little, like I'm doing now, if it's necessary, but… it's symbiotic."
"Symbiotic or unhealthy?"
"Symbiotic." Rey wet her lips and set her jaw. She collected her thoughts for a moment and then met his gaze. "He has my light inside of him. He's not evil, Poe. I know you want to think that, and maybe you always will, but he's not."
Poe shook his head. "I'm never going to trust him. I'm never going to forgive him."
"And that's your right," Rey said. "I don't expect you to. But you need to understand that… I don't need to be rescued."
He scoffed. "I'm not trying to rescue you." He turned to face the hangar at large, his fists on his hips.
"Poe, it's been four years, why—?"
"I don't know!" he said. He stepped in closer to her, and she made herself stay her ground. "I was over all of this. And then you show up—and you're so beautiful, Rey. And you're with him, and I can't stand it! Even—even if it's not with me, you deserve so much better!"
"He doesn't treat me horribly, Poe."
"Yeah, okay."
"What is it going to take to make you believe that I'm okay, that I don't need to be rescued?" she said exasperatedly.
"Stop—saying that about me rescuing you, it's not about that!"
"Isn't it?!"
"NO!"
"Then what is it about, Poe?!" They were yelling again, and Rey didn't like it, she needed it to stop. She put a hand to her forehead and walked a few paces away from him, showing him her back. Maybe this was a terrible idea. Maybe she should go.
She hated this. She wanted to make up with Poe, she wanted to be friends again, and he was making it so hard.
"Fine, maybe… it is about… rescuing you," Poe said behind her. "But that's only part of it. That doesn't make my feelings for you any less real. Do you think I like to be this way? Do you think I like flying off the handle? This isn't me! You drive me crazy, I—I see you, and I go crazy, I can't think! And then I do stupid shit! And it's going to wind up like it always does, where I say I'm sorry for being an asshole, and then turn around and be an asshole again a second later!"
Rey turned back around. "And you don't think that's unhealthy?"
"Don't—turn this back on me like that. Don't do that."
"It's what you're doing to me. It hurts me when you say those things about Ben. Leia has her son back, Poe. You respect Leia more than you respect anyone. You don't trust her judgment?"
"It's her son, her judgment is compromised," Poe said dismissively.
"Is it? Ben killed his father. Yet she still was able to forgive him? That goes beyond the bond of a mother and child." Maybe. She didn't know. She didn't have experience in that field.
Poe was shaking his head.
"Okay, I'm done. You refuse to be reasonable. I really tried, Poe."
Poe grasped her wrist before she could leave. "Rey, don't go."
"Why?" She let him keep her wrist for the moment. "Why are you doing this? Why do you want it to be like this between us? I don't understand!"
"Because I'm in love with you!" He released her to bury his fingers in his curls.
"So—so that's it, then?! You love me, but you can't have me, so we can't be friends, we can't make this right?!"
"Why is it so important that we remain friends?!"
"Because I don't have a lot of friends, and I value each one!"
"I don't want to be friends!"
"Fine!"
"I want to be as close as possible! I can't stand here and look at you and pretend that all I feel for you is friendship!"
"Why do you think you're in love with me?! You barely know me!"
"You barely knew Kylo Ren, and you fell in love with him!"
"That's different!"
"How, Rey?! How is that different?!"
"Because—because—"
"BECAUSE WHY?!"
"I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO YOU!" Rey exploded. "Anything I say to you isn't going to matter! You're not going to believe me! So I'm not going to waste my time trying!" She whirled and stomped away.
He grabbed her elbow. Before she could go off on him about it, he had her up against him. She had precisely one second to digest this, and then he kissed her, cupping over her ear with his free hand.
She yanked away and slapped him.
Poe touched his cheek.
"Ben is my other half!" Rey yelled. There were tears in her eyes, and she hated him for it. "I can see the entirety of his mind. Do you think if he was evil I wouldn't know? Do you think that I don't know every single thing about him? What about you, Poe? What if I was inside of your mind? Would you hide things from me?"
"I—" Poe was flabbergasted. "Of course, that's normal, everyone has secrets—"
"Ben and I don't!" Rey returned. "We have no secrets! I know every single terrible thing he has done—and he knows every single terrible thing I have done! How do you think we took down the First Order on Venia? Do you think that someone could use the Force like that on their own? You have to be completely in sync with someone to do that! You have to spend four years training inside of someone's mind to do that!"
"I—"
"As much as it is possible for someone to be married, more than married, without actually being married, we are married! We are married in the mind, and in the heart!" Rey couldn't see from the blur of her tears. "He is literally my other half! And when you insult him, you're insulting me!"
"Rey—"
"No! I'm done!" She scrubbed at her eyes with a sniffle. "I don't even know why I was fighting so hard for our friendship. It doesn't matter. You don't want to be friends, anyway, you said so yourself."
"Rey—"
"Good-bye."
"Rey, stop!"
"Stop following me!"
"Rey, come on, stop!" Poe grabbed at her elbow more gently. "I didn't—I didn't… know, okay?"
"You didn't want to."
"Maybe I didn't, but I do now. Please don't go. I feel like a total heel. I had no idea. If I had known—I wouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry. Please look at me?"
Rey stopped struggling. Poe let go of her, and she sniffled again, pressing her lips together so they wouldn't tremble. She didn't think he loved her. She thought he loved the idea of rescuing her. And that was why she would have never been with him, whether or not Ben was there.
She had never needed rescuing.
Not from Unkar Plutt and other comers to the Niima Outpost. Not from Ben himself in the aftermath of Snoke's throne room. Not from Crait, not from Solaris. Not from any other number of difficult situations that she had been forced to deal with.
There was only one time in her entire life she'd needed a rescue. It was when she'd been on her knees before Ben, staring into his eyes and willing him to trust her, to believe in her, while Snoke ordered him to take her life. And that was just because he'd thought of the lightsaber thing first.
She didn't need a knight to sweep her off her feet. She needed a partner.
"I'm sorry," Poe said. "I'm—I'm not that person. I don't kiss married girls."
"I'm not married—"
"Sure sounded like it to me." His grin was rueful, and he put a hand on top of her head. "I'll never trust that asshole. But… I'll leave you alone about it from now on."
Rey squinted her eyes at him, not bothering to hide her skepticism.
"I mean it!"
"You meant it the other times, too!" She smacked his arm a few good times.
"Woman, quit—! Quit it!" He rubbed his arm. "Ow. You're strong."
"I'm really strong," she agreed.
"I can see that…" Poe's smile grew wry. "But if he hurts you, I'm killing him, okay?"
Rey let out a pffft.
"Wow, at least pretend I have a chance in a fight with him. You're bruising my ego!"
"He broke your face the last time," Rey said.
"That's just because he caught me off guard," Poe replied.
"Uh huh."
"It is!"
"Uh huh."
"Rey!"
"Mmhmm."
"I'm hurt that you have no faith in me." He touched his chest.
"I'm just a realist."
He clutched at his heart and staggered back a step. "Ow, I'm wounded."
"Well, I'm glad to see you guys are getting along again!" Finn announced from behind them. They turned to see him striding across the hangar, his hand up in a wave. He coughed and crossed his arms as he arrived at their sides. ""Cause you know, um, I didn't want to have to kick Poe's ass or anything."
Rey's laughter filled the hangar as Poe protested loudly in disbelief. For a moment, it was like being back on Solaris.
Our minds and hearts are married?
Rey jerked in surprise. She hastily waved at the other two and departed. How long have you been listening in?
From the beginning.
He had? And he hadn't lost his mind? She would have felt great outrage from his end whether the walls were up or not.
I told you I didn't trust him. He kissed you.
Okay, I'll give you that. I wasn't expecting that. But you saw that I slapped him.
I did. Just get back here.
Why? What can't you tell me now?
Just get here.
Okay, okay.
Rey walked into their room. "What is going o—" The rest of the sentence was swallowed by Ben's lips on hers. His arms circled her waist, and her hands slid into his hair as she rose on her tiptoes. By the time his mouth broke away, she was flushed and out of breath. "What—?"
The things you said. He rested his forehead against hers. And by the way, you never would have figured out the lightsaber thing.
That's not true! I would have!
He laughed as they exited the room to find his mother, fending off Rey's swatting hands.
