Usual disclaimers apply.

Chapter 53

Pulling my knees up to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and stared at Mom. She'd been reading the same scroll for well over a candlemark now and outright refused to read to me. Apparently I was no longer worthy of anything fun in her eyes.

Sighing, I grabbed my journal and pen and started writing. The more I wrote, the more my thoughts flowed and when I finally looked up, it was Mom who was staring at me. "Want to read the poem I wrote?" I asked.

"No Sam," she shook her head and my pain was palpable as I put my journal away. She had never before given up an opportunity to read what I'd written and I was once again reminded how this woman truly wasn't my mom.

"Want to kick my butt at chess?"

Not looking up from her stupid scroll, she shook her head again. "Nope."

"Want to let me throw lawn darts at you?"

"Still no Sam."

Holding back the tears and biting my tongue at the angry retort, I grabbed my copy of "Sins of the Past". Opening the book, I traced the note from Mama once more and then began to read.

Finally hearing Mama's footsteps, I looked up from my bed and smiled as she came into the doorway. Tossing my book to the side and running to her, I hugged her and once more wrapped myself around her as she lifted me. "How was your day little one?"

I buried my face in her neck, "Okay now that you're here. Do you want to read the poem that I wrote?"

Mama sat me down on the bed and chuckled, "You're sure you want me to read the poem?"

I nodded, "Yeah, there's nobody else that wants to read it." Grabbing my journal, I opened it to the correct page and handed it to Mama.

Sitting on the bed next to me, I leaned my head on her shoulder as she read, "This is very nice Sam." Giving me a kiss, she smiled at me. "What did your mom think?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, Gabrielle didn't want to read it." Taking the journal back, I put it away again and leaned into Mama once more.

"Since when do you call your mom Gabrielle?"

"I told you both, she's not my mom. She never was, she was just pretending. Want to play checkers or chess with me?" I asked hoping my words had hurt this version of my mom the same way she kept hurting me.

"Apologize to your Mom, Sam. You may be upset right now, but disrespect is not going to be tolerated." Mama said.

"I can't apologize to someone who isn't here," I protested.

"Samina," Mama's voice was hard and I sniffed.

"Xena, it's okay…"

Cutting her off, Mama took my chin in her hands and looked into my eyes, "It is not okay and Sam knows that. You will apologize right now."

Knowing there was no way Mama would back down, I mumbled an "I'm sorry," before turning back to Mama. "So do you want to play checkers or chess with me?" I asked again.

Sighing, Mama looked at me hard before responding, "No, I don't want to play checkers or chess with you," Mama smirked as my face fell, "I will however, play battle strategy with you."

"Really? What's that?"

"A game where you learn strategies for battle as you go up against me. Yup, I think it's time you start to learn." Eyes twinkling, Mama left the room for a moment and returned with a narrow wooden box, closed with a small clasp.

Handing it to me, she motioned for me to open it. "It's beautiful." Taking out the carved wooden pieces, I realized that there was a leather parchment with drawing on it as well as some smaller markers. "What is all this?"

"Battle strategy," Mama answered teasing me. "I'll explain it as we play."

"You got her a gift?" Mom had watched everything without saying a word until now. "She's being punished and you got her a gift." Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "No wonder she hates me."

"I hate you because all you do is ignore me!" I shouted. "You wouldn't read my poem, you wouldn't read to me, you wouldn't play chess. All you do is bury your nose in those damned scrolls that are obviously so much more important to you than I am. Why don't you stop pretending that you want to be my mom and just leave me alone?"

Putting the new game on my bed, I ran into the bathing room and locked the door. Sliding down against it, I began to sob and cough at the same time ignoring for the moment the sounds of angry voices from beyond the door.

Pulling Gabrielle from her daughter's bedroom, Xena led her into their bedroom and shut the door. "Damn it Gabrielle, why are you still ignoring her?"

"She's grounded Xena, I didn't know that being grounded included fun times with your parents."

"It does when you're trying to rebuild her trust. You wouldn't even read her poem?" The warrior ran her hand through her hair before dropping to the bed.

"She is grounded Xena, that means she is not to have fun."

"She's reaching out to you Gabrielle. Don't you see that? How much longer do you think she's going to keep trying if you keep pushing her away?"

Sitting on the bed next to the warrior, the bard put her head on the woman's shoulder. "I don't know what to do. I'm so scared I'm going to do something wrong, or hurt her so much, she'll never be able to let go of the other me."

"If you keep ignoring her, you are going to push her to what you are so afraid of happening." The warrior tilted the bard's chin and looked into her eyes. "Just be who you are Gabrielle. Let yourself love her and don't try to be such a hard ass mom. You can do that later, when she's a teenager."

Smiling slightly, Gabrielle wiped the tears from her face and nodded. "Okay, if you can get her out of the bathing room, I'd like to try again. What do you say if we all eat dinner at the table tonight?"

"I say it's a wonderful idea." Kissing the blonde before leaving the room, Xena took a deep breath and headed back towards her daughter.

**XENA***BARD***XENA**BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***

"Sam, open the door please."

I sighed hearing Mama's voice, but did as I was asked. I was still coughing a bit and it was getting harder to breath.

"Alright little one, you need to calm down," Mama directed helping me get control of my breathing once again.

"Gabrielle, I'm going to give Sam a bath before dinner!" She called as I sniffed.

"I don't need a bath," I protested as she shook her head at me.

"Don't argue with your mother," she teased before allowing the water to fill the tub. She had managed to build a storage tank outside the bathing room, and the sun warmed the water, making it easy to fill the tub that way.

Quickly stripping me, she helped me into the bath and hummed as she bathed me. "Another tough day?"

"I miss my mom," I said quietly before relaxing into the feeling of her washing my hair.

"I think your mom misses you too," she commented giving me a final rinse.

"My mom isn't missing me, she's not even here," I said sadly as she helped me from the tub and wrapped me in a towel.

"Well, let's get you dressed and then I have a treat for you."

"You do? Even though I'm grounded?"

"Uh-huh, I think you're well enough to eat dinner at the table tonight."

Smiling, I threw my arms around her. "Really? You and me in another room?" I asked pulling the nightgown she provided over my head.

"Well, your mom will be there too." She said brushing out my hair before quickly braiding it.

"No she won't, my mom has never been here. Not really." Sighing, I leaned back into Mama. "I need some new boots," I said quietly, sad at the thought of losing my beloved pair.

"We'll get you measured soon, can't have you running around with no boots now can we?"

I shrugged as she took my hand and led me into the living area. The table was already set and one chair taken. Not making eye contact, I sat down and stared at my bowl. "Smells good," I commented.

"Your yaya made something she thought you might like tonight." Gabrielle tried.

Looking up, I addressed Mama, "I'm not really that hungry, can I go back to my room?"

Mama shook her head, "No, you need to eat, and I will have you know that your yaya's chicken and dumplings are some of the best there is."

"Okay Mama," I took a deep breath as I coughed again and tried a small bite of the food. Mama was right, it was good, and I was hungry.

Finishing my dinner, I had said nothing, instead listening to Mama and Gabrielle discuss their day. It almost reminded me of being back home except that I hadn't been to school and my mom wasn't really here.

Taking a drink of apple cider, I remained quiet and allowed my mind to wander. Wondering if I could teach Yaya how to make my favorite spaghetti, I was brought from my thought by a squeal of delight.

"Sam!" Yaya had walked in with Eve and I sighed again.

"Hey Evie," I waved to her and grinned slightly as she almost jumped out of her skin in delight at seeing me.

Lunging towards me, Mama caught her and moved her chair back. "Sorry Eve, your big sister can't hold you yet."

Eve's fingers went to her mouth and her scarf became tucked under her chin once more. "Sorry Evie," I coughed again. "I don't want you sick little bit."

Laying her head on Mama's shoulder, she just looked at me. "The food was really good Yaya," I said as she sat next to me.

"Glad you liked it."

"Do you think you could try to make my favorite someday?"

"That depends, what is it?"

"Spaghetti and meat sauce," I answered watching the blank looks around the table.

"It's noodles covered in ground meat with tomato sauce and seasonings." I explained.

Yaya looked at me, but before she could talk, Gabrielle interrupted. "I'd like to try and make it Sammy. Maybe you could show me what to do."

Looking at her for the first time that night, I shrugged. "Maybe, if you really want to."

Standing up, I hugged Yaya. "Night Yaya, night Evie," I waved to my sister and started to leave the room.

"Sam, you want to lay on the couch for a bit?" Mama asked.

"No, I'm grounded remember?" I said looking at Gabrielle. "I'll just go back to my cell."

"Would you like me to tell you a story tonight?" Gabrielle asked.

Turning once more I looked directly at her, "Like I told you before, Gabrielle, don't make promises you can't keep."

Seeing green eyes flash, Gabrielle stood up and looked at Mama and Yaya, "If you'll excuse us, my daughter and I are going to have a chat."

Bolting for the bedroom, I didn't get far before a wave of coughs hit me. "Okay Sammy, let's go." She said putting her arm around my shoulders and escorting me back to my room.

Tucking me into the bed, Gabrielle sat next to me and brushed the hair from my face, "First things first young lady. I am your mom whether you like that fact or not. You will not call me Gabrielle anymore, nor will you speak to me with such disrespect, are we clear?"

Averting my eyes, I nodded. "Good, because you will not like the outcome if you continue this behavior."

Looking at her again, I sighed. "Now what?"

"Now, you tell me about myself."

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"I want to hear all about the me that you grew up with. What I'd do when you were sick or worried, how I handled it when you got into trouble, things we did for fun. Anything you want to tell me, I want to hear."

"Why?"

"Because I need to know about her Sammy, I need to know what was so special about this woman you can't let go of in order to give me a chance to love you."

"Are you sure about this? Just because I tell you doesn't mean you're going to be her."

"I know Sam, and I'm not going to be her. No matter what you tell me, I'm still going to be me, but maybe, just maybe, it will help to share her memory."

Scooting over a bit, she laid down with me and I easily tucked myself in to her. "Well, it all started when you and Mama were trying to find a name for me…."

Mama entered the bedroom as Mom continued to laugh. Gasping for air, she finally sat up and brought me with her as I began to cough again. "Oh Sammy, thank you so much. You'll tell me more later?"

I nodded shyly as Mama looked as us, eyebrow raised. "What on earth is going on in here?" She asked.

"Our daughter was just telling me about the confusion the mention of the tooth goddess brought to her class at school."

I grinned as Mama sat on the chair near my bed, "Everyone else called her the tooth fairy, but I was adamant that it was the tooth goddess. Of course it didn't help that Auntie Dite managed to turn a butterfly into a miniature human for one night and allowed me to capture it. One of my first parent/teacher conferences for standing up for my beliefs."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, what did you do?" Mama looked at me again.

"Hit Bryce Henderson so hard his loose tooth went down his throat and then told him the tooth goddess didn't visit crybabies."

Mama chuckled and ruffled my hair, "So, how often were your mom and I called in to your school?"

"I'm not sure, but you were on a first name basis with the principal and all my teachers."

"First name basis?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, in my time, you call people you don't know well by their last name. My last teacher was Mrs. Penway, because she was married, but you both called her by her first name because she called you so much."

"And how much did she call us?" Mama asked. "And what is calling?"

I giggled, "She had you both on speed dial. That means you were in her directory and she just pressed one button to call you. And calling is done on a telephone, it's a device that lets you talk to somebody without being in the same room." I stopped for a minute. "Like carrier pigeons without the birds or the writing." Getting an idea, I grinned. "Could we get some string, and have the blacksmith take some old tin and make some cans?"

"Cans?" Mama asked.

"Yeah, cylindrical containers to hold things, I'll sketch it out if you think she could make them."

"I'm sure she could, but why?"

I turned to look at Mom, "So I can show you what a telephone is."

Shaking her head, Mama smirked and held her hand out to Mom. "Come on, time for this one to get a little rest." She said as I groaned.

"I've rested enough, can't I come out and sit with you on the couch, please?"

Mom bent down and kissed my cheek, "Nope. Your Mama says bed, and in bed you'll stay."

"It's so not fair, even here you back each other up," I muttered.

"See, it's not so different than what you're used to is it?" Mama's eyes twinkled.

"Well, at home you would have let me sit on the couch and rest instead of being in my bedroom all the time." I tried again.

Mama's eyes narrowed, "Even if you were grounded?"

I didn't answer her instead throwing myself back on bed and huffing loudly. "I wanna do something, I'm bored outta my mind." I complained as I coughed slightly.

"You could always write that letter of apology to Cesya," Mom tried.

"I am not apologizing for something I'm not sorry about," I stated once more. "Never mind, I'll just lay here and stare at my wall." I said as I turned to my side trying to hold back unexpected tears.

"Sam," Mom tried.

I didn't respond, instead clinging to the anger that I felt rising once more. I didn't understand why I was suddenly so angry, I just knew that Mama bringing up past punishments and Mom bringing up the apology letter had for some reason hurt my feelings. I didn't understand it, and didn't want to. I merely wanted my life back.

"Sam," this time it was Mama's voice trying to reach me.

Still ignoring them, I burrowed down in my bed and tried to stop the tears that had already started unbidden. Not understanding my state of emotions, I clutched my pillow to me and began to shake as the sobs wracked my body.

Feeling two sets of hands on me, I tried to shake them off, "Leave me alone, just go away and leave me alone." I managed to get out opening my locket and tracing the tiny photo inside through my tears. "I miss you," I whispered to the images before closing the locket and burying my face in my pillow.

"Okay, enough." Mama's voice was stern. Turning me over, she made me sit up before she kneeled in front of the bed. "We are right here. We are not going anywhere, and you need to realize and understand that we are your moms now. Not the women in the locket, or in the journal, or even on your music player, but us. This Xena, this Gabrielle, and we love you Samina. We would go to Tartarus and back for you if we had to, but we are done competing with ourselves. I know this is hard for you, but it's time to move on. You can't go back, little one," she continued, her voice softening. "This is what you have now, and we all have to find a way to make it work."

"I don't want it to work!" I yelled. "I want to go home!" Hearing footsteps outside my door I looked up to see Ephiny holding Eve at arm's length.

"Sorry to interrupt guys, but I'm tired of being bitten." Placing Eve on the floor, she held up her hand, still bleeding.

"By the gods," Mom muttered turning to pick Eve up.

The anger in me suddenly boiled over, "It's all your fault!" I screamed at Eve, "You're the reason I lost my life! You're why I'm here alone!" Jumping from my bed, I pushed past Mom and a now screaming Eve. Trying to reach the door, I was stopped by Ephiny and quickly taken hold of by Mama.

"Samina," she began.

I turned. "No, it's true and you know it. Michael decided that his God needed a messenger on earth, so Callisto picks you and the gods find out about it and this all starts. This all starts because some angel knocked you up for her redemption!"

Hearing the slap before I felt it, I held my cheek and sank to my knees. "I don't want to forget, I'm scared. What if we can't make this work, then I've lost everything for nothing. It'll all happen all over again."

Crying again, I felt Mama pull me into her arms and rock me. I cried until I had no more tears. Finally stopping, I slowly tried to move and found myself stiff and sore, "Mama?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can I go rest on the couch now?" I asked.

"No, you're still grounded." She answered helping me to slowly get up and move back to the bed still sniffing.

"Just checking," I whispered as she tucked me into bed where my eyes were closed almost before my head hit the pillow.