Someone asked about this song by Brad Paisley and the Kung Pao Buckaroos, so enjoy your Wassalia present! I thought it would be fun if Sofia, James, and Amber got together to try to spread some holiday cheer throughout the castle, but their attempts are thwarted at every turn.
Sofia: And now the Grand Old Opry theater proudly presents
a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos
Sofia/James/Amber: Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you're easily offended well that's okay
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday
Sofia: We catch up with our three cowboys one cold
December night huddled around the camp fire.
James: How 'bout we sing some holiday songs?
Amber: Yeah! Hey James, you wanna lead us off?
James: Yeah, I got one.
(sings) Oh Chri-(bleep)-mas tree, oh Chri-(bleep)-mas tree, how lovely are thy branches?
(spoken) Why am I getting bleeped again?
Sofia: Haven't you heard, guys? You can't say Chri-(bleep)-mas; you gotta say Holiday
James: I can't say Chri-(bleep)-mas?
Sofia: No, you might offend somebody.
James: Who is offended by Chri-(bleep)-mas?
Sofia: You know, you might offend the (bleep) and the (bleep) and the atheists.
Amber: What?
James: Time to politically correct.
I'll lead this off.
(sings) On the first day of Chri-(bleep)-mas my true love sent to me...
Sofia: James, are you listening?
James: What?
Sofia: You can't say Chri-(bleep)-mas.
Amber: Why not?
You can say (bleep) on the last record.
James: Why can't I say Chri-(bleep)-mas?
Sofia: I didn't make the rules.
Hey listen guys, it's not that difficult,
All you gotta do is change Chri-(bleep)-mas to Holiday.
You know, instead of saying white Chri-(bleep)-mas, you say
I'm dreaming of a whi-(bleep) Holiday.
Why did I get bleeped?
James: You've got to say Caucasian.
Sofia: So I have to sing 'I'm dreaming of a Caucasian holiday'?
Amber: Sure, that won't offend anybody.
James: This is so stupid!
James/Sofia/Amber: Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say (Amber: Absolutely ridiculous!)
If you're easily offended well that's okay
Why do these people have to feel that way?
How come they get offended so easily?
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday
James: I'm just trying to come up with a song here.
Sofia: Let's sing one together...everybody ready? Amber?
Amber: Ready.
Sofia, you ready?
Sofia: I'm ready.
James? James? JAMES!
James: Okay!
Sofia and Amber: We three kings of (bleep) are bearing gifts we've traveled real far
James: Sorry, ladies, you have to say Asian now.
Amber: What?
James: Oh, come on, just try.
Sofia: I've got to get hyped up for this.
Sofia and Amber (singing): We three kings of Asian are
Amber: That sounds like horse (bleep)
Sofia: Oh, lordy...okay. How 'bout Little Drummer Boy?
James: Nope, that offends short people.
Amber: And you can't say drummer 'cause that will offend real musicians.
Sofia: How 'bout Little Town of Bethlehem?
James: What's with all the short jokes?
Sofia: Hey, how 'bout we do Silent Night?
Amber: No, it'll offend people who's hard of hearing and afraid of the dark.
Sofia: What did she say about a shark?
James: Shark?
Amber: This happens every year.
Amber/Sofia/James (singing): Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say,
If you're easily offended well that's okay, (James: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!)
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.
James: Ho-ho-ho!
Sofia: No.
James: I can't say ho?
Sofia: No, you might offend some women.
James: So, basically, we can't sing anything?
I think that's a bunch of bull (bleep).
Sofia: Softer, James, it's more effective.
James (softly): I think that's a bunch of bull (bleep).
Amber: You know what? I don't care who we offend,
I'm gonna sing Chri-(bleep)-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-(bleep)-mas carols.
Sofia: Louder, Amber, it's more effective.
Amber (loudly): I don't care who we offend,
I'm gonna sing Chri-(bleep)-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-(bleep)-mas carols.
James: Me too.
James and Amber (singing): We wish you a merry Chri-(bleep)-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-(bleep)-mas,
we wish you a merry Chri-(bleep)-mas, and a happy ne-(bleep) year.
Sofia: We can't say new, it'll offend the old folks.
Amber: And you never wanna offend them.
