- Chapter 45 -

· Back to Ellie's Point of View·

When I woke up my cell phone started ringing loudly. I reached it from the bedside table, yawning. Fifteen minutes later, I was putting my hair up in a ponytail, grabbing my jacket as well as my umbrella (it rained awfully) and closing the door behind me as I left the empty hotel room.

I walked down to the Starbucks and met Tim there, for some breakfast and more wedding planning. Invitations had already been sent, so at least one thing was done. We picked out a flower arrangements' store from a manual and phoned the owner to see if we could possibly stop by later on that morning.

Once we'd both finished our cappuccinos we went to the store, having to walk twenty blocks to get there - It was still raining, but the weather was nice enough for a walk. We found ourselves in a huge place with a warm and nice atmosphere. Tim talked to the manager, who gave us different options to choose from.

About two hours later we were finally leaving, with another thing checked from our 'to do list.' Although it had taken us a while until we'd finally decided which flower arrangements would suit better, because they were all too good and the fact that we're both Pisces and consequently extremely indecisive didn't make things any better, as you can imagine…

We were on our way back to meet up with the girls at the hotel's lobby, when a shop called my attention. A big poster was hanging at the entrance door, and in silver letters, it read "WONDERLAND." As if that hadn't already got me wanting to go in –as a McFLY fan, I immediately thought of their second CD, called in the same way- a guitar was in the same poster, a black amazing acoustic one.

I walked in with Tim, to find that it wasn't very big, but it was crowded with people examining the different guitars and basses everywhere.

I gulped: nobody besides Julie knew, because I hadn't told anybody else, but I played the guitar. Although I had to drop out in my fifth year of taking classes, after things had started to get difficult for me at school and then at Uni, I'd never stopped playing. It had been about a month and a half without playing now, and I missed it a lot.

I went to the counter and asked the girl behind it with long, brown, curled hair and a badge that read 'Wonderland Staff – Marianne' if I could possibly try the guitar that was placed next to me, the same one from the poster in the front door. She nodded and told me to sit on one of the stools right next to that guitar, in order to try it properly. I smiled and looked at Tim who was surprised at seeing me with a guitar, but smiled in return.

I sat comfortably in the stool and took the acoustic guitar with my left hand, placing it carefully on my lap. I asked Marianne if she could lend me a plectrum, to which she nodded and handed me one.

"Thanks," I said.

Soon enough my fingers had found the chords, and my eyes were closed. I started playing at the rhythm of a song I recognized at once. A friend of mine from University had written it; she wrote the most incredible lyrics out of nowhere. Although I don't reckon she ever realized it, she certainly was an excellent composer whose songs had so much meaning it was scary.

As the first verse came, memories from the past month came rushing to my head without previous warning. Chills ran down my spine, and I couldn't help it but shudder. Quietly, I kept on playing, not caring about being in a shop, with other people that would probably see how much I sucked at this. I'd started now, and I wouldn't stop until I had finished playing the entire song. Almost in a whisper, I started singing as the verses came.

I'm on the edge

I'm about to break

Why won't you catch me?

Without you I'm in black and white

I'm a still image of loneliness and despair

Why won't you save me?

I was gaining speed and sound, that thing I could notice. I was letting out feelings, feelings I'd tried to keep but that had found their way out.

I'm in front of you but your eyes can't seem to find me

Why won't you look at me? Why won't you see me?

Save me from yourself

My mind is a blank

I'm staring nowhere

My eyes are lost

My body is numb

I'm nothing but wind blowing fallen leaves

I'm invisible

If you would concentrate, you will feel me, even for a second, it would be enough

Hope inside me fought the hopelessness of my voice. Tears quietly rolled down my cheeks. My voice grew stronger. I couldn't listen to anything else, either everybody was quiet or had already left freaked by my bad singing.

Suddenly it happened

You turned

You were there

I was there

Lifted your eyes

I reappeared

I was reborn

I simply was

There we were

I had you, you had me, we had only each other

We were only the two of us, in the crowd

Close to each other

I could feel your heart beating fast

For I was trembling

Made you shudder

Your arms around my waist

My hands brushing your hair

Your eyes deep looking into mine

Your lips parted open

I could feel your tender breath

Made me close my eyes

We kissed

I was almost sobbing now. Why did I always end up crying, eh? What a loser, I know. My voice quietened again for the last verses.

It lasted 5 seconds

It lasted 5 centuries

It lasted forever

It lasted nothing

I opened my eyes when I finished, and as if a current of electricity was running through my body, I left the guitar where it belonged, returned the plectrum and sighed at once. You know when you feel that somebody's looking straight at you but you just can't see them? Well, call me crazy, or that happened as I was singing that tune. I just felt it inside me. I looked around, and people were still there, looking at me oddly. Some laughed; others looked as if they'd liked what they'd heard. I actually couldn't have cared less, that was the way I felt about Danny and me and I needed to let it out since I hadn't found anything else to do about it. Maybe nothing of all that was true, maybe he didn't like me as I thought, maybe I was overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing; but maybe I wasn't. Tim came closer and hugged me hard - without saying a word, without asking me to tell him or explain anything to him. He understood and that was more than what I could've possibly asked for then. As we left the shop, he patted me on the back, calming me down. I was a mess inside; yes, but having him there for me definitely helped.

Song written by my best friend who let me use this for my fiction. Please don't post anywhere, it was her request!