Chapter 43: Poison To Me

EPOV

Hearing his name kind of put things into perspective for me.

This was real.

This was really happening to me. I had a brother. An older brother.

My mind instantly went to the past and how different it would have been if I knew he existed. I think things would have been so different. I knew for a fact that if I was told at the right time, I would have tried to find him and try and fix my parents somehow. I wasn't completely heartless, but it was too late now and I was just pissed off. This was something I felt I had the right to know way earlier than after everything was all said and done.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" I asked my uncle, hoping desperately that he would just tell me what to do. I needed Bella. She would know what to do, and even if she didn't, she would help me out the best she could.

"You really don't have to do anything I guess…but I thought you should know."

"Emmett Masen?" I asked.

Hearing his name out of my own mouth made chills run through my body. This guy was real. My blood ran through his veins. We were brothers. I couldn't just ignore that.

"Yes. I don't know much about him, but according to the papers, he was in college at the time and I think he is already married now…"

"Papers, papers…" I interrupted him and he looked like he was getting impatient, but he was trying to give me time I guess. "What papers are you talking about?"

"Ah yes. I guess I didn't tell you how I found this out."

"That would be nice."

"Sit down. You're making me nervous."

"Oh and you're making me so at ease, Uncle Will."

He chuckled but I wasn't completely joking. He kept laughing and I didn't see how it was so funny, but I let him laugh. was pretty sure he hadn't gotten a chance to laugh sincerely in over six years. I didn't see how anyone could laugh in prison unless they were completely unaffected by it. I saw how ashamed my uncle was with his actions and I knew he hated it in there. So I let him laugh.

"I see you haven't lost your wit, my boy."

I groaned. "Uncle, please just tell me what the fuck is going on."

"Alright, alright." He leaned forward once again on the table and sighed. "I found the papers in my parent's house."

"The one that no one ever went inside?"

"Yeah…I started missing my mom one night, and I just had to go in. I had to steal the keys from your father, but it was worth it to see my old home and see the pictures and all that." He was starting off at something behind my head. It was probably him being back on that place six years ago. "I was going through everything and I found them stashed in my father's office. They obviously knew, and that is something I don't understand about this all; my mother adored your father. He was his favorite and I knew that, but I don't see how she could just let what happened, happen and not do something about it."

"A lot of shit doesn't make sense."

"But at least you can understand a little bit now…" He said feebly.

"Understand?" I asked in astonishment. "What is there to understand?"

"Well I don't know, you can understand where they are coming from sort of. Stuff like that messes with a person."

I felt the anger building up inside me. "I know all about that, Uncle Will! They inflicted that pain upon me when they knew how much it hurt. I am pretty fucking upset with them right now especially. They took Alice away from me, they took me away from Alice and she hurts because of that. They hurt us both when they could have easily just let us be. They had a child ripped away from them, and so did I! You don't see me ignoring my friends or beating my girlfriend or some shit!" I was yelling pretty loud and I was trying to control myself but it wasn't working very well. I didn't want to get kicked out but fuck…what was I supposed to do?

"I talked to your girlfriend; she seems like a nice girl."

I didn't know why the hell he was bringing up Bella, but thinking about her helped, and I liked talking about her. "She is."

"And she loves you, am I right?"

"She does."

"You have other people who love you, don't you?"

"Yes, but what the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"You had love to help you through. They didn't. Your parents are both very passionate people. They hurt and love deeply, but they didn't have a lot of love. Your mother got pregnant at seventeen for Christ's sake. Living in a small town, she had no support from anyone. They had no love and love makes a hell of a difference."

"I could have loved them if they had given me the chance!" I yelled out and then I put my hands through my hair and pulled.

Did I really just say that? Yes, I did. But it was true no matter how much I wanted to deny it. I used to crave my parent's attention and there was a time when I did love them completely, but that is just because love for one's parents is instinctual, but not untouchable. I grew to hate them, but if they had given me just a little bit of attention or anything, I would have held on longer and showed them that I could love them and maybe I could have helped them. But it was too late for that now.

"I know but you have to understand…you have to know how they felt at first." I hated that he kept comparing me to them. To me, the situations were completely different. I hated to think of it, but if they loved Emmett so much, what was wrong with me? How couldn't they have loved me? They loved Alice and they loved Emmett, but where does that left me? Not that it mattered but it crossed my mind and it hurt. I'm not going to lie.

"Listen, Evan I…"

"Don't call me that! Just call me by my fucking name! I'm Edward! I know you don't like the name or it reminds you of my father or I don't know what, but you need to stop mistaking me for him and comparing me to him!" I yelled and my hands were shaking and I was heaving in breaths. "I'm Edward. I'm my own fucking person now you have to respect that and call me by my fucking name. I'm not him or anyone else!"

He looked at me as if I had lost my mind. Maybe I did; I don't know, but I hated when people labeled me as something I was not. It happened to me more often than not. It wasn't only with my name because that had happened as well with those college students who thought I was some kind of nameless monster. No. People judged me all the time. According to Bella, I was a good looking guy. Awesome. Did that mean that I am a dickhead? No. I didn't think I was, but people assume that because I didn't kiss their ass when they walked in a room or something like that.

My uncle got up from his seat and walked over to me slowly, looking at me with an indescribable look on his face. He opened his arms and pulled me to him in a tight hug. I would have pushed him away because we would probably get in trouble, but I kind of needed a hug at that moment, and especially from him. Six years. Six years I went without seeing him.

"They're probably going to come in here and kick you out, but you need to come visit me more, alright?" I nodded my head silently. I didn't want to speak because I felt I would burst. I was pissed off beyond anything, but I knew not to push him away. He had been secluded from people for too long. But right when I got out of those doors, I knew what I had to do. He turned and kissed the side of my head and patted my back. "I love you, Edward. I know you're not like him. You have grown into a good man."

"I try to be." I said and just like predicted, the door to the room opened and an officer advanced toward me with an agitated look on his face. "I'll see you soon." I said to me uncle as I let go.

"Let's go." The officer said and grabbed hold of my arm but I ripped it away.

"I don't need a guide to the door; I can see it right in front of me." I said and my uncle started laughing. The officer looked pissed the hell off for being told off and my uncle patted his shoulder.

"Ah come on, Rick. You have to appreciate my nephew's sense of humor, no?"

"Move along, sir." The officer said to me completely ignoring my uncle's comment.

I couldn't help but smirk at my uncle's energy and walked out of the room. As I walked down the hall, I felt my anger pick up once again. Lies, lies, lies, and more lies. I was fucking sick of it. All the deception and injustice pissed me the hell off and I knew just what I needed to do. I had to go right to the source and I didn't give a fuck what anyone said.

Maybe I was being irrational—I was sure many would say so—but no one completely understood what I went through do they? No. They didn't. I could have had every feeling I ever had translated onto paper and have every person in the world read it, but not one person would understand at all. In a perfect world, no one's decisions would be judged or scrutinized because there is always a reason why people do the shit they do. If it doesn't pertain to anyone, they should just mind their own fucking business. But we don't live in a perfect world. I would be judged on what I was about to do—maybe even by my own girlfriend but she would forgive me eventually—but I didn't care. Not everyone played by the rules so why should I?

So sure I was my own person, but I couldn't do much without Bella by my side. After I drove a while and got closer to home, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Bella's number. I guess it wasn't smart to call her and drive especially in my state, but I didn't want to waste any time.

"Hello?" She answered groggily.

It sounded like I woke her up from a nap or something. It wouldn't surprise me. We barely got sleep the night before and she had to take care of the baby most of the day.

"Bella, go outside right now. We have to go."

"What?" She asked, sounding a little more awake but confused at the same time. "Where are we going?"

"I'll tell you when I see you. I'm three minutes away. Hurry up."

"Okay." She said and hung up the phone.

I fucking love that woman.

She didn't even question me any further. All she knew was that I needed her, and she didn't even hesitate to give me what I needed. She was fucking amazing. Now if only she wouldn't yell at me for what I was about to do. I didn't even think she could talk me out of it though. It was something I felt I had to do, so I was going to do it.

I got back home at exactly three minutes like I told Bella, and she wasn't outside yet. I beeped my horn three times impatiently waiting for her. She jogged out of the house not a half a minute later while zipping up one of my hoodies. Even in my state of pissed-offness (I'm aware it's not a word, don't judge me) I couldn't help but appreciate her cuteness. Her hair up in a messy bun and her sneakers untied looking like a beautiful mess.

She got into the passenger seat and as soon as she shut the door, I was off.

"Babe, are you alright? Did something happen with your uncle?" She asked instantly and slightly out of breath. I kind of felt bad for making her rush and shit. I could have called her earlier too. I was an ass sometimes I realize this.

"Nothing bad with him really…just something he told me."

"What did he tell you?"

I laughed just thinking about saying the words. I guess there was no other way to say it or soften the blow. She would probably think I was making shit up.

"Long story short; my parents had another son before me."

There was silence, and I was going a little fast for the area I was in. She would probably yell at me for that when she was done freaking out about what the hell I just told her.

"Are you serious right now?" She asked.

"No I made it up." I said flatly. "Of course I'm serious! Why would I make that shit up?"

"That's what your uncle wanted to tell you all those years ago?" She asked, still sounding like she was trying to put the pieces together. Maybe I shouldn't have just blurted it out. But if I said it any other way, would it have made it less fucked up? No. Didn't think so.

"Yeah it was."

After she put it that way, it made me think about how much things would have been different if my father hadn't gotten my uncle arrested. I could have known that my brother was out there, and he might have helped me. Maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part, but who knew. I guess it also didn't really matter at this point. That was years ago and this was right now; I had lying and disgusting parents, a sister who was living with said parents, and a brother out there who I didn't know. Does he know about me? All these fucking questions and possibilities were giving me a headache.

"I…Edward I really don't even know what to say right now that's…"

"Surprising? A little fucked up? A little Jerry Springer? That seems to be the story of my life."

"Edward! Slow down!" She said all of a sudden.

I looked down and saw I was going eighty on the highway. I guess that's a no-no, but fuck, I needed to be somewhere. Well I didn't need to be anywhere technically, but I wanted to be there. I had shit I had to deal with.

I sighed and let my foot off the pedal a bit. "Happy?"

"Where are we going anyway? Do you know where he is?"

"Do you think I am just going to show up on my estranged brother's door and say 'what's up' like we're old friends?"

"Is he still alive?"

"I think so…he was adopted." I really didn't even know if he was alive actually. Thinking that he might be dead made me extremely agitated. The feelings inside me struck me hard. I hadn't even met the guy and I still felt protective of him in a way. Maybe it was just because he was so unfortunate as to be born from the same parents as I had. Who the fuck knows.

"Do you know his name?"

"Emmett."

"How much older is he then you?"

"Five years."

"Damn…and they never told you?"

"Obviously not, Bella." I snapped, starting to get annoyed or maybe just overwhelmed with all her questions and well just everything.

"I'm sorry. Stupid question." She said and I could see she put her head down in my peripheral vision.

I didn't want her feeling bad. It wasn't her fault I guess. She didn't ask to be a part of my freak-fest life yet she still handled shit better than me most of the time.

"No, I'm sorry, Bella. I don't mean to be an asshole, but this is just fucking with my head."

"No I know, baby, it's fine but damn…this is nuts." I nodded my head in assent and continued driving, trying to find the exit in the dark. "But really, where are we going?"

"My parent's house."

"WHAT?" She yelled. Yup. Knew that was coming. She was going to be pissed off at me I already knew it. Awesome. "Edward you have got to be kidding! You know you can't go there!"

"And why the fuck not?"

"Edward Cullen, you know exactly why." She grounded out to me. I did know why. Alice would be there. I wasn't allowed to be next to her or whatever, but I needed to talk to my parents…well demand answers from my parent's made more sense in my head.

"Whatever."

"Whatever? All you have to say is whatever? You know this could come back and bite you in the ass, Edward! Don't be so dense!"

A part of me knew it was stupid, but the part of me that demanded answers was overpowering. And even overpowering that was my need to see Alice. I guess I wanted an excuse to see her, but I couldn't even really admit that to myself. It fucking sucked. Honestly, when did my life turn out like this? When did I need to walk on eggshells to get to see the one person who held me to earth? When did my life become such a clusterfuck of vicious love and excessive pain?

"I'm going, Bella."

"Edward, I can't let you go. You will regret this and I don't want you to. You already have enough shit to deal with. Please don't do this, baby." She reached for my arm but I shrugged her off.

Her begging me like that had me getting even more mad because it was working. No. I was doing this. She didn't understand that I had to do it. I couldn't go on with my days like nothing happened. I needed answers directly from the source.

"I'm going."

"Edward, think about Alice. What if your parents call the cops or something? Do you think she will want to see you dragged off to jail and maybe not get to see you again?"

"Bella shut up!" I screamed and cut off to the side of the road. I put the car in park and turned in my seat to look at her. "Don't you dare say that again." I had never been so mad at Bella since the moment I laid eyes on her. Just hearing those words coming from her mouth…I couldn't explain it. People told me all the time that I may not see Alice again, but what they say didn't matter. Everything that came out of Bella's mouth is truth to me though, and to hear it come from her lips…it made it too real, but it wasn't. I would find a way to see her. Always.

"Why not? It's true!" I was ready to fucking leave the car and walk the rest of the way. I wasn't kidding. "Edward what you are doing is just plain stupid. What do you think you will gain out of this?"

"I want answers. Don't you think I deserve them?"

"Of course, but this is not the way to get them. This will get back to their lawyer, and she will have a field day with this at your expense!"

Maybe she was right. Sure. But she could also be wrong. All I knew for a fact was that I needed to hear the story from them. I needed their point of view of the whole thing and maybe they could explain to me why I deserved to be lie to my whole life and why they treated me like shit when you would think they would be happy at having another child. I didn't know. I guess it didn't really matter to me, but I needed to know why they kept it from me. How could they keep the existence of my own brother away from me? Why didn't they try and find him after my mother's father left?

"I'm going." I said.

She groaned in frustration. "Edward…"

"Bella! Stop. I am going. You can either go with me, or you can go back home. Either way, I am doing this."

"Don't make me choose." She said a little weaker, sounding like she was going to cry.

"Don't make me choose! Fuck. Can't you just support me?"

She screamed out and hit me in the arm catching me off guard. "Don't say it like I don't support you all the time!" She yelled and started wiping her tears from her face. I kept my eyes on the road in front of me. I couldn't look at her without breaking my resolve. "I would do anything for you, Edward, but not this. I am not going to support you making a huge mistake."

I shrugged. "Fine. I'll leave the keys in the ignition."

I opened the door and got out of the truck. I zipped up the sweater I was wearing all the way, and began walking. It wasn't too far from there anyway. I could call a cab or something to get back. No big deal. All I knew was that I wasn't going to be a complete douche bag and leave her on the streets. Better I was the one doing that. I felt more nervousness inside me without her by my side, but I would have to deal I guess.

"Edward!" She called and I turned to look at her running toward me. She didn't look happy at all or forgiving. When she reached me, she grabbed onto my wrist and pulled me back toward the truck.

"Bella, you don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Oh trust me, I don't want to, but despite the fact that hitting you is number one on things I wish I could do," She actually already did hit me, but I didn't think pointing that out would have been very smart. "I can't let you go there alone. I know you won't listen to me no matter what I say, so I might as well make sure you don't make a bigger fucking mess of this shit." She opened the passenger door and got back in her seat, leaving me outside.

I hated that she was mad at me, and I thought for a moment—and I mean only a moment—that I should just give it up. But then I looked down the road and saw a sign posting the next exit. The exit to get to Aloha. I was so close. So close to Alice.

I went back into the driver's seat and started up the truck. Bella was curled up on the seat beside me and staring out of the window blankly.

"I love you." I said weakly. I always felt weaker when she wasn't completely on my side, but I had to do this for myself.

"Mhm." She said back just as weak. I expected silence or maybe a fuck you, so I guess her response was fine enough. I knew she loved me no matter how much she hated me in that moment.

I continued driving. With Bella not speaking to me, the tension high in the car, and me thinking about my parents and their evil ways, I began to get completely angry again. I just wanted to vent it all out to Bella, but she probably didn't want to hear my shit. It's alright. I could vent it all out to my parents. I was sick of going through lawyers and feeling afraid of talking to them. In the end, they were both just two people. I was older; they couldn't hurt me.

Driving up the road, I saw the house in front of me and I was surprised at what I felt.

Nothing.

I looked at that house, and of course it was familiar, but it held no place in my heart or head or anything. It was just a house. It was the house. The house I slept in, the house I got beat in, the house I got ignored in, the house I always wanted to leave, and the house I got stabbed in. It was safe to say that house meant nothing to me. The only thing that did mean something to me was the little girl that was behind those walls and she—along with my need to get answers—was the only thing that prompted me to get out of the truck and walk towards that door.

"Do you want to come with me?" I asked Bella.

She shook her head. "Just call me if you need me."

I nodded and got out of the truck. I knew nothing I said would help any, so I just went towards the door. I rang the doorbell a couple of times and waited for an answer. No one answered for a couple seconds, and I started to get even more pissed off. I rang the doorbell again, and in the middle of my third ring, the door opened and there stood my mother already in her pajamas.

She gasped. "Edward?"

"We need to talk." I said and walked past her into the house.

"Edward, you aren't supposed to be here…" She said nervously.

"Here as in, in this house, or here as in, on this earth? Yes to both?" I asked sarcastically.

She placed her hand over her heart and took a step back. "No, Edward…"

"Where's dear Daddy? I would like to speak with you both."

"He's reading to Alice…" She shouldn't have said that. Hearing her say that he was doing for her what I used to do for her every night—it was our ritual—made me want to punch someone in the face. Preferably his face.

"Get him."

"Edward…"

"Get him!" I yelled and she took another step back and looked on the brink of tears. Why she was crying, I didn't know and guess what? I didn't care. I looked at her and I was filled with so much disgust. I couldn't help it.

She didn't have to get him. Seconds after I said that, I heard footsteps running down the stairs. A set of heavy footfalls, and light footfalls that I would recognize everywhere. My anger slowly slipped away and my eyes drifted to the spot where a little angel appeared at the doorway of the living room I was standing in. She did cut her hair. It wasn't really short, but I could tell the difference. She didn't look like she changed as much as the last time I saw her. She looked beautiful and her smile revealed to me that she lost yet another tooth.

"Ecy! You're here!" She said and she ran over to me as fast as her little legs would take her, and I lifted her in my arms as quick as she ran at me and she wrapped her arms and legs around me. She was wearing a pair of pink thermal pajamas. I knew she didn't choose to wear that. She slept with my shirts on when she lived at home.

"Yes, I'm here." I said and kissed the side of her head. S

he pulled away to look at me. She cupped my face in her little hands. I smiled slightly, and looking at her made me realize I really didn't think the whole going there through. I needed to talk with my parents, but things could possibly get heated. I didn't want her to have to hear any of it. I wouldn't make her have to worry anymore.

"You need to shave, crazy. Your face is all spiky."

I chuckled. "I've been lazy."

"Because you're a lazy bum!" She said with a laugh. "Are you going to stay here, Ecy?" She asked excitedly and my heart sank. I would have to leave her again.

"No, Alice, Edward has to leave actually." My mother said.

"No." Alice and I both said at the same time.

"Edward, you need to leave." My father said from behind me, and I didn't even look at him.

I kept my attention on Alice and I pushed her hair out of her face. "I am staying to talk with them, so would you want to go sit outside with Bella for a while?"

"Can I?" She asked excitedly. I thought that would be the best way. Bella couldn't stay mad with Alice. I know they would love to see each other, so it would be like I was giving each of them their own little gift at the same time.

"Alice I don't think that's a good idea." My father said making my blood pressure rise. Just him speaking to her made me think back to the night he wiped my own blood on her. Sick bastard.

"Aw Daddy, please? Please can I go see Bella?" Alice asked, looking at him and begging him with the voice she used to beg me to do things, except she sounded a little more nervous.

"Edward isn't supposed to be here…" He said.

At those words, Alice instantly turned to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Please don't make him go yet. He said he just wants to talk to you. He will be good, right Ecy?"

"Yes." I said and looked at me father finally over her shoulder.

He looked pissed off, but he knew better than to even try and discipline or tell her no in front of me. I would not be having that at all. He didn't remove his stare from mine, and I would be damned if I would be the first to look away. My mother caused him to lose however when she walked into his side and his attention went to her. She was crying and shaking. He looked panicked and held her close to his side.

He looked back up at me. "Fine, Edward. Go ahead, bring her to your girlfriend and then we can talk." I was kind of surprised he would let me. He must have known I wasn't that stupid to just take her away or some shit.

I didn't even acknowledge he talked to me and just walked away with Alice in my arms. I stopped in front of the door and realized she had no shoes on and just had her pajamas on. I placed her down on the ground and took my sweater off.

"Ecy what are you doing?" She asked.

"It's chilly out there." I said and held the sweater open for her. She giggled and slipped her little arms through. I wondered if she would always be really small all her life. Well I knew she wouldn't always be the size of a six year old, but she was pretty small for someone her age. She turned around and it was like an oversized dress on her, but it would have to do. I zipped it up for her while she laughed. Hearing her laugh over something so inconsequential had me chuckling as well.

"I shrunk!" She said and that sent me over the edge. I laughed and pulled her toward me placing butterfly kisses all over her face. I needed her adorableness back in my life.

"You're a nerdy child." I said and pulled the hood over her head and it went in her face. She pushed it back along with her hair.

"You're a poopy-head man."

"Alright now you are just playing dirty." I said and picked her back up in my arms.

"I'm just better than you."

"You got that right." I kissed her cheek and she wrapped one of her arms around my neck as I brought her to the car. Bella wasn't paying attention to us because she was doing something on her phone. I knocked on her window gently so she wouldn't get too startled, but she still practically had a heart attack, but when she saw Alice, a beautiful smile spread on her face. I opened the door and Alice jumped out of my arms and into her lap.

"Bella! We get to spend time together!" Alice said excitedly.

"Really?" She asked, and glanced over at me. She looked like she really didn't want to look at me, which I could understand, but it was still nice to see a smile on her face.

"Yeah because Ecy wants to talk to mommy and daddy about boring grown up stuff. But you're a grownup, but I don't want you to leave me out in the car by myself so you can stay out here with me. OH! And then you both have to come see my room, my new ballet costume, and Cornelius!" She stopped to catch a breath and clap her hands together.

I smiled down at her and gave her a kiss on the forehead before stepping away from the truck. I really didn't know if we would be able to see all of that stuff, but I would try and make it happen and not rain on her parade.

"After, but I will be right back, alright?"

"Okay!" Alice said and gave Bella a hug. Bella held onto her tightly and kissed the top of her head. I pulled the keys out of my pocket and handed them to Bella.

"You can bring her for a drive if you want. Actually…" I pulled my wallet out of my pocket and took out a five dollar bill. "There's a ice cream place literally down the road."

"Yay! Chippy's Ice Cream! I love it there!" Alice said excitedly and snatched the money out of my hand. "Can I sit in the front, Bella?"

"Alice, you know better than that." I said to her sternly. "You can only sit in the front when you are…"

"Twelve years old, I know, I know." She said and rolled her eyes. "I am going to be seven in a couple weeks you know." She said as if that meant something substantial.

"Yeah and I'll be twenty-four. That doesn't mean I will file for retirement for the fun of it."

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

I laughed. "Never mind. Enjoy your ice cream, ladies."

"See you, snot-face!" Alice said and Bella laughed along with her.

I just shook my head and headed back into the house. I didn't like walking away from my girls, but I went there for a reason and I would get the answers I wanted no matter what. I went right into the house without even knocking and went back to the living room. My parents were both sitting on the couch and my dad had his arm around my mother who looked like she was getting sick.

"What is this about?" My dad asked sounding frustrated and pissed off. Good. I hope he spends the rest of his life that miserable.

"I need answers."

"About what? What do you want from us, Edward?"

I laughed. Yeah, I really did laugh right in their face. What a stupid question to ask. I always wanted sometime from them it seemed, and it was things that should have been given to me anyway. When I was younger, I wanted their attention, their love, and their time. When I was a teenager, I wanted them to get the fuck out of my life and stay in jail so I could keep my baby-sister. Not too long ago, I wanted them to give my sister back to me, that still was in effect, but right then I wanted to know why they lied to me my whole entire life.

"That's funny, dear old dad."

"I'm serious." He said.

"So am I."

"Edward could you sit down," My mom said with a shaking hand pointing to a chair that I was standing next to. "You're making me nervous."

"Isn't there a pill for that?" I asked.

"Edward! Stop! I will not tolerate you coming into my home uninvited and harassing your mother." My father said and he really looked pissed off, but not ready to pounce and hit me like he usually was.

I laughed again and ran my hand through my hair. "But she really isn't my mother is she?" I asked rhetorically looking at the both of them who looked dumbstruck. "You guys aren't really my parents if you really think about it. Yeah, I was born to you both, and we share the same blood, but that doesn't really matter to the both of you does it? That isn't enough for you to treat me like parents would treat their only son." They both gave each other a glance and my mother started crying. "Oh but wait a minute…" I said like I just had one of those light-bulb moments. "I'm not your only son. Silly me. How could I have forgotten?"

My father got stiff in his place, and my mother was sobbing against his chest.

"How do you know about that?" My father asked instantly. He sounded like it was completely preposterous that I would know such a thing.

"That's none of your fucking business." There was no way I would mention my uncle's name. There was no way I would give my father another reason to fuck him over.

"How do you know?" He asked again, actually looking like he would punch me in that moment. Oh I would love to see him try.

"You think I am obligated to tell you? How about the fact that you both kept this from me my whole entire life?"

"It wasn't something you needed to know." He said.

"The fact that I had a brother out there is not something I should know? Are you stupid?"

"It wouldn't have made a difference. He isn't a part of our lives."

"Ed, don't say that!" My mother said and took herself completely away from my father and stood up. She was angry looking at him. "He will always be a part of our lives!"

Something kind of hit me in that moment. Something that I think I always knew, but didn't really want to admit to myself.

They didn't give a shit about me.

I looked at my mother going against my father to defend her first born son who technically didn't need her defending since he hadn't met her. She looked ready to lash out on my father—someone she apparently loved—for him. They both fought to take Alice away from me. They fought for them, and just didn't give a damn about me. I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter because I didn't give a damn about them either; but it did matter. It's just hard to think that the people who were responsible for giving you life couldn't even bring themselves to love you.

That hurt.

"Lizzie, I know honey, but…"

"No buts! He is as much our son as Edward is!" She was livid and looked slightly crazy.

"I know, you're right. I'm sorry, sweetheart. Please just sit down." He pleaded with her, and then just like that, all her anger was gone, and she sat back down next to him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, not really knowing if I even wanted the answers anymore. It was just bullshit, and no matter what answers I would get, it would still be bullshit and Alice will still be with them. But I did get to see Alice.

"What difference would it make, Edward?" My mom asked, sounding defeated and like she would just give into whatever question I asked her.

"That is something I would like to know and maybe help me understand some things…"

"Like what?" My dad asked.

"Like…" Might as well just come out and say it. I didn't care if I sounded weak to them. I didn't care what they thought of me. "The reason you both hated me so much." I scratched the back of my neck and suddenly felt really uncomfortable.

"Oh Edward, we don't hate you! We love you it's just…" My mom started, but couldn't seem to find the words.

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying!" She said quickly in her defense. She got up from the couch and walked toward me. "I…I don't hate you."

"Yeah, you keep saying that, but you sure acted like it."

"Edward, it's hard for me to explain. I just…we just…we were so devastated to have lost your brother. We never, ever wanted to have another child. We couldn't live with the fact that we gave him away and then kept another child. I couldn't have done it." She was being brutally honest and it surprised me. She looked more confident. It looked like it was something she wanted to try and get off of her chest. I guess I appreciated the truth no matter how much it hurt to hear. "And then I got pregnant with you. I tried to get excited. We both tried, Edward. It has nothing to do with you, it was us. We were messed up. I could sit here and list all of our diagnosed mental illnesses, but you probably don't care."

"You're right. I don't care, but…" I guess I was sort of a masochist. I just wanted to know why. "Nothing changed when I was born? I mean, I am your son…"

She wiped away her tears and my father came to stand behind her.

"No." she said simply.

Wow. It was one thing to just assume something, but it was a different thing to hear straight from her mouth that she never really cared about me. My whole life, I was searching and reaching for something completely unreachable, but I never knew.

"It sounds terrible, I know this…I have to live with this every day, but I couldn't see loving you and giving you everything when I had my first child taken from us…it sounds so bad, and it is, but you don't deserve anymore lies. I know this. You said you wanted the truth, and I want to give that to you."

"Okay." I said, ready to just run out of there. I didn't expect the truth to hurt so much and I felt like I was in a painfully numb state if that made any sense.

"But don't think we hate you, Edward." My dad said. "We don't."

"Okay." I crossed my arms in front of me and tried to hold my emotions in order. "If you don't love me, but you don't hate me, how could you push the situation and take Alice away from me? That's really all that really matters to me at this point and something I don't understand."

"Alice is our only girl…she's still young. I couldn't live with the fact that I had three children and couldn't take care of at least one of them."

"So what you're telling me is that it was completely selfish?" They both didn't answer and I already knew my answer. "You know what, fuck this shit. I don't even know why I came here anymore."

"I'm so sorry, Edward." My mom said.

"No. Don't feel pity for me. You both are terrible, terrible people. Point blank. You know what the hell it feels like to have a child taken from you, and yet you do that shit to me?" I yelled. I had nothing left to lose really. I was already there, Bella was right, it would probably bite me in the ass; might as well get all of it out there. "You know what? Fuck the both of you. I promise you from the bottom of my heart that you will not raise my sister for very long. You don't deserve her and you don't deserve any redemption for the shit you pulled. You have fucking nerve bulldozing into my life and taking…ugh. I can't even talk about this shit anymore."

"Oh Edward please don't take Alice…she is so sweet…" My mother tried to beg me and reached out to me, crying again.

I stepped away before she could lay her hands on me. "She wants to be with me. I know you are both cowards and will probably tell your lawyer that I was here, and I will be fucked, but I will not stop until she is out of this house and away from you two. I don't care how well you treat her; you don't deserve to be around her."

"No…we can make a deal! Come on, Edward! We will let you see her more. Maybe we can try and reconnect…" My dad said, begging just like my mother.

"Reconnect what? There was no connection in the first place! You just told me yourself!"

"Edward…" My mom started, but there was a sound at the front door and Alice came running in…crying. My attention completely shifted to her because I hated seeing her cry and she meant more to me than my own feelings. Just another reminder that I could go through anything when I had her and Bella.

"Don't yell anymore, Ecy. Please no more." She begged me with her little voice.

I didn't know how she heard me. They must have brought their ice cream back, but I didn't think I was yelling that loud. Apparently I was wrong. I looked over Alice's shoulder and looked at a flustered Bella running her hands through her hair. She mouthed 'sorry' to me, but I just shook my head.

"I'm sorry, kid. I'll stop, I promise."

She sniffled and lifted her head. "Why are you so mean to him?" She asked to my parents with a finger pointed at them in anger. "Stop making him mad!"

"Alice, I'm fine." I said trying to calm her down.

"No you were yelling! Ecy never yells unless he is mad! You made him mad!"

"Alice, calm down, kid. Everything's alright. I'm going to leave so, come say goodbye." I said, trying to calm her a little.

"No!" She screamed and buried her face in her hands as she started crying again. "No don't leave me, Ecy…"

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and held her closer. "I'm sorry, I have to…"

"No you don't." My mother said all of a sudden and I looked right at her. Did I hear what I thought I just heard? "Edward, you can stay for a little while…if you want to, that is."

The end of that statement wasn't needed and she knew that. I would want to be wherever Alice was even if it was in the home of my parents who I didn't like and the parents who never loved me simply because I was born. I would never forgive my parents, but I could never completely hate them because they were the reason Alice was born. That fact will remain the same until the end of time and I needed to accept that.

"Really?" Alice asked hopefully.

"But first you need to help me finish cleaning the library, Alice." My father said seriously.

Alice sighed. "I can do it myself." She said begrudgingly and kissed me on the cheek before trying to get out of my arms. I let her go and she stomped out of the room and up the stairs.

"Just wait until she's finished cleaning, Edward." My dad said.

I just nodded and turned to Bella. I grabbed onto her hand, not really caring if she was mad at me because I needed her right then. She didn't oppose and I led her out of the house and on the front porch.

"What happened?" She asked instantly.

I took a slow, shaky breath to calm myself. "Nothing I didn't already know, I guess."

"Like what?" She asked sounding concerned.

I shrugged. "Just that they never really loved me, and didn't have any plans to even pretend they did." I cleared my throat as I sounded like a little bitch with my voice giving out on me from emotion and all of the yelling.

"Oh, babe," She placed her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me towards her. I rested my head on her shoulder and held her close. "You don't need them. I love you so much. Please don't let them get to you."

"I'm trying."

She pulled my head away from her and placed a kiss on my forehead before letting me go. "Here," She handed my sweater over to me. "Go inside and see Alice. She will make you feel better."

"You're not coming with me?" I asked as I put the sweater back on and zippered it up.

She shook her head. "No. I need to call my mom. She called me earlier. My dad's sick I guess and she is freaking out."

"Wait, is he alright?" Her dad had been getting sick a lot lately and it was starting to freak me out.

"Yeah, he's fine. I think it's just the flu, but I need to calm her down since she freaks out over the littlest things." She said with an eye roll, although I knew she was concerned about her dad.

"Alright, well I will be out soon I guess."

"How long do you think they will let you stay?"

"I don't know, but it's…" I took my phone out to look at the time. "Nine and she will be out cold in no time no matter if I am here or not." It was actually a miracle that she was still awake. She was always and early sleeper and I didn't think a home change would make a difference.

"Okay, well I'll just be out here."

I nodded and she headed down the stairs. "Wait, Bella…" I said to catch her attention and she turned to me mid step. "I know you are probably still mad at me, but I'm sorry for not listening to you. You were right once again."

She smirked. "Yes, I am still mad at you, but I will keep that apology in mind. Go have fun with your sister, baby."

I smiled and gave her a small wave before heading back inside the house. I just kind of stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Alice to finish up cleaning the library. It didn't take long, because only about a minute later, she was running back to the top of the steps, and when she saw me, she waved me forward. I walked up the steps and she met me halfway, grabbing onto my hand with her little one and dragging me down the hall.

She opened the door to my old bedroom, and I wasn't really that shocked to see it all pink and Alice'd out. My room was the biggest in the house, so it was nice to know that Alice got to have it. It kind of masked the fact that they completely got rid of everything I left in there and they painted over the color I picked on my tenth birthday.

"Ecy do you like my room?"

"It's pretty cool. It's very pink." I said with a chuckle.

"Well you know pink is my favorite color, silly!"

I looked at the plethora of books on a large bookshelf in the corner. It was way bigger and better looking than the one I bought her. It also held more books. I tried not to let it bother me. "I do know that."

"Come on, sit down. I will go get Cornelius!"

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that creature. "Where is he?" I asked as I sat on the edge of her bed.

"Sleeping in the bathtub, probably. He is a weird cat. He finds a different place to sleep all the time and he sleeps there for a couple of days until he finds another place. So silly." She said with a chuckled and then skipped out of the room before I could say anything else.

I was left alone in the extravagant room that I didn't really want to look at because I knew it would hurt to see all of the things that they gave to her that I couldn't. Luckily Alice wasn't that long, and she came walking in holding a small grey cat in her arms.

She had a huge smile on her face as she shuffled over to me. The cat started stretching in her arms but she didn't even come close to dropping it. She had practice it seems. She placed the cat on the bed and I picked it up with one hand.

"Sup, cat?" I said to his face. The cat, like most cats, gave me a not so amused face and put its paw on my face, but it had no claws thankfully.

Alice slapped me on the arm once she was up on the bed. "Don't call him cat! His name is Cornelius!"

"Oops…my sincere apologies, Cornelius. I seemed to have forgotten my feline etiquette. Will you forgive me?"

Alice giggled and petted the cat's head making it purr in contentment and curl up to my chest. "Of course he forgives you…he loves you see?"

Alright, I had to admit, the cat was pretty fucking cute. It curled in a little ball against my chest as its body vibrated with purrs. "He's really cute, Alice."

"I know! But hey Ecy, what was that word you said before? Edibet? Edipiss?" She asked curiously.

I laughed and pulled her to my side. I missed that crazy and curious mind of hers. "I believe you are referring to etiquette. And that just is a fancy way of saying manners I guess. Being polite and stuff."

"Oh okay!" She moved away from me and crawled to the top of her bed. She started to pull her blankets down and patted the spot beside her. "Come sit over here." She said.

I really didn't feel like moving, but I listened to her anyway. I went to sit on the right side of the bed and she got up to get something from a desk in her room. When she walked back over to me. She placed a folder on the opposite side of me, then ran to my side to pull the blankets over my legs.

"You need to stay warm silly."

"Well I'm sorry, but I got my shoes on."

"Take them off. It's okay." She pulled the blanket back and started to untie my sneakers. "You don't need your shoes."

She sounded nervous and she took my shoes off as quickly as she could. "Kid, I'm going to have to leave soon."

She shook her head. "No, no, no…I'll make them let you stay for a while. It's alright."

"Alice…" She took my second sneaker off and covered her ears as she walked back to the other side of the bed and sat next to me.

"I have this for you." She said and handed me the folder.

I placed the cat in her lap and looked down at the simple blue folder. On the front, in her handwriting said, 'For Edward My Brother.'

I smiled down at it, and it didn't matter what was inside. I already loved it and it warmed my heart that she still thought of me. I kind of knew she wouldn't forget about me, but you just never know anything for sure. I opened up the folder that was filled with papers. I felt like crying when I saw that it was simply a folder filled with tests that she took in school with wonderful grades on them. There were some pictures she drew in art class that the teacher wrote a nice comment on, and I couldn't have been given a better present.

"This is great, Alice." I said.

She reached over and pulled out a picture she drew of a landscape. It was really colorful and was filled with flowers all over the place.

"Mrs. Bennett, that's my teacher, wanted to hang this up at the art fair, but I said no."

"Oh Alice, why did you say that? This is phenomenal; you should want to show everyone how talented you are."

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around mine. The cat stayed in her lap half asleep it looked like. "I wanted you to see it first."

I sighed and pushed back on the bed with her and held her to my side. Cornelius tried to move out of her lap, but she just brought him up with us. I placed the folder on the floor by her bed and pulled the blankets over us. "Well I am honored, but you should have put it in the art gallery."

"It's next week."

"Oh so it's not too late?" I asked hopefully. She shook her head against my chest. "Then you have to do it. Bring it to your teacher tomorrow and tell her you want to have it there. I would really want you to do that for me, kid."

"Okay, I will." She said with a yawn.

"You should go to sleep. You have school tomorrow."

She shook her head. "Don't want to."

"You have to, sweetheart."

"No!" She said frustratingly. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I will wake up and you will be gone again." She said and gripped on tightly to my sweater. "I miss you."

I got down lower in the bed and pulled her completely to my chest and placed kisses on top of her head. "I miss you too, honey. But I'll be back to see you as soon as I can, alright?"

"I know, but still."

"Hey, our birthday is coming up, isn't it?"

"Mhm." She didn't sound as excited as I hoped she would. Great. Just another reminder of how unhappy she was. Well she wasn't completely unhappy. I mean she had her cat, she was obviously doing good in school, and she had this room that I was sure she enjoyed. But she still wanted to be with me or at least get to see me every once in a while.

"Well I will try to come and see you then. Maybe we can spend the day together."

"I don't want to just see you on my birthday. I want to see you every day."

"I'm trying, Alice…"

"Well try harder!" She yelled and hit me on the chest. "Try harder, try harder!"

"Alice, Alice, stop…" I said softly, trying to coax her away from hitting me anymore.

It didn't hurt really…the hitting part at least. The rest of me felt like I was close to death. She wanted me to try harder. She was getting impatient with my incompetence and it would be any time now before she completely just gave up on me.

She stopped hitting me and fell back to my side and I pulled her close to me and ran my hands through her hair to try and comfort her. "I'm sorry, Ecy. So sorry. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay, Alice. I will make everything better, alright? Just go to sleep. You're tired."

"Can you pretend with me?"

"Pretend?" What was she talking about?

She sniffled. "Whenever you get really mad and I am at Bev's house, I like to pretend that it isn't happening. I pretend you are at work and that you are coming home soon. So let's pretend that you will be here in the morning and you can take me home."

I didn't know if I wanted to pretend. This whole pretending thing was news to me and it broke my fucking heart in pieces. She was six years old. She shouldn't have to think of ways to escape from reality because it was too much for her to handle. I had no one to blame for that but myself. Maybe I wasn't the best person for her to be with after all. Maybe I just liked to let myself believe that.

"Okay, Ecy? Do you want to pretend with me?"

"I love you, Alice."

"I love you too, Ecy." She said and it was music to my ears.

"I love you more than anything, you know that right?"

"I know."

"I'm sorry, my sweet girl. I'm so so sorry."

"It's okay, Ecy." She said sweetly and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "What are you sorry for?"

For fucking everything up…for making you feel like escaping reality is the better choice…for letting them take you from me…for failing you over and over again…for coming here only to have to leave you again…for not trying hard enough…

"For everything. I'm just sorry for everything."

"Everything's not your fault. Don't be sad, Ecy. You're my favorite. Don't be sad."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" I held her impossibly close.

I was surprised I wasn't hurting her, but she didn't seem to mind. She just held me back and tried to comfort me. I was supposed to be the one comforting her. I stopped telling her sorry and started to hum to her. She looked exhausted, and she needed some sleep. I would have loved to stay with her all night so she could wake up and see me like she wanted to, but I knew that wouldn't get to happen. I would have to let go of her, tuck her into her bed, and then go home and live a life where she wasn't an active part of it. I thought about the only thing that made me leaving not hurt so much. I would at least have Bella. I wouldn't go home to a perfect life, but it was the life I had.

My life seemed kind of out of my hands and I didn't like it.

I would make sure Alice never felt that way. Everything I was deprived of as a child, she would have. She already had a set of parents who at least acted like they love her, so she was ahead of me there. And as much as I resented them for not even trying to love me, I couldn't completely hate them because they loved Alice. At least she didn't have to feel what I felt when I thought of the fact that I couldn't even be loved by my own parents.

But I had Alice, Bev, Bella, Leah, Alan, Claire…I had so many people who loved me, so why did I care what my parents think of me?

I didn't know.

And to be honest, I was ashamed to even find out. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't.

But I did.

I figured it would just have to be something I had to live with for the rest of my life. I would have to get used to it like I had to get used to the pain of living a life without Alice in it. I had to adapt to so many things, and they were all out of my control. When did I get to take control of my life? When did I make the decisions and not everyone else?

I think I knew the answer.

Whenever the hell I wanted.

And I could do whatever the hell I wanted. And there was one thing that was on the forefront of my mind. Something new to me, but something completely apparent. I knew what I wanted to do.

I wanted to meet my brother.


We got no control,
Of the state of our minds.
Now I see that,
All I ever lived was a lie.
We're all duped to believe,
That there's no way around,
There's no way around,
There's no way around.
My blood,
My soul,
Is my enemy.
My love,
My life,
Is poison to me.
I know it's not how it's supposed to be,
Got no choice,
No voice,

Dignity, by New Politics


Hey! Sorry this one is a little later than usual, but life has been busy and stressful. But things are starting to cool down a bit, so hopefully the next update will be quicker.

Big thanks to Alexa for her contribution to this story, because without her, this story wouldn't be what it is! Love ya homeboy!

So I know a lot went on in this chapter, and I am curious as to what you all think! Like I said, I will try and update ASAP.

Review please!