Finally, Fanfiction is up again and I am able to update a new chapter. Thanks to everyone still reading and enjoying this story, it really means a great deal to me.
Thanks to ElCapitan18 for taking her time to beta this. She is my guiding light, and I would be lost without her.
Jane had lost what little control she had left when she spotted Kaidan standing near the desk, not tearing his undivided attention from her and Krios. Turning her head to look at Krios over her shoulder, she instructed him to, "Wait here."
Krios nodded that he understood, only then did Jane avert her attention forward again. Kaidan was now staring at her, his eyes bearing hundred questions and unspoken doubts, none of which she could deal with right now. She ignored him and stalked towards the desk Anderson was standing behind before she slammed both her hands on the metallic surface, locking her red glowing eyes on the admiral. She was determined to let her father figure know just how displeased she was with Kaidan's presence, and she wouldn't shy away from anything to show him exactly that.
"What the hell is he doing here?!" she bit out, her harsh voice cutting through the silence in the room.
Anderson met her narrowed gaze with one of his own, showing that the threat in her eyes didn't faze him the least bit. "Kaidan is here because he needs to be," stated Anderson calmly as he maintained eye contact with her.
Jane chuckled bitterly as she pushed herself away from the desk, lowering her clenched hands to her sides. "That why you called me? So I can listen to his ramblings about how I'm being controlled by the Illusive Man himself?!"
Anderson's expression narrowed further as he refused to break her gaze. She was only partially aware of her ex-lover standing almost next to them, his head hung low. "This isn't about that," he said, and that managed to lower her temper a bit.
Jane stared at Anderson, silently searching his features for answers. When she found none, she turned her head in Kaidan's direction and looked at him; his head was hung low, his eyes directed at the floor. He doesn't even have the guts to look me in the eye, the thought coursed through Jane's mind before she looked away. "I thought this was about Chris," she said, her voice and posture slightly calmer than it had been a minute ago, though the tension in her body remained.
Anderson's expression became stiff when he admitted, "It is." his voice gravelly and thick with emotion.
Jane's heart dropped into her stomach and cold fear started to weigh down on her as she stared at her father figure. Her heart raced with fear as an invisible force pressed on her chest, making it hard for her to breathe. Taking two steps in his direction, she asked a shaky, "Did something happen to him?" before swallowing the lump down her throat, nervously and anxiously anticipating his answer, desperately hoping that he had good news.
The thought that something could have happened to her little brother destroyed her, it shattered her heart to pieces and the thought alone threatened to awake a monster buried deeply within her that would have no mercy. She would punish the ones that dared to hurt him with the most painful death. Her little brother was everything to her; he was the little rope she clung to from falling into the depths of insanity. If something had happened to him...
"Please tell me he's alright..." the emotions were already getting the better of her. It became harder to breathe as a cold blackness started to form around the edges of her vision.
Anderson opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a cheerful, "Janey!" and relief flooded through her when she turned around and saw Chris running towards her, followed by a nurse that stopped near the entrance of the room from where they'd emerged.
Jane let out a laugh as she accepted her brother into her arms, squeezing him tightly against her. To feel his small, fragile body against her filled her heart with immense joy and relief. "Chris," she breathed out as she tightly shut her eyes to stop the happy tears from falling. When she was certain that the tears wouldn't flow, she broke the embrace and quickly cupped his face, to see with her eyes that he was alright and unharmed.
Her heart soared when she saw the timid smile he gave her as he pulled her hands away from his face slowly. "Janey, come on, you're embarrassing me in front of everyone," he said shyly, his cheeks colored in a slight shade of red.
Certain that her brother was indeed alright, she straightened her spine but couldn't erase the smile from her face as she looked down at her sibling. She couldn't help but chuckle when he scratched the back of his neck, a habit similar to the one person she would always love, no matter how hard she pretended that she didn't love him anymore.
Leaning her hands on her hips, her smile turned slightly weary as she asked, "Everything alright?"
The smile Chris gave her was reassuring when he replied, "I'm fine. Things got tense, but Kaidan pulled this crazy stunt with his biotics-"
Her smile immediately fell and she spun around to face Anderson. Her narrowed eyes fell on Anderson's stoic features, but she didn't voice a single word. Not in front of Chris.
Turning back to face her little brother, she placed one hand on his shoulder and forced a smile on her face before she asked, "Could you leave the three of us alone for a bit? There's something I need to discuss with them."
Chris's features fell with disappointment, an exasperated sigh escaping him. His shoulders slumped a bit when he heavy heartedly agreed, "Alright. But don't leave without saying goodbye."
Jane nodded that she understood, and she looked at the nurse that emerged with him to watch over him for a few more moments. The nurse led the boy out and as soon as the door swished close behind them, Jane turned her furious eyes at Anderson.
She kept her eyes on him as if she was accusing him of murder, before she asked, "You appointed him to be Christopher's guard?" her voice low and threatening. "Of all the people, you entrusted him with my little brother's safety?!" her voice turned into a primal growl as she approached the desk slowly, never tearing her now deadly gaze away from the older man.
Anderson slammed a fist on the desk as he met her deadly gaze. "If you weren't so bitter, you would see that Kaidan is the only person we can trust with this!"
Jane slammed both her fists into the desk, could feel the scars burning on her face and eyes thanks to her rising anger. "The one you trust so fully thinks I am a Cerberus puppet!" she argued back, clenching her fists so hard on the surface her fingers dug painfully into her palms.
Anderson backed away but withstood her anger bravely as he tried to make her see reason, and ignored her small outburst of anger. "We all agreed that Chris has nothing to do with your current task." Anderson glanced quickly at Kaidan, then nodded as if to assure himself that it was the right decision before he looked at Jane again. "It's the right decision."
Jane pushed herself from the desk when she growled, "One that you've made without my say."
Kaidan stepped forward then, bravely breaching into her safe zone and Jane's alarms went off. She had to suppress the urge to step away when he stopped so close to her, making her both uncomfortable and furious. "He's right Shepard. Chris has nothing to do with this."
How dare he step between her and Anderson? Jane slowly turned her head in his direction, and could see his throat working as he swallowed. She knew why he swallowed and why his features widened a bit in fear, because she looked like death. The look in her eyes was as sharp as a razor and could petrify anyone who dared to disagree with her. Kaidan had no right to speak when it came to her little brother's safety, and she was sure to teach him just that.
She slowly approached him, her hands clenched tightly into fists at her sides, her expression that of a predator stalking towards its prey. Kaidan kept his eyes on her, she could see the uncertainty swirl in them, the fear. He bravely stood his ground, but as she came closer he started to back away from her. She was only a foot in front of him as she pushed him backwards with nothing but her deadly gaze piercing into his eyes.
"Shepard..." Anderson cautiously called her, but she ignored him. Her focus was directed at Kaidan. Her entire body shook with the suppressed urge to punch something. Red rimmed her vision as she steadily pushed him towards the railing without even touching him. She didn't know what came over her, but the fact that he was appointed as Christopher's guard infuriated her.
####
There was nothing he could do other than stare into the eyes of his former lover, too enraptured in their hellish red glow to look away. She looked like a demon from hell, with her red glowing eyes and scars, that were matched with her shoulder length, magma red hair that framed her face. Kaidan never thought he would say it, but he was afraid of her, immensely. She didn't even blink as she approached him. A mean snarl narrowed her expression, he could almost taste the anger that radiated off of her.
He knew only two more steps kept him away from the railing that was facing a steep fall into one of the most beautiful parks on the Citadel, but she kept pressing him backwards without even touching him. Kaidan swallowed multiple times, his heart beating crazily against his ribcage as he searched for a way out, but found none other than to fight her, which he didn't want.
One more step...
"Shepard!" Anderson called again, louder this time, the fear in his voice resonating in the silence of the office. But she didn't react, she didn't even blink. She just kept her slow and steady pace, and Kaidan knew that his life could come to an end in the next few seconds. Kaidan's blood froze when he felt the cool, hard metal pressing on his lower back. Was this how he was going to die?
Kaidan swallowed hard and decided to speak what was on his mind. If this were to be indeed his final moments, then he wanted to get some things off of his chest. "Shepard," he breathed out, nervous and terrified. She did blink then, only once, but her stare didn't turn any less hostile. The same hellish red glow shone from her eyes, making her look like the apex predator in the universe.
Swallowing again, Kaidan forced his body to stop shaking when he started, his voice slightly above a whisper, "I'm sorry for everything that happened between us, and for everything I said, but... but..."
But what?
He took a shaky breath and blinked rapidly when he added, "Chris has nothing to do with this... with the way I treated you on Horizon. I want to keep him safe, I want to..."
What do I want?
He sighed and decided that it was now or never. "I want to make it right. All of it."
She stopped when she was mere inches away from him, her deep and steady breaths grazing the skin on his face as he tried to suppress his flight or fight instincts. He wouldn't fight her, not even if she threatened him with his life. He held his breath and her gaze as he anticipated whatever might happen next. It was hard for him to read her when he could see his life flashing before his eyes.
The door to Anderson's office hissed open, Kaidan flashed his eyes to the person that had just entered and hope began to rise when he thought it was someone who would calm her down. But his heart dropped with dread when he noticed Anderson's secretary standing in the doorway, her eyes directed at the Admiral.
"Admiral, Councilor Udina requires your assistance immediately."
"Can't this wait? I'm busy here!" asked Anderson harshly, his voice on edge as well as his posture.
The secretary shook her head when she replied, "No, sir, the Councilor said it was urgent."
Kaidan returned his eyes to Shepard's, trying to tell her with a look alone how he regretted everything that happened between them, how he regretted the doubt, the words... everything. He begged the heavens to make her see that he still thought of her as a person and not a Cerberus puppet, despite the horrifying scars and her willingness to work for them.
The secretary left and when the doors closed, Anderson appeared next to her and gripped her upper arm firmly, ripping her attention from Kaidan to him.
"I have to go and see what Udina wants," he clarified when she sent him the same angry look. "But don't leave, there are a few things we need to discuss." Looking from her to Kaidan and back, he added, "All of us." before he released his hold of her.
He held Jane's gaze for a few more seconds until he turned and walked towards the doors. Once they slid closed behind him, Kaidan could feel the chilliness under his skin increase, draining the color from his face as he anticipated the worst. What surprised him was that she moved away, and instead went to the railing not far from where he stood to look down at the beautiful park. A stone fell from his heart and he released a breath of relief when he realized that she wouldn't harm him.
She leaned her hands on the railing and kept her attention to the park below them, he couldn't see her face from this angle, but he could tell from the way her body relaxed that her expression turned distant.
A long and suffocating silence settled in the office. Kaidan glanced towards the door and could see that the drell from before was gone. What the? Kaidan narrowed his eyes suspiciously when he remembered how he stood next to Jane when they had first entered the office. It made him wonder if they were more than just colleagues. The thought that Jane could belong to another man now...
"Who?" her voice suddenly broke the silence, startling Kaidan a bit when he shot his head in her direction. He swallowed hard when he heard her voice softening a bit, though it was strained as well. When Kaidan didn't reply, too lost in admiring her form and hair, she asked again, "Who attacked you?"
Kaidan furrowed his brows, he knew she wouldn't like the answer. "We don't know," he said honestly, and almost gasped when she turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. The look in her eyes softened and the red glow seemed to have disappeared a bit as he took in the sight of the familiar ocean blue eyes.
Her eyes ran over his face, then gave him a quick once over before she turned her head away from him again. "Who do you think it was?" she asked, the anger from before completely gone.
Swallowing nervously, he scratched the back of his neck and looked away when he admitted, "I think it's Cerberus."
A bitter chuckle escaped her while she shook her head, her red hair moving with it. "They're moving faster than I expected them to," she spoke matter of factly to herself, as if he wasn't even there.
Kaidan stared at her hair as he dared to take a step towards her, then another, until he was standing almost next to her. His eyes were focused on her profile as she gazed distantly out the balcony, her eyes directed at the beautiful vista in front of them.
Kaidan, feeling a bit safer in her presence than he did a moment ago, decided to test if she was willing to talk with him about the matter. "You knew they would attack?" he asked and nervously anticipated her answer.
She didn't move her eyes away from the panorama as she breathed out a sharp, "Yeah."
Kaidan furrowed his brows as he averted his eyes to the floor and gave her answer a good thought. When he looked at her again, he noticed her expression softened a bit, so he felt safer to continue their unexpected yet surprisingly calm conversation. "Why?" he asked, and remained silent when he watched her take a deep breath.
She didn't move nor did she look at him when she replied, "Because the Illusive Man suspects that I will turn my back on Cerberus once I destroy the Collector base."
That caught him by surprise. Kaidan's brows arched in astonishment when he leaned his elbow on the railing and made himself comfortable. "You plan on leaving them?" he couldn't help but ask.
Shepard let out a humorless laugh when she turned her head to look at him, a mean, slightly scolding smile on her face. "What a shocking revelation," she remarked sarcastically. Shaking her head in disbelief, she explained further when his features narrowed a bit. "I plan to turn myself in after I destroy the Collector base and hand the ship over to the Alliance."
There was little Kaidan could say at the moment. Her statement surprised him and he felt the guilt for doubting her eat at him again, ten times stronger than it was before. She had planned all along to leave Cerberus after she destroyed the Collector base, and he was acting like a complete idiot and instead of trusting and helping her, he hadn't believed a single word she said. Great, Kaidan, just fucking great, his mind scolded and he shook his head at his stupidity.
Still, Anderson could've let him know of her plans. It seemed to him that the admiral knew of her plans all along and Kaidan blamed him for not being straightforward with him. But then again, Kaidan could count at least a handful of times when Anderson wanted to tell him of her plans, but Kaidan was too bitter at that time to acknowledge the truth.
He lowered his gaze to the floor in shame, unable to bear hers for another second. He was a fool, a complete and utter fool. She had been planning to use Cerberus to save humanity, then to return to the Alliance from the very beginning, and when she found him and thought he would help her, he had turned his back on her. The encounter on Horizon played in his mind and now he saw the whole situation in an entirely different light. He remembered the desperation in her eyes and how she had kissed him, the longing and pain, and could fully understand now why she had left him behind.
Unable to bear the thoughts, he ran a hand down his face and released a sharp, frustrated breath, but when he looked back up at her he saw her staring at the same vista again.
It took him several weeks to realize just how much he'd hurt her with his constant doubt and mistrust. Kaidan wanted to scream in frustration at his own stupidity. He opened his mouth to speak, to apologize and to beg her for forgiveness, but was surprised when she turned to him to face him fully.
Her brows were furrowed and her body tense, but there was no hostility in her posture. Kaidan understood her tension as fear. She fixed her eyes on his and the world died around them. Kaidan was lost in her ocean blue eyes and he felt emotions raging inside of him that he thought were long gone; among the strongest feelings was the need to protect her and to make everything right.
Taking a small step forward, her eyes narrowed but there was a pleading glint in them when she spoke, "The Illusive Man spent billions of credits to bring me back. He sees me as his investment, as his pet." She spat the last word and her mouth turned down in disgust as she slowly shook her head. "He won't stop at anything to keep me in Cerberus. He will do everything to keep me 'at his side'." She took another step towards him and Kaidan tried to fight the nervousness that unearthed at their proximity. She was so close, all he had to do was reach his hand out and cup her face, but he wouldn't dare do that. She was opening up to him and he wouldn't interrupt her.
"You and Chris are in danger," she said, and he caught her clenching her shaking hands into fists. "You have to be prepared for the worst. The Illusive Man will send an army if he has to just to get to the two of you."
Kaidan pushed the memories of Horizon into the back of his mind and focused on the things that were important right now. Eyes turning determined, he assured, "Don't worry, I got this covered." Sighing as he blinked heavily, he looked at her again, his gaze softening when he admitted, "I screwed up once, but I won't screw up again."
He'd hoped she would get what he was talking about and was glad when he saw uncertainty and something else flash in her eyes and face. He watched her swallow hard as her expression softened more and more until it turned into what he guessed to be remorseful. She opened her mouth to speak and her hand moved, but whatever she wanted to say and do would remain a mystery to him.
The doors of the office slid open and in strode Anderson, and both Kaidan and Jane jumped to look at him. The admiral was angry, that he could tell, and Kaidan watched the man stopping in front of them, his expression tight and narrowed in anger.
"Anderson?" Jane called out cautiously as she stared at the older man.
Anderson released a sharp breath but waved off her concerns, showing both that what caused his anger had little to no importance. In the next few moments, Anderson told Jane everything they'd gathered of the man, which wasn't much else from what they already knew. Kaidan's eyes lingered on her face as she listened to Anderson, from the look in her eyes he could tell she was already plotting ways to hurt the people responsible for this mess. As he watched her, he couldn't help but wonder what she'd wanted to say and do a few moments earlier. To him, it seemed like she'd wanted to touch him, but he discarded that thought immediately. After everything, he doubted she would ever want to touch him again.
Anderson gave them every little bit of information he could. He looked at both of them, and only then did Kaidan notice just how tired and weary he was. This situation was bringing him down as well. "Alright," he sighed heavily as he looked at Jane. "We must focus on keeping both Chris and Kaidan safe. C-Sec has doubled their patrols all over the Citadel so it'll be harder for Cerberus or whoever to get to them. In the meanwhile, we'll work on getting you out of Cerberus."
Shepard nodded to that in gratitude. Kaidan watched as she stepped closer to the admiral before she pulled her father figure into a friendly hug. His heart contorted at that and he looked away as though he were invading their privacy.
"Thank you Anderson," Kaidan heard her whisper, her voice heavy with emotion. "Thanks for everything."
Anderson broke the hug and Kaidan looked at them sheepishly from underneath his eyebrows. "I know I said it a dozen times, but be careful." pleaded Anderson, to which Jane only nodded before she stepped away.
Anderson then pulled out his omni-tool and seconds later, Chris and the nurse appeared from the other room. Kaidan smiled as he saw Chris's smile directed at his sister, his eyes shining with the love and admiration he felt for her.
The three said their goodbyes to Anderson before they left the admiral alone with his paperwork. When they stepped out Kaidan looked around and his brows furrowed when he saw the drell standing near a skycar, far away from them. The drell's attention was directed at Shepard and Kaidan didn't like it. He didn't like the way the drell looked at her, as if he longed after and desired her.
Frustration bubbled inside of Kaidan, it irritated him to see another man looking at her like this, but he also knew that he had no right to feel that way. Tearing his eyes away from the greenish drell before he reacted to his irritation, he turned to look at Jane as she stopped in front of her brother and gazed down at him proudly.
Chris laughed lightly and threw his arms around his sister again. "I missed you," he said, and Kaidan couldn't help but smile. Despite everything, Chris still thought greatly of her and loved her, he proved that with every smile he gave her and with his actions alone.
Jane broke the hug but kept her hands on his shoulders. "I missed you too. Sorry I went dark for the past couple of weeks, but-"
"I know. Kaidan already told me you were busy and that it would be best that you don't contact me so often." Kaidan's smile fell at Chris's statement and his eyes flew instinctively to Jane as he anticipated her reaction.
To his surprise, she nodded calmly then turned to look at him when she inquired, "Kaidan told you?" before bringing her attention back to her little brother.
Nodding, Chris replied, "Yeah, but..." he silenced, then looked away as though he was making sure no one was eavesdropping. When he returned his attention to his sister, he added, "I'm worried, Janey. I mean, you going dark, then these people that are sent after me... it creeps me out, you know?"
Shepard sighed as she gave her brother a sympathetic look. "I know, and I'm sorry for putting you through all of this, but it'll be over soon, I promise."
Chris nodded, but he was far from convinced. Kaidan knew that it would take much more to assure him that nothing was going to happen. "Just be careful, sis," pleaded Chris. "I don't know who you work for and I know you won't ever tell me, but I'm not stupid. I can see that all of us are in danger, especially Kaidan and I."
Kaidan watched as Jane struggled with her answer, knowing that no lie would ever be enough to convince the boy of the opposite. "Just be done with them fast, okay?" pleaded Chris, his voice strained.
Jane nodded hastily and gave him a reassuring smile. "You quickly forget that your sis is the first human Spectre," she said, a teasing gleam in her eyes as she waggled her eyebrows.
Chris rolled his eyes and waved his hand dismissively at her. "Yeah, yeah, whatever..." he mocked, but let out an annoyed, "Hey!" when she tousled his hair as punishment before he managed to step away. Both siblings chuckled as Chris fixed his hair, and Kaidan couldn't help the smile that curled the corners of his lips. He felt a familiar warmth spreading through his chest as he watched her smile and chuckle while she carelessly talked with her brother.
Chuckling and smiling, she turned her head in his direction and their eyes met, and Kaidan kept the smile on his face when she stared back at him in surprised confusion.
####
Jane fought the rosy blush that threatened to paint her cheeks as she stared back at Kaidan, too enraptured in the smile he gave her. Why was he even smiling at her like that? Moments earlier, she'd wanted to push him off of the railing, to kill him, but now he smiled at her as though that moment never happened. And, to make it worse, she couldn't stop smiling as well. It felt strange to see Kaidan looking at her with a warm, sincere and honest smile on his face. That same smile made her heart and stomach flutter.
He was looking at her and he was smiling. There was no anger on his face, no loathing or hatred. It felt like such a surreal thing, but it was the truth, she wasn't imagining this. Her heart fluttered even more when his smile widened a bit, showing the handsome wrinkles around his eyes that made him only more attractive. Jane was stunned, her heartbeat frantic and her nervousness growing to the point it threatened to unearth her edgy and clumsy self. The smile he gave her made her both confused and nervous, and she didn't like feeling nervous.
Somehow tearing her eyes away from his handsome features, Jane turned to her brother and leaned both her hands on his shoulders. His features were gleaming, hopeful, as if he was expecting to hear something he craved for for so long. Her smile was apologetic when she stated, "I don't like turning my back to my little brother, but I have to go."
The hopeful gleam immediately left his face, leaving behind the sad and frightened boy that feared for his sister's safety. Sighing heavily, Chris hung his head before he looked up at her again, his smile forced. "I know, I guess." Pulling her into a tight hug, Chris whispered, "Just be careful. I couldn't live through your death again."
He pulled away and Jane's heart broke into a million pieces as she saw tears gleaming in his eyes that he struggled to keep at bay. She gave him one more reassuring smile before she looked up at Kaidan, only for her heart to break again when she noticed his sorrowful expression. She didn't know what to say to him, feeling as though anything she said would be irrelevant.
He wasn't supposed to look so sad because of her, or smile at her so honestly. She was the one who broke his heart. He was supposed to despise her and hate her. It would be so much easier if he just hated her and looked at her with the same spite in his eyes as she witnessed it on Horizon.
Unable to bear his heart-shattering gaze, she looked at Chris one more time before she turned and walked away from the two most important men in her life. It was cowardly of her to just walk away like this, but if she stayed here another second she wouldn't want to go. Every inch of her being screamed at her to protect her brother, but she knew that her hands were bound and, whether she liked it or not, she needed to trust Kaidan with this.
She approached the drell but kept her gaze to the floor, not wanting to look at him for even a second, fearing that she would see compassion or sympathy in his black orbs. She didn't want that, nor did she need it. The drell meant nothing to her, and to see sympathy or compassion reflecting in his eyes would only anger her.
She sat down into the skycar without saying a word to Krios, and started the engine when he took the seat next to her. Jane gripped the steering wheel hard as her own emotions threatened to overwhelm her. She'd tried to be strong for her little brother, and she was happy that she succeeded in putting on a fearless mask, but the fact that she had to leave him under Kaidan's protection made her feel useless. Chris was her sibling, her blood, it was she who was supposed to keep him safe. Yet she had to lean on the one person that doubted her entire being, though she wasn't sure if that was still the case.
The smile Kaidan had given her had both confused and excited her, and it also left her feeling even more cautious around him. She didn't know if that smile bore any unspoken threats or cruel intentions. Regardless, she needed to trust him even if her every instinct screamed at her to do something. Chris was her responsibility, not Kaidan's, and she knew she would have a hard time accepting that it was he who was tasked with her little brother's safety.
"Your brother..."
She jumped a little when the drell spoke out of nowhere, interrupting her train of thought. She shot her head in his direction to look at him when anger started to rise for startling her.
He turned his head to meet her gaze, the calmness was radiating off of him, showing her that he was in no way afraid of her. She kept her narrowed gaze on him as she waited for him to continue whatever he wanted to ask, and already could she feel the anxiety creep up her spine.
"Is he in danger of the Illusive Man?" he asked, and Jane looked away after she'd blinked a few times as she considered what to tell him. He hadn't done anything outrageous to deserve her silence or anger, so she decided she could at least answer his question.
Turning her attention back in front of her, Jane sighed a slightly irritated, "Yeah, looks like it." and hoped that the conversation would end there.
She grit her teeth and grabbed the steering wheel even harder when she felt the weight of his gaze on her profile. "The Illusive Man has cruel methods to get what he wants." Krios stated, and Jane could only agree to that. But when she gave his statement a second thought she realized she didn't know what exactly he meant by it.
Looking at him again, she inquired, "What are you talking about? I thought the Illusive Man payed you for becoming a member of my team?"
Thane turned his head to look at her, she became suspicious as to what he might say when he looked so broken and hurt at her. "No," he admitted, "The Illusive Man used my son as a means to get me into your team."
There was little else she could do other than stare in open-mouthed surprise at him as she instinctively switched to autopilot. Jane couldn't believe her ears, but one look into Krios's black eyes told her that this wasn't made up by him. The Illusive Man had threatened him with the safety of his son to get him on board. The thought made her stomach twist painfully as regret spread through her like poison.
Shaking her head slightly, she tried to form a sentence and swallowed hard before she wondered, "Is that the case with the others too?" The faces of her friends flashed before her eyes; Garrus, Tali, Joker... did the Illusive Man really force them to become part of her team? Or did they join willingly? She had no idea why it mattered to her so all of a sudden that they'd agreed on their own free will without the Illusive Man's need to force them, but the fear of that not being the case remained. What if they didn't even want to join her team, but they had no other choice? What if they silently despised her for that?
Krios shrugged in answer and from the look on his face she could guess he had no idea what to tell her.
She shook the thought away before its vile claws could take root and tainted every corner of her mind. Her friends weren't like this, they would willingly help her no matter what. They didn't need the Illusive Man's threats to agree to help her, so there was no need for her to worry about that.
Still, the drell's statement made her feel guilty; Krios was forced to become a member of her team. He had to agree to the terms if he wanted his son to live. Jane's grip on the steering wheel was vise-like from her suppressed urge to hit something, feeling the leather contort under her fingers. She knew the Illusive Man was a ruthless bastard who didn't shy away from anything to achieve whatever he wanted, but that was low, even for him.
Taking a shuddering breath, Jane couldn't shake the feeling that she was responsible for Krios's current situation and she decided that he at least deserved an apology, and a promise that she will get his son to safety. "I'm sorry," she said, but kept her attention in front of her. She didn't dare look at him for a reason that was unknown even to her, but every instinct told her not to look at him, so she didn't. Feeling the weight of his gaze on her profile, she added, "But I'll promise we'll get your son to safety. Somewhere where even the Illusive Man won't find him."
The feeling of his gaze on her made her want to crawl out of her skin, made even worse by the tiny space of the skycar they were currently trapped in. She wanted to jump out just to get away from his suffocating presence. She didn't know what caused her to be so edgy, but she didn't like it.
"Thank you, Shepard," he said courtly, a note of relief evident in his voice. Jane kept her attention glued in front of her as she thought about her little brother and Kaidan, how the fear for her safety was evident in both their faces.
The attacks had started sooner than she thought they would, and that made her anxious to get out of Cerberus as soon as possible.
