They Never Knew

Chapter 49

It Always Comes Back

Present Time

Amy shut her eyes tight remembering that day very well. How could she not? It's when this all first started. She had waited and waited for Emma to wake up and she had never given up hope, but that was before things only got worse for both of them. Now she understood. She understood too well. It was her who first started this. Emma had never meant to end her life that day after all. It was only a release. When Amy did it. She had ever intent of never coming back.

Her breathing was becoming shallow and her vision was blurring. She gripped the window seal supporting herself on it as she focused all energy on not falling. She was confused when she felt some of the weight come off of her. She looked to see Killian and her dad supporting her. Both were giving her worried looks. "I-I'm fine…just need to sit." She hesitantly lowered herself to the ground. Surprisingly both men came down with her. Hook gentle put a hand on her knee, after a few seconds she rested her head on her dad's shoulder.

The other's watched feeling the same worry for the girl but knowing she wouldn't want to be surrounded. Everyone gave her a minute to calm down as the girl looked like she was on the verge of passing out. Without a word Regina got up and went to the soda machine only a few feet from them. While she was doing this Henry reached into his bag grabbing a granola bar and walking towards Amy. He crouched down right in front of her. Holding the bar out. "These are Emma's favorites." Amy smiled pulling him in for a hug.

"I know. We used to eat them quite often." She left out that it was the easiest thing to steal from a gas station or that that's what they offered a lot at the homeless shelters her and Emma went to. "Thanks Henry." She kissed his forehead as he curled his head into the crook of her shoulder. Regina came over holding out a water. "Thanks Regina" She said gratefully taking the water.

Snow finally spoke up after deeming her daughter was okay. "So Emma hadn't meant to do it then? She hadn't meant to die that day?" Amy looked up at her with wide eyes, making her look much younger than she actually was.

"No…she hadn't meant to die. I think it was just how she handled pain." Snow nodded hope filling her face.

"Maybe she hadn't meant to this time either! Maybe she's not suicidal. She was just releasing pain. It's a possibility right?" She looked to the rest of the group hope rising in everyone's eyes except Amy. She didn't say anything, she wasn't ready to end this happiness too. She had already ruined so much. There of course was no prolonging it as everyone turned to her trying to figure out if this was true.

Amy kept her head down. Hook finally nudging her to get her attention. "Could that be true?" He whispered, she didn't have to look up to know there was hope in his eyes. Amy shook her head.

"If Emma hadn't wanted to die she would have texted one of us. Her phone was right next to her. Or she could have contacted me or Regina with magic. She chose not to do any of that. There's also a trick to self-harm…all cutters know it. You only cut vertically if you're ready to not come back…Emma's cuts were vertical…sorry." It was silent in the room until Henry looked up at Amy.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Amy looked down at his sweet little face. Man she loved that kid.

"I don't know kid…I don't know."

Everyone sat in silence. Everyone except Amy. The whole time the words still playing through her head over and over. 'It's your fault.'