Hello my apathetic and not-so-naughty monkeys! Here's another one. Short and not so good. Thats what you get for not giving any feedback! I am building up for something which just might turn out to be anti-climactic since this is my first ever story, fan- or non-fanfiction. Its just that eve of Thanksgiving is turning out to be longer and more eventful then I was hoping for, considering I am the inventor of this piece of art.
Anyway, enough blabbering.
Happy reading!
Chapter 52
Officer's club was too hot. The cold outside hit me like a slap in the face. It was windy, chilly and just plain miserable and it still felt good.
What Colonel Potter just said and did not say felt reassuring in more ways than one. But why the hell did it not make me feel any better?
I slowly walked towards the Swamp. All I could hear was silence right now but like Potter said, things were going to change in next few days, probably over the weekend. The whims of senior officers were predictable only in their unpredictability. That and a throughly cruel sense of humor that did not consider sending coffins back home this time of the year.
Before I came here, Christmas never felt like a very important thing to me. All Dad did was spend time with me. There were times when he had to go tend to an emergency, somebody falling off a ladder or something equally ridiculously submoronic! Tree was optional. Not a free flow of sentimentality so closely associated with the whole season. When Mom was alive, we used to go visit her family in Queens around Christmas. After her death, things changed a lot. One of them was the whole Holiday spirit. While Thanksgiving was a loud family affair, we kept it quiet over Christmas. And then I went to college and things changed further. It was not until I came here that I realized how much spending that day with Dad meant to me.
Suddenly I found myself standing in the cold night without realizing it. By the time I got back to Swamp, I was shivering. Frank was gone. Nothing new there. Thats how it used to be before Margaret got engaged. BJ was nursing a drink and reading what looked like a paperback. The title and more than a few pages weer absent. Probably somebody sharing the book with him.
I removed my jacket and stood in front of the heater trying to warm my hands, my back towards him.
"Thought you went to the party."
"Uh huh." I was not sure what to say. That was happening to me a lot these days.
"Had dinner?"
"No. I forgot."
"Right!"
"Beej!" I turned around to look at him.
"Yeah?"
I stayed quiet for a few seconds. Or was it minutes? I was not sure. He stared at me intently and finally, I averted my gaze to my now relatively warm hands.
"You wanted to say something to me?" He asked in a somewhat testy tone that broke my reverie.
I again turned to look at him but stayed quiet.
"Hawk!"
"Yeah?"
"What is it?"
"Nothing, Beej."
"Don't try to be evasive." Still the sharp tone.
Fine!
"Do you resent me?" I just blurted it out.
"WHAT?" He looked up sharply.
"Nothing." My moment of courage had passed just as quickly as it had arrived and I was not interested in finding out anymore.
"Don't change the subject!" I looked at him. He was serious, almost sombre.
"Forget it, alright!" I sat on my cot and started removing my boots.
"I don't resent you!" He said quietly. That was unexpected. I was expecting something indignant, angry, hostile.
"Alright. Thanks for the reassurance." Why couldn't he drop it already?
"What's that supposed to mean?" Again the testiness. I did have a marvelous effect on people these days.
"I am tired. Frank did not let me sleep all day. Can I...?" I spoke while getting out of my uniform and dumping it in a pile on the chair next to my cot.
"You think I resent you because?" He cut me off before I could finish. I had struck a nerve, I thought.
"Can we talk about this later, Beej? I really am very tired."
"Then maybe you shouldn't have asked me."
"My mistake. I want to sleep now. I had a long day!" With that, I lied down on my cot.
"Yeah. I know you did, what with all the visits and dates."
"Right!"
"You should have rested!"
"Yeah." Did he not remember what Frank had been doing all day whenever I had tried to sleep? And now he was doing the same thing!
"You shouldn't have spent all day outside." What the hell was that? Admonishment? For what? Not resting? Or was he back to the same old thing about my not getting better and leaving him holding the bag with Frank in tow? This whole chastising was really getting to me now.
"Yeah. I guess I shouldn't have. Good night BJ." And with that, I officially closed the topic.
"Hawk!"
"What, Beej?" I was now irritated.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah. I am. Will start working as soon as casualties arrive. Don't worry!" I just let this slip and regretted it even as I was saying it.
I was countered by silence.
I turned off my light bulb and turned to my left, still feeling shivers going through my body.
"Hawk!"
"Yeah Beej?"
"What's going on?"
"Nothing. Just trying to sleep. I am really very tired."
"You know I don't resent you, right?"
"Yeah, Beej! I do. I just... I think I am tired, thats all."
"Long day for you today."
"Yeah."
"Hawk!"
"Yeah?"
"Frank is an idiot."
"I know. That's old news."
"He knows how to get to you."
"Maybe."
"He does."
"OK."
"Damnit Hawkeye!"
I turned towards him this time.
"What?"
"You pissed at me?"
"No." I lied this time.
"When Frank was here? He gloated when you left the tent. And I realized how it may have sounded to you."
"We are not in school or a fraternity, Beej. He and I don't enjoy the best of professional relationships but with you, its different. He does not despise you just like you don't despise him."
"I know! I meant, what he said. About you not leaving?"
"Yeah. I thought you were not here."
"I was outside."
"Yeah. Well. Its not very decent to eavesdrop."
"I think I understand why you did not leave. I would have done the same thing!"
"Right!"
"I am glad you did not leave either even if it meant more work for me." What was that? An apology? Or a reassurance? Right now, I could not care less!
"Thanks. Now can I go to sleep?"
"Yeah. Sure. I am going to the party myself."
"Have fun."
"Sure you don't wanna come?"
"Too tired."
"Suit yourself, buddy!"
"'Night BJ."
"'Night Hawk."
And with that, he turned off the light and left the Swamp.
I laid there thinking about last few days, and for once, without self pity or guilt. Maybe BJ was not trying to make me feel better. Maybe he was telling the truth, about being glad I did not leave. That was good enough for now!
Now the only thing missing was my getting back to surgery.
I did not know the error in my wish just then.
