Nicole witnessed it with her own eyes - the instant morale boost.

The supply drought was over. Bundles of water, soda, bread, fruit and other essential resources flowed in from the pack of pickup trucks into the arms of waiting Sanctuary members. It was like someone had just handed over cases of gold.

Simon crossed by with a box filled with snacks, even chocolates and other candy. He made eye contact with Nicole briefly but didn't say anything as he went.

She took a breath and decided to follow him in an attempt to get some answers, noting that he and Negan had gone from casually pooling ideas together, to going on the occasional run together and now it felt as if they had their own little secret society that she had been out of the loop of.

"Simon!" Nicole called out his name as he handed a box off to a woman with a smile and a nod.

"Yeah, what's up?" he asked casually, grinning again. "Got a lot of shit today, huh?"

"Yeah." She nodded, "What, uh... is that the norm?"

"Is what the norm?"

"Everything that happened today?" Nicole forced him to maintain eye contact.

"Nicole they kept fucking with us."

"I know," she agreed with a nod, and then abruptly changed the subject. "Can I see the pictures?"

"What?"

"Simon..." Her eyes pleaded with him. "I need to be in the loop and right now I don't feel like I am." Nicole held his stare, "Show me the pictures."

He sucked on his teeth a moment and then reached into the waistband of his pants, removing the envelope and then passed it off to Nicole.

She eagerly reached for them, removing the photos just as soon as the envelope was in her hands. Nicole swallowed hard, not wanting to look at the gruesome nature of the images but she had to know.

"No one is purposely keeping you out of the loop," Simon insisted, speaking quietly and sincerely, "I just... I didn't think you'd want to see this. This is the not so pretty part of rebuilding."

"What did these people do?"

"One was a rapist... the other one tried to kill me."

Nicole raised her eyes. Negan had told her about the first person, but she hadn't known about the second. "Tried to kill you?"

Simon nodded. "A smaller group," he explained, "And Negan had them all pissing themselves when he did this." Simon sighed, looking down toward the cement floor beneath his feet and then back up, "This is... a part of life now, Nicole. A small part, but a part. These men wouldn't be dead if they hadn't acted savage themselves. We have to protect this place. We have to protect us. To all of these people..." He nodded toward a group at the back end of the room who were happily stocking shelves. "We're saviors. We're their saviors."

...

The walk with Negan to his room was silent and stiff. Nicole wasn't wholly sure how she felt. Her mind was a constant swirl of echoes of Simon's revelations. Others were killing, or trying to kill. Others were stealing and threatening their post-apocalyptic utopia - as oxymoron as that felt. Still, the sight of Negan bashing in the man's head wasn't the easiest image to get out of her head.

When the two of them got to the room Negan finally glanced over at her, looking as if he wanted to say something but he simply cleared his throat and opened the door. Nicole glanced at him as she made her way in a step ahead and then let out a deep breath.

"You think I was wrong." Negan's voice cut her like a knife and she heard the door close behind them. When she turned back around he was standing with his back against it and his arms folded neatly across his chest. Despite the bold comment she could see he was slightly submissive in his tone.

Nicole's uncertain feelings became even more complicated when her eyes locked on his. "No," she answered honestly, "No, I don't think you were wrong."

"Did it scare you?"

She cleared her throat and shook her head again. "No."

He let out a breath, not moving from where he stood, "Are you lying?"

Nicole shook her head. "I don't lie to you, Negan."

"Okay," he nodded, acknowledging that since they had known one another she was never dishonest with him. "Well, there's something then."

"There is," she nodded, "But I don't know what I'm feeling ,exactly."

"Does any part of you think it's wrong?"

Nicole hesitated. She wasn't sure of the answer herself. "I just... I think it's just new... all of it. I've never seen a person killed before... not in that way. By the undead, yeah... but not by someone else." She kept her eyes on his. "I guess it did scare me a little... but I don't think it's wrong."

Negan swallowed hard. "I don't do that out of joy. I don't like doing it."

"Why the photos?"

"Scare tactic," he admitted, "To let people know I'm not fuckin' around." Negan drew his thumb across his eyebrows. "I want this place to succeed. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want our people to starve."

"I know." Nicole swallowed hard. "How come you didn't tell me about the second one? I knew you killed a man. I didn't know about the other one."

"He tried to kill Simon."

"I know."

"How?"

"He told me... just now before we came up here."

Negan nodded once and Nicole suddenly felt like she was interrogating him. It's not what she wanted to do to him, but at the same time she needed answers, and she needed to be honest.

"I feel out of the loop," she added, "I feel like you and Simon... either one of you could have told me."

"I didn't want you to be a part of this shit... not this part. I wanted to protect you."

"By lying to me?" Nicole shrugged and shook her head.

"I wasn't lying..." He bit his tongue, "I just-"

"Didn't tell me."

Yeah," he admitted. "Yeah, I guess so."

Nicole nodded. " I want to know everything... no matter how shitty or dark or twisted. I want to know."

Negan looked her more directly in the eye, "Alright," he agreed, "You've done that for me and I'm sorry."

She swallowed hard, feeling suddenly like she could cry more out of a sense of frustration and just a hint of betrayal that accompanied her mixed emotions. "Can I... can I take a bath?" Nicole motioned to the bathroom door, feeling as if she needed a moment alone.

"You don't have to ask," he said back, his somber tone now matching her expression.

Nicole nodded, forcing a smile and then began to undress before making her way into the bathroom. She knew he wouldn't, but a part of her was disappointed that Negan hadn't tried to make a funny or dirty comment at the sight of her naked body. It was something that made her feel close to him, as he had a way of making her laugh and easing her mind in even the most far out situations.

When she was alone in the bathroom she felt heavy, like a weight was sitting on her shoulders and the short talk the two of them had had didn't ease that tension. Nicole didn't know if it was more talking, allowing her walls to fall in order to have some type of meltdown, or simply time that would help clarify her thoughts.

Maybe all three, she thought, letting her fingers trace the edge of the porcelain tub.

Negan knocked at the partially open door and pushed it open a few inches, keeping eye contact as he spoke. "Hey, uh... I think the satellite building needs some extra coverage. I'm going to head over there and spend the night there." He managed a half-smirk but his eyes betrayed him. "Can't let the place you and Simon built go unprotected."

Nicole raised her eyebrows, feeling the pit of her stomach drop but she nodded. "Oh... okay."

He paused a moment, noting the immediate drop of her shoulders and change in her expression. "I just... think we might fuckin' fight if I stay." Negan shrugged, "We can talk some more if you want when I get back."

"Okay." She swallowed hard, the feeling that was gnawing at her gut deepened and began to bleed into her chest.

"You and Simon can hold down the fort her." He nodded toward her, "And take your time with everything. Don't rush your bath." Before Nicole could attempt to respond Negan turned to go, re-entering the bedroom.

Nicole sat partially against the tub, listening as Negan's footsteps began to cross the room. With each one she knew he was closer to the door and the beginning of a long night was just around the corner.

Nothing about the world made sense, Nicole knew. There were undead people lurking in the bushes. All of their goods were leftover from others. Some might call them stolen or looted, though she knew it was now a means of survival of the fittest. The men Negan had killed were rapists, attempted murderers and threats to all of their people - the people that Negan vowed to protect. How could she judge him? It suddenly felt wrong and misguided when the world around them was so awry and violent.

"Negan!" Nicole shouted his name when she heard the bedroom door open and then hurried back into the bedroom, prompting him to glance over his shoulder. "I don't think you should go to the satellite building."

He stared back at her a moment and turned his head to the side, a slightly skeptical look on his face. "You really want to have an awkward night?" he asked, "Or fight about this shit?"

Nicole nodded sincerely. "Yes." She took a breath, "I want you to stay. I want to fight."

Negan finally managed a smile. "You want to fight?"

She couldn't return a grin but relief poured through her body when she felt as if she might be winning him over. She nodded. "Yeah. Send Simon to the satellite building." Nicole paused and then repeated her request that she knew was playfully, yet seriously, ridiculous. "I want to fight."

He never veered his gaze from her eyes but slowly closed the door and left his hand flat on it for a moment. "Alright," Negan agreed, a combination of amusement and seriousness decorating his face as he subconsciously scrunched his nose just slightly. "Put your fuckin' gloves on Nicky."

Nicole finally managed a small, genuine smile, one that Negan returned and she sighed, smiling once more as she turned to go back into the bathroom.