Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious


06/15/2021.

I wish I could tell you that Jade had kept her promise in 2016, but the truth is.. that episode of weight loss was a great big warning sign. Somehow Jade managed to convince herself that what she was doing wasn't really bulimia. She believed her own lies that what she was doing wasn't harming her body and if anything that's probably what kept us all in the dark for so long. Even she didn't believe it was a relapse until it was almost too late.

The tour went off with a bang and my dreams were absolutely coming true, living the pop star life, with huge audiences singing my songs back to me. Jade did manage to meet up with me for Valentines day and honestly it was great. We had an amazing few days together and Jade came to all of my shows which was so sweet of her. The evenings we spent in expensive hotels, usually naked and being crazy. I didn't even get an inkling that something was going on. And when she went back to LA, I wasn't worried about her anymore. She seemed completely fine.

It was a week before the end of my tour when everything came crashing down again. I'd literally only just woken up when I got a call from Jade. I smiled, surprised she'd called me and accepted the call only for my smile to drop instantly.

"Hey baby." I answered brightly.

"Tori.." Jade croaked my name into the phone.

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked immediately concerned. I could tell from just that one little word that she was upset.

"I.. I did something stupid." Jade whimpered.

"What did you do Jade?" I asked sternly. My heart was pounding absolutely terrified to find out what this was about. And why she sounded so weird. She was frighteningly quiet for a moment, just breathing heavily and crying.

"You're going to be mad." Jade croaked.

"Baby I won't, just tell me." I softened my voice. I was already rummaging in my bag for my work phone to get some help to her, somehow it was like an alarm was going off in my head and I could tell she needed help.

"I took something." Jade admitted in tears.

"What? What do you mean?" I asked completely shocked. The Jade I knew would never abuse drugs.. except then I remembered.. she kind of did and I'd already had to witness her do it once before with the ipecac. My voice harrowed. "What did you take Jade?"

"I took some pills I got online, they're emetics but they're not working I'm just burning up and I'm so dizzy."

"Okay shit, have you thrown up?" I scrolled through my contacts looking for Beck's number.

"No but I feel awful, ughhh I'm so stupid." Jade breathed heavily in and out, I could tell she probably was going to puke soon but I could only imagine how frightened she was that they weren't working yet.

"Just hang on baby don't you dare go off the phone. I'm just going to call Beck but I'm still here, I'll be on my other phone." I informed her, but I wasn't sure she could hear me. She was crying on the other line. Beck's phone rang but he didn't pick up until the tenth ring and by this point Jade was gasping for breath and groaning.

"Beck where are you?" I asked panicked.

"I'm in the library why?" Beck asked in confusion.

"You need to get to Jade. She's taken some diet thing, I don't know what but she sounds lucid on the other line. Please, please go check on her."

"Of course, I'll be there in five minutes."

"Jade, Beck's coming over. You let him in okay?" I instructed gently.

"Okay." Jade replied between her crying.

"You're alright. You're going to be fine." I assured her. Truthfully I didn't know at all. From the little I knew about emetics, they were poisons which was what made you be sick in the first place. But if they weren't working.. that could seriously be dangerous. Jade sounded in agony and I could hear her desperately gagging herself, it was completely awful. Beck was still on the other phone so he could overhear me talking to Jade. He assured me he was two minutes away. I felt completely useless.

It was an anxious wait for Beck to arrive but I heard through both phones when he got there. I was so, so glad he was there so fast.

"Jade go answer the door, you're going to be okay." I told her.

"I can't." Jade wailed.

"You can, you need to." I begged her "You need to let Beck in, please." It took another five minutes but I heard the scuffle and eventually Jade unlocked her front door and Beck was in. It was seconds later I heard her double over and throwing up. I only hoped it was enough to get the pills out.

"Woah are you ok?" Beck asked Jade nervously.

"Mmmm" Jade moaned, gagging repeatedly.

"Ok we're going to go to the bathroom." Beck helped her up. I kept quiet just listening anxiously Beck was being so good about it and reassuring her she'd be okay but in reality, none of us knew that.

"Just wait with her there I'm coming, I'm in Chicago, I can get the next flight out." I started frantically gathering my things and changing into some clothes. I could hear Jade choking, desperately trying to throw up but unable to.

"Jade do you need an ambulance?" I overheard Beck asking her in the distance. My heart stopped. I was seriously hoping it wouldn't come to that but Beck was there in person, he would know better if it was necessary. "Tor I'm going to have to hang up."

"Wait! Use Jades phone!" I insisted. It was the absolute worst feeling in the world not having any idea what was going on and obviously if she needed an ambulance then this was serious. I listened to Beck answering the emergency service operator questions and with every question I was more and more relieved medical help was on the way.

"What did you take Jade?" Beck asked her clearly but I didn't hear her answer.

"I have no idea, she's a recovering bulimic it could be anything." Beck explained to the operator. "Yeah.."

Suddenly the worst combination of sounds I think I could have ever heard through a phone happened. The sound of my girlfriends head and body whacking on the bathroom floor, the clatter of the phone and Beck shouting.

"JADE!" I screamed completely panicked. I could barely hear Beck's voice through the muffle of what now sounded like a scramble.

"She's collapsed.. she's like fitting or something." I heard Beck tell the operator on the other phone. Tears were streaming down my cheeks listening to the panic on the other end of the phone.

"Baby.. I love you. Please, please, please be ok."

Those were the last words I spoke before the phone cut out and I really was left completely in the dark. All I knew was that I had to get back to LA immediately so I left that hotel room, took a cab to the airport and paid an extortionate price for the very next flight home.

I put my sunglasses on and huddled up so that noone on the sudden journey home would recognise me and see that I was crying. I was so, so worried and even more angry. She'd obviously lied to me about this. She had me going completely that she didn't do this anymore. As far as I was concerned bulimia was part of her past. But it's true what they say, you never know whats going on behind closed doors.

Neither of us know why that relapse happened. She had everything going right for her at the time. College, friends, relationship, security, ambition. But eating disorders aren't that simple. They don't understand that.