"Sean."
Jack rubbed his nose in Mark's hair.
"Still awake, love?"
"Yeah. I feel a little better. I'm really tired, though. Is everyone still here?"
"Yeah. Arin, Danny and Ross actually got here a while ago. I haven't seen them yet."
"Ok."
Jack propped himself up and scrutinized Mark's face. He looked tired, but composed.
"I'm sure they'd love to see yeh, if yeh're up fer it."
Mark sighed heavily. "I do want to see them…"
"Maybe just fer a few?"
"Yeah."
"I'm on it. No worries, love."
Jack kissed his forehead and climbed carefully out of the bed.
"I'll be right back, ok?"
Mark nodded, and Jack made his way back to the waiting room. He walked straight into an enthusiastic hug from Danny, which was reinforced by Ross and Arin.
Jack giggled, appreciating the comfort and support of more familiar faces. "Hey, guys. Thanks fer coming."
They gave him some space.
"These guys filled us in," Arin started. "How's he doing?"
Jack chose his words carefully. "As well as could be expected? He's pretty tired, though. He wants to see everyone, but we might need to keep it short fer tonight, if that's ok."
They all nodded. "Whatever you guys need," Ross said sincerely.
Jack smiled, then addressed the room at large. "I think we should do visits in two groups. Ross, Danny, and Arin first, and then everyone else?" Felix, Ken, Wade, Bob, and Matthias nodded their agreement.
"Do you need anything, Jack?" Matthias was wearing the same concerned expression he'd shown during their earlier conversation.
"Honestly… I'm just really happy yeh're all here. Mark is really lucky to have you guys."
"We're here for you, too, man," Wade said seriously.
"Yeah, dude," Ken added.
"Whatever you need," Bob said.
Felix smirked. "Speak for yourselves, I'm here for the cookies."
Jack laughed softly, appreciating Felix more by the minute. He should've been back home by now, halfway around the world, and instead he'd just spent the day in a hospital waiting room. Jack appreciated the sarcasm, but he also saw right through it. He walked over to where Felix was sitting, leaned over, and hugged him. Felix reciprocated the gesture.
"Thanks, guys. See yeh in a bit."
He walked Danny, Arin, and Ross back to Mark's room, and hung back for a moment, watching Mark's eyes light up as his friends approached. Danny commented immediately on Mark's hair and flirted shamelessly, which amused Jack to no end.
"Dude, don't tell Suzy, but I'm pretty sure I'd bang you, too," Arin added. "Good job, Jack."
"Too bad, Hanson," Mark managed. "You missed your shot. Also, Jack could absolutely kick your ass."
Jack giggled, and Arin regarded him skeptically. "Really? You sure about that?"
Mark smirked sleepily, cleared his throat. "Trust me. He's stronger than he looks."
"Oh. That's hot," Danny mused, looking Jack up and down.
"Jesus, I'm glad yeh're all enjoying yerselves. Carry on." Jack sat down in front of his laptop, blushing with embarrassed amusement. He wasn't sure if it was because he knew Mark was heavily medicated, or if it was because he was becoming acutely aware that the more intimate aspects of their physical relationship had been wrenched away from them without warning, but he was surprised to find that he actually enjoyed hearing Mark talk about him suggestively. He stole another glance at Mark, wishing more than ever that they could be home together, for entirely selfish reasons.
He checked on the status of the file transfers, and found that the videos Felix and Ken had requested had uploaded successfully. He e-mailed them links to the files right away. Then he checked on Mark again, and found him smiling but blinking sleepily. He caught Mark's eye, smiled, and cocked his head toward the door. Mark nodded slightly.
Jack stood up and walked back to the group.
"Ok, guys. Time to give everyone else a chance to flirt with Mark. Can yeh send them down?"
They agreed begrudgingly and said their goodbyes, promising to take care of Chica while Mark and Jack were stuck at the hospital, and to visit again soon. Jack moved close to Mark's side as soon as they were gone.
"Hanging in there, love?"
Mark nodded unconvincingly, and Jack laid a hand lightly on his forehead.
"It's ok. We'll keep it short."
"I feel bad. They've been waiting here all day."
"Hush. They understand. Yeh've got nothing to worry about. I promise."
"What would I do without you?"
"In general? Probably get a lot more sleep."
Mark smiled widely, leaning into Jack's touch.
There was a knock at the door, and then Wade came through, followed by Bob, Felix, Ken, and Matthias. Jack looked up, and pulled his hand reluctantly away from Mark.
"Shit, Jack, hands to yourself," Felix snarked. "He does not look like he's ready to fuck you yet. Mark, are you safe in here with him?"
"Safer than I'd be with you, asshole," Mark replied, as sarcastically as he could manage.
"Well, you're right about that." Felix grinned.
"So we're all gay now?" Matthias joked.
"Everyone's a little gay, dude," Felix responded, without a trace of irony. Everyone laughed.
"Right. I'm going to pack up our clothes real quick. Be gentle with him, please." Jack regretted his choice of words as soon as they were out of his mouth, and Felix didn't let the opportunity pass.
"We'll leave the unnecessary roughness to you, dude."
Jack blushed, and set to work transferring his and Mark's dirty clothes to a single suitcase. It didn't take long, since they hadn't packed much for PAX in the first place, but Jack figured that he could make it to the end of the week if he wore a couple of Mark's shirts. The idea suited him just fine.
He zipped up the suitcase and carried it over to the door, then rejoined the group. Mark was smiling as their five friends joked and laughed, but it was obvious that he was starting to fade. Matthias saved Jack the trouble of having to intervene.
"Ok, guys. After-party at my house. Time to go." They took turns saying goodbye to Mark, and they all hugged Jack before heading for the door. Matthias gave him an extra squeeze.
"One of us will come by early with your clothes. Probably whoever gets the least drunk tonight."
Jack giggled. "You're actually having an after-party?"
Matthias nodded. "Yep. Just us five and the video footage you sent us." He turned back to Mark. "Buckle up, Markiplier."
"Oh, Jesus. Is it too late to change my mind?"
Ken nodded. "Way too late."
"Yeh do realize I've got veto power, right?" Jack reminded them.
"Don't worry," Wade said reassuringly. "Bob and I will babysit. Let's go, guys."
He ushered the group into the hall, gave Jack's shoulder a final squeeze, and pulled the door shut behind them.
Jack moved back to Mark's side and picked up his hand. "Jesus. I think this has been the longest day of my life. I can't even imagine how you must feel. Are yeh alright?"
Mark nodded, barely.
"Sean."
"Yeah, love?"
"You can go with them. If you want."
Jack blinked. "Yeh can't be serious."
"Really. Hang out. Get a good night's sleep."
Jack blinked again. "Yeh know that's insane, Mark. Want to try that again, with some honesty, please?"
Mark sighed, then pulled on Jack's hand and rested it against his cheek.
"Don't go."
Jack leaned over, kissed his forehead. "Never."
He straightened up. "I'm going to let the nurses know yeh're ready to sleep, they might want to check on yeh first. Ok?"
"Ok."
Jack disengaged gently and placed the call, and Jessie appeared in the doorway a moment later, smiling hesitantly. Jack tried to project warm reassurance in her direction; he was happy to see her.
"Hey, guys. Nancy's gone home, but I'll be here overnight." She approached Mark's bedside. "Looking good, Mark. How's the pain? Scale of one to ten?"
"Five. Tolerable."
She nodded. "Any nausea?"
"No. Just tired."
"Great. And the sore throat will pass. Rest your voice tonight and tomorrow morning. I just need to check on your dressings before you sleep, ok? Jack, want to take a walk for a few minutes?"
"Can he stay? Please?"
She looked between the two of them, and finally nodded. "Of course, if that's what you both want."
Jack nodded. "I'll just be on my laptop fer a few, ok, love? No worries."
He sat down at the table nearby, trying to keep his eyes on the screen, but it was no use. He watched as Jessie secured the blanket around Mark's lower body, then pulled his hospital gown up, exposing his stomach. Jack's eyes widened. The bandage was huge. He couldn't stop himself from imagining the wound underneath, from acknowledging that only a few hours ago, someone had used a knife to expose Mark's insides, to slice through his skin, to mar the perfection of his body, to add to his collection of scars…
Stop. Stop.
He had been flooded by waves of intrusive thoughts and images periodically, but these had been the worst so far. He had never watched someone suffer so intensely like this, let alone someone he loved so deeply. It was like being cut open himself. He closed his eyes and took a breath, trying to calm himself.
Mark is here. Mark is alive.
He opened his eyes, and watched reality settle back into focus. Mark was there, breathing and safe, just a few feet away.
Jessie finished her exam and readjusted Mark's clothing.
"Looks great, Mark. There's no reason to change the dressing tonight, which is really good news. We'll check on it again in the morning."
She made some notes in Mark's chart, then smiled reassuringly at Jack.
"Really. He's doing great. You should both get some rest. Just call if you need anything."
Jack stood up and approached her.
"Hey… are you the one who swapped the beds?"
Her face remained neutral, but she flushed a vibrant pink.
"I thought it might help."
Jack nodded. "Thanks fer doing that. Fer watching out fer us."
Her blush deepened. "Like I said, I know you don't know me but… I love you both. I'm so sorry this happened to you."
He hugged her. "Yeh've helped a lot. Thank you."
"Really." She squeezed his shoulders, then took a step back, clearly trying to maintain some semblance of professionalism. "Whatever you need. Just call."
She directed her attention toward Mark. "Rest. You'll feel even better tomorrow. I promise."
He nodded. "Thanks, Jessie."
She left them alone.
Jack moved to Mark's side, sighing heavily.
"Yeh made it, love. Time to sleep, now."
"Together?"
Jack nodded. "Just need to check on the files fer a minute. I'll be quick. Sleep if yeh need to, I'll be right back."
"I can wait."
Jack was finally able to focus on his laptop screen, and was happy to find that most of the files he'd pulled were ready to be accessed. He sent links to the appropriate people and responded to some messages, then located the clothes he'd set aside for the night: long pajama bottoms, and one of Mark's white undershirts that had still been clean. He pulled off his jeans and pulled on the bottoms, then removed the long-sleeved shirt that he'd been wearing all day.
"Hey. Slow down."
Jack paused, white shirt in hand, and looked over at Mark.
"Stay like that? For a little while?"
Jack nodded. He flipped off the light, then approached the bed, left the shirt on the bedside table, and climbed in carefully next to Mark.
"Anything yeh want, love." He knew that any of the hospital staff working on Mark's case could find them like this. He didn't care.
"I want to feel your skin." Mark was barely keeping his eyes open.
"Here. Lift yer head up. Careful, though."
Jack supported Mark's head with one hand as he lifted it, then undid the ties that had been holding Mark's hospital down snugly around his neck. He pulled the fabric down until Mark's shoulders were exposed. Then he pulled the blanket over both of them, and rested his arm across Mark's chest, making contact with his bare skin. He laid his head in the space between Mark's neck and shoulder, pressed his lips against Mark's throat.
"Sean. I miss you so much."
"I'm right here, love."
"You know what I mean."
Jack traced small circles over Mark's shoulder with his thumb.
"I do. And I miss yeh too. But we're ok. We're together. Yeh'll be better before yeh know it." He pressed his lips over Mark's collarbone. "Besides, doesn't this feel good?"
Mark sighed heavily, leaned his head against Jack's. "So good. Perfect. Perfect Sean."
"Love you, Mark."
They slept.
Mark woke up slowly, and barely realized it. It was dark in the room; he blinked to make sure his eyes were really open. He tried to swallow, and realized immediately what had woken him up. He couldn't swallow. He tried again, and felt the sick, squeezing feeling of the tube pressing against the back of his throat. He felt his heart rate climbing. He started to lift his head, and found that his cheek was still pressed against Jack's hair.
Sean.
Mark realized that Jack had barely moved since they'd fallen asleep. He felt Jack's arm, snug across his chest. He felt Jack's slow breaths, Jack's head resting heavily on his chest. He knew Jack was deeply asleep. He felt his own heart rate starting to slow again, mild panic being erased by Jack's comforting presence. The urge to clear his throat was overpowering, but he didn't want to wake Jack.
Jack, who had met his parents for the first time before leaving him to undergo major surgery.
Jack, who had taken on the responsibility of singlehandedly managing both of their careers without a second thought.
Jack, who was sleeping soundly by his side in a hospital bed.
Mark knew he could have been anywhere else. He could have been with anyone else.
But he's here. With me.
He tried to remember what it had been like to love Jack from a distance, as the single, separate person he had adored and admired as a friend for so long. He couldn't. Jack had become essential to his life, to his sense of self. He knew that very few people in the world were capable of the love and devotion Jack had shown him over the last couple of days. He remembered how easy it had been to slip into denial and avoidance when he'd felt the first symptoms of this illness setting in, knowing that the strain of these types of challenges was more than enough to tear a relationship apart.
But he'd never felt closer to Jack. He'd never been closer to anyone in his life. Jack was exceptional. Jack was his.
He couldn't stop it; he coughed. He coughed again. It got worse, the more he tried to hold it in.
Jack lifted his head, blinked sleepily, looked in his eyes.
"You ok, love?"
Mark nodded, coughed again, cleared his throat. He licked his lips, which did nothing to help the situation.
The damage was done. Jack was awake, and would immediately see through any attempt at deception.
"I'm alright. I just can't swallow."
"I'll go call someone-"
Mark shook his head. "Stay. I'll try again."
He licked his lips again; it didn't help. He took a deep breath, trying to open up space in his throat.
Jack picked up on the fear and discomfort in his expression.
"Yeh're alright, love. I know it's uncomfortable, but yeh're ok."
He traced Mark's bottom lip with his thumb, wishing he could smooth away the roughness, wishing he could trade places with Mark, wanting to steal the pain away.
On impulse, he kissed Mark's lips, but pulled back quickly, realizing it might not have been the smartest choice. Mark needed room to breathe…
"Can you do that again?"
Jack shook his head. "Just let me call Jessie. She can probably help…"
"Sean…"
Jack knew what Mark wanted to say. He didn't want strangers coming in here. He didn't want to be poked and prodded. He didn't want any of this to be happening.
"Let me go talk to her. I'll come RIGHT back, I promise. I'll make sure they leave us alone."
Mark looked conflicted, but he nodded. Jack climbed carefully out of the bed and pulled Mark's undershirt over his head. He checked the time on his phone; it was after 3AM.
"I'll be RIGHT BACK," he said again, then felt his way into the hallway, blinking against the harsh fluorescent lights. He walked down to the nurse's station, scanning for a familiar face and coming up short. Luckily, he spotted Jessie emerging from a room down the hall, and managed to get her attention. She moved toward him quickly and put a hand on his arm.
"Jack? Here, come on…"
She pulled him into a nearby office and shut the door.
"What's wrong? Is Mark ok?" She looked extremely concerned, and Jack was trying to figure out why. He saw her eyes flick toward his hair, and it clicked. Shit. He'd just wandered into the hallway of the hospital wearing pajamas, where anyone could potentially recognize him.
"Fuck. I mean, shit. I mean… yes, Mark is fine. I think." He rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up. "He's having trouble swallowing, and he didn't want anyone else coming in the room. I know he still can't drink anything, right?"
She shook her head. "I can give you some ice chips, though. Not a lot, but it should make him feel better."
Jack nodded enthusiastically. "That's perfect."
"Ok. Wait here."
Jessie disappeared into the hall, and returned a moment later with a paper cup that was filled halfway with ice chips. "Just make sure he goes slow. I'll walk you back down."
She opened the door and peeked into the hallway, presumably checking for patients or unfamiliar personnel. Luckily, it was the middle of the night, and the hallway was mostly empty. She steered Jack briskly down the hall, and he gave her arm a grateful squeeze before stepping back into Mark's room.
"Mark? You alright, love?"
Mark cleared his throat painfully. "Yeah."
Jack moved back to Mark's side, feeling his way slowly in the dark. He put the cup on the bedside table and climbed back into the bed as carefully as he could manage.
"Now. Normally I prefer to heat yeh up. But cold can be fun, too."
He could see Mark eyeing him skeptically in the dark.
"Trust me?"
Mark nodded.
Jack took an ice chip from the cup, supported Mark's chin with one hand, and slid the ice over Mark's lower lip. Mark smiled as the sensation registered, and Jack let him pull the ice into his mouth. He felt Mark try to swallow, wishing he could smooth away the discomfort in Mark's expression. He gave him another ice chip, and was relieved to feel him swallow more successfully.
"Better, love?"
"Yeah. Thanks, Sean."
"Ok. You can have some more, we just have to go slow."
"You know I like slow."
"Are yeh flirting with me, Fischbach?"
"Always."
Jack traced Mark's lips slowly with another piece of ice, enjoying the look of contentment spreading across his face.
"Yeh know, yeh should let me do this some other time. I think it'd be quite fun."
"It's fun right now."
Jack let Mark pull the ice into his mouth. He rested his thumb so gently against Mark's throat, felt him swallow, then moved his thumb to Mark's lower lip.
"Too cold?"
Mark nodded.
Jack leaned in slowly, brushed his nose against Mark's, and kissed his lips. The cold was pleasant. He pulled gently at Mark's lower lip, felt Mark responding more enthusiastically than he'd expected. He pulled back reluctantly, and Mark gave him a questioning look.
"Do I taste bad?"
Jack giggled. "Jesus, no. It feels so nice. But yeh need to get some sleep."
"It's helping. Don't stop yet. Please."
Jack shivered, remembering Mark pleading with him under different circumstances.
"Say it again."
"Please."
He kissed Mark again, knowing he should be more cautious, but wanting desperately to get closer, flooded with images of their bodies pressed close together... He felt the warmth of his own mouth bleeding onto Mark's lips, which were soft and wet. Like they usually were. Like they were supposed to be.
Mark is here. Mark is alive.
Mark sighed – almost moaned – against his lips, and Jack finally came back to his senses. He disengaged gently.
"Ok, love. Time to finish yer ice and get back to sleep."
Mark looked like he wanted to protest, but Jack slid an ice chip into his mouth, and he smiled sleepily instead. He swallowed.
"I'll go back to sleep if you lose the shirt."
Jack grinned. "Deal."
He sat up, pulled the shirt over his head, and left it on the bedside table. He pressed his lips against Mark's cheek, letting the moment stretch, and then resumed his earlier position, his arm secured firmly across Mark's chest.
"Sean."
"Yeah, love?"
"Thanks."
"Thank Jessie in the morning, she got me the ice."
"No. I mean, yeah. That, too. But that's not what I meant."
Jack pressed more closely against Mark.
"It's ok, love, yeh don't have to-"
"I do. Sean…" Mark cleared his throat. "The fact that you're still here… The fact that you can still kiss me like that, after all of this… I'll never be able to repay you for this. This must be so hard, and I'm so sorry."
Jack lifted his head and looked in Mark's eyes.
"It's not. It's easy." He pressed his cheek against Mark's.
"Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done."
