Lorelai pulled into the driveway of the house. As she put the jeep into park, she sat back and let out a deep breath.
"How did we drive literally three hours and not say one word to each other?" She asked, turning to Rory, who was slouched down in her seat, arms crossed in defiance in front of her, staring out of her window, ignoring her mother.
"Kind of like you lived literally three months without talking to me." Rory threw back. She unbuckled, grabbed her purse and bag from the backseat and started walking into the house.
Lorelai closed her eyes, so exhausted and sore. The one goal of the day – to get Rory back – was accomplished, and her energy level was fading. She didn't know if she had the strength to fight another battle today. But as she watched Rory light a cigarette before walking into the house, Lorelai knew she would have to.
She walked into the house, and was greeted by an even angrier Rory.
"Mom, what the fuck is all over the floor?"
The attack this morning. She thought. "Rory, it's blood. I'll have someone come and clean it tomorrow."
She stepped over the dried puddles of blood, and walked into the kitchen where Rory stood in her room. Rory was looking at her, her eyes wide in anger. "So now it's normal for there to be puddles of blood in the house?" She took another puff of her cigarette, and then said, "What shit world are we living in when I walk into my house and find blood all over?"
"Really, Rory? Really? Is that what you think is the problem here?" Lorelai said, feeling her emotional barrier falling – and she knew that the exchange was going to be raw, uncensored, and horrible. But it would be what it was.
Rory shrugged her shoulders, and then said, "Yeah, I do wanna talk about the fucking blood in the hallway. Ever since you got home, life's been shitty. And you expect everything to be normal."
"Someone broke into the house this morning." Lorelai said, "I had to defend myself. Then I didn't have time to clean the floor because I had to come after you."
Rory exhaled cigarette smoke and said, "You didn't have to come get me! I'm an adult. I'm making my own decisions. What the hell don't you understand about that, Mom?"
Lorelai took a deep breath. "You want to be treated like an adult How about acting like one?" Rory started to yell back at her, but she held her own. "No, an adult doesn't start doing drugs. And drinking underage."
"This adult does." Rory retorted.
"You didn't even tell me where you were staying, Rory! That's not what we do. We tell each other everything."
Rory drilled her eyes into Lorelai's, and said, "No, we DID. We don't anymore."
"What the hell does that mean?" Rory took another puff of her cigarette, and Lorelai again said, "Put that fucking thing out. Now."
Rory held her mother's stare. And put the cigarette to her mouth. And then she exhaled. And said, "Make me."
Lorelai's mouth opened in astonishment. It took her a minute before she could say something. "What happened to you, Rory? What did I do to you to make you be this way?"
"Make me this way?" She spat out at her mother. "This is me. I'm doing fine on my own, Mom. I was doing fine on my own before you came home."
Tears came to Lorelai's eyes as it registered what Rory was saying. "You mean you want me to go away again so you can live like you want to?"
"I just want you to not judge me for my life choices."
Throwing her hands up in the air, Lorelai walked back into the kitchen. "Fine, go ahead and make your own choices. Go ahead and be a drug addict. Be an alcoholic. I just know you have so much more potential. You always wanted more than this for yourself."
"All of that changed when you came back."
Confused, Lorelai turned around and asked, "What does that even mean? What did me coming back do? I thought you wanted me to be here?"
Rory rolled her eyes. "I wanted you to come back. You have no idea how many times I laid in that bed and cried myself to sleep just wanting my mother to come home." And then she stopped and stared down at her feet. And then it seemed like she changed the subject.
"I lived on my own before I even graduated from high school." Rory screamed. And Lorelai could see tears coming to her eyes as she yelled, "I had to learn to live on my own because my fucking mother couldn't stand up to her deadbeat husband and come home and take care of me!"
She cringed. That hurt. "Rory, you know it wasn't my choice to be away from you!" She said, bringing her voice down a level. "I would have come home right away, but.."
"Do me a favor and don't lie to me." Rory sarcastically shot back at her.
"I'm not lying." She said, "All I wanted was to come home and be with you. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of you." Her heart was breaking. She had been so concerned in her recovery that she hadn't focused on the fact that Rory must be hurting too.
Rory pushed past her, walked into the kitchen, and slammed her hand down on the table. "You left me. You fucking left me in that hospital." She screamed, now her face was filled with tears. "I woke up so confused, so lost. All I wanted was YOU!" She pointed her finger at her mother, and said. "They had to tell me over and over that you weren't dead. – I thought he had killed you after I passed out. I was convinced because the mother that I knew, my MOM, she would never just leave me."
"Oh, Rory." Lorelai stepped towards her daughter, wanting only to hold her.
But Rory stepped away from her. "You couldn't even send a letter to me? Letting me know you were ok?" Lorelai could tell her daughter was hurting, so much. "You weren't there when I graduated from Chilton. You weren't there at my first day of college. You weren't there when I had five surgeries on my arms. You. Weren't. Fucking. There." And she leaned over the table, crying and trembling with anger.
Lorelai could barely move. She herself was hunched over, her head between her knees, sobbing and shaking with sorrow. Chris, you did this. You took me away from my baby. And now I have to live with the aftermath of that.
And Rory continued her rant. "And then I come home one night to find my mother sitting in the dark in my room with Luke telling him about how you were stuck in a horrible place." Rory stared right at Lorelai. "And that you stayed there only because you didn't want me to get hurt."
Lorelai had thought her heart was broken as much as it could possibly be broken. But this? This hurt. "Rory."
"Mom, I can't even sleep at night without imagining what happened to you. And knowing that if I wasn't alive, you could have escaped." Rory's voice was no longer yelling.
"That's not what I meant, Rory."
Rory just shook her head, like she didn't believe her.
Lorelai stepped closer to her daughter, and this time, Rory didn't move away. "I would do anything for you, Rory." She got close enough to reach out and touch her shoulder. Rory looked up at her, eyes glistening with tears. "None of what happened to me is at all your fault." Lorelai was crying too. "In fact, there were days that I wanted to die. I just wanted to curl up and die."
A pained look came to her daughter's face, and Lorelai finished. "But on those days, you know what the only thing that kept me from killing myself?" She lifted Rory's chin to look up at her. "You. I would just imagine holding your in my arms again. Just seeing your face again. Darling, you kept me alive."
"Mom." She said, and fell into Lorelai's arms. Lorelai just snuggled her face in Rory's hair. And they both cried. Together.
