NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Sorry not sorry, I'm having way too much fun writing Zoro's pathetic attempts at wooing his Queen. I promise, this story is almost over. Like another two or three chapters maybe?
Also, the mysterious, portly man from the last chapter is based on the Monopoly man - yeah, like the dude from the board game. Fun bit of trivia for you.
Ch. 52 – Zoro's Not a Romantic
Helena stretched groggily, rubbing sleepy dust out of her eyes. Glancing out of her window she saw that she had missed the sunrise.
"Overslept," she grumbled. Yeah, she was supposed to be recovering, but it didn't really feel like a good excuse. She was tired of being so tired all the time.
As the morning's rays filtered through her curtains, a flash of green light struck Helena in the eye, making her squint. The offending sunbeam had found Peleus, and reflected off of the small emerald set into the golden wedding band near its hilt.
Helena smiled, gazing at the sword. Maybe sleeping too much was the problem! She knew Dr. Chopper had told her otherwise, but the thought was too tempting to ignore. Clearly the best medicine for her right now would be a good proper workout.
She threw off her covers and retrieved Peleus, glad that her legs felt strong enough now to keep from wobbling at least. As she went to get her other swords, she caught sight of herself in her vanity mirror. She had a pretty glorious case of bed head – her fine hair stuck up on one side in total defiance of gravity. A hasty attempt to finger comb and pat it down proved futile.
She was too eager to get to her gym to care. Knowing she had clean workout clothes waiting in her gym washroom, she decided to skip morning ablutions and went straight to her door. Throwing it open, she stared in surprise to find Zoro waiting there, fist raised as though he were about to knock.
They stared at each other for a few shocked seconds. Zoro had gone red. Helena waited for him to say something, but at last felt obliged to break the awkward silence.
"Good morning?" she prodded.
"Uh, hi," Zoro replied. He promptly shoved a bouquet of dandelions at her, then went on in a rush. "Good morning, I mean. These are for you. You look pretty. Do you want to go on a moonlit stroll with me?"
She raised a brow at her bedhead, then returned her gaze to Zoro, who was still wincing at the words that had just come out of his mouth.
"Uh, the sun's up," she pointed out.
His expression became apologetic, but apparently he was afraid to say anything more for fear of humiliating himself further. It was so adorable, she couldn't help but giggle.
Taking the proffered weeds, she fussed a bit with the dandelion heads. "You know, I was just about to go workout. Would you like to…?"
"YES!"
"Sire, your daughter is not in her room," Hector reported.
Cygnus looked up at the General with a pensive expression on his face. "Where would she be when she's supposed to be resting? – and Roronoa?"
"We haven't been able to locate him either."
"Those hooligans," Cygnus sighed. "Well, is it safe to assume they are probably some place together?"
"We've already got men searching any of the more romantic locations in and near the palace," Hector told him.
"Good. We need to find them. This news can't wait any longer," Cygnus said, rubbing his temples. "I have already informed Roronoa's captain and crew, but Roronoa himself especially ought to know…"
"Sire…?"
"Yes, General?"
"If I may, Sire, I thought you didn't like your future-son-in-law," Hector told him. "Why the sudden concern?"
Cygnus chuckled. "Is that the impression I give?"
Hector mouthed at him wordlessly and shrugged, one brow raised.
"Good! That's as it should be," Cygnus replied. "I can't let him get too complacent now, can I? Please do your best to find him, General. He and my daughter must be around here somewhere."
Hector pounded a fist to his chest in salute then disappeared, taking a few soldiers with him. When he'd gone, the King sighed, turning his thoughts to the previous night and a conversation he'd had with a certain World Government official.
"Ah, King Cygnus, it's been too long. Actually, I thought we'd played our last. I'm glad to hear that the rumors about your death were merely that; rumors. And you're walking too! What a miracle!"
"Oh, indeed," Cygnus replied, trying to hide his disdain as he gazed at the portly, mustachioed fellow across the table from him. "It is a pleasure to play this amusing little game with you once more, Mr. Bags. I shall thoroughly enjoy trouncing you when you land on Boardwalk next turn."
Cygnus indicated the colorful game board sitting on the table between them. In truth, few games annoyed the king more than this, but somehow it had become a tradition to play it whenever Mr. Bags stopped by. If anything, the game was an attempt to monopolize the king's time.
"As always, you put all of your trust in one set of properties, Majesty," the man said. "It is you who should be worried. You've already landed on St. James' Place and my railroad. – now if you land on any of my greens, you're finished."
"Ah, but it would seem the dice have other plans. I am to go to jail. In this case, I'd call it luck. Take your roll, Bags."
The portly man took the game dice in hand, shaking them thoughtfully. "So, I understand some congratulations are in order. The Princess is finally to be married!"
Ah, Cygnus was wondering when Bags would bring up that particular subject.
"Oh look, I get to pass go. I'll just collect $200 like it's my job," Bags went on.
"She's a Queen now, actually," Cygnus replied, taking the dice. "I understand you attended her coronation. Funny that you were there for all the violence, and yet the World Government did nothing to come to Ilium's aide."
"I'm afraid all of the snail lines were cut. I tried to get through, like it's my job, but I was as much a prisoner as anyone," Bags put in glibly. "So about the Queen's current relationship status…"
"Yes, my daughter is engaged," Cygnus confirmed. "And not to the one I told you we had pinned our hopes on."
"Lieutenant General Troy, yes," Bags commented, puffing a few bubbles out of his bubble pipe. "How is the man taking the news?"
"Not well, I'm sure. Troy du Noir is dead," Cygnus answered coldly. "Ah, how lucky I have this Get Out of Jail Free Card. Your roll."
"Dead?" it was hard to tell if Bags was genuinely surprised. He took up the dice again, shaking them diffidently. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"I'm sure you are, especially after we discovered he was one of your government's inside agents," Cygnus told him. "Troy du Noir is the so-called demon that had Ilium under siege. What a strange coincidence that he did so just after coming back from his Navy training."
The dice fell out of Bags' suddenly shaky hand, pattering across the board to land on the floor.
"Ah, clumsy me," Bags said, bending to retrieve them. "That's quite the accusation, your Majesty. But are you sure it has grounds? I have never heard…"
"Cut the theatrics, Bags. Troy himself confirmed he was working for none other than Admiral Sakasuki."
Mr. Bags sighed, shaking his head. "That's not how I heard it," the man said, moving his tiny pewter top-hat piece around the board and handing Cygnus the dice with all confidence that the game would continue.
"So you confirm that he was working for you?" Cygnus asked, not taking the proffered dice.
"He trained with the Marines, certainly," Mr. Bags said. "You know I was formerly a Rear Admiral, so I keep apprised of all the Navy gossip like it's my job. – and yes, from what I understand the Admiral took an interest in young Troy. He was a man of much potential. He was also a total loony. Why do you think they kicked him out?"
"Kicked him out?" Cygnus asked, catching the dice now as Bags dropped them into his hands. "I never heard anything about a dishonorable discharge."
"He proved to be delusional, sire. At least, so the more reliable rumors say," Mr. Bags went on. "I tried to keep tabs on him like it's my job, I being the World Government Liaison with your kingdom and all. His commanding officers reported that he did nothing but pine away for Princess Helena. His instability over her caused him to lash out at anyone who so much as spoke of coming here to challenge her."
"And you never thought to tell me about this before now?" Cygnus asked, swilling the dice as he watched Bags through a calculating gaze. He saw through Bags' lie, but he would have to be clever to catch him in it.
"I thought you realized it. We found his insanity rather obvious," Bags went on. "Ah, look. You've landed on St. James' again. Just my luck."
Cygnus handed over the play money with one brow lifted. "And what of the devil fruit power he obtained."
"Bless my soul. Troy had a devil fruit?" Bags asked, riffling through the fake cash and stashing it on his side of the board.
Cygnus bristled. It was tempting to pinch the man with a well-earned toe-grab, but he restrained himself. "How else do you think he managed all this?" he asked, gesturing out the window. They currently played in his study, which had a view of the city and all its current damages. "He didn't have one when he left here. He must have gotten it from your people!"
"Ah, look! I've landed on the prison. Looks like I'm just visiting like it's my job," Mr. Bags said, focusing on the game. "Too bad you just got out so I have no one to say hello to."
"Bags…" Cygnus growled. "Where did Troy get that devil fruit?"
"The sea is a mysterious place," Bags said with a shrug of his round shoulders. "He must have kept it a secret from his superiors. This is the first time I've heard of it at least."
Cygnus tossed the die with disdain, then cursed when he landed on one of Bags' railroads again.
"You're having no luck this game, are you? Time to start mortgaging your properties!" Bags went on with a grin. "So, anyway. I heard her highness is recently engaged, and the lucky gentleman is none other than the pirate, Roronoa Zoro."
"Strange how the world works isn't it?" Cygnus mused dolefully. "Oh, you've landed on Free Parking. Why am I not surprised?"
"Now Cygnus, don't be a poor sport," Bags grinned. "But yes, Roronoa and his captain, Monkey D. Luffy are wanted men. Surely you heard what happened in your brother-in-law's kingdom, Alabasta."
"I've read what's in the papers, yes," Cygnus replied sardonically. "However, my daughter lost a duel fair and square. I'm not sure what you propose we do about it. The wedding must take place if we are to be a kingdom of honor."
"Yes, hmm. That is a pickle," Mr. Bags said as Cygnus took the dice. "I understand the man is safe so long as he is within your borders. At least, provided you don't execute him as I thought you were wont to do with pirates…"
"The man saved my kingdom," Cygnus told him point blank. Bags landed on one of his own properties and handed over the dice. "He not only defeated my daughter in fair combat, but he was the one who protected her and subdued Troy. I'm afraid we owe the man and his crew a debt."
"One worth causing a fight over?" Bags raised a brow at him. "Ah, Marvin Gardens. That's mine too. Pay up."
"What exactly are you insinuating?" Cygnus demanded.
"Just that sometimes pride must be sacrificed for the greater good."
"Need I remind you what happened the last time your people tried to take on mine?"
"Whoa now! No one said we had to unbury that hatchet," Bags insisted.
"Don't try me, Bags."
Mr. Bags threw the dice and moved again to land on one of his own spaces. That he kept playing despite the seriousness of their conversation grated on the King's nerves further.
"Look, I came here tonight like it's my job, in order to propose a deal," Bags told him, holding out the dice invitingly. "It's one I think you'll find more than fair.
"I doubt it," Cygnus grabbed the dice and tossed them harder than probably necessary, shaking the board.
"Ah, North Carolina Avenue. I told you those green properties would be your undoing. Looks like you lose," Mr. Bags said. "Hear me out, Majesty. I think you'll like what I have to say."
Zoro was glad that things had returned to normal between himself and Helena now. – at least here, working out in her gym they fell back into their old routine, he lifting weights, and she doing her balancing and gymnastics.
She still looked a little pale, but she'd managed to tame her hair into something of a braid and she looked as attractive as ever in her gym chiton. He didn't tell her as much though – he'd already made enough of a fool of himself this morning.
He even realized the flowers he'd picked for her were pathetic when he noticed that they weren't her first offering. Apparently her suitors hadn't entirely given up, despite her recent engagement, and a number of expensive get-well bouquets adorned her room. She'd taken a particularly large one from that bozo, Paris, and dumped the flowers out (through her broken window pane) to make room for Zoro's, which she placed right at her bedside.
Thinking of this actually made him smile a little, despite his embarrassment. Maybe Sanji was right about the little things in a relationship.
Still smiling, he glanced at Helena turning loops on her high bar just in time to see her lose her grip. At first he thought she'd let go on purpose, but when she fell she landed flat on her back on the mats below, looking stunned. It may not have been so much of a cause for concern, but her foot swords fell with her, nearly skewering her to the mat.
Before Zoro could reach her, she straightened up, forcing a choked laugh from her winded lungs.
"Gods, I haven't…messed up like that…in years," she heaved as the two rapiers wobbled loudly, point down in the mat beside her. Grabbing hold of one of the rapiers to still it, she levered herself to her feet.
"Helena…" Zoro started, but she wouldn't look at him. Her cheeks were bright red against her sickly pale skin.
"Well, back on the horse. Looks like I've got a lot of work to do," she said, retrieving her other sword. She tossed the blades back into the air and jumped to get hold of her low bar only to immediately lose her grip again. Swearing beneath her breath, she stumbled a few feet to land in a three-point crouch.
Zoro caught her swords for her, grabbing each by the hilt and spinning them about his hands to slow their momentum. When he looked back at Helena, she had gotten back to her feet by leaning against one of the poles holding up her high bar.
"This can't be happening," he heard her mutter under her breath.
"You've been at that one for a while now today," Zoro said, treading carefully about her wounded pride. "Maybe you should move on to another circuit. Wanna spar?"
"Sure," she said, trying to sound nonchalant. "I mean, if you're done with your reps."
Soon they were standing atop her stakes. Zoro found that after his battle with Troy, he'd really gotten the knack of balancing atop that weird part of his foot he wasn't used to. But Helena hadn't so much as gone to draw her sword before she overbalanced and fell. Fortunately she was using Peleus this time, so she wasn't in much danger, but now her confident mask broke entirely to release the anger and frustration beneath.
"DAMMIT."
Sitting upright, she threw her sword aside, slicing through and knocking over half of the stakes. The engagement ring hadn't been welded to the blade yet and went petering away across the gym with a chinking noise, but she didn't seem to notice. She grabbed her head in white-knuckled, shaking hands, clasping at her hair as she hid her enraged expression from Zoro.
"Hey," he started. He'd flipped from the stakes to avoid having them knocked out from beneath him. Sheathing his own sword, he took a few steps toward her, but she shook her head within her hands, a clear indication she didn't want him to say anything. He took the hint.
"I'm so tired of being weak," she managed to growl at last. "And don't you dare tell me to cut myself some slack after being tortured by Apollo's arrow. If I'd been stronger it never would have happened. If I had been stronger, you never would have been stuck in the position you're in now."
"Yeah, so what are you going to do about it?" he asked stoically, and she glared up at him.
She'd gone into commanding mode somehow, or something akin to it, and the power in her angry stare almost made him take a step back. Resisting the force of her spirit by sheer willpower, he stood his ground and managed not to twitch.
"When you return here you won't even recognize me," she snarled. "I'm going to match you pace for pace. I won't be your dead weight ever again."
A smile crept onto Zoro's face, and before he knew it he found himself laughing.
"What's so funny?" she demanded.
"Nothing," he said, still chuckling as he turned from her.
He took a few steps away and retrieved her sword. The ring hadn't flown far, so he picked that up too, then started laughing again as he slid the symbol of his engagement to her back onto the blade.
He couldn't help his amusement. Helena and he were different in a lot of ways, but at her core she was just like him. As far as finding a soul mate, he couldn't have worked things out better if he'd tried.
"You don't think I can do it?" she snarled. Though he wasn't looking at her, he could tell she had gotten back on her feet.
"Doesn't that defeat the purpose of what you set out to find?" he asked, turning back to her and meeting her glare. "I thought you needed a husband who could defend you when you're weak."
"That was my problem," she snapped. "Thinking I needed a husband to defend me at all."
His laughter stopped, to be replaced by wide grin on his face. "You're right."
"Then maybe I should win my hand back from you now!" she roared. Helena drew her other swords and charged at him, expression steely.
"You can't become the world's best unless you're willing to give up other responsibilities," he pointed out, defending against her blows using Peleus. He had to be careful not to lose the ring, but as she was far from her strongest right now it wasn't particularly difficult. "You can't be Queen of a prosperous Ilium and the world's strongest swordsman. Unless you want to sacrifice your dream and come to sea with me, you're not going to be able to match pace with me."
"I can't abandon Ilium," she insisted, fighting him through the exhaustion that slowed her down.
"Why not? Your father's here to rule it, right?" Zoro found himself half-longing she'd accept the argument, but he wasn't surprised by her response:
"Father is not strong enough to protect it," Helena snapped. "Not like I can."
"Then I guess you see where you belong," he said. "And you know where I belong. Because of the provisos you've made, the marriage isn't going to change that, so quit your whining."
The fight stopped short when both combatants turned sharply to the sound of the gym doors slamming open.
"HERE YOU TWO ARE!" King Cygnus bellowed. "I should have realized you wouldn't have found a romantic spot. This is the FIRST place I should have looked! Just WHAT are you doing out of bed, Helena?"
Zoro and Helena exchanged glances, swords still raised to fight. Half-frozen in combat, they both looked sheepishly back at the King.
"I've been sitting on this news since last night to give you a chance to rest, Helena, but it can't wait any longer. Half the castle's in a tizzy trying to adjust, and here you two are playing with swords," the King snapped, marching up to them with arms pumping. "The wedding's been moved up. We have three days to get you married before the marines close in."
"What?" Helena asked, lowering her blades at last. "They can't arrest Zoro or any of his crew while they're here." She sheathed her swords, including Peleus, which Zoro returned to her.
"But they can as soon as they leave our waters," Cygnus replied. "I've worked things out with Bags to keep them from blocking them off completely. You need to be married in three days or the Straw Hats are stuck here."
"That's not enough time to get anything done," Helena spluttered.
"We could just elope," Zoro said with a shrug, only to get pinned with a glare from his father-in-law.
"This is a royal affair, pirate. It needs to be done with the proper pomp and circumstance," Cygnus growled. "But then, I guess I should expect the Hurricane Lover to want to rush to the honeymoon."
"Hurricane Lover?" Helena asked, eyebrow raised at Zoro. He winced at her apologetically though she had a bemused grin on her face. The grin faded as even the flush of exercise drained from her features. Her eyes rolled back and he had to catch her as she fainted.
"You!" Cygnus turned to him, cheeks blustering as his rage mounted. He was so upset that for a moment he couldn't form another word. At last he went on: "How dare you let her come and exercise like this after she's been placed on strict bedrest? HONK!"
The "Honk" had of course been followed by an attempted toe-pinch, but Zoro had seen it coming and dodged. Throwing Helena over one shoulder, he fled from his angry father-in-law as the man chased him about the gym, toes snapping ruthlessly at Zoro's hindquarters.
"I'll draw blood this time, you see that I don't!" the king insisted. "You'll never sit comfortably again!"
Teeth gritting at the prospect, Zoro made doubly sure to stay out of reach. After all, marriage was the hardest challenge he'd ever taken on. He needed to face it in three days now, and he'd rather do so with his butt intact.
Helena paid for her stubborn attempt to work out with more sleep. Lots more sleep. She awoke when the sun had long since set, groggy and confused. How long had she been out? A day? More? Had the wedding plans all been made without her?
A glance at her nightstand helped ease her worries some. The dandelions were still there, and though closed for the night, still alive and unwilted, so it couldn't have been more than a day.
A pinging sound helped clear her head more as she realized that the same sound a few seconds ago had been what had awoken her in the first place. A certain someone was throwing rocks at her window again.
She was surprised that Zoro would make a second attempt after what had happened to her window the night before. The poor man really wasn't a romantic at all, for all he was trying. His actions in the gym that morning had proven that further: he hadn't coddled her when she'd fallen, hadn't tried to check her determination with concern for her well-being. When she'd finally said what was frustrating her, he'd bluntly stated their situation with little regard for her feelings.
It was precisely what she'd been looking for in her partner in life. But then, why did she suddenly feel miserable?
Putting on a dressing gown, she thought she'd at least amuse herself by hearing what Zoro might have to say. He may not love her, but he was putting his pride on the line in an attempt to make her happy, she could tell. The least she could do was humor him.
Before she could open her balcony window, the pinging of pebble on glass had ceased, to be replaced by the sound of swords being drawn. What on earth? Rushing outside as fast as her still weakened legs would carry her, she was just in time to see Zoro, swords drawn, being rushed by Paris, Menelaus, Achilles, Agamemnon and a horde of other suitors who'd been hiding throughout the garden.
The idiots were completely outmatched; she knew even before the first stroke fell. Leaning against the balcony railing, she rested her chin in the palm of one hand with a contented grin on her face as she watched her fiancé work his way through the sneak attack with practiced grace.
Even though the cowards might have deserved to bleed a little for so dishonorable an attack, Zoro used the back of his blades to avoid doing any real damage. By the time he was finished, they all lay in stacks around him, groaning.
Achilles was the first to get up. Kneeling before Zoro with tears streaming down his chiseled face, the Mycenaean swordsman acted as spokesman for the rest:
"We're sorry, Zoro-Senpai," he sobbed. "We know your superiority, but we couldn't let the beautiful Helena go without at least one more attempt to win her back."
The other swordsmen were all sobbing emotional wrecks as they bowed before their future king. Zoro smirked and sheathed his blades.
"Promise us you'll treat her well," Paris said through his own tears. "That you'll be loyal to her, even though you've been a rapscallion in the past."
"That you'll leave your reputation as Hurricane Lover behind you," Menelaus rumbled.
Zoro's easy expression contorted into one of confused discomfort. "I can definitely say that reputation ends here in Ilium," he said, eyebrow twitching.
Helena chuckled to herself. However the Hurricane Lover rumor had started, she knew it to be just that, a rumor. The man had brought her a bouquet of weeds for Zeus' sake. Not counting the Altar of Dido, he hadn't even kissed her since the ball, when he thought he could kiss and run.
Realizing this and thinking of what Paris had said about loyalty brought that sudden misery back to her again. Zoro didn't need to be loyal to her. She was glad he hadn't promised anything of the sort just now.
Turning to go back inside, she didn't notice him finally notice her on the balcony. In any case he didn't call out to her. Even if he had, she wouldn't have stopped. He could really stop pretending, for both their sakes. Respect was all she had expected from the beginning, and it was all she would allow him to give her from there on out.
