Chapter 54: Epilogue
"This is Commander Shepard and Major Alenko... signing off." - John Shepard
In which our two leads finally gets their happily ever after.
A/N, *TRIGGER WARNING*: Mild sexual situations.
Huge thanks to Estalfaed on ArchiveOfOurOwn for inspiring the eye patch scenario around the middle! He's great :)
"K, you look like you're going to faint. Relax. It's just up here."
Kaidan cleared his throat. "I -I'm sorry, it's just... hell, couldn't we just hire a skycar or something? I'm not comfortable with this blindfold thing while having ground move beneath me," he said, hand clutching the roof handle while the other clasped Shepard's wrist on the gear lever. When he removed the hand, the car now standing still, red marks remaining from his grip were apparent on the skin.
Shepard blew hard through his nose.
"Here I thought I'd do something nice for you, and you're questioning my damn driving skills? I'm not that bad."
"You nearly drove is into molten sulfur on Therum. Twice."
"That was in a Mako."
"You're not doing any better."
"Like you'd know..." Shepard murmured.
"Five people has been yelling at you to stop driving like a jackass. I'm blindfolded, not deaf," he replied, and Shepard frowned deeply. "John, I -it's just us, anyways. Couldn't you at least drive an MC? I'd feel a lot safer that way."
He smirked.
"Bullshit. You just can't keep your hands off of me and needed an excuse," he teased. Kaidan scoffed. He watched him throw his head back to the headrest with an amused smile. "I don't own one right now. Haven't owned one since 73, really. Had to leave my baby back when the Reds caught up on my tracks not to be trailed."
"Huh. Wait, what? You drove an MC when you met me at the spaceport."
"That... wasn't mine."
"Oh my God, John! You stole a damn motorcycle?"
"Hey, I wrote down the address. Sent a check. I made sure they've got the money to buy a new one," he replied, voice stern. Kaidan sighed. "Anyways, we're here. Sit tight."
Shepard pulled the handbrake and turned the key in the ignition. The motor went silent. He shoved the metal into his back pocket and had it opened and slammed shut before rounding the car to do the same for Kaidan. Taking his hand, he helped him up and maneuvered him out, making sure he didn't hit his head in the frame.
"Can I take this off?" Kaidan asked.
"Not yet," he replied, taking both of his hands in his own, gently squeezing them. "You know those apartments we were looking at? I had some contacts that were stationed here in Vancouver."
A slow smile spread on Kaidan's lips. "You got us a place?"
"Figured it'd be appropriate seeing we're officially tying the knot in a couple days."
"C'mon, let me see it."
Shepard bit into his lower lip. "I don't know, major. I kinda like you like this," he purred, taking his face in his hands. Shepard gave him a chaste kiss. He grinned against his mouth. When he leant back in, Kaidan met him eagerly, mouths colliding. Shepard trailed the inside of his lips with the tip of his tongue, Kaidan's following, fully synchronized. He felt the curve of his hips caressed, arms coming around his waist, delving him deeper.
"John," Kaidan said, breaking the connection with a wet sound to press their foreheads together. His smile was fond. Without conflict. "Don't worry, okay? I'm convinced I'll like it. You don't need to try delaying it."
Exhaling slowly, Shepard shut his eyes, knowing that he saw right through him.
"Okay."
He brushed his thumbs directly underneath the rim of the blindfold, gingerly clasping the edges, before just as carefully pulling them off. Slowly, he was presented by the whiskey-brown hue, and he chewed the inside of his cheek in anticipation. When he didn't move, Kaidan rolled his eyes, snaking an arm around his waist and pulling him in for another quick kiss. He grunted under his breath when Kaidan turned them 90 degrees, shoulders now to the apartment, before his lips withdrew. Kaidan lay his eyes upon the building for the first time, and his features mellowed, mouth falling somewhat agape as he looked at it.
Shepard cleared his throat.
"I, uh... I had my contacts furnish the place already, but we can make adjustments anytime," he made sure to let him know, shoving his hands deep into the front pockets of his jeans. "You told me how you've always wanted a place like mine on the Citadel, overlooking the Pacific, so I pulled some strings to see it done. It's nearly identical to the apartment. Again, we could make adjustments -"
"John, this... this is fantastic." Kaidan's voice was hoarse, the genuinity clear. He could breathe out. When Kaidan turned his way, nothing but affection was apparent in his eyes, and he was pulled into a hug before he could respond.
With a smile, Kaidan separated his hand from the pocket. "C'mon. Give me the tour," he said, intertwining their fingers.
Their military wedding ceremony two days after had been short and sweet. Usually, you needed to make a reservation at least a year ahead of time, but the Alliance made an exception after their efforts in the war as a 'thank you.' Shepard was just surprised he managed to get his hands off of Kaidan before the ceremony began. Those Alliance Dress Whites hugged his curves in all the right ways. The flashing of service medals was kind of a plus. Reminding him of his husband's authority. It took every ounce of resistance out of Shepard not to throw him into the wardrobe locker and have his way with him.
He'd failed.
Vega walked in on them to say everything was ready, and hell, Shepard would never forget the flustered look on his face.
Let's just say that Vega avoided eye-contact for the rest of the day.
For Shepard, the whole ordeal was almost too much. Lights. The arch of sabers above them as they walked through. A lot of people. He'd gotten the help needed to deal with his PTSD, so it was enough for him not to bail the moment camera flashes lit up the local. He was recovering nicely and it was in no small part thanks to Kaidan. His support had been breathtaking. He kept asking himself why the hell he doubted Kaidan's understanding in the first place. If anything, they'd grown closer ever since the reveal, not further apart in which he had expected. Turns out that Kaidan Alenko really did fall in love with John Shepard for all he was.
Their discussion hours earlier had a hint of humor in it while arguing whom should walk the aisle. They couldn't come to an understanding so both agreed to do it. Ashlee had held one of their hands each as she walked them up.
Neither he nor Kaidan had a father anymore, but hell, Ashlee did the job perfectly.
They had the rings engraved like the engagement one. 'Your John, always' and 'Your Kaidan, always.' It was kinda cheesy, they both knew that, but it was kind of their thing. Neither of them wanted it gone. It was a reminder of everything they had been through together.
"John, you've been in there for hours. What's taking so long?" he heard Kaidan call from the room besides.
Shepard grunted, fumbling with his tie, them just having returned from a photoshoot with 'Badass Weekly' who wanted an article on their marriage. 'The Spectre Power Couple.' They had been dressed in variety, but hell, most of the photos had them stripped down to pants or briefs. Hence, the black suit and tie, which had him cursing every half-moon. Kaidan had helped him get it on. Now he just needed to get it off.
"This thing is killing me," he murmured, stepping through the restroom door of their hotel room.
Kaidan chuckled. "C'mere," he said, reaching out from the bedside. "You know, John... this really looks good on you." His voice had lowered into a husky murmur that nearly made him semi-hard right there.
Approaching the bedside, his hip was trapped, his body reined in. A kiss was placed directly above the rim of his pants. Shepard had loosened the collar and unbuttoned his shirt in hope it would be easier to get the tie off, to no avail, but Kaidan seemed to have nothing against the display of a bare chest with thin white cotton fabric draped over the shoulders and arms. It had just been the two of them for three weeks, and they were going back home the next day, so he wanted to relish their final moments alone. Ashlee was great but they needed some time for themselves as well.
His partner seemed to think the same thing.
Next thing he remembered was ending up on his back, legs spread, Kaidan between them as his practiced mouth worked up the bare skin. Shepard hummed softly. Fingers digging into his jet-black hair. Kaidan's tongue probed between his lips when reaching his level, and he took it eagerly, hands busy loosening the tie. Teeth moved to gently nip at his throat, a hint of tongue, the sensation making him lightheaded. Shepard took a firm grip of his ass when Kaidan rocked his hips. They moaned in unison.
Kaidan viciously claimed his lips again, hand balled around the sheets beside Shepard's head, the other about to slide beneath his briefs.
"Mmm... Wait, hang on," Shepard said strangled, the connection of lips broken when he pushed Kaidan a couple inches away, curious but dilated whiskey-brown pupils looking down at him. Lips swollen and breathing heavy. Shepard was responsible for messing his hair up slightly.
Shepard grinned. "Could you put the patch on?"
The dramatic sigh from Kaidan only had him grin wider.
"I can't believe I'm doing this..." he grumbled, pulling off of him. Shepard made sure to give his ass a good look as he traipsed the room, biting into his lower lip, having sworn Kaidan put up a slight sway to his hips as he approached the duffle bag.
Well, he was certainly semi-hard now.
When he came back to him, Shepard grasped his belt loops, pulling him in before splaying a hand on his chest and pushing him down. As desperate as the kiss was, it slowed down, realization dawning upon Shepard's features. He reluctantly released his hold on him and sat. Kaidan pushed himself up on his forearms from the bed below him as he had noticed the sudden seriousness that overcame him.
"Hey, ah... I had plans to put up dad's nameplate on the memorial wall tomorrow," Shepard said. He felt a comforting hand on his arm, the skin sensually caressed, Kaidan's eyes focused on where he touched. Whiskey-brown angled up again to meet his gaze.
"Are you sure you're ready for that?"
Shepard clenched his jaw. He expelled a breath. Then he nodded.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready," he muttered, reaching out to capture Kaidan's chin. Their foreheads connected and he smiled faintly. "But thanks for asking." Shepard planted a brief peck at his mouth. "I love you, Kaidan."
Kaidan returned a soft smile.
"Show me," he muttered, bringing his mind back to their first night together. It was Shepard's words. He had to smile. That night, wrapped up in Kaidan's embrace, he was able to rest peacefully without any nightmares roaming his mind. Right there, in Kaidan's strong and protective arms, he knew exactly where he belonged.
The door flew open, and Shepard looked up from a data pad, expression immediately to turn defeated.
"What happened?" he asked from the couch to see Ashlee, a white Band-Aid across the bride of her nose, showing signs of a broken nose.
Kaidan had just picked her up from a visit to Ace's adopted son, Shepard having asked Ace to move to Vancouver so their kids weren't so far apart, as the two had hit it off nicely. Chris - Ace's son - was only two years older than her. About half a year had passed since their wedding, and at their after-party in the bar, Ace had really found the note with a guy that Kaidan knew from BAaT. Michael. The Spectres played wingmen and the two ended up together. They had only recently adopted.
Kaidan sighed. "She was playing with Chris. Head-butted him. I blame your influence for this."
"She what? Ash, this is not okay," he replied, frowning deeply with a stern look. Ashlee hung her head. Hands behind her back. "It's head-butting. You've gotta use your forehead, not your nose."
"John!"
"What?" he asked, bewildered of the shock on Kaidan's face.
Kaidan shook his head. "My god, at times I swear I'm the only adult in this damn house -" he said, but then his omni-tool went off. "Give me a sec." He looked the display over and moved to another room so he could take the call. Shepard had to admit that he was kinda proud of her. Head-butting was in the family, and hell, Grunt and Wrex loved her for it. Like father, like daughter, they say.
"Chris and I were talking about spaceships, but he used weird words, and I didn't know what he was saying," she said, frowning deeply. "What is a 'drive core'?"
Shepard grinned. "Go grab your model ship and I'll show you."
With a beaming smile, Ashlee ran to go get it, shortly coming back with glee in her eyes. He launched her up on his lap. Shepard began to explain the various parts of the SR-1 while showing her. She sure reminded him of Tali in terms of her love for ships. The whole Normandy crew had met her by now and they all loved her. It was fun to explain it to her, but the joy hadn't lasted for long, finding himself gazing the direction Kaidan went. His omni-tool had been beeping constantly only days after they returned from their honeymoon, barely giving them a moment of peace, and the calls just kept coming.
"The Alliance?" Shepard asked, when he returned.
Kaidan shook his head. "Nah, the Council. There's been reports that another Spectre might've gone rogue, and after what happened with both Saren and Tela Vasir, they're keeping their eyes sharp. Not dismissing a single claim," he replied. "There's been some serious developments in a short amount of time and they suspect that something's off. They're sending me to investigate. Looks pretty serious, and -John?"
"Hm... what?" He blinked attention, having stopped listening a long time ago.
"John, for God's sake. I'm not an idiot. Every time I mention the Council or Alliance, you grow distant."
Shepard sighed. "K -"
"Don't 'K' me. Could you just -could you just talk to me for a change? Christ, we've been through this."
With forced mirth, he said, "This is ridiculous. Just drop it."
"Either tell me now or when I get back. Your choice."
"What, you're giving me an ultimatum now? You're acting like a kid," he warned, feeling the anger rising inside of him.
"No, I'm acting like a man who can't get his own damn husband to talk to him!" Kaidan snapped, and he found himself clenching his jaw. Shepard averted his eyes. He hated this. Their fights. Only now recently had they occurred regularly. It didn't happen often before, but now when they did, they always escalated. Nevertheless, they always made up after. It couldn't go on like this.
Kaidan sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Hey, Ash... could you give us five minutes?" he asked, looking at the kid crawled up in Shepard's lap. "Go to your room or something. You haven't done anything wrong. Your dad and I just need to talk."
She nodded and climbed without complaint, him tempted to protest, knowing she was the only wall between them.
He let her go.
"K, I really don't want to do this -" he tried softly. Looking back up, he saw that Kaidan's features had mellowed. He immediately felt guilty. The nauseating feeling had come back and he swallowed. His jaw clenched. Kaidan had been nothing but good to him, and yet, he decided to push him away when things got dicey. All because of his own damn pride. His will wanting to do everything himself.
"What can I do... to make your day better?"
There was that question again. Each time they fought, he'd been hit by that question, increasing the effort needed to see the chores done each time Kaidan accepted to see what exact lengths he would go. From mundane things like making dinner to going to the grocery store in the middle of the damn night to buy one or two items that wasn't obligatory. He always accepted. No complaints and no questions asked. Shepard didn't have the time to protest or tell him that it wasn't necessary before he was gone.
The tension was replaced by hurt knowing there was a purpose for it.
Maybe it was Kaidan's way of saying 'I'm doing whatever you want now because I'm leaving later.' The thought of him leaving and them getting a divorce was enough to feel a sharp twinge in his abdomen. Why did he have to stall it? Why couldn't he just leave if that was what he wanted? Was it to subtract from the tension bound to remain after it was done so they could remain mutuals after? It only added to the tension. Kaidan never beat around the bush, so hell, what was his purpose?
He had to know.
"Why do you keep asking me that?" he asked, barely trusting his own voice.
Kaidan took a deep breath, closing his eyes.
"Because... because your happiness means everything to me, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes just to see you smile." He was presented with his eyes again, whiskey-brown meeting icy-blue, nothing but warmth in the gorgeous hue. "You just never let me. You never ask anything from me so I ask it for you." A careful smile appeared on Kaidan lips, and a small chuckle escaped them. "I mean, you despite presents even on your own damn birthday, you despite people thanking you for your efforts in the war, you despite the attention... I know you, John. I know you despite all that because you don't think you deserve it. Thing is, you do.
"You deserve everything you want and more. You deserve to be pampered with, you deserved to be held and loved, you deserve being praised and thanked... and you deserve someone who'd do all these things for you. I want to be that someone. I want to be your soft place to land. Who you come to when things are difficult."
He swallowed hard, a nauseating feeling feasting vehemently upon his abdomen, clenching his jaw.
"...and when you distance yourself from me like this? Hell, I feel lost," Kaidan added, hurt present in his voice. "I'm aware that things haven't been great between us lately, and things haven't gotten any better over time, and... and I don't want to lose you."
That did it.
Shepard threw his feet over the couch to plant them at the floor as he felt his vision clouding up, elbows propping to his knees as his face fell to his hands, as the deep pit in his abdomen went deeper. He certainly didn't expect to feel Kaidan shift to sit behind him, strong arms wrapping protectively around his waist, pulling him into a warm embrace.
Kaidan sighed. "I'm sorry, okay? Whatever I did, I'm sorry."
"For God's sake, K," he managed to mutter, turning his hands for palms to press against each other, resting his mouth to the tips as he steeled his eyes forward. "I'm nearly a damn cripple who gives you shit for nothing, and yet, you're still here. Why?"
Silence.
"Because I love you, John. You know that. So tell me what I can do to fix this."
He let one of his hands drop to his thigh as he guided the other across his own face, eyes shifty, contemplating whether to tell him or not. There was only one thing he could think of and it was egoistic to the fullest. It had nothing to do about Kaidan doing anything wrong, because hell, he hadn't. Not a single damn thing. It was just an internal battle that Shepard fought each time he saw him walk through that door.
"Quit the Alliance."
It was that simple. The reason to why he was mad at him in the first place. They'd done more than most with the Normandy crew, and hell, he felt like he could - for once - be egoistic. They had given so much and expected nothing in return already.
The returning silence was proof that Kaidan didn't understand.
With a sigh, Shepard shook his head. "It's like you said. We deserve happiness. Happiness that isn't limited to late-night talks over omni-tools when you're out there doing jobs for the Alliance or Council, or stolen moments in-between your missions if stationed nearby... Christ, K. I want to just spend whole days just cuddled up in front of a vid-screen, watch terrible soap-operas we can make fun off, and just enjoy each other's company like every other normal damn married couple. Watch Ashlee grow up together.
"When I was with you out on the field, it was different, but I can't watch your six back home. There's no question that I'm no longer capable of returning to the Alliance. Especially not when Ash's in the picture. If I knew this was the cost of becoming a Spectre, I never would've taken the job," he added, and frowned. "Hell, I never would've let you take the job, either. I'd do anything to sabotage it. I'm good at that."
Kaidan's heartfelt chuckle followed.
"If you wanted me to retire... hell, you should've just told me," he said, pulling him closer so Shepard ended up halfway lying down, head to his shoulder. Kaidan draped his arms across his chest. Shepard propped his foot to the table. "I didn't know you were ready for all that."
Shepard grunted.
"Neither did I, but David -" he said, but cut himself off. Eyes slammed shut and he swallowed. It still hurt. "Dad... asked me if I ever thought about settling down. I told him yes, but... I also told him I wasn't sure if I'd be much good at it." He moved his ring-bearing hand up, clasping Kaidan's wrist, brushing a thumb against the skin as he played with Kaidan's wedding band. "Hell, you know I'm not the typical 'red house, white-picket fence, two kids and a dog' like Sam, but I still want you around at all times."
Kaidan pressed a kiss to his temple. "Then I'll be there."
"Good."
Silence followed.
Shepard cleared his throat, frowning. "So... Ace."
"Oh my god, John." Kaidan averted his eyes, chuckling. "Is this about that phone call I had with him a couple days ago? He worked with me on a mission. I can't believe you're still thinking there's something between us."
"Look, it ain't impossible."
"Yes, it is."
"Why?"
"Because I love you, jackass. Even so, are you forgetting he has Michael? That they adopted a damn kid together? That he's taken?" Kaidan replied, and he felt him grin against his temple. "You're adorable when you're jealous."
"I'm not adorable. I'm manly as hell. Fucking Stallone."
Kaidan hummed. "Mmh. I'd rather compare you to James Dean, and hell... I like that one way better."
"So, a sex symbol?"
"Sounds about right."
"I don't appreciate being objectified, Alenko," he teased, keeping his deadpan demeanor true. Nevertheless, he had to bite back a moan when Kaidan's mouth began working down his neck, teasing him in ways that he was rather used to.
"Stop being so damn attractive then," he murmured against his skin, and Shepard shivered "...and it's 'Shepard-Alenko'."
Shepard grinned.
The next day arrived.
Kaidan watched the slump of John's shoulders, his stoic features drained, a nameplate in his calloused hands. Blue eyes searched the metal as if waiting for some kind of sign. An internal battle beneath the surface that he had fought for so long. Denied for so long.
Around him stood the rest of the Normandy crew, their features just as drained, few unable to look up.
He swallowed hard when he saw John's foot lift from the floor ever so slightly, hands tightening around the metal, stepping up to the memorial wall. Escalating his arms, he placed the plaque, right in the center where his name would be honored. One last salute.
...
ADM DAVID ANDERSON
AD ASTRA PER ASPERA
...
John pressed it up against the wall, fingers gingerly brushing against the flat piece of tepid metal, making sure it remained attached when he pulled away. The sentiment was shared among the crew, grief reflecting in their eyes, heads hung. Gently, John pushed away, giving the wall another glance. He took a step back to line himself next to the others. The stoic was gone. Everything that remained was grief.
Kaidan felt blue eyes upon him, ducking his head with a clenched jaw, making sure the sought eye-contact never reached him.
He couldn't even begin to describe how relieved he was for not having to put up John's plaque together with Anderson's. The thought of having to do it made his abdomen twist. Turn. Scramble. He almost did once.
Lightly brushing a thumb against the tiny hand that held his, Ashlee had increased the pressure of her hold, as if she knew what he was thinking. Her in need to comfort him. He offered her a small smile to let her know it was all right. She smiled softly back. When he built up just enough courage to meet John's eye, nothing was needed saying, as his worried thoughts must've reflected his demeanor.
Before he knew it, John's arms were around him, strong arms in which he had met halfway.
He buried his face in the grope between John's right shoulder and neck, tightening his brows in a concerned fashion, letting his eyes tightly close. After a moment of just holding one another, they pulled away, Kaidan taking a moment to study John's face. Grateful he didn't lose him. He was unable to hide the soft smile that curled his lips, a sentiment mirrored by John's, calloused hands at his upper arms.
Their foreheads connected. Kaidan Alenko never gave up on John Shepard. Not even when everything seemed hopeless.
Kaidan smiled. "I said I'd fight like hell for the chance to hold you again."
All it took was a little patience.
"This is Commander Shepard and Major Alenko... signing off." - John Shepard
END
A/N: All right, it's done! I feel kinda empty now. The same feeling I had when finishing ME3. What a great series. I can't even begin to describe how much the "Mass Effect" trilogy means to me. How much John/Kaidan means to me.
When writing this story, I had a serious case of "kill your darlings," having so many ideas that wouldn't move this fic forward. I've decided to put those cut-outs into a collection of one-shots. That'll be the last of this series. There are definitely other m!Shenko fics coming up from me (just not in the Patience series,) including AU's, so stay tuned if you like my stuff. You can find me on Tumblr under the same name, and by all means, don't hesitate to start a chat! Also, my Tumblr has art for this fic.
Thanks for reading :)
